lol

i’m always a slut for equal rights

i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized tee shirt and no pants when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me

my middle school emo phase might come back

*is left alone with my own thoughts* brain: welcome to hell

i would be such a good gf too bad no one deserves me

it’s sad how people who are so kind and lovely hate themselves

Masturbation Tip: Let me do it for you

lazy mediocre bum rule number one: be best friends with your teachers, when you fuck up big time they’ll low key help you out more than they should

This is 100% accurate

a President accidentally makes a new law that anyone shorter than him gets executed but he accidentally makes it an amendment to the constitution so it applies to future presidents too, in the next elections theres a frenzy of people voting for the shortest president so they dont die and this is how they end up electing a 3 foot tall man named Pinwheel Patrick who goes on to become the most tyrannical dictator the world has ever seen

I am a pretty patient person but if there is one thing I will lose my shit over almost instantly it’s my computer/internet being slow my tolerance level is exactly 0 for that shit man I did my time in the 90’s/2000’s I don’t need any of this garbage

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today my army friend was telling us about basic training and drill sergeants and there was this kid in her battalion who asked so many stupid questions that the drill sergeant made him carry around a potted plant all day to replace the oxygen he wasted