little white lies

eto lagi sinasabi ng friends ko and i'm always quick to defend him. minsan pinagsasabihan nya ko not to tell anyone about our issues na and ako lang daw nagpapalaki lagi

sometimes all i need is reassurance ayun lang, he fails to deliver pa

ewan ko baka i'm too much na rin talaga naaawa rin ako sakanya when he has to deal with me, pero di ko naman sya pinipilit kaya lagi ako nakikipagbreak nalang lol

like i literally made him a card and all 😭😭😭 this really isn't the 1st monthsary i was expecting to have especially because this really is my first EVER. i wanted it to be special...

i left all my gifts for him inside my drawer at the office and i'm a little regretful we weren't able to celebrate today just cuz i let my neurotic thoughts get in the way of us having a proper conversation. i wish i didn't feel insecure all the time. i wish i was a better girlfriend. i wish i don't always misunderstand him. i wish i wasn't always quick to think of the worst case scenario. but i don't know how to get better.

tell me why if there's a tiny chance of us being okay again, i would've held on to that hope and make myself stupidly believe we'll be okay? tell me why i saw you smile and i'm back at square one again, me hoping, waiting until you gather enough courage to show me you love me.

because that's all you wanted, right? a little time to man up, a little time to get yourself together, a little time i need to wait on which costed me my relationship with my family and friends.

i don't wanna force things anymore. and i'm done hoping you'll wake up one day and realize my worth. because right now i feel sidelined and you're only here when it's convenient for you. i hate that i protected my heart for so long just for it to be shattered by a guy who's so afraid of showing he loves me. i hate that i said i didn't wanna get this wrong and i still did.

soooooo

-C

it really was super awkward 🥲 the silence was deafening and the air felt very heavy. . . parang he was there but he seemed so far away

it was a 30 min drive and we did not speak once. well, he asked where my house was and in my head i was like, really???? parang di mo ko hinatid ng ilang beses dati

you know what's funny? nothing big really happened. one day i just felt him being distant and i matched his energy then boom, wala na

update, if anyone cares to read haha

we don't have a driver today to take us home kasi busy sa deliveries. the other drivers were jailed parang 2 weeks ago? and we don't know when they're coming back

and since he's authorized to drive the company cars, they forced him to drive us home nalang. WE pala. kasi grabe yung pagcoconvince ko sa head ko para magpasuyo sakanya ihatid kami

i ended up sitting beside him. it was SOOOO awkward. believe me, we weren't like that before. ngayon ang bigat ng hangin, hindi ako makahinga, hindi makagalaw. i didn't know how to act around him. pero dati, ang landi landi namin. naghholding hands pa kami sa car and sa motor bike nya. ngayon para kaming strangers

when i was the only one in the car with him, nagpray talaga ko na sana magsalita sya. sana kausapin nya ko. sana kamustahin nya man lang ako. pero hindi. malapit na kami sa bahay, dun lang sya nagtanong ng daan. kunyari pa sya eh alam nya naman, ilang beses nya na ko hinatid. when we reached my house i just said thanks and hopped out the car quickly. sobrang awkward kasi, di ko inakala na aabot kami sa ganon

pero okay lang. he never comes through talaga. kung anong ineexpect kong gawin nya, never nya ginawa. kaya okay lang. di ako masyado nadisappoint kasi alam ko naman na madidisappoint talaga ko sakanya umpisa pa lang

Praying that God give you wisdom and strength on what decision would you make.

WISDOM sa utak, let it decide kasi ang puso marupok at pabugso-bugso ang desisyon.

-C

thank you 🙏 i've been praying about this and God has been consistently telling me this will lead nowhere.

"Communication" ito yung isa sa mga essential na need ng relationship or kahit ng society kasi it causes misunderstanding and struggles.

I hope you both will work things out for the better.

-C

we're not even in a relationship yet, still getting to know each other, but he already dropped the L word months ago. as for me, i told him i'm still figuring out if i "love" him too but i know i have feelings for him. i've known him for more than a year na, started developing feelings around march-april last year. and from then on we've been playfully teasing each other. i used to play games with him as well, and that's how we became closer

I think thats push-pull method in psychology, its your choice if you will remain your relationship or communication with kind of person. I don't know if pasok pa siya sa "malay mo magbago".

My recommendation is choose yourself and your own peace. Nag-cause ng overthinking mga ganyang tao.

- C

hi! yes i'm trying to analyze him as well. i think he's an avoidant too but him being like that makes me withdraw emotionally lang. but i guess if we want to make this work, we have to work on our attachment issues rin. idk but nattrigger nya rin abandonment issues ko so i feel like sometimes it's better to put some distance between us

i still think he's a great guy, minsan lang he doesn't know how to properly approach me and i don't like how he treats me

i don't like how this behavior is normalized though, he's turning me into a fearful avoidant lol

to turn cold and distant, not do things you're used to him doing, and when you tell him you're used to his absence he throws a temper tantrum and not speak with you for a whole month. repost stuff on insta saying i found someone new. i couldn't even be with him, how could i be with someone else?

now he's posting shit about how he misses me but he could've done that when he felt like i was pulling away. now it's just too late and i'm like, whatever.

i don't like this treatment and i was really hoping he'd man up but seeing how he still can't do that, i don't think this is worth it anymore.