蘇り

I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.

But a chair, sunlight, flowers: these are not to be dismissed. I am alive, I live, I breathe, I put my hand out, unfolded, into the sunlight.

You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

When I’m with you I don’t breathe quite right.

I hope you devour the men who try to turn you into their punching bag.

how many griefs would I have to remove from my heap of griefs / until it no longer crushes me?

It's happening again. I’m pushing them all away, cancelling plans and isolating myself. It isn’t so much what they have or haven't done, it’s the exhaustion of living let alone pretending to be happy to please other for a couple of hours. The drama and need to put down others doesn’t help. But the fact remains that I just can’t be around people right now. I love them all the same, and not seeing someone doesn’t equate to hating them or cutting them out of my life. I just need time. I need space. And what they don’t seem to understand is that without time and space, by forcing me to see them will only end up in fights my anxiety and frustration have made up.

The timing wasn’t wrong. Who we were at the time was wrong.