FAMILY DINNERS WERE always interesting. Someone tended to say something inappropriate or unnecessary that resulted in a whole lot of tension. You honestly didn’t mind it too much, as long as you weren’t the one involved.

It was your birthday, so you were hoping that you'd have been safe from any judgemental comments or snide remarks, but the opposite happened.

It only pushed you into the limelight more.

You’d been dating your boyfriend for around six months now, and it was going so well that it didn’t need to take a lot of convincing your parents in order for him to tag along.

It was odd that you had to even ask to invite him to your birthday meal, but that’s just the way your family operated.

They were all very warm to him, thankfully, asking him questions about his life, his job, his own family. You were constantly eyeing your dad and uncle, mentally willing them to keep their mouths shut and not say anything toward Alfie that would’ve made you both want to shrivel up into a ball and die.

So far, they’d been pretty well behaved, but when your boyfriend started going on about his gym journey, your dad just had to open his mouth.

“Sounds great, lad. Think you’d get our one in there with you?” He nodded in your direction, “Could do with a bit of shaping up, couldn’t you, sweetheart?”

You paused halfway through cutting a piece of chicken, glancing up at your dad, who was now hysterically laughing with his brother.

“Thanks, dad.” You grumbled.

“I’m only saying! You know, Alfie’s very well built, you’ve got a bit of meat on your bones. I’m just interested as to how he feels about that.”

Alfie shrugged, “I don’t care.”

“You don’t?” Your dad seemed to be surprised, “Interesting.”

“I’d only be upset if she got unhealthy, and even then that would be out of concern. She looks great.” He continued to stand up for you.

“Lads lying to their birds is normal now?” Your uncle guffawed, causing your dad to shriek in laughter.

Not only were you the butt of the joke, but their obnoxious chuckling was turning heads from adjacent tables, and you could feel numerous eyes on you.

“Oh, leave her alone.” Your aunt scoffed at them, “She’s happy. Alfie’s happy. Just quit it, you two.”

The meal progressed, and their comments did halt eventually as they turned their focus to the football game playing on the massive screen behind you.

Alfie’s hand found its way to your thigh, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the skin exposed by the short length of your dress. You gave him a glance partnered with a shy smile, to which he squeezed your thigh in response.

What came as a surprise was the large, two-tier cake heading your way after the lights in the place dimmed.

Your family burst into a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ and heat rushed to your cheeks at the overwhelming amount of tension as even other families in the restaurant began joining in.

Your mum was filming and taking pictures that she would undoubtedly overwhelm you with after the meal.

The cake was beautiful, with white frosting as the base and baby pink piping along the edges of each tier, including a perfect cursive spelling of your name and age on the top.

“Make a wish, Reader!”

You grinned, closing your eyes before blowing gently, whisking the flames away in the hopes that your wish would come true.

Your dad rounded the table to pluck the candles out of the cake and roll them to the side, and then gestured for your mum to snap a couple photos of the two of you.

It was sweet for a moment, his arm around your shoulder, lips to your cheek and muttering ‘happy birthday to you, before firmly planting his hand on the back of your head and slamming it down into the cake.

You jolted up from your seat immediately after, face covered in frosting as your entire family laughed at you.

The hair that you’d spent all morning putting into pin curls was dirtied, and the makeup you’d taken two hours out of your day to perfect was smeared in a sugar sweet layer that felt like a punch in the face.

You didn't waste another minute.

You swiped your phone off of the table and shoved past him as he tried to hug you again.

“Oh, Reader, don’t be like that!” He jeered.

You continued to ignore him, not letting him turn you into a hysterical puppet anymore. It was your birthday, and if no one was going to treat it as such, you’d go and celebrate it on your own.

The cold air might’ve been harsh, but it was more of a warm hug than you would’ve gotten if you’d stayed inside the restaurant.

Biting back the tears that burned brutally behind your eyes and refusing to cry within the vicinity of the people at fault, you unlocked your phone and went to the Uber app.

You didn’t expect anyone to follow you out, but when the doors opened and Alfie was at your side, it made a lot of sense.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” He muttered, choosing not to bring up everything right now.

“Not my home.” You swallowed thickly.

“No, we can go to mine.” He smiled softly, bringing his thumb to your face and wiping the icing from under your eyes.

In his car, Alfie pulled a packet of tissues from his glovebox, helping to remove as much of the icing from your face as possible without causing a mess everywhere else or ruining the makeup underneath.

Removing the icing from your fake eyelashes was going to be a chore, and you were fuming as you ran your fingers over them, feeling a few of them slip out of place even though you only got them done a day before.

Of course no one from your family came to check on you, you certainly didn’t anticipate seeing your dad or uncle, but the fact that your own mother hadn’t even bothered to check up on you before you and your boyfriend drove off was disheartening, to say the least.

You managed to hold yourself together in the car, but it was like the silence of The Grotto hit you like a freight train and everything that had happened that night came to you at once.

Your shoulders shook with heavy, heavy sobs while Alfie bustled around you, taking your jacket and birthday sash to place on his dining room table.

“Come on, let’s sit.” He sighed, pulling you onto his lap on the sofa and wrapping his arms around your waist.

Your legs bracketed his thighs, but it wasn’t sexual in the slightest, nor did it feel that way.

His hands splayed across your back, running back and forth in soothing strokes in a hope to regulate your breathing and emotions.

Your choked cries filled his living area in a way that hung like a dark grey cloud, infecting his happy space in a way he wished would go away. But he would never blame you. It wasn’t your fault that you were dealt the very unfortunate card of having a shitty family circle, but he’d decided to take it as his responsibility to fix it all for you.

If your entire family needed blocking on your phone, he’d do it. If they needed a stern speaking to, he’d do it (albeit shakily).

Tonight was his first time meeting everyone, and he was positive that he didn’t want to experience them as a whole ever again. Certainly not if they were going to make a mockery of you like that again.

His heart hurt knowing that he couldn’t say anything then and there in fear of saying the wrong thing without your permission and getting you into all sorts of trouble.

“You’re stunnin’, angel.” Alfie muttered, pressing kisses to the bare skin of your shoulder, “I promise you, you are. You shouldn’t listen to whatever shit they come out with.”

“It’s just so annoying. Every time we go to dinner, they poke fun at someone.” You sniffled, wiping your cheeks, “But it’s my fucking birthday, why couldn’t they just give it a rest?”

“I know.” He hummed, “Bet they wouldn’t like it if someone started having a go at them.”

“God, don’t even.” You laughed wetly, sitting back on his knees, “I tried once and I got made out to be the devil. Fuckin’ double standards.”

“Hm.” Alfie pursed his lips nodding, “How about tomorrow, me and you go out? We can go do something you wanna do, without spending time with those fucking dickheads— And I know they’re your family, but they were dead wrong for that.”

“I know.” You croaked, “And that sounds nice.”

“Yeah? Just me and you.”

You nodded, resting your cheek on his collar bone and sniffling.

“Sorry about your shirt, there’s makeup all on it.”

“‘S alright, as long as you’re okay, darlin’.”

And it made a change.

Because nothing about you ever really mattered to your family. You’d have been told you were ‘too dramatic’ or ‘kicking up a fuss over nothing’.

In the six months you’d been dating Alfie, he’d never once made you feel like a burden. He made you feel loved. He’d done what your parents hadn’t been able to do your entire life, in six months.

Everyone ran out on the pitch to practice and run some drills- nothing too major.

“Ready to smash this thing!?” One of your teammates shouted at you. You nodded your head excitedly as you continued the running drills. You kicked the ball around with some of your teammates, your eyes wandering around the stadium, specifically at the other team.

You met some of the members of the England team briefly at some parties while others you’ve only ever seen in videos. Besides the brief interactions at the pregame meal, you didn’t really know them well. You were scanning each of their faces until you landed on a pair of bright blue eyes already staring back at you. He quickly dropped his gaze upon you noticing but you didn’t stop until you saw his number, 77.

After warmups, each team went into their changing rooms, changing into the match kits. You were ready for the match.

Both teams did the walk out past the trophy. You didn’t realize it but you were walking beside number 77. 

“Good luck.” He said briefly.

“Thanks, you too.” You replied. He cocked his head in confusion for a second but quickly turned his attention back towards the match.

The match started after the national anthem. You were on the pitch as right winger starting off behind Amine. Simon kicked the ball and it was off.

You played to your best ability, stealing the ball from the other team, performing the plays that you and your team had practiced over the last few weeks- you were on fire.

You had many close calls scoring the ball into their net but they had a pretty good defense. This tall ginger guy was noticeably very good, you were impressed at how he basically defended the ball with his life. The one guy who was undoubtedly really good was number 77. He was playing defense and you were told to cover him after a few minutes in by your captain. 

You did your best to shadow him, to protect the ball. He quickly took notice and got closer to you, merely a few feet apart. The ball would come towards the two of you and you exchanged glances as you rushed for it, 77 hot on your tail as he rammed into your side (not too hard but just enough to kick the ball back towards the other side of the pitch). 

You groaned as you heard him snicker. “You wanna play dirty, alright let’s play then.” You told him as he threw his hands up in defense. 

The ball was in the centre of the pitch being kicked between both teams, each giving it their best. The ginger guy from earlier kicked the ball towards 77 and you knew you had to block. 

You ran closer to 77 and slammed your body into his side causing him to stumble, you laughed to yourself, briefly looking back as you kicked the ball towards your teammate who was open. 

You watched as he kicked the ball towards the goal only to be blocked by a curly haired guy, the ball was making its way back towards you so you rushed to kick it only to be tripped up with number 77 causing you to fall to the ground with him. Both your bodies knocking into each other, rolling and somehow ending with you landing on his chest.

As strange as it sounds, it seemed like time had slowed down for a second. You could hear the rapid thumping of his heart, feel the warmth of his sweaty body under yours. You quickly broke out of your state when you heard a whistle. You picked yourself off of him, extending a hand out to him. 

He took it and you two parted ways without looking back but both feeling somewhat different.

The game continued with a few passes back and forth, your team scored a goal but that was about it for this half.

Half time was called and both teams ran off the field towards the locker rooms. 

Half time lasted a pretty long time so after both teams recharged and refreshed, you guys all went out to the pitch and practiced a bit in the dark as the show went on.

You spotted number 77 sitting on the bench by himself scrolling on his phone. You grabbed one of your favorite sports drinks and walked over to him.

“Hey.” You said taking a seat beside him. He put his phone down and now you two were sat in complete darkness with only the faint light from the stage illuminating your faces.

“Here, I brought you this.” You said handing him the drink. He took it, opening it and taking a swig.

“Thanks, what is it?” 

“One of my favorite sports drinks, it’s a french brand so you know its good.” You said with a chuckle and a wink.

“Why so friendly all of a sudden?” He asked with a small laugh.

 “What!? I can’t show good sportsmanship?” You chuckled while taking a swig of your own drink.

“Well earlier it looked like you wanted to bite my head off.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I just get competitive during games I guess.” You laughed.

“Same here, but I thought this was a friendly match, you’ve got us on a string.” He laughed with a huff.

“I think we really just want to win for home team, nothing too serious.” You reassured. 

You two continued having a friendly chat, getting to know one another quite quickly. You learned his name was Harry and you quickly learned that he was actually a really funny and gentle guy. He had your sides hurting from laughing too much and you quickly found yourself very comfortable around him.

The half time show was coming to an end but you didn’t want to stop talking to Harry. It was strange but you grew close in such a short time. 

“Let’s pick this up later- maybe after the game?” He asked in a cute high pitched voice raising his brows. You laughed at his silly behavior and nodded your head passing him your phone.

You two went your separate ways as you went back to the small room that was supposedly the girl's “changing rooms.” 

“That boy get you all smiley!?” Cocottee said nudging your shoulder. Your face quickly grew a light shade of pink as you fixed your trainers.

“Perhaps a little.” You said with a small laugh pinching your fingers slightly. She gasped grabbing both your shoulders and shaking you slightly. 

“Ahh, you're gonna finish this game with a new boyfriend!!” She exclaimed excitedly. You rolled your eyes playfully but couldn't stop your lips from curving into a large cheesy smile as the flutter in your stomach grew at the thought.

Back on the pitch, you found yourself distracted by Harry who, unbeknownst to you, was distracted just the same.

“Harry!” Ethan shouted at the lad for the second time. Harry jumped as he crashed down to reality, turning to face a confused Ethan. “Sorry mate, what happened?” He responded quickly.

“You checking out that girl ova’ there?” Ethan asked pointing to you (as you were doing a quick leg stretch). 

Harry grew bright red making a huge smile form on Ethan's face. “You dog!!! Did you get her number at least!?” Ethan asked excitedly patting Harry on the back. 

Harry nodded his head vigorously making Ethan holler in excitement. “Right well don't let the fanny get to your head, we gotta beat these frenchies now.” Ethan told him patting his shoulders. Harry nodded as Ethan walked away, stealing one more glance at you before running off to his position.

The game continued with a few ups and downs. Things were rough for both teams and there was some slight tension in the air but the match was finally over and the French team took the glory.

A huge celebration was had as you celebrated with the rest of your team. Although your emotions were high and you were slightly overstimulated with all the noise, your eyes caught a smiling Harry watching you from the side of the pitch. 

You smiled at him and pointed to the trophy. He clapped for you showing his own good sportsmanship and praise as you just chuckled, turning your attention back towards the celebration but your ears burning hot as you felt his eyes still on you.

Everything wrapped up rather quickly. It was already quite late when you were finished. The team was going out for a celebration dinner but you had other ideas. You wondered the halls of the stadium as fans were being guided out and everything was being packed up. You took some pictures, signed a few shirts, and just enjoyed being around fans.

“Can I get a picture please!?” You heard a somewhat familiar voice say. You turned around already smiling as you saw it was Harry with a cheesy grin on his face. 

“Does that mean you're a fan now?” You asked.

“You were a badass on that pitch of course I'm a fan now, respect.” He said.

“Well thank you, but shouldn't you be out with your boys?” 

“I'd much rather be here instead, you know, with the winner.” He smirked.

“Oh so you're just here to steal all my glory then?” You said with fake annoyance.

“Well yes, but I was also wondering if you wanted to grab that bite to eat with me?” You could tell his demeanor had changed, that slightly cocky confidence had fizzled into shyness as his ears grew red at the question. 

“Sure, it's the least I can do after whooping your ass out there.” You chuckled as you two began walking towards the back exit.

“Oh come on that wasn't even my best performance! You saw like 50% Wroetoshaw out there!” He exclaimed, walking backwards in order to look at you for your reaction.

You narrowed your eyes, raising your eyebrow inquisitively.  “50%? I'd like to see you at 100 then!” You egged him on.

“Ah, okay let's go to the pitch then!” He suggested. 

You looked at him like he was crazy. “We just played a whole game and you already wanna go back?” You asked in bewilderment.

“Gotta show you what I'm made of unless you're scared you're gonna lose.” He said, staring at you for your response, a smug look on his face. You thought about it for a moment and shrugged your shoulders. “Okay, you're on, but don't cry when I beat you again.” You teased as you began walking back towards the pitch. His mouth dropped in fake offense as you just snickered.

You two made your way back to the pitch somehow weaseling your way into letting the groundskeeper let you guys play a quick match. 

“Right, don't let the ball pass your line~” He began, laying out the rules. 

“Yeah yeah, just kick the ball.” You said trying to rile him up. He looked at you with slight annoyance at your cockiness but also admiration. He found it charming nonetheless. 

You ran rings around him showing off your amazing football skills but he also played a pretty good match showing you that he was just as good.

You kicked the ball towards his line aiming for his right side as you ran closer you switched sides going left trying to dupe him. His reflexes are quicker than you thought as he turned a sharp left almost knocking into you but successfully stealing the ball.

You gasped at him throwing a ‘you did not just do that’ expression. He winked as he kicked the ball over your line. 

The ball started in the middle as you both ran for it, your ankles knocking into each other as you both kicked making the ball roll to the right. You exchanged quick glances as you both went for the ball, you were closest when suddenly you tripped on your own feet.

You fell to the ground landing on your back as Harry (who was running right behind you) couldn't stop himself in time and ended up crashing into you, falling right on top. 

You braced yourself for the impact, shutting your eyes tightly and squeezing your arms against your body. 

The impact never came.

Your eyes fluttered open to revealing Harry hovering over you. His arms on each side of you holding himself up. 

No words were spoken, just the sound of both your heavy breathing. It took you off guard seeing him this close. His blue eyes were much clearer than before, a glint of something in them. His jawline was sharp even at this weird angle, you could notice it. 

He was so, handsome. You were starstruck at just how attractive he was up close. He felt exactly the same.

He noticed your facial features, the detail of your face that he would have missed further away. The beautiful shimmer in your eyes, the slight puffiness of your lips, the way your eyes fluttered so beautifully like an animated cartoon. You were stunning. 

He couldn't stop himself for what he did next.

He closed the gap between you two, smashing his soft lips to yours. Your eyes widened but you soon felt yourself kiss back. His lips were so warm, so soft, you melted into him. 

There was a fire brewing in the pit of your stomach at the intense emotions you felt. The exhilaration that came with this sudden kiss skewed your sense of judgement. You knew you should have pushed him off but instead you pulled him closer, eventually flipping you over so that you were straddling him.

The kiss deepened, your tongues fought for dominance as he explored your mouth occasionally nipping at your bottom lip making you moan with pleasure. 

If you weren't basically dry humping on the pitch you would have taken it further (you almost did.)

“Ahem.” You heard a faint fake cough. You two looked over to see the groundskeeper, slightly embarrassed at the situation with a hint of annoyance.

“Can you two wrap this up please?” He asked. Your faces turned beet red. You quickly got off of him, motioning for him to stand as well. You two quickly rose to your feet dusting off your clothes as the groundskeeper smiled shaking his head and walking away.

You two looked at each other and burst out laughing. 

“Right so I've managed to embarrass myself in front of a pretty girl and a random French donny, nice.” He said ruffling his hair as you two walked towards the stadium exit.

“Yes, yes you did. But you did do pretty well out there so I think it cancels it out.” You said with a laugh.

“On for dinner still?” He asked half joking, half serious. 

“Of course! Loser still pays!” 

“Yeah yeah.”

YOU’D BEEN SEEING Alfie for a few weeks now. There were constant back and forth messages between the two of you on Instagram before he finally plucked up the courage to actually ask for your number. Since then, he’d been non-stop offering you dates to meet up, either him coming to you, or him willing to pay for your train ticket back down. And so far, you’d gotten nowhere.

For every date he gave, you made an excuse, either one that was true or one that was just a cover up.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see him again, because you really did, you were just nervous.

You hadn’t bothered seeing anyone romantically since you and Oscar’s dad called it off, so there was that, but there was also the fact that he was an internet star, and you were just … you. Also, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit iffy about the fact your five year old son was a fan of the guy you’d been flirting with via Instagram dm’s.

alfie: Hey x

alfie: How you been? x

you: okay thank you, you? x

alfie: Yea all good x

alfie: Missed your face x

You smiled at the message, snapping a quick picture of yourself sat up in bed with the light of your laptop illuminating your face.

alfie: 😍

alfie: Guess where I am this weekend x

you: mmmmmm probably lounging around you apartment doing nish? x

alfie: lol rude x

alfie: Nah I’m up north, chilling for a bit. You free? x

you: i dunno x

alfie: Is Oscar at his dads? x

you: yeah x

alfie: Do you want to see me? x

Your thumb and first finger fiddled with your lower lip, picking at any loose skin.

Of course you wanted to see him, you thought about it a lot, you just weren’t sure you were ready to do all that in public. At least not until you were official.

you: yeah ofc i do x

alfie: Alright then, so I’ll see you on Saturday x

The bubble signifying that you were typing appeared before disappearing again.

you: can we stay in? x

You then started receiving a call from the man, so you paused your TV show and answered.

“Hi Alfie.”

“Y’alright, darlin’?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You hummed, keeping your voice quiet.

“You just put Oscar to bed?” He guessed.

“Yeah, he was being a right nightmare about it.”

“Wonder who he gets it from.”

You scoffed, pretending to be offended, “Rude!”

“I’m only messing. So, this weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“Are we on or …”

“I mean, yeah, I’d just prefer it if we stayed inside.” You said, sandwiching your phone between your ear and shoulder so you could fiddle with your nails.

“How come? I’ll do whatever you wanna do, but i figured you’d wanna go for a walk or something.”

“It’s mainly ‘coz, like, you’re actually somebody. And I don’t fancy the chances of you getting noticed while we’re on a date or whatever.”

“That’s fair.” He hummed, his voice slightly muffled, so you assumed he was toying with his bottom lip, “Alright, we can stay in. I’ll get the train to you and stuff in the morning— You dropping Oscar off—“

“Friday night, yeah.” You grinned at the thought of him knowing your schedule.

“Sounds good. I’ll see— Can you stay up?”

“Alfie,” You whined, feeling bad for having to hang up, “I have work tomorrow.”

“Come on. Please?”

You glanced at the time on your laptop, pursing your lips before responding, “You’ve got half an hour.”

And unfortunately, that half an hour flew by far too quickly.

You still had to keep your voice down, and you tried not to wet yourself from laughing too hard every time he made a quick, snappy joke.

There was a very empty feeling in your heart as you called it a night and rested your phone down on your nightstand before snuggling up under your covers.

You partially wondered if there would ever be a day where you didn’t have to do that.

Where ‘calling it a night’ would still result in being in each other's presence.

It seemed that the god of time really was on your side this week, because before you knew it, Saturday had arrived, and you were sat on your sofa, anxiously awaiting Alfie’s arrival.

You’d offered to pick him up from the train station, but he’d claimed that he didn’t want to give you any excess hassle. You were actually grateful for that upon reflection, because you’d given up cleaning your house after Oscar had gone, so you dedicated your morning to that.

The doorbell rang, spiking your heart rate tenfold. You’d been so lost in your own head that you hadn’t even noticed his taxi pull up outside.

If you tucked your hair behind your ears any more times, you were sure they would become greasy, and the last thing you wanted to look for Alfie was unkempt.

Upon opening the door, you found him standing there in all his glory, all beautiful, 6’1 of him right on your doorstep holding a bouquet of pink tulips. He was visibly nervous, and had obviously been trying to peer through the windows before you opened the door. You hadn’t meant to keep him waiting so long he thought he had the wrong house.

“Hi.” You whispered.

His face practically lit up at the sight of you, “Hi, y’alright?”

“I’m good, you?” You stepped to the side, letting him in.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.”

“How was the train journey here?”

“Bit of a nightmare, you know. First one got cancelled, had to go to another platform, then some guy was acting like a prat on the carriage and got kicked off.” Alfie rambled to you, completely forgetting to even remove his shoes and coat.

You held your hands out, “Do you want me to take your jacket?”

“Oh, shit, yeah, sorry, forgot.” He laughed nervously before thrusting the bouquet in your direction a little too enthusiastically, “Sorry. Um, these are for you.”

You giggled a little at his overzealousness and took them a grateful smile, “They’re beautiful, thank you.”

He shrugged his jacket off, also handing that to you.

Hanging it up on the coatrack, you then moved to the dining area to sort the flowers into a vase and briefly heard him shout out about where his shoes should go, to which you told him the entryway is fine.

Back in the living room, he was leaning against the back of the sofa, awkwardly standing there like he didn’t know whether to get comfortable or put his shit back on and leave.

“You can sit if you’d like.” You hummed, plopping yourself down on the sofa yourself.

“Oh, yeah, cheers.” He smiled, placing himself beside you and crossing an ankle over his knee. He looked around briefly before turning back to you, “Nice place.”

You snorted, shaking your head, “It’s a shithole.”

“Nah, it’s nice.” He frowned.

“Compared to your massive London apartment?” You scoffed.

“Yeah, but it’s not like you need a big gaff. This is good for you and Oscar. I like what you’ve done with it.”

“Made it as homely as possible.” You shrugged.

“How is he?”

“He’s good!” You chimed, excitably talking about your son, “I didn’t tell him you were coming over this weekend, he would’ve been upset to miss it. Also might’ve blabbed his mouth to his dad.”

“That bad?” Alfie’s eyebrows quirked up.

You hummed, thinking for a moment, “Not really. I’d just … y’know, rather not have him know.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He nodded, “You look good, by the way.”

“Oh, thank you.” You became a little flustered, looking down at the half-arsed outfit you’d put together.

A white baby-tee and a pair of grey Adidas joggers really wasn’t your best performance of creative expression through clothing, but you didn’t want to put too much effort in and come across as too desperate.

Thankfully, Alfie was on somewhat of the same page as you, wearing grey joggers himself and a white t-shirt.

Coincidental co-ordination.

“We’re matching.” You verbalised your thoughts, gesturing to your outfits.

“Ah, yeah!” He grinned, “It’s meant to be, innit.”

“Do you wanna watch tellie?” You handed him the remote.

“Uh, yeah, sure. What do you wanna watch?”

With a shrug, you gave him an honest answer, “I’ve only got Netflix, so.”

“D’you want me to log into my prime?”

Your face fell, “No. No, no, it’s okay, don’t worry. Sorry about that.”

“Oi, c’mere.” He muttered, beckoning you closer and slinging an arm over the back of your sofa.

With a bashful smile, you shuffled closer, tucking yourself into his side with a cheek to his chest.

“Relax, girl. You’re bare nervous.”

“And you’re not?” You guffawed.

“Yeah, I’m shitting it, but this is your house. You should be the comfortable one.”

“Okay, sorry.” You muttered, tucking your legs up closer to your chest and getting as cozy as possible.

“Better.”

“Yeah. Also, you shouldn’t be shittin’ it. I’m really happy to have you here.”

“I’m happy to be here, been trying for months.” He snorted.

You frowned, feeling a little guilty, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“‘S alright, no need to apologise.” He moved his hand from the back of the sofa to the top of your thigh.

It was actually dangerously high up and to the side, bordering on the curve of your ass, but you weren’t disturbed in the slightest. It was rather comforting actually, and you felt slightly more at ease.

He did end up logging into his Amazon Prime account, even though you didn’t watch a show on there (finding yourselves back on Netflix in the end) but he told you it was okay because at least now you had another platform to watch more shows on.

It was a very sweet moment, and you were reluctant to accept it, even going as far as to try and fight for the remote back to log out of his account, his strength trumped yours, and you ended up in a rather compromising position.

You were surprisingly out of breath, having put up quite a big fight. You found your hands acting on impulse, stroking down from his shoulders to his chest, resting your palm flat over his heart.

“Your heart’s racing.” You whispered breathlessly.

Alfie’s Adam’s apple bobbed right in your line of sight while he swallowed thickly and blinked slowly.

“I know.” He murmured, “Just from, like, fighting you off.”

“Mmm.” You nodded as if you believed him, an amused look on your face as you teased him with a smirk, “Totally not ‘coz you’re on top of me.”

Without any hesitation, he followed up with a response, “You look so fucking beautiful.”

Your hair was splayed out around your head like a halo, eyes wide with dilated pupils and a soft smile that had his heart thundering in a way that made him feel every beat and pulse around his entire body.

Not to mention your hands were on him. Not casually either. They were there purposefully.

“I’m sure I’ve looked better.” You attempted to play cool, ignoring the way your stomach was doing front flips galore beneath your skin.

He shook his head, “You look amazing all the time.”

A moment of silence struck the room, the both of you revelling in the atmosphere that was made up purely by each other. His breath hitting your face. Your gradually-declining pants filling the air.

You thought he fit in pretty well in your home.

“Reader, can I kiss you?”

There couldn’t have been a more perfect time.

You grinned, nodding as he lowered his head to yours.

Everything seemed to slot together like your bodies were meant to be this way. Your noses never bumped in a way that caused awkward laughter, your hand fit the curve of the side of his face perfectly, and his lips matched the pace of your own instantaneously.

When he pulled back, he smiled against your mouth pressing another kiss to the corner of it before uttering,

“Have you had strawberry gum?”

You mhm’ed, “This morning, why?”

“Can smell and taste it.”

“Oh.” Heat rushed to your cheeks, “Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise. It’s better than, like, egg, or something.”

Whether he was nervous rambling or was genuinely just an over-explainer, you couldn’t tell, but it made you burst out into laughter, patting his shoulders.

“Sorry, sorry.” He chuckled, one hand leaving the cushioning of the sofa beneath you to scratch at the bridge of his nose. “Have I ruined the vibe?”

“Mmm, not unless you make it up to me pretty quickly.”

His mood switched at that, and he brought his head down once more, interlocking your lips. The sound of the show playing on your TV blurred into fuzzy nothingness, the only thing on your mind being the sound of your lips smacking together and the feeling of his hand on your body.

His tongue dragged against the seam of your lips, teasing you with what was to come and urging you to part them just a little bit more. You did, as you did the same with your legs, allowing him more accommodation for his size.

Alfie lowered himself a little more, giving you the room to hook your legs over his hips and cross your ankles at his lower back.

He groaned, moving his hand from your waist to the side of your thigh, squeezing the flesh in his large paw before proceeding to knead it.

A pleased hum slipped from your throat into his own, causing him to break the kiss from the strength of his smile before containing himself and going back in.

It was a loud bang from the TV startled you both out of your tongue-tangling and caused your forehead to smack against his.

“Ow!” You winced, flattening your palm over your forehead and rubbing the surface of it.

“Shit, are you okay? I’m so sorry.” He sat back on his heels, pulling you with him.

“That was kinda my fault.” You sniggered, pulling your hand away, “You’re a good kisser.”

“Cheers, you too.” He replied a little awkwardly, getting comfortable again.

“I’ve just realised I didn’t offer you a drink. D’you want one?”

“You got any white monster?”

You blinked at him, “Alfie, I live in a house with myself and a five year old. No, I don’t have white monster.”

“Saw a corner shop on the way. Wanna go for a walk?”

Again, the anxious thoughts of him being noticed was gnawing at the inside of your head. Not only was that something to take into consideration, but also the proximity that the corner shop was to your house.

“Oi,” He muttered, nudging under your chin with his hand, “What’s on your mind?”

“What if you get noticed?” You muttered.

“I think you’re vastly overestimating how many fans I have, darlin’.” Alfie snorted, “And if I do, then I’ll make sure they’re respectful about it, yeah?”

He held your hand the whole way, fingers interlocked.

It was casual, but it still had your heart thundering in your chest. The last thing you needed right now was to trip and fall on an uneven part of pavement.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen, and you ended up grabbing a drink for yourself in the shop.

You pulled your phone out to pay for it, but Alfie’s was already hovering over the card reader. A disappointed look was shot his way, to which he shrugged with a cocky smile and handed you your drink.

There was something deeply nostalgic about the whole trip.

It was barely much, literally a quick pop to shop, but it had you feeling like a teenager again on her first date, something you never really got to experience when you were with Oscar’s dad.

While it did feel nice having someone else pay for you, you felt awfully guilty and offered to pay him back, to which Alfie shut you down with a scoff.

“Reader, it’s four quid. It’s not that deep.”

It was to you — any amount of money was that deep — but you managed to let it go for his sake.

Back at home, you resumed watching your show.

It was easier to get more comfortable with him now, and he easily accepted the opportunity to have your head in his lap. His fingers carded through your hair, occasionally taking sips out of the can that you thought was much too big.

You knew it was all part of his shtick, but it was a ridiculous amount of caffeine in one concentration.

The sound of his stomach rumbling by your ear was what told you it was probably time to start cooking something up for dinner. When you proposed the question to him, he only shrugged, obviously not wanting to be a burden with his choice.

“I can dooo … pasta? Orrrr burgers— I’m actually really good at making those.”

“What type of pasta?”

“Spag bol?”

“Never had it.”

You shot up from his lap immediately, “You’ve never had spag bol?!”

He laughed at the mortification on your face, “Nah.”

“Right, I’m making that.” You said in a huff, pushing yourself off of the sofa and making your way to the kitchen.

“Am I allowed to join?”

“I mean, the kitchen’s not massive, but if you wanna.” You replied.

You really weren’t lying.

Alfie had to manoeuvre himself around you as you reached for pots, just to make it to the back end of the kitchen where there was a tiny kitchen counter with bar stools around it.

The laminate flooring was coming up in the corners, something you clearly didn’t have the time to indulge in getting fixed, and the counters could’ve done with being renewed, for there were a few knife dents and stains that you’d likely tried everything to remove. But he didn’t say anything.

The pair of you made light chatter as you cooked.

He watched every little thing you did, the way you moved with ease around the kitchen, preparing a meal for him that the two of you would end up sharing.

When it was time to drain the pasta, you got a wave of hot steam in your face, making you rear back and laugh contagiously.

“You alright?” Alfie got out through chuckles.

“Yeah. Fuckin’ell.” You wafted your free hand in front of your face, shaking the colander until most of the water was done.

Alfie took the liberty to go through your cupboards until he found the right one, grabbing a couple plates for you to serve up in.

“Making yourself at home already.” You smirked, making sure he had a little more than you did.

“Just thought I’d help out.” He shrugged.

At the dinner table, the first thing he commented on was that it felt weird.

“How so?” You frowned.

“I actually just can’t remember the last time I sat at a table and ate, like, with someone. Even when I go to my mums we sit on the sofa. It’s nice.” He explained, “Also, this is really good.” He held up a forkful of spaghetti and meat.

Your face lit up at the praise, “Yeah?”

He hummed through a mouthful, nodding.

“I’m glad you like it.”

You never really cooked for anyone else other than you and Oscar, so when you did, it was really just the same meals on repeat week after week until he got bored of it and came home from school whining that his friends had better dinners, so to hear someone else approve of your cooking caused your heart to swell a little.

Once the meal was finished, before you could even say anything, he was whisking the plates away in the kitchen and rinsing them out.

“Alfie, stop!” You cackled, trying to get around him, “Let me do it!”

“No, you’ve done enough today.”

“I’ve cooked dinner.” You scoffed.

“Yeah, exactly. Just relax, girl.”

You tried one more time to get a hand on the plate, but he bent himself over the sink, sticking his ass out and nudging you back with it, causing you to burst into hearty laughter.

“There’s no way you just … bummed me out of the way … in my own house!” You managed to talk through intakes of breath and laughing.

“Move, man!” He exclaimed, catching onto a case of the giggles and sticking his foot out, resting it on your stomach to keep you back.

“Alfie!”

“Reader, stop!” He snorted.

Eventually, the laughter died down and you ended up back on the sofa again, cuddled up with a blanket.

It was hot in your house, and Alfie was sweating behind you but didn’t want to say anything, because you looked far too adorable and comfortable pressed up against his chest.

But when you felt his sweat sticking to you back you had to say something.

“Are you too hot?”

“What? Nah.” He cleared his throat.

Lifting up his arm to ruffle his hair was a mistake, because you saw the humongous sweat patch on his shirt.

“Alfie! Why didn't you say anything!” You scoffed, peeling the blanket off of you and folding it up.

“Nah, nah, it’s alright.

“You’re sweating.” You blanked.

“Yeah? It’s fine.”

Even his cheeks were red, and you rolled your eyes at his stubbornness, proceeding to push the blanket away.

“Reader, don’t, man.”

“It’s just a blanket!”

“I feel bad! Should I take my shirt off instead?”

You swallowed thickly in a way you hoped wasn’t audible.

“I-If you want.”

He sat forwards, reaching back and peeling the white material over his head before dropping it to the floor beside his feet.

“Get your blanket back.” He gestured to it.

“God.” You groaned dramatically at him, “So bossy.”

“Nah, you just look mad cute with it.”

Your cheeks flushed again and you got comfortable once more with his bare skin against your back.

This was a different level of intimacy to cooking dinner in the same room and eating it at the same table. This was borderline skin to skin contact on a first date.

Your heart felt like it was in your throat, and when his hand came around your waist, you thought you were about to throw it up.

His thumb stroked over the exposed skin of your stomach, “Comfy?” His voice rumbled down your ear.

You hummed, nodding and trying to focus on the tellie.

He pressed a passive kiss to your shoulder before settling back.

You weren’t sure what made you fall asleep so quickly, but you were out like a light and that left Alfie awake.

On his own.

In your house.

As much as he wanted to get up and double check that all the doors were locked, he really didn’t want to risk disturbing you.

He hoped you wouldn’t kill him for leaving all the lights on (even though it was only a standing lamp in the corner and two wall lights either side of the archway leading to the dining room) and if it wracked up a hefty bill, he didn’t have any qualms about putting some money towards it.

Right now, all that mattered was you being in his arms, eyes shut and lips parted softly by sleep.

A similar thing happened to Alfie. The girl obviously didn’t recognise him or his friends, which was fine, he wasn’t that big headed to think she should– he just knew Tiktok was going to go mental when they saw this. He wasn’t going to do it originally, but Chip basically volunteered him without checking if it was okay and he felt too awkward to refuse with someone’s phone shoved in his face. 

He followed after the girl a little shyly, being led to a makeshift set out of the way of most of the race's chaos. He hated that Chip and Cal had come with, because he was no doubt going to make a fool of himself here. That much was confirmed when he saw you for the first time. 

“Hi,” he breathed. The whole way over he’d been hoping he ended up sitting across from someone pretty, but he hadn’t thought you were going to be downright gorgeous. The sight of you startled the breath out of him. 

You smiled, straightening up when you looked him over for the first time. He was hotter than you expected him to be. “Hi, I’m Y/N.” You held out your hand for him to shake. You tried not to focus too much on the size of his hand compared to your own. You didn’t know where she’d found him, but you were about to owe your life to this girl and her silly dating show. 

“Uh, Alfie.” 

“Nice to meet you, Alfie.”

The woman gave you a quick rundown on how this was supposed to work and then basically left you to it. That scared you at first. Alfie was wildly attractive, more so than any guy you’d ever been on a date with, so you felt conscious about everything you said or did. But then he started looking at you with the softest eyes and tiniest smile, like he didn’t even know he was doing it, and you physically felt yourself relax.

As for Alfie, he’d never felt conversation flow this easily before. Surely that was a good sign.

You both asked typical first date questions to begin with; where are you from? favourite film? favourite food? When you felt like you knew enough about him, you took the leap to start talking about riskier things. You just hoped he had a sense of humour.

“How much money do you make?” 

He almost choked, eyes darting to his friends behind the camera who looked like they were having the time of their lives. He clearly didn’t realise you were joking— just thought you were being bold. You wouldn’t be the first person to ask out of curiosity. He just hadn’t expected it.

“Straight for the salary, really? You don’t waste time.” 

You shrugged. “Always worth asking in a place like this. Pretty sure I saw one of the royals earlier. Need to know what size yacht I can buy if this goes well.” 

For a split second he looked like he genuinely believed you. You laughed, reaching over to gently touch his arm. “I’m joking, Alfie.”

He let out a breath. Panic over. Now he could get back to briefly outlining his future with you.

The two of you could have talked for hours if the host hadn’t stepped in. She had more than enough footage to make her video, so she didn’t much need either of you now. And with no real reason to keep talking, you both decided you may as well get back to your friends. Even if nothing came of this silly Tiktok dating show, you were glad you met him.

Alfie wasn’t happy leaving it there. He wanted more. This might be his only chance to have something real with someone he genuinely liked. He wasn’t passing that opportunity up.

“Would it be alright if I got your number?” His cheeks were burning as he asked. He never had much luck when it came to women, so it was no surprise he was feeling pretty shy now as he waited to hear your response. It was definitely no help that his friends were laughing in the background. 

Your cheeks burned. “Yeah. I’d really like that.” 

IT WAS WEIRD to be sitting in a studio room with people you hadn’t seen for the past few days, but it was also nice to have everyone together as a group again.

You were sitting on a sofa, sandwiched between Alfie and Indiyah, listening to Grace introduce each of you. There was a round of applause for every name before you all got properly comfortable.

“I wanna start with the winner. AB, congratulations.”

Everyone whooped and cheered, clapping in his direction.

He grinned, nodding, and you could tell he was a little shy under all of this attention.

“How do you feel?”

“It’s— I feel great. A little shocked, but yeah, buzzing. I really didn’t — like, even before coming into the show — I didn’t think I’d make it very far at all, so to win it’s like … huge.”

“Did you have any tactics, especially toward the end?”

“No, not really.” He said, “Just, stay truthful to myself, stick close with the people I know I can trust, and … yeah. That was it really.”

“That final was incredible,” Grace spoke, moving her hands around, “Reader, should we bring it over to you?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Do you feel a little bit mugged off or are you alright?”

“No, I’m okay with it!” You laughed, “I mean, I knew Alfie was gonna pick steal after, um, that whole fiasco, and I thought, like … I guess my thought process was that if I can give him the win then surely that proves, like, I wasn’t using him or anything. And … well, I think it worked.” You grinned, looking at him.

He already had his eyes on you, his line of sight flickering between your eyes and lips as you explained how you felt.

“I would too, I mean, he very dramatically came running through the crew to get to you.” Grace nodded, and everyone laughed, “Quite cinematic. What was your thought process with that, AB?”

He shrugged, laying an arm over your thighs so his hand was resting on your outer thigh, slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth, “I just wanted my girl back.”

“Awww!” Indiyah and Chian harmonised.

You let your shoulders lift as you smiled before dropping them down.

“Nah, I just felt awful, like,” He swallowed, smacking his lips slightly, “I kinda knew the Sidemen stitched her up when I woke up, but, I’m stubborn as fuck and just didn’t say anything.”

“Ick.” You turned your nose up.

“Yeah, shut up, you’re still with me.”

“Should I not be?” You quipped, tilting your head.

“Nah, nah, chill out, girl.” He patted your thigh. “But, I guess also it doesn’t really matter that I won, she’s still gonna get half of it.”

“Are you actually gonna give her half?!” Chloe sat up, peering around Alhan to look at him.

“No, I won’t give her half, but I’ll probably end up spending half of it on her.” Alfie shrugged.

“Princess treatment.” Grace commented, giving you a nod of approval, “Um, what was the hardest thing about living in the house. I’ll ask Chian and Reader this because you both cried quite a lot, my queens.”

“Oh my God, I was such a crybaby.” Chian gasped, eyes widening, “I didn’t realise how sensitive I was, like, I was crying more than the people that got voted out themselves, like, what the hell was that about!”

“And Reader?” Grace turned to you.

“I don’t even wanna think about how much I cried in that place, oh my God.” You pressed your fingers to your temples.

“Every day.” Alhan hummed, “But if it wasn’t Chian, it was you, and if it wasn’t you, it was Chian.”

“Oh, and God forbid it was both of them at the same time!” Indiyah added, shaking her head.

A round of laughter came from everyone.

“Okay, but sometimes it’s good to have sensitive queens.” Grace shrugged.

“Yeah, me and Chian were just, like, that level of emotion that some people didn’t have— I bet it’s gonna be so funny rewatching when I got ‘out’, because Chian was crying, and Alhan was laughing!”

The man in question snorted and nodded.

“Were you mad about that?” Grace asked.

“Errr … not really. I think it’s because I got to know Alhan properly, so I knew it wasn’t that he found it funny, he’s just the type of guy that laughs in serious situations.” You shrugged.

“You know I love you, Reader.” Alhan held a hand up.

“Aww! Love you too!”

“Alright, chill out.” Alfie muttered jokingly, causing more laughter.

On the TV, they began showing clips of every single time either you or Chian were crying. You were almost one hundred percent certain that if they showed the full length of all the clips, you would’ve been there for the majority of the evening, and you did not want to be spending that amount of time rewatching scenes of yourself sobbing over (realistically) nothing.

“So, what was actually the hardest part?” Grave questioned.

“I don’t know!” Chian said truthfully, “The experience was amazing, so there was nothing hard about it, but I think for me, I actually thought I could be a game player, but I really can’t.”

Chloe spoke up then, pointing to Alhan, “Snoring. Every night, snoring and farting. It was a lot to take in, actually.”

“You wanna talk about noises at night?!” Alhan exclaimed before turning to you and Alfie, “The night them two came back, all I heard was,” He then began mimicking the sound of making out.

“One night, bro!” Alfie argued, his cheeks tinging red slightly, “One night out of six! But, Expressions saying ‘Them boy there’ after every sentence. I was hearing it in my sleep, bro.”

“‘Them boy there’, I didn’t say that once.” Expressions frowned, “I said ‘you know them way there’, that’s what I said.”

“Yeah, but, same thing.” Alfie threw a hand out.

“That’s not the same thing.” Expressions pointed a finger at him.

“It’s the same thing.”

“No, it’s not.”

Noises of commotion and egging on the argument started, and Alfie lifted his head.

“Should we actually scrap?”

You kissed your teeth at him and slapped his bicep playfully.

“Did you guys actually all get on, or was that all for show?” Grace asked after the noise died down.

Everyone was in agreement that nothing was played up for the cameras, and you all worked together as a nice little family in the short amount of time that you were there.

“Nah!” Alhan shouted jokingly, making everyone scoff, “Nah, the final six was banging.”

“Oh my God.” You whispered, gently putting your hand to your mouth.

“That’s nasty, that.” Chloe scolded him with a tap on the thigh.

“Right, you guys walked in with one million pounds, and you walked out with £177,894.”

“If it wasn’t for,” Indiyah jabbed her thumb in Alfie’s direction, “This one being stubborn as anything, I think we would’ve been on, like, 400k.”

“Why is that AB’s fault?” Expressions sat up.

“You don’t know?!”

“What did he do?!” Chian sat up, intrigued.

“Yeah, Alfie, what did you do?” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest sassily.

“Oh, shush!” He exclaimed, shaking his head.

“He spent 30k on his temptation, then as a result of that, we dropped, like, 150k on Reader so she could have some happy time with her cat, because she was bawling.” Indiyah explained it all with animated gestures. “So, that was like 180k in one night!”

“Who bought the cat prize?” Grace questioned.

“Me.” Ben held his hand up, “Alhan did the first one, I did the second one.”

“I, honestly, I was so grateful for that.” You pressed a hand to your chest, “I really needed that.”

“Yeah, ‘coz, you turned down your temptation earlier.” Marlon added, “Was it— No, it was the day before, right?”

“Yeah, and my temptation was Buttons, so when Alhan and Ben bought me that time with him, I felt really grateful.”

“And then you sent me home in the last challenge.” Alhan kissed his teeth.

“Yeah, I did.” You snorted before raising your voice to defend yourself, “But you know why! You know why.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s all good.”

“So, apart from the obvious culprits — Alhan, Expressions — who do you think was going into the shop and ordering the most?”

You raised your hand and immediately pointed your finger down to Alfie.

“I did a lot of damage in my first time in there.” He admitted with a nod.

“He was in there for two days and spent 55k.” Saffron laughed, “And then he came back and probably spent double that!”

“I didn’t eat rice once.” Alfie said.

Expressions made a joke, “I can see, Captain America, blud, you ain’t eatin’ that!”

“Yeah, I feel bigger now then I was before!” He chuckled, “It was sick. Also, I just do it for the mrs.”

Nonchalantly, he slung his arm over your shoulders, tugging you right into his side. You scoffed and rolled your eyes but leaned into his touch anyway.

“Oh, we know she likes it.” Grace made an amused face.

“Yeah, just kissing all the time.” Alhan kissed his teeth.

“Bit more than that.”

“What?!” Chian shrieked.

“I swear to God, if you were shagging in bed next to me, I’m gonna be so fucking angry.” Alhan glared at the both of you.

“Nah, nah.” Alfie shook his head.

On the TV, the scene of you and Alfie under the covers in the secret room began playing. All that was audible was the sound of your kissing and the ruffling of sheets, which didn’t give anything away, but all the adults in the room could make a pretty sensible guess about what was going on.

You sat back into the sofa, covering your face with your hands.

“Oh my God!” Chloe exclaimed, “No fuckin’ way!”

“That’s AI.” Alfie muttered, his voice muffled by his hand over his mouth.

“That’s crazy.” Marlon cackled, face screwed up in amusement.

“The Sidemen are gonna sell those bedsheets now.” Alhan commented jokingly.

“See, if I hadn’t done my ting, that would’ve never happened.” Expressions smiled smugly, “So, you’re welcome.”

“Nah, you’re still a snake.” Alfie hummed.

“Indiyah, you don’t seem surprised.” Grace peered around at her.

“I knew.” She chuckled.

“You knew?” Marlon gasped.

“Yeah, Reader told me when they got back and we all split off.”

Another clip began playing of Indiyah’s reaction to the hickey on your chest.

“I can’t believe you never told us.” Alhan tutted at Alfie.

“It wasn’t important!” He threw his hands up.

"Shall we go back to the start? Okay, so, AB, you walk in. How are you feeling?” Grace asked.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you what, I just didn’t wanna be first or last, and I was first. ‘Coz I feel like last, you miss all the lore, everyone’s already mates, and then you’re like ‘Ah, I’m the newcomer’, it’s a bit dead. First is, like, it’s a lot of pressure to clip farm early on, you know what I mean? But, yeah, it was alright.” He shrugged.

“And obviously, when you walked in, Reader came after, and that … well, let’s play the clip.”

“Oh fuck.”

You didn’t know whether to view the moment as bittersweet, sad, or just entirely awkward. But the scene of your face immediately dropping after seeing him did cause a few chuckles from your friends. Surprisingly, the hug you shared looked comfortable and natural, even though it felt anything but in the moment.

“The awkwardness was there until you walked in, sweetheart.” Grace gestured to Marlon, who smiled.

“What was that like? Obviously, Reader, you said the one thing you didn’t want to see was your ex, and then low and behold, you’re the first two people in there.”

“Yeah.” You hummed, “It was … I mean, I tried not to deep it too much, because there were going to be new people coming in soon, but also, it did feel like the Sidemen dragged it out an awful amount. But, we hadn’t seen each other in … ten— Was it ten months?”

Alfie nodded, pursing his lips.

“Yeah, ten months. So, it was a little awkward and I— Okay, I’ll be honest, I just wanted to burst out crying when I saw him. I was not happy with the Sidemen.”

That caused a wave of laughter.

“But, also thank God we were both in there otherwise we never would’ve gotten back together!” You threw your hands up.

“AB?”

“I mean, I wasn't upset to see her, obviously not, but I did think, like, ‘Fuck, this is the worst possible outcome to start this show’.” He snorted, “But, it was fine, I think the awkwardness disappeared after about a day, thank God for that.”

After that, a conversation broke out between Grace, Ben and Marlon about being the only Americans on the show, in which Ben admitted he felt a massive language barrier between him and Chloe that quickly smoothed out since there were other people to help him understand her, and Marlon expressed that he didn’t necessarily feel ‘American’, growing up in Sweden and all. In fact, he said he actually felt closer to the UK side of YouTube because of his heritage.

And what followed that, might’ve been the greatest scandal of Inside.

Expressions finally admitted that he didn’t have any kids at all.

This caused a huge debate between him and the boys and Indiyah, as they all argued that they’d had numerous private conversations with him about his kids, and how he had gone along with it like it was nothing. Like lying about having kids isn’t an all time low, especially as he used it as a way to bond with some of the other Insiders.

During this debacle, it also came out that Chian knew about his lying, but only went along with it by ignoring the entire topic and deciding not to speak up when people asked questions.

The spotlight was also thrown onto you and Alfie briefly, since you discovered that Expressions was childless during your time in the secret room.

“We only knew because of the CCTV shit, though.” Alfie defended you both. “Like, he didn’t tell us personally.”

“Also, I told Indiyah.” You held your hand up.

“You two are thick as bloody thieves, aren’t you?” Grace gasped through laughter.

“She’s my girl!” Indiyah grinned, wrapping her arms around your shoulders.

Once prompted, Chloe then opened up about how close she and Alhan got during their experience on Inside, and how she felt that she saw the side of him no one else really did; the side that was kind and warm and lovely.

“Alliances.” Grace brought up, “Who had alliances in the house?”

“We had the trio, the famous A-team.” Alhan stated, “And gradually that trio became a … not a foursome, what’s it called?”

Alfie laughed, throwing his head back.

“A quartet.” You corrected him politely.

“Yeah, that. When Alfie and Reader came back all lovey-dovey, no more awkward ex nonsense, she became a part of our group.”

“But I was still really close with Indiyah.” You added.

“I think all the alliances in the house kind of overlapped.” Saffron said, “Because Ben and Chian had a bit of an alliances, and Chian and Expressions did, then Reader and Ben?”

“Yeah, we had a little alliance.” Ben hummed, smiling at you, and you nodded.

“Then Reader and me and Indiyah had our girls trio— Oh, with Chloe, of course, and then Reader was close with all the boys.”

“Reader really was the glue that kept us all together.” Chloe verbalised what everyone was already thinking.

“I was gonna say,” Grace nodded, pointing to you, “You seem to be in the middle of this all and everything kinda goes off from you.”

“I actually didn’t even realise when I was in there.” You giggled shyly, “But, I’m glad, I guess. It’s a nice feeling to know most people like you.”

“We all love you.” Marlon uttered.

“Aww! I love you all too!” You grinned.

“Well, not all of us.” Alhan mumbled, glancing at Expressions.

“What, blud?!” His jaw dropped, looking gobsmacked.

“You voted Reader out.”

“Oh, can we not start this again?” You groaned, “Guys, I really don’t care. Besides, I made it to the final anyway.” You shrugged.

“Oooo.” Grace wiggled her shoulders lightly, “Slight bragging dig there, Reader.”

“I’m not lying.”

The attention swiftly turned to Lydia as she was given the time to explain how she felt in her extremely limited time on the show. She said how she knew she was gone the moment it was announced who it was between, and that before Alhan apologised for laughing during her elimination, she’d never been so angry at someone in her life.

Grace then brought up the fact that AB was the second to be eliminated, and how much drama that caused on its own. In the grand scheme of things, everyone had a very overdramatic reaction to him leaving, but he said he felt relieved because it was better than no one giving a fuck.

“Expressions, in this moment, you went against the boys.”

“You were the reason I went home— Well, ‘went home’.” Alfie kissed his teeth, “Dickhead.”

“By mistake.” Expressions held his hands up.

“Snake snake snake snake snake.” Alhan repeated over and over.

You suckled on the inside of your cheek.

You knew (for the most part) that he was only joking about the snakiness, but you also knew that three boys you’d grown closest too were still fuming about his vote going to you.

Indiyah pulled a face at Expressions’ pathetic excuse of a reasoning for his vote, making you snort and begin a little muttering conversation with her.

The clip of Expressions voting for you began playing, and it was the first time you actually got to hear why he chose you.

“I just think if Reader goes out, then it will make it easier to vote AB out in the future. Which is … it’s the ultimate plan.”

“That is fucking mental.” Alfie scoffed.

“Snakeeeee!” Alhan exclaimed.

“Yeah, crazy, bro.” Marlon hummed.

Expressions began stuttering and fumbling for the chance to answer and clarify the reason why he’d done what he did, but Alhan was having none of it, interrupting him to have a fake phone call and deem him to be chatting shit. Indiyah also kissed her teeth and rolled her eyes.

“Lies.”

“Oh, now everyone’s piping up!” You guffawed, looking to Grace, “Do you see what you’ve done?!”

“It’s my job, I’m sorry!” She shouted.

“The most nuts thing was that he tried to frame Reader for being the reason AB went home.” Marlon explained, “When really, if he had just stocked to the boys plan to vote for Saffron, no offence,”

Saffron waved him off.

“Then, AB wouldn’t have, you know, ‘gone home’.” Marlon bent his fingers.

“And Reader, you were— We never saw you shout at anyone in the show, except for that one time. You cried a lot, but you never showed aggression.” Indiyah added on, “So … it was just messy.”

“Yeah, I was just annoyed that Expressions said I voted for Alfie when, like, why would I? That’s dumb. I didn’t want him out, I never made out like I wanted him out. So, yeah, I just got defensive.”

“I apologise.” Expressions laid his hands out.

“It’s okay.” You chuckled.

“Nah, Reader, don’t forgive him.” Alhan tutted.

“Will you give it a rest?” Chloe tapped him on the thigh again.

The topic of discussion then filtered off into one about favourite challenges, and everyone seemed to be in mutual agreement that the eating one was one of the best. You shook your head in disgust, sharing a knowing look with Chian as Eddie, Marlon and Alfie raved on about how good the experience was for them.

Alhan then started speaking about how enjoyable his time was when it came to trolling, and even admitted that he didn’t predict to have spent as much money as he did, but at the end of the day, he didn’t regret a single thing.

When the topic of temptations got brought up, you looked to Alfie with a disappointed expression, tutting at him while shaking your head.

“Okay, I take ownership, my temptation caused the most amount of drama, and I’m sorry, to you.” Alfie held his hands up before letting one of them fall back across your lap.

The physical touch wasn’t over the top, and it didn’t scream possessive energy, but it let everyone know that you were his. You couldn’t actually tell if Alfie knew he was doing it, because his hand had been there the entire time. Maybe it was just second nature to him.

“You’re always at the scene of the crime.” Ben pointed to Alfie, “The elimination, the temptation. Always you.”

“It’s nuts, ‘ent it.” He laughed.

“Reader, your temptation caused some commotion.” Grace gestured.

“Only with me.” You clarified, “No one else was arsed except for me. But, yeah, I was very upset. Buttons is my baby, and I think what made it worse was that he was meowing at me. I was literally sitting on the floor curled up into a little ball. It’ll probably be quite funny to watch back.”

“And then Ben and Alhan teamed up to give it you back.”

“Yes, they did.”

“I just want to expand on that, particularly with Ben. You two seemed to have a little thing going on there. Did you fancy each other or?”

Ben spoke before you, “I’ll just hold my hands up now and say ‘Yeah’.”

His straightforward honesty caused some laughter.

“I mean, you’re beautiful, and your energy is something else. But, you’ve got Alfie and I’m really happy for you. Also, it was kinda just a crush. I’ll go back to America and probably forget about it.”

“Aw, Ben!” You pouted, standing up and walking across to give him a hug, “Thank you.”

After the brief embrace, you made your way back to the sofa, and Alfie’s arm fell across your lap again.

“AB, how does that make you feel?”

“I’m not arsed. I mean, I kinda figured just based on how they were together, but … I mean, Ben’s right about what he says.” Alfie shrugged.

“Damn, this is the Reader show.” Alhan commented passively.

“It really is!” Chian agreed, nodding enthusiastically.

“Alright, stop, I don’t like the attention.” Your cheeks warmed a ridiculous amount.

“AB, to finish up here, do you have any inspirational words as the winner of Inside Season Three?”

“Ummm …”

You interrupted him to mock him and cause a wave of unbridled laughter, “Yo family.”

“No.” He tutted, slapping your thigh, “Just, be yourself, I guess. I did, look where that got me.” He gestured around to him, “Also, don’t believe the Sidemen, they manipulate you into thinking your girlfriend hates you.”

“Actually she’s not your girlfriend yet, you haven’t asked.” Indiyah butted in sassily.

“Yeah, actually!” You gasped with realisation.

“Nah, nah I’ll do it after, girl. Too many cameras.” He played it off.

“You don’t care about cameras.” Alhan scoffed, "We've seen that.”

“Shh.” Alfie held his finger to his lips in the direction of his mate.

To round off the shoot, Grace concluded, “We hope you guys enjoyed one of the most action-packed seasons that we have had so far. Thank you all for being so unhinged, and thank you for watching.”

Once the final round of applause subsided, the cameras stopped rolling and Alfie turned to you.

“Will you be my girlfriend again?”

“Aww!” Indiyah giggled, clapping.

🌷 Y/N'S EARLY LIFE

born in a small town in north carolina, united states, on august 4, 1999, y/n grew up as an only child with her both her parents and their two family pets: a pomeranian named ozzy and a calico cat named meow. she grew up in a fairly humble household where her mother was the breadwinner of her house and her dad stayed at home to take care of her.

from an early age she would always seemingly have strong passion for fashion with experimenting with looks throughout her secondary school years. to even starting her own fashion blog where she posted and documented most of her fashion wins and, of course, losses. during her middle school years (6-8), y/n would also spend time with her aunt in glastonbury who owned a small boutique where she would work at during her stay. this soon helped y/n's sense of styling and would eventually set her on the path of fashion.

she would eventually pursed fashion design at esmod in paris and following it up with a postgraduate 2-year master's degree in luxury brand development and global marketing. during her college years, y/n would also be growing her online presence and platform mainly on youtube and instagram. during 2020, when the world was on lockdown, she would also venture to tiktok thanks to her fashion videos where she gave advice, outfit inspos, ootd/ootw, trend breakdowns, aesthetic breakdowns, etc.

── y/n during her college days via instagram

after college, y/n would choose to remain in paris where she would be able to expand her connection in the fashion world and begin attending fashion weeks as a guest rather than as an assistant like she did during her college years. her fashion week videos would also garner over 20 million views on tiktok alone as it often showed a more in-depth look into what went into attending a show at fashion week.

── cherryn via instagram

in-between making fashion content and attending fashion shows, y/n would also begin her main job as a stylist for both in-person and anyone online wanting fashion advice on how to style the items they already own.

fans can still, as of june 2026, hire y/n as a stylist and consultant on either her own website or through websites such as indyx.

y/n has also said that her ice breaker fact about herself is that she can speak three languages: english, french, and japanese.

🌷 EARLY STAGES OF Y/N & LANDO

"it was an in-door karting place in london – i went there with my friends and him with his buddies were already there. he was arguing about something when we made eye contact, and at first i thought it was a little overconfident [laughs] especially when he came up and was trying to flirt with me. we only got each other's names before i had to leave ... but later that night i guess he managed to find me on instagram and followed me. the rest was kind of just history." ── Y/N L/N FOR ELLE MAY 2024 : "HOW HAS F1 INFLUENCED MY FASHION CHOICES AND CHANGED MY LIFE"

during the later half of 2022, y/n and lando would meet and begin a semi-serious long distance relationship from august to october of 2022. y/n would jokingly claim they were just talking, but lando would say he was full-on serious about them. during the time of their early talking stage, y/n would attend several grand prix races including: the italian gp, united states gp, and mexican gp.

the pair would also spend time with each other whenever both their schedules would allow. y/n attending said races and lando spending time with her in paris apartment.

fans would seemingly get small, rare glimpses of y/n in the paddock during both the italian and united states gp. with her face never being shown, fans would dub her as "lando's mysterious wag" while also theorizing about who his new girlfriend could potential be.

and of course what's a secret relationship without almost getting caught. after the italian gp, lando – and y/n, though unknown at the time – was spotted having a "romantic" dinner in imola. many fans going crazy over not only the rather iconic outfit, but also the fact that some had caught y/n and lando kissing outside the restaurant. the picture spread like wildfire, but lando never addressed it.

and throughout the three month period (august–october) both y/n and lando would slowly be soft-launching that they were both in a relationship – or at least seeing someone.

── soft-launching evidence from cherryn & lando via instagram

"he asked me out right after the [united states] gp. he had finished p6 in the race and we were in our hotel room. it was quiet and we were talking about ordering room service or door dash cause i was hungry [laugh] and then... he just asked me. like right out of the blue, totally caught me off guard – we both looked at each other like deer in headlights. and, of course, i said yes because i had been waiting for about two months for him to want to make it official, and... and he did and my life has never been the same." ── Y/N L/N FOR VOGUE SEPTEMBER 2025 : "Y/N TALKS ABOUT FALL TRENDS AND HOW THE INTERNET SHAPES PEOPLE'S STYLES"

it wouldn't be until after the mexican grand prix that lando would officially hard-launch their relationship on his instagram. he would post two instagram stories of them in mexico a few hours following the race. this would ultimately officially confirm the relationship between the two.

── lando via instagram

during their first year together, the couple was seen constantly together. out of the twenty-two races, y/n would attend twelve of them throughout the year when her schedule would allow.

and while fans loved seeing the paddock appearances from our favorite grid couple – seeing the two outside would happen more often. lando often spotted in paris – where y/n was still currently living at the time – when he had a week off from racing. y/n would also be spotted in monaco and holding lando's hand as they walked down the street together.

y/n often cites 2023, as one of their most important years as a couple as they hit many milestones together like meeting each other's parents, going on vacation together for the first time, spending holidays together, etc.

🌷 MOVING TO MONACO

sometime between the end of the 2023 season and the start of 2024, (fans aren't sure and neither y/n or lando have expanded on it) it was revealed – by the couple themselves on accident during lando's stream – that y/n had moved into lando's apartment with him.

landoyn-nation lost their minds over this.

it has also been confirmed over the recent years that y/n has not only moved into lando's monaco apartment, but also seems to have many decorative/clothing/etc. items in his other houses. his london apartment being another major place the two of them often call home, along with comporta.

── glimpses of their monaco apartment from cherryn via instagram

some fans of both y/n and lando after the reveal expressed odd concerns about y/n suddenly moving in with lando. many of y/n's fans claiming that lando was rushing her and their relationship while lando's fans claimed she was a clout chaser and gold digger. however, the couple seemingly ignored the fan discourse.

fans were given a glimpse into the couple's domestic life when quadrant posted a video "i ate and trained like lando norris for 24 hours" was posted. the video only showed brief looks at not only the apartment that was fans often joked "looked like a bachelor pad, but now was a honeymoon haven" with items that represented both y/n and lando.

the youtube video also showed how y/n's pink yoga mat could be clearly seen tucked in the corner of lando's home gym along with the fridge being heavy decorated with magnets. pictures of both lando and y/n together where seen hanging on the wall as well. ginge even pointing out the tiny figurines – sonny angels and smiski – were all over the house, but mainly around lando's helmets.

"why does each helmet have several little strange buddies with it? [looks to y/n off camera] i fear this is going to turn into an intervention instead." ── ANGRYGINGE IN "I ATE AND TRAINED LIKE LANDO NORRIS FOR 24 HOURS"

with y/n now confirmed living in monaco this also allowed fans to have more sighting of the couple. lando often driving the two around the city in one of his many, many sports car. y/n's content wouldn't change much after moving to the lavish, rich city – she was still posting her ootd/ootw tiktoks and fashion advice with many fans foaming at the mouth at the glimpses of lando's luxury apartment.

however, y/n would seemingly steer clear of showing off too much of her and lando's private life when they weren't traveling or going on vacation.

along with all the other citings of the couple, fans were greeted with the gift of y/n attending the monte carlo masters for the first time in 2024 with lando. which fans often like to use pictures of y/n from as reaction memes due to her deadpan look the whole time.

── y/n and lando at the monte carlo masters 2024 via instagram

🌷 COMING INTO THE WAG LIGHT

from a girl from a small town in north carolina to a fashion stylist to an f1 wag – y/n has shown she is a woman of many colors. easily adapting to traveling with her british boyfriend and vacationing in europe with friends and doing photoshoots for the likes of magazines of vogue and dazed with brands like chanel knocking at her door.

it is clear to anyone who pays attention that y/n is a rising star within the fashion world. having attended multiple chanel shows and collabing with them for magazine covers, our favorite wag has been named as "one of the chanels" by many online forums. among other luxury brands such as chloé, vivienne westwood, dior, lowe, and miumiu also getting a taste of the paddock's it-girl.

thankfully, when she's not filming fashion content and instead at the paddock, y/n has been able to connect with several other paddock regulars (fellow wags) such as alexandra leclerc, partner of charles leclerc, rebecca donaldson, partner of carlos sainz, and even lily zniemer, the private partner of oscar piastri. she is often seen walking around the different paddocks with said females among others right before the races and in between practices and qualis.

y/n has mentioned before that she loves hanging out with the other partners of the other drivers as they all seemingly understand each other and the exhaustion of traveling. but also able to build friendships with them thanks to sharing interests like fashion and tv shows.

"i think miami will always hold a special place in my heart because it was lando's first win, and i got to witness that with him." ── IN YOUR DREAMS WITH OWEN THIELE (2026) : "I'M BECOMING AN F1 BADDIE WITH Y/N"

one of the most memorable moments of y/n's wag career is obviously when lando got his first win at the 2024 miami gp! clips of lando running to her and nearly dragging her over the barrier to kiss her is still one that gets shared and used in edits today! truly a memorable moment as y/n often cites miami as one of her more favorite tracks to visit each year.

"i'm honestly so happy she's been with me to every race so far. i had to beg her to come with, and i know it can be a lot with the constant traveling, but i wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. she's my partner no matter what and if i become world champ or not, i want her there– waiting for me when i cross the finish in abu dhabi." ── LANDO WITH BRITISH VOGUE (2025) : "I WANT TO ENJOY EVERY MINUTE I CAN"

f1's 2025 season was something many fans of the sport considered to be a whirlwind with the two mclaren drivers, lando and oscar, along with red bull driver, max, constantly fighting for championship points. this, also, translated into another busy year for our dear wag as y/n attended every race of the 2025 season in order to support lando.

and sure, the 2025 season had its highs and lows for our beloved lando, but we're just glad he was able to get through it and bring home the championship!

some of our favorite y/n moments from 2025 was of course her outfits – but also watching lando rush to her after every win. silverstone being emotional as fans got to witness lando crying into y/n as she held him. gosh, it gets us every single time.

and of course, how can anyone forget when she walked into the paddock on race day at the hungarian gp with– a butter yellow kelly birkin bag. a birthday gift from none other than mr. lando norris himself, the bag itself had the internet screaming especially when clips of you swinging it and seeming attaching $2 charms like it was just any other bag. to make the race weekend even better – lando brought home the p1 trophy and dedicated his win to his lovely girlfriend.

in 2026, y/n has also collabed with brands like monster energy and raybans, along with being able to attend the met gala with chanel. several blogs and fan forums have labeled y/n as "the most influential wag of the current grid" due to her high engagement, ability to sell out several items just by wearing them, and influencing trends amongst fans – and even other wags.

she has also been able to use her status to help promote and donate to organizations like the muscular dystrophy association and donating clothing and feminine products to several women's shelters in both england and the united states.

🌷 Y/N'S INSTAGRAM

y/n originally started her instagram back in 2013 with the original handle "ynscene" and would post a mixture of her life and fashion. she still updated her early fashion blog during this time, but also began to crosspost on instagram.

it would be about late-2018 when she started college, that y/n would change her handle to "cherryn" which she has now become wildly associated with.

y/n's instagram would originally hit 1 million followers in 2019, and then hit 10 million in 2021. currently (as of june 2026) y/n sits at 14.3 million followers with her engagement continuously high.

her demographic has shown that 70% of her followers are female, 20% is non-bindery or not specified, and the remaining 10% is male. over 50% of her followers also identify as lgbtq+ and/or poc. many of them are also from either the united states, england, brazil, japan, or south korea.

apart from her fashion content and dating lando norris – y/n is also known for her highly aesthetic instagram feed. her posts in more recent years since gaining her wag status usually shows her travels during race weekends, she still covers her usually fashion content as well. however, more her tiktok has now become the main hub for her fashion content as she currently has 60 million followers on the app.

along with her life and travel, there are also several posts spread throughout including lando. many fans online joke that if lando fans want an update, they'll usually check her page first.

y/n's previous instagram profile pictures:

── ynupdates via instagram

🌷 Y/N'S MOST ICONIC PADDOCK LOOKS

and of course, we can't talk about y/n and her influence without talking about her most iconic looks she has brought the paddock. many fans (both inside and outside the f1 circle) online have expressed that they see y/n as their style icon and main inspiration for their outfits.

she has also been named as one of the internet's most stylish icons for multiple years in row by high profile magazines like vogue.

y/n has been featured in several magazines such as vogue, elle, dazed, i-d, marie claire for several different countries including the u.s., france, japan, and the uk.

here are some of our favorite fashion moments so far.

── paddockprincex via twitter

alongside her paddock looks, y/n is also heavily known for owning and wearing several juicy couture tracksuits – yes, in different colors, of course. fans in monaco are constantly graced with being able to spot y/n in a juicy couture tracksuit no matter the day. she doesn't wear them outside of monaco and often wears them when out and about in the city or when with lando. despite this, some fashion accounts for wags in general have catalogued all the current colors y/n owns.

and this isn't to forget the iconic custom-made papaya color tracksuit that was gifted to her by juicy couture themselves! y/n is seen wearing this specific suit when she did a hot lap video with lando last year at silverstone.

along with her some of her iconic paddock looks – y/n's style goes just beyond her clothing, but also her hair. in 2024, y/n shocked fans by showing up to the canadian gp with pink hair. she kept the hair for three months before she went back to her natural color by the time summer break was over and the dutch gp was happening. a lot of her fans online still consider the pink hair one of her best eras to date.

the pink hair was so iconic that fans even dubbed her as "the paddock fairy" due to have whimsical and pretty she looked with it.

along with pink hair, y/n has also experimented with orange hair just last year in 2025! she surprised fans once again by hiding the new hair color under a blonde wig and attended a club with lando in spain. this of course caused quite the discourse as many landoyn fans assumed that the f1 driver was cheating – le gasp – on y/n. but, thankfully, it was resolved the next morning when both y/n and lando posted that the blonde woman was in fact... y/n in a wig. the orange only lasted a month, but fans were still excited about the hair and only solidified the fact that y/n could pull off any hair color.

── hourlyyn via twitter

y/n has been labeled as the paddock's it-girl based on everything we've written here... we can't possibly disagree! her presence throughout the years has made her a staple within the f1 world from her fashion moments to her emotional podium kisses, her and lando have been through it all!

f1atelier photos are just placeholders! yn doesn't have an actual faceclaim please imagine yourself or whoever you want in these pictures! thanks.

He didn’t share the same sentiment. You had popped up on his Tiktok feed one day and had been running around his mind ever since. He couldn’t stop himself before he started watching your streams, trying to go unnoticed. It wasn’t the usual sort of content he watched. Baking had never particularly interested him in life, but apparently all he needed was a pretty girl to be doing it for his attention to be piqued. He was pretty sure he could listen to you talk about whisking and oven temperatures all day. He tried to keep his crush as just that, a crush, but eventually when he realised he wasn’t going to get you out of his mind anytime soon, he followed your Instagram and shot his shot. 

Despite your initial fears about dating someone who had just as much of a spotlight on them as you did, you took the leap anyway. And you wouldn’t look back. 

The two of you were pretty good about keeping things private. 6 months in and neither of your nosy audiences had the slightest clue. 

Only a couple times had you mentioned going on dates with someone, or officially becoming a girlfriend, but no one had pried too much. Alfie hadn’t even mentioned it in the vlogs out of fear of someone going psycho and scaring you off. But keeping it a secret forever would have been impossible. At least that’s what you’d been claiming to try and make yourself feel better after the slip up. 

You probably should have told Alfie you were planning on streaming a little after he came over. Although it fell into your normal schedule, it completely slipped his mind after the short nap he’d taken in your room. 

He was a little groggy still, in nothing but a pair of shorts, wandering towards the sound of your sweet voice and the delicious smell of baked goods wafting through the flat. You saw him coming, eyes going wide with panic as you tried to point to the camera, but none of it registered in his head until it was far too late. 

“What you making?” he asked, stepping just into frame to wrap his big arms around you. 

You managed to peak around his arm to catch sight of the chaos happening in your chat right now. His face wasn’t visible just yet, but some eagle eyed viewers were already working out who it was from the tiny bits of him that they could see. 

who is that

is that ab????

hello??

what is this crossover… 

girl wtf 

😍😍

is your bf single

Your response came out weakly. “Brownies.”

It didn’t take a genius to notice something was up with you. He pulled away with a slight frown, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

You finally pointed to the camera. “I’m streaming.” 

His heart sank. He shouldn’t have risked the glance over his shoulder. The moment they saw half his face the chat blew up again, happy to confirm their suspicions. It wasn’t the way either of you ever wanted to go public, but it did feel very fitting for you both. It was a miracle neither of you had slipped up yet in the first place. 

He laughed nervously, giving the viewers an awkward wave. “Surprise?” 

He knew he wasn’t going to live this down very quickly. 

“Guess you’re joining me then.” You dug into one of the cupboards in the background, pulling out the most pastel yellow baking apron Alfie thought he’d ever seen. The look on your face was one of pure amusement, while his was something more akin to horror. You held it up to his chest, grinning like a mad man. “Put it on.” 

He refused to take the material from your hands, which meant you had to be the one to slip it over his head and tie it for him at the back. He grumbled the whole time, insisting he looked like an idiot. You thought he looked pretty cute. He shut up quite quickly when you kissed him sweetly. 

You turned back to your stream like you hadn’t just revealed some massive secret. Even Alfie was still reeling from the last 5 minutes. Yet you were acting like this was all normal. 

“Okay, well, looks like my boyfriend is gonna be joining us.”

WAKING UP AFTER becoming a victor had to be one of the worst experiences of your life, and you’d just been through hell and back. Since your body had had time to decompress, when you finally started using it again, every muscle hurt like hell and felt like you were carrying ten extra pounds with everything.

On top of that, you were pretty sure you were losing your mind.

When you had opened your eyes for the first time after being escorted out of the arena, you realised that you had been completely hosed down. All of the dirt and grime was no longer embedded in your hair and under your nails. Any nasty spots that had raised on your face had disappeared, and the underlying stench of sweat and earth that you’d actually gotten used to, had vanished.

But worst of all, the last remaining thing you had of Arthur had gone too.

His blood, the one that was staining your hands the last time you remember being awake, had been completely stolen from you, scrubbed out of the creases in your hands and rinsed out of the clumpy knots in your hair.

All of it was gone.

You don’t remember exactly what happened when you found out, but you remember Tigris being there, her face one of sympathy and care before you blacked out again, and when you awoke, your throat was raw and scratchy partnered with your eyes being slightly puffy and irritated.

“Hey, shh, shh.” She hushed you as you rose for the second time.

“Tigris?” You croaked, turning your head on the pillow to look at her.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. You’re back in the Capitol now.”

“D-Did they bring Arthur?” It hurt like hell to speak, but you just had to know, “I asked them to. T-They could fix him.”

“No, my darling, they didn’t.” She shook her head, stroking her long, bony fingers through your hair, “I’m so sorry.”

Your face screwed up into an expression that you were sure reeked of agony, with your eyebrows knotted firm in the middle of your face and your nose all crinkled as tears sprouted and spilled.

“I know, I know.” She whispered, nodding.

A sharp breath of air was sucked in, causing you to choke on your own tears.

“Here, here, let’s sit up.” She started adjusting the bed you were lying back in, setting up some pillows against the headboard and helping you into a sitting position. “I’ll go and get Claudia, okay? She’s better at this.”

The time you were alone was short, but the silence really got to you, and in that soundless room, noises started coming back to you. Arthur’s words (his last ones, to be exact) and the gruesome spurts of his blood pooling out of his mouth.

Claudia walked into the room, replacing Tigris, and that’s when your dam broke.

“Okay, okay.” She breathed, sitting on the edge of your bed and bringing you into her arms, tucking your head into her chest.

“It’s not fair.” You wailed.

Everything hurt, but that was the last thing on your mind right now.

The weak feeling of your ribs was miniscule compared to the tempest storming in your head, creating this awful banging against the inside of your skull.

Your hand came up, weakly clutching onto the wrist of the arm that curled under your chin with her hand splayed across your cheek, keeping you close.

“They killed him, Claudia! They took him from me!”

She frowned, pulling your face away from her chest and cupping it in her hands and staring at you.

“What?”

“I couldn’t save him!”

“You tried to save him?”

“Yes!”

Again, she pulled you back in, a little more frantically this time as her hands scrambled for your limbs, keeping you close to her.

She knew what was going to come of this.

Propaganda. A false narrative. Throwing the starving Capitol citizens a story that never even took place.

“I just want him back.” You croaked weakly, losing your grip on Claudia’s wrist and dropping your hands to your lap.

“I know. I know.” She nodded.

She didn’t.

In fact, she didn’t even know that you felt any remorse over his death whatsoever, because that’s not what had been relayed back to the viewers.

“You have your final interview with Lucky in two hours, and then you get crowned, and then you have to do your District Tour, okay?” She explained softly, her fingers still gliding through your hair in a way that made you feel five again, and curled up in your mothers lap.

Tigris appeared back in the room then, face full of sympathy.

“What happened in that arena?”

“What?” You sniffled.

“When Arthur died. What happened?”

“A tiger came after us? I-I don’t know what you mean.”

“The gamemakers manipulated your games, Reader.” Claudia sighed, rubbing the space between her brows, “The power shut off for a minute, and when they turned back on, you’d won.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and what followed was a sensation that you could only describe as someone reaching into your oesophagus and stealing the air from it.

“But I— I didn’t kill him.” You gasped out, “I promise I didn’t, I would never— I tried to save him.”

Tigris and Claudia shared a look.

“Well that’s not what everyone in Panem thinks.”

“Oh, his family. Oh no, his family thinks I killed him— I didn’t, I swear I didn’t.”

“We believe you, but I think …” Claudia sighed, “I think for the safety of you and your own family, you have to run with that narrative. You go out there in that interview, and you puff your chest out and you act like you don’t care.”

After a few more minutes of pep talking and planning, Tigris whisked more stylists into the room to begin readying you for the interview.

You hated Lucky Flickerman enough based on your first meeting with him, so you expected that you’d walk out of this one wishing you could wring his neck out with your bare hands.

The interview was a dramatic avalanche of brightly flashing lights, empty laughter and beaming smiles.

Your outfit was nowhere near as representative as your original one, instead wearing something white and flowy.

It felt like a statement, like the designers had tried to preserve your innocence and turn you into something you weren’t, which was funny, because you didn’t think your games were that bad.

You knew you had an absurd amount of blood on your hands, but they were just strangers to you.

Nobodies.

And the blood that mattered wasn’t even real.

Arthur’s death wasn’t your fault.

Right?

After you’d breezed through the interview, Tigris had helped you strip out of your dress, which looked somewhat basic to the eye, but was full of numerous hidden little details that made it feel like a rope trap to get in and out of.

Sat on your pyjamas on the edge of your bed, you stared down at your lap, thinking over the questions you’d firmed with nothing but a mere nod and a smile or a sentence full of lies.

You’d bluffed your entire way through those thirty minutes, and the crown you received at the end didn’t even feel remotely worth it.

It sat on your chest of drawers in your bedroom on the train, and you probably weren’t going to pick it up or wear it again now.

You didn’t feel worthy.

“Reader.” Tigris spoke up.

You hummed, glancing at her.

Her fingers stretched out, unravelling to reveal something hidden.

It was small, like a chip of some sorts, and it fell into your palm.

“What is it?”

“The truth.”

She dispersed from your room as if she hadn’t just dropped a very ominous and vague line, leaving you to your own devices.

There was a TV on the wall across from your bed, and you fancied your chances that this chip held some game footage that might’ve been lost and buried amongst the lies and brainwashing.

You were right.

Rewatching Arthur’s death and the gruesome manner in which it had played out had tears streaming down your face and hiccups catching in your chest.

From this angle, it was worse.

There was no shot of your faces, but the futile desperation was evident as you continued to strain to heave his body up, despite the odds stacked against you.

This was reality, not whatever chopped up version the gamemakers had sold the Capitol.

You tried not to dwell on it, you really did, because you were going to be speaking for the majority of the day tomorrow, and you needed the energy to deal with people.

There was no doubt in your body that the people from districts Eleven and Twelve would start an outcry at the mere sight of you in their area, and you didn’t want to be running on a couple of hours of sleep in the case of that happening.

The first three visits to the districts felt easy.

They weren’t hard on you, nor did they really care that their fellow members were dead.

Being back home felt somewhat nice, but all of that was drained away when all your dad had to say to you was ‘Congratulations’. Nevermind an ‘I’m here for you’ or ‘I’m proud of you’. Just a nonchalant nod paired with one word that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Thankfully, your brother was a lot more happy to see you.

He hugged you tighter than ever, and you would’ve complained about the way his uniform dug against your ribcage painfully, but there was no need, because this was all you ever needed and or wanted.

You blinked the tears away that gathered in your eyes, refusing to let your family see another moment more of weakness from you.

The reunion between them was brief, and you wished you had more time to sit with your brother and just talk, but things needed to be done.

You should’ve expected cold indifference from One and Two, because any death was a failure in their books, however the reactions from District Three shocked you.

They seemed bored, like they knew your speech was a scripted mess of false representation that neither you or your team really believed in.

You supposed they were kind of used to losing their own members given that they weren’t a career group, but you still expected a bit of emotion from them.

District Four was different.

It was worse.

Your gaze didn’t soften around Cove, no matter how sorrowful you felt for her people.

She had still killed your brother, and you still wanted to take her next.

However, throughout your practiced speech, you found your gaze naturally dragging back to the large family standing across the courtyard.

You couldn’t make out their faces from so far, but Arthur’s was being projected behind them, and the sight of him, fresh and untainted and alive made you want to break down then and there.

Inside the District Four town hall, you requested something you weren’t sure was going to be permitted.

“I’d like to speak to Arthur’s family.” You swallowed thickly, “In private.”

You expected anger, of course you did, but you didn’t expect it to manifest itself physically.

You were on the receiving end of an outraged slap from his mother, one that you took gracefully without any concern or order for punishment.

In fact, you stopped the peacekeepers when they tried to intervene.

“You killed my boy!” She screamed at you, “After everything he did for you?!”

One of the men in white uniform equipped a baton, getting ready to strike.

“Stop!” You snapped, standing in front of his family, “You gonna hurt a new victor? Not sure how the Capitol will respond to that.”

He faltered before sheathing his weapon again.

You rolled your eyes at him as he saw himself out, and turned to face his family.

Wordlessly, you held out your palm.

Within it was the chip that Tigris had slipped your way just hours before.

“What’s this?” Arthur’s mother spat.

“… What happened during the ‘power cut’.” You muttered.

As his family was forced to rewatch his death, you stood to the side with a thumbnail in your mouth, anxiously gnawing away.

You were unsure as to how they were going to take this news, but all you hoped was that they didn’t think you’d betrayed their brother and son.

The youngest girl was sobbing loudly at the sight of her brother being mauled, along with her siblings who sniffled and cried silently.

The footage halted at the end, and you were quick to hurry forwards and turn it off, sparing them the sight of their beloved boy a cavern of himself on the floor.

“Thank you, for that.” His brother swallowed thickly, his hand on his mum's back supportively.

You nodded, “You’re welcome.”

“You need to show everyone!” One of the younger girls exclaimed, standing up, “Everyone thinks you’re horrible but you’re not! You tried to save our brother! You have to tell them all!”

“Viola!” An older girl hissed, pulling her back down onto the sofa.

“Poppy, it’s—“

“Hey.” You whispered, crouching in front of her, “It doesn’t matter what the rest of Panem thinks about me. What matters is that you and your family know the truth. I can live with everyone else thinking I killed Arthur, but you all deserved to know that he meant … so much to me in that arena. And I wouldn’t be standing here without him.”

The girl beside her was blubbering an awful amount, and you were slightly worried she was going to make herself sick.

“What’s your name?” You spoke softly.

“F-F-F-Flora.” She hiccuped.

“You have a beautiful name.” You smiled, “And you have Arthur’s eyes, you know.”

“We all do.” Viola spoke again.

A little quip of your lips appeared at the tone in which she spoke.

She was strong and unwavering, but you knew beneath all that was just a little girl, scared and upset without her big brother.

It was like looking into a mirror.

“Arthur told me a lot about you.” You admitted, “You’re Viola, yeah?”

She nodded.

“He said that I would like you a lot, and so far he’s got a good judge of character.”

The smallest of smiles appeared on her face.

“It’s okay to miss him, you know? I miss my brother all the time.”

“Arthur was really angry at Cove when she killed Sebastian.” The girl next along said, “I’m Willow.”

“It’s nice to meet you Willow.”

“He said that she was wrong for doing that, even though it meant we won.” Viola carried on, only to be interrupted by Flora.

“That’s why mummy was so angry, because she thought you did the same thing to Arthur what happened to your brother.”

“I would never.” You shook your head.

“Poppy, we should take her to Arthur’s favourite place!” Willow gasped.

“If there’s time, I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“I don’t care if there’s time or not. Everyone else can wait.”

Flora giggled, “You’re so cool.”

The docks that Poppy had taken you along had some of the most peaceful atmospheres you’d ever experienced.

With your feet dangling over the edge of the wooden ledge, your toes grazed the softly lapping water, letting the sound of waves hitting the shore fill your ears.

She sat beside you, honey brown hair blowing in the wind ever so slightly.

The soft stench of fish lingered in the air, much to be predicted due to where you were, and if it were for anyone else other than Arthur, you probably would’ve excused yourself to go inside and get away from it all.

But this was his favourite place, and the entirety of you wished you could move here and revel in the same air that he had.

“Thank you.” Poppy said.

You turned to her, eyebrows furrowed lightly.

“For not killing my brother.”

The fact that she was thanking you for that alone was enough to make you snort, but you held it back, because there were some people (that you hadn’t even been face to face with yet) that couldn’t say the same.

You nodded, “I’m glad I didn’t.”

“He really liked you. I could tell.”

“… I know.”

“No, he liked you.” Poppy emphasised.

Again, you nodded, “I know.”

“Did you …”

“Like him back?”

“Yeah.”

You swallowed, thinking of your answer for a short moment.

It would be wrong to say no.

You were purposefully delaying your tour experience and the time you got with other districts to accompany his family and socialise with them.

You were letting the sea salt crystallise in your hair, and grains of sand stick to your skin in the hopes that you could carry them back home with you. You wandered if he’d ever touched one of the grains on the balls of your feet, or if he would only ever continue to live on in memory.

“I did.”

“Did he know?”

“I hope so— I mean, it wouldn’t have mattered if he did or not.”

“Why?”

At one point he tried lingering outside the door to see if he could hear what you were talking about, but a treacherous creaky floorboard gave him away and he had to escape the scene before either of you caught him red handed. 

Eventually, he was too hungry to keep hiding away. He had to interrupt out of fear of starving to death if he didn’t. 

He knocked first, but he knew it wasn’t a good sign when your voices died down the moment he walked into the room. Either you were talking about him, or you were talking about something you didn’t want him to know about. If he was being totally honest with himself, he didn’t know which one was worse. All he did know was that he didn’t like being ganged up on like this. And he was going to spiral, hard. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing uncomfortably. 

His mum smiled. “Nothing. Just talking.”

Part of him was screaming at him to leave the room. The air was almost suffocating and he had a strong feeling that was due to him ruining the moment. 

“Shall I leave?” 

You shook your head, patting the space next to you on the sofa for him to join. The evil smile on your face didn’t do much to calm his nerves. You knew this was going to drive him crazy for as long as you refused to tell him what was happening. “We were pretty much done. Come join us. What’s up?”

“Uh, I was just getting hungry. Wondered what everyone wanted to do?” He shuffled over hesitantly, sitting down stiffly in the seat next to you. He nearly flinched every time a bit of you accidentally touched him. You shouldn’t have taken so much joy in that fact, but seeing him wound up like this was a little bit hilarious. 

Alfie didn’t bring it up again until you were laid next to each other in bed much, much later. You were scrolling through your phone aimlessly, and you’d thought he was doing the same. Really he’d just been staring blankly at his screen for a while as he worked up the courage to ask you. 

“So, what were you and mum talking about?”

You rolled your eyes, laughing quietly. You knew something was on his mind when he’d been quiet for too long, you just hadn’t expected him to be thinking about this hours later. “It was nothing. Why are you so worried about it?”

He shrugged, trying to act like he didn’t care. “I’m not.” It was slowly eating away at him every time he thought about it. He wanted to let it go, he really did, but there was a tiny voice in the back of his head saying he couldn’t. In an ideal world he would roll over, close his eyes and go straight to sleep to forget about it. But even when he turned his back to you, it was like he could still hear the way you and his mum were laughing without him. 

With a huff he turned to face you again, being met with the same amused grin you’d been wearing for most of the night. “Why won’t you just tell me?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Why are you assuming we were talking shit about you? We could have been on about anything.” 

“Because you always talk shit about me. I know you, and I know that look on your face. You’re guilty, but you won’t admit it.” He was getting pretty passionate about this. 

Any other day you might have teased him and kept this up for as long as possible, but all the wine you’d been drinking with his mum had made you tired. You just wanted to go to sleep, not reassure your big man baby that you still loved him and wouldn’t dream of slagging him off with his mum. 

“Is there something we should have been talking about?”

He shook his head. “No! Obviously not, I just–” he groaned into his hands. He hated how much you were getting under his skin. You were probably doing this on purpose. “Can you just tell me if you were talking about me?” 

You rolled over, bringing the covers up to your chin and letting your eyes finally close. If he wanted to keep spiralling, he could do it quietly while you slept. “Nope. Goodnight, Alf.”