the monster monsters fear

“Metzli’s going to meet us at the edge of town,” Emilio announced, slipping his phone into his pocket with a grimace. “They’ve got some kind of a caravan set up. Figure it’s safer to travel in groups.” Not to mention he knew Teddy would want reassurance that Metzli made it out. The hunter might not admit it, but he wouldn’t mind that reassurance himself. He’d made a list in the back of his mind, had people he was keeping track of throughout this whole evacuation process. Ari, Kaden, Metzli, Nicole, Vida. 

Next to him now were two people near the top of said list. There was some relief in having both Teddy and Rhett where he could see them, some quiet factor that made it a little easier to breathe. Emilio might not be as self aware as some people might want him to be, but he knew he had… issues here. A town falling apart, everyone he loved inside of it… It was a painfully familiar scenario. Last time this happened, he’d walked away with nothing. He’d saved no one. He wasn’t going to let that happen again.

“We should move fast. This shit’s going under quick, and we can’t be here when it does.” He motioned for the other two men to follow him quickly, eyes darting around to take in the darkened sky and crumbling town.

—

Packing had been finished for a good few weeks at this point. Teddy didn't know the day or the hour of the fucking apocalypse so they had to be prepared. Besides, it wasn't like either himself or Emilio were terribly unfamiliar with living out of boxes or bags. Most of the bigger shit was in a storage container a few towns away, they had a carry on sized bag each to hold them over in the interim. 

The biggest trouble the florist had been dealing with was keeping track of Zazzy. The normally quite lazy couch potato of a raiju runt had gotten more and more agitated and energetic as the end approached. In a way it was nice. Gave them about as much of a heads-up as they were going to get. But now that it was time Teddy was struggling to keep the wormy zoomie little fuzzball in his arms. Suddenly wishing he had got the little guy a carrier crate but he kinda figured that the raiju wouldn't like that very much. Oops. 

Maybe it was nice though. To have something to focus on that took quite a bit of strain to do so. Had his mind had moments to wander, surely Teddy would've gotten stuck in a loop of worry and stomach churning anxiety. As it was. He could hardly take his eyes off the cat/dog/weasel thing. Any chances he had were all spent on Emilio. Convinced that his man was going to go off and do some last minute heroics that was going to get him killed one way or another. One arm to hold Zazz, one hand to continuously anchor himself to the hunter. 

Rhett had just pulled in and popped up to the apartment too, he probably had the easiest job of packing between all of them. Perks of living mobily, Teddy supposed. He was about to make a comment to that end when Emilio spoke up, and confirmed what he'd been thinking. They were together now. Time to get out. And make sure everyone they cared about followed suit. 

—

As they exited the building, Rhett’s gaze followed a similar path to Emilio’s, scanning over the fucked up sky while his resolve hardened. This couldn’t be allowed to spread. The boys, Ari, Vida… all of them had to get out and be safe. Wasn’t any point in claiming to be a protector if you weren’t ready to lay down your life. That said, there had to be some left. Younger blood, the kind that warmed a heart enough to let it be given to another. That wasn’t on the table for Rhett anymore, but Emilio still had time. Still had hope. Teddy gave him that—Teddy and all the other people his little brother had met in this town. 

Had to protect that.

Bringing up the rear, Rhett placed a hand on Emilio’s shoulder as they all reached the Fungi Wagon, urging him to turn around. “Here,” he muttered, digging the keys from his pocket with one hand and taking Emilio’s in the other, forcing them into his palm. 

When Teddy got the passenger side door open, he’d notice that all the personal junk that used to take up the space in the back had been fully cleared out. In fact, other than the painted mural that still clung to its metal sides, every trace of Rhett had been scrubbed from the vehicle. The man himself looked up to meet Emilio’s gaze, the wilted smile on his lips conveying his hope that he wouldn’t have to say what came next. As practiced as he was with goodbyes, this wasn’t one he’d expected to have to make a second time.

—

Teddy’s hand gripped his tightly, and Emilio understood why. It wasn’t just a passive thing here, wasn’t just a show of affection. Emilio had a bad habit of going to dark places, and no one knew that better than Teddy. It was only a few months ago that the florist had been desperately trying to convince Emilio to keep living, only a few months ago that Rhett had dragged him away from his desire to stop and done everything he could to keep him separate from it. And Emilio would be lying if he said those feelings were entirely gone. He’d be lying if he said he thought they ever could be, after everything. But right now, he was choosing something else. With Teddy’s hand in his, it felt just a little easier to do.

Rhett’s hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts, and Emilio glanced to his brother with a quizzical expression on his face. He took the keys robotically, brows furrowing together. “Really must be the end of the world if you’re letting me drive,” he joked, huffing a laugh as he slipped the keychain around his finger and flipped the key absently.

But then Rhett met his eye. Then he got that goddamn look on his face, and there was a pit in Emilio’s stomach that was bottomless and gaping, a feeling that hollowed him out so quickly it should have been impossible. The smile slipped off his face, the keys going still in his hand as he stopped swinging them so abruptly that they hit against his knuckles with a quiet clatter. 

“No,” he said, the word little more than a breath of air. “No. Absolutely fucking not, Rhett, I’m not kidding. No.” 

—

With the raiju placed in a ball of blankets in the front seat, content with the warmth from the car to keep it still, Teddy had a moment to breathe. To think. And a moment is all it was, cause from the other side of the van something of a commotion stirred. Somehow between that and all that was missing from the vehicle, the meaning was partially lost on the demon. The florist hurried to the other side though, taking up his spot right next to Emilio once again. There was a heat beginning to radiate from the hunter as he got more and more amped up. 

“Wait–wait– what’s happening?” Social cues weren’t Teddy’s forte, but it was obvious something was wrong. That achey thrum began to worm its way up in his chest. Instinctively he put an arm around the slayer, but his eyes stayed firmly on Rhett. There was a play going on around him and he hadn’t been given the script. It really shouldn’t have been that hard to figure out.  But it was the end of the fucking world and the man had more than a few things on his mind that were perhaps taking up a bit of his cognitive processing. “Rhett– why…what are you planning?” 

—

Of course he argued. Rhett had expected as much, steeling himself against the fear that started creeping into Emilio’s expression. Teddy came ‘round the other side of the van, joining them with a bemused look on his face before asking what was going on. The warden let his gaze flick over to Teddy, needing a moment to be free of the pain he was causing Emilio. 

“Can’t come with,” he answered softly. “Some people here need my help.” With a thick swallow, he glanced back to Emilio. “This is it, kiddo. The big one. Need to make myself useful.”

—

“He’s planning on staying behind,” Emilio spat, because for him, grief always came with anger. Anger towards the situation that left them with an unwinnable battle. Angry at the world for taking and taking and taking until he had nothing left to give. Angry at Rhett for making this choice, for doing a stupid, heroic thing when Emilio desperately needed him to be a coward. Angry at himself for not seeing any of it coming. 

And the anger wasn’t real. He knew that, too. He knew that the anger was a defense mechanism, a fire built in a wasteland to keep him warm. He wasn’t angry at Rhett or at himself or even at the world at large. But admitting that meant admitting to what was lurking underneath. Admitting that meant recognizing how small he felt, how scared. And Emilio couldn’t do that.

So he glared in Rhett’s direction, fire burning behind his eyes to distract from the aching in his chest, and he told himself that that was better. He told himself it was easier this way. “You’re a fucking asshole,” he said, taking a step towards his brother and grabbing him by the front of his shirt, knuckles white with his grip. “You think, what, you make the sacrifice play after months of telling me I’m not allowed to? Some people need your help? I need you, you prick. What about that?” His throat burned, and his vision blurred in a way he pretended was rage instead of tears threatening to spill over. 

“Fuck this. Fuck you. Get in the fucking van, Everett.” Please, he added silently, the word unspoken but present in his expression all the same.

—

"Wh–" Fuck. Now that it'd been said aloud it was so obvious what it all had been pointing to. Teddy shifted uncomfortably, at a total loss of how to respond. "Y-your–?" Leaving. Or staying rather. Staying there in the middle of assured destruction to save the rest of the world. Hunters died to protect others. That's something Emilio had said over and over and over. You don't get old in that line of work. You don't get happily ever afters or even the joy of retiring.  Rhett was the closest thing Teddy had ever seen that seemed to contradict that statement. But now he was– 

He was shaking. Teddy knew that much, but everything seemed so numb outside of his hands it was hard to feel anything else. He gripped tighter and tighter onto Emilio, knowing that this had to have been a thousand times worse for him. Teddy only just got to know the old warden. But that was Emilio's brother. He was supposed to be a fixture in their life. Together. More weird breakfasts and old stories and time. But Rhett had other plans it seemed. 

—

“You’ve got people,” Rhett said sadly. “Y’haven’t needed me for a long time, now. So here’s what’s gonna happen.” Still very much trapped in Emilio’s grip, the warden brought a hand to the side of his neck and braced it there. “You two are gonna get as far away from here as you can, hear me? Real far. Don’t take any fuckin’ chances.” He glanced to Teddy, perhaps as a silent plea to help talk some sense into Emilio, because he knew this would be an uphill battle. “Me? Can’t back out. If I bail, they don’t have enough people.” He paused. “If they don’t have enough people, we all die.” His other hand gave Teddy’s shoulder a squeeze before moving it to now frame Emilio’s pained face between them both.

“Listen t’me, little brother. I’m old. I ain’t got much time left in this world, anyway. We both know that. Let me… let me go out doin’ somethin’ that’ll help everyone, not just… whatever makes me feel better in the moment. Whatever dampens the rage and the hurt… just lemme do this, kid. For you. For Ted. For all the people in this damn town who’d cry at your funeral. Please.”

—

“You’re my people.” His voice broke on the last word, just a little. Emilio hadn’t felt like a child in decades now, hadn’t even really felt like a child when he was a child, but in this moment, he was eight years old again. He was staring in wonder as his mother and uncle dragged their brother into the house and laid him on the kitchen table, flinching as too-loud voices ordered him to sit with the bleeding man while they went to get help, struck with the realization of what help meant when they returned with the priest instead of the doctor. 

Hunters were supposed to have their lives cut off at the knees, were built to die long before their hair went gray and their skin began to wrinkle and Emilio knew that. Emilio had known that all his life, had watched it happen. He’d seen his mother and siblings dead in the street, had watched his nephew die before the kid was old enough to know what dying meant. And somehow, he’d thought Rhett was different. Somehow, he’d convinced himself that the warden was above all that, that Rhett would outlive him and that there’d be relief in, for once, being the one to leave instead of the one to get left. But Rhett’s hand was gripping the side of his neck in a way that meant goodbye now, and it didn’t make sense even though it did. It was impossible even though it wasn’t. Every inch of it ached.

“No,” he said again, because what else was there to say? What else was there to do? “No. I’m not — I’m not going to leave you. I can’t. I can’t do that again.” It was an ugly mirror image of the last moments in Etla; the chaos, the anguish, the grief. People he loved dying while he made it out. Was this how it was always going to be? Was Emilio always the one who survived, no matter how little he wanted to? Maybe this was his punishment, he thought, the retribution for all the sins he’d stacked up under his belt. To lose Rhett in a way that seemed to echo the way he’d lost everyone else was the kind of thing just cruel enough for God to come up with.

Desperately, Emilio looked to Teddy, eyes pleading with his boyfriend to do… something. To drag Rhett into the damn van, kicking and screaming. To make some demon deal that would tie his brother to life instead of allowing him to die. To fix the unfixable, somehow. 

—

Both sets of eyes were on him now and Teddy was just left stammering. Of course he wanted Rhett to stay, of course he wanted to stop whatever the hell was going through the old man's head, let someone else take the torch. But Rhett was looking at him too, pleading him just as much to tell Emilio that this was how it had to be. Teddy didn't know though, how true that was. How could they just agree to let him run into the flames? Even if it meant the rest of the world wouldn't catch fire. 

"Isn't there anything else? There's gotta be uhh–" He swallowed, hard. Feeling the weight of expectations from either side of the growing chasm. "Someone else or…" 

—

Recognizing the spot he’d put Teddy in, Rhett closed his eyes and shook his head. “There’s no talkin’ me out of it, lads. But yes, there is someone else… and they’re waitin’ on me.” He let his hands fall back to his sides, beginning the slow retreat that would eventually end with him turning his back on the pair. “I’m sorry, Emilio. Don’t wanna do this to you, but… couldn’t let someone else go in my stead. Wouldn’t be right. This is my job, and I’ve been doin’ fuck all, lately.” It was because he was suddenly afraid of losing the man again, afraid of abandoning him by dying doing something reckless… which felt silly, now. It went against everything he’d been saying, because more than anything else, he knew he had to throw himself on the knife so that Emilio wouldn’t do it himself. There was something else, too. Something he’d never said aloud, but this seemed like the right moment to give it a shot. 

“I just want you t’be… proud of me.” His voice wavered as he spoke, the instinct to withdraw taking over. “Know I ain’t all here, haven’t been since I was a kid. Know I do a lot of stupid shit. Say stupid things. No kinda role model. Violent, angry, spiteful.” He dragged his gaze up to meet Emilio’s, the tiredness settling over his worn features. “Don’t want you to fall too deep in that hole. Be more like Ted, not like me. Lemme go out doin’ somethin’ a good person would do. Remember me like that, maybe, not… not all the other shit. Maybe.” His voice dropped to a whisper on the final word, head drooping shamefully. 

“... you need to leave.”

—

Teddy was trying, just like Emilio was. But Rhett had always been a stubborn old bastard, for as long as Emilio had known him. Once he’d set his mind to something, it was always damn near impossible to change it. It was one of the many ways the two hunters were alike, one of the many things that had drawn them together since the first day Rhett wandered into Etla. In the past, it had always seemed like a good thing. But in this moment? It was the worst thing in the goddamn world. 

“I am proud of you,” he said, and Christ, Emilio had never been one to beg but this sure as hell sounded like it. He’d faced down torture and unimaginable pain, had gone up against a fucking ancient demon without begging for shit, but he was pleading like a damn kid now. Every inch of his face was pleading desperately for Rhett to change his mind, just this once. He knew a lost cause when he saw one, but he’d never been particularly good at accepting them for what they were. It was almost funny, in a cruel way; he’d lost so much now that, at this point, you’d think he’d be used to it.

He shook his head, breath hitching. “You said I could go first,” he replied stubbornly, and he knew he sounded like a child but he was beyond caring. “You said that. I can’t —” He looked back to Teddy again, shaking his head. “I can’t leave him.”

—

That was just Emilio’s fear talking. Rhett knew it well, and knew that this goodbye wouldn’t end in hugs and tearful smiles. No, this goodbye would be wretched, the most wretched he’d ever created of his own volition, and yet… he had to do it. “I know I did,” the warden muttered, untangling himself from Emilio’s grip and taking a step back. “Turns out I was lyin’. I’m sorry.” It’s all he could do, now. Apologize. He’d said his piece, and Emilio would either accept or reject it, in his own time. He’d hate him for his sacrifice, or he’d go through the stages of grief and see that Rhett was just doing it to protect him. 

“You can leave me, and you will,” the warden argued, his voice low. Another quick glance up at the darkening sky told him that the time was drawing near. Still hours away, but he wanted them to be hours from this place before everything went to shit. “Runnin’ outta time. Not gonna argue ‘bout it anymore. Take the wagon, go join the caravan, n’ get outta here. Go live your lives. And goddamnit, be careful. Don’t make me die for nothin’.”

—

As Rhett pulled away, Emilio’s hands gripped the air in his absence, as if his fingers weren’t quite ready to admit that there was nothing left for them to hold onto. They opened and closed, fist clenching and unclenching absently in the way it always did when he was left with nothing to fight. It was so much harder like this. When the turmoil existed nowhere but inside of him, he didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t know how to breathe around it. “Don’t,” he said quietly, still pleading. Still angry and still not. “Don’t apologize. Just — Just get in the van. We’ll figure something else out, like Teddy said. Please.” 

But Rhett’s voice was firm, his eyes darting up to the sky and the way it darkened around them. When all this was said and done, would it be a sunny day? Emilio found himself filled with a surge of bitterness at the thought, found himself unreasonably angry towards a sun that would rise tomorrow even if Rhett was no longer around to see it. That was always the hardest part about loss. It wasn’t the moment you lost something — it was the moment after. It was the one after that. 

“Don’t make me do this,” he begged. “Please, Rhett. No me dejen solo.”

—

“You’re not alone,” Rhett answered, nodding at Teddy. “You’ve got a whole caravan waitin’ on you.” And to dispel any remaining hope Emilio or Teddy had of convincing him, he went on to add, “I’m not gettin’ in that van, you know that. We can either say goodbye, or…” His throat felt tight and his breathing was weak, still afraid of that worst-case scenario. “... or I can just walk away. Don’t… really want it to end like that, though.”

—

It was tense, everything ached in a way that felt like they were being sent through a meat grinder but slowly and in reverse. Teddy knew what it was like to not get a goodbye. Knew the empty hollow pain that haunted you forever afterwards. Knew Emilio wouldn't ever come close to forgiving himself if he didn't say something. But he also knew how hard it was for the slayer to express himself. All he could do was hold tight to his hand, but give him a nudge forward. Not quite resigned to the idea of letting this happen, but not wanting to let Emilio give himself another thing to beat himself up about. 

—

There were moments where it felt like the goddamn world was closing in around you. Emilio was no stranger to them, had had more than his fair share. In Etla, in New Orleans, in that cave just outside of town, in his own apartment. There were moments where the world was both too big and too small, where everything was a contradiction that seemed impossible to grapple with. There were moments you could never get out from under, and this was one of them. Emilio would live in this moment for the rest of his life, he knew, would carry it with him in the same overflowing stack where there were bodies rotting on a Mexican street and smoke rising up from a warehouse where no one had died. 

Rhett was right; Emilio knew he wasn’t getting in the van. He’d known it since the beginning, since the moment those keys were pressed into his hands. The ending was already written down. There was no changing it. And he was angry, even if he wasn’t. There was rage burning in his chest, even if it wasn’t rage at all. 

There were so many people he’d never said goodbye to. His mother, his father, his siblings, his nephew. Silas. So many names on a list so full of regret that it was a wonder there was ever any left for anyone else. The idea of adding Rhett’s to it, the idea of losing him without whatever tiny semblance of peace a goodbye might offer…

“Don’t.” He choked on the word like a physical thing, like the lump in his throat was made up of something more tangible than grief. “Don’t just walk away. I don’t — I don’t want that.” He reached up with the hand Teddy wasn’t holding in a death grip, scrubbed it across his face and pretended it didn’t come back wet. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be mad at you. I don’t know what else to be.”

—

“I know.” The statement was simple, but it said a lot. Anger was easiest, they both knew that. Facing the rest of it was… difficult. Complicated. And always, no matter how hard they tried, they were poisoned with a little bit of anger. “You can be mad. Hell, I’d be mad, too. But it doesn’t change what needs t’happen.” Closing the small distance that had grown between them, Rhett gracelessly pulled Emilio into a hug. “Take some comfort in knowin’ I’m goin’ out how I want, eh? Doin’ a good thing. Bein’ a good person.” He pulled back, framing the slayer’s face in his hands once more, a sad, tearful smile blooming on his lips.

Damn, wouldn’t you know it? He’d been wrong after all.

“I love you, little brother. And I’m gonna do whatever I have to to protect you. Right now, that means makin’ sure this bloody doomsday bullshit stays local.” Rhett looked to Teddy as he released the hunter, the fondness in his expression only growing. “Take care of him for me,” he muttered as he leaned in to give Teddy a hug as well, holding for a few extra beats before moving back again.

“Right. Well then, off you go.” An emotional sniff followed the dismissal as he gave a half-hearted wave of his arm.

—

Ted could hardly come up with something that felt right in that moment. Instead he nodded grimly at Rhett's request. Tried to slip on a smile, and squeezed the old man with all the love and warmth he wished he'd been able to give his brother so many years ago. It hurt to say goodbye, sure. But at least they were able to do so. It wouldn't just be another mystery, or start of a cycle of revenge and grief. After all, what were they going to do about Rhett's killer? The town was already destroying itself. The best they could hope was to be on the outside to watch it burn. 

—

If not for Teddy’s hand gripping his, Emilio would have fought it more. He would have dug his heels into the ground, would have refused to leave his brother to die alone in a crumbling town that neither of them had ever really made a home out of. Emilio was a stubborn man, loyal to a fault more often than not, and the idea of leaving Rhett here was so unfathomable that if not for the tragedy of it all, it might have been a laughable concept. But Teddy was holding onto him in a way that said he wasn’t leaving unless Emilio did, and Teddy was too good a man to be allowed to die for nothing. 

Gripping Rhett tightly in the embrace, Emilio buried his head in the warden’s shoulder for a moment, hating himself for the dampness left there when he pulled away. “You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met,” he said, “you fucking asshole. Doing the goddamn hero shit.” Dying so Emilio wouldn’t have to, despite knowing that there would always be a part of Emilio that wanted it. 

“I love you,” he muttered, the words sticking to the back of his throat, coming out garbled and feeling wrong even if they were probably the truest thing he’d ever said. Saying it hurt. Every bit of this hurt, from the tearful smile on Rhett’s face to the way he hugged Teddy just as tightly as he had Emilio. In another world, a kinder one, they could have been a family for a little longer than they had. They could have had something bigger. Something better. Something whole. But this world wasn’t built for things like that.

An unexpected panic built up in his chest as Rhett waved with a sense of finality that Emilio wasn’t ready for. Desperation creeped back in, and he shook his head again. “No. No, I’m not — I’m not ready. I can’t go yet. There has to be more time.”

—

It would be cruel to let Emilio know just how much his protesting was breaking Rhett’s heart, so the warden stuffed a cork so deep in that bottle that it wouldn’t be able to to spill a single drop, right up to the end. Turn it off. Turn it off. Just like he always had.

“More time’s only gonna make it harder. ‘Sides… we don’t have much left.” He offered another lopsided smirk, masking how badly this hurt. “Get outta here, ‘fore I gotta stuff you in the van myself. I’ll stand in the middle of the road and wave all dramatic, like a movie, eh?” He listed his arms again, this time giving a larger, more insistent ushering motion with both of them. “See you two in the next life. Make the best outta this one, first.”

—

If they waited until he was ready, they’d never leave. Emilio knew that. He’d stand here until the world fell down around them, would die and be buried and rot in the ground for a hundred years and still not be ready for this. There were some things, he thought, you could never be ready for. There were some things you could never be okay with. This was one of them. 

Bringing a trembling hand to his head, he scrubbed it across his face and nodded, feeling a little more unsteady on his feet than he had in a long, long time. He pulled Rhett in for another hug, fists gripping the back of the warden’s shirt tightly. “You’re an asshole,” he muttered into the man’s neck, the words coming out a little more broken than he’d like to admit. “I love you.”

—

Calling on pride while so much sorrow swam around one’s heart wasn’t fair, or even kind. But Teddy felt a swell of it nonetheless. At Emilio’s ability to speak his mind, at Rhett’s stalwart ability to go through with this despite how much it must hurt. The florist had no idea of what would await the warden at the end of this road. What would await them at their own destination. Too many unknowns. The only thing he knew for sure. The only thing Teddy knew for sure was that they had to keep going. That he was going to do his best to do exactly what Rhett said and take care of Emilio. No matter what. 

As if to seal that promise, Teddy moved in and kissed Em on the cheek. Softly smiling through the heartache. He turned towards the man, the hero, the fucking saint of batshit baddassery. “Thank you for everything… Bringing him to me. Always being there when we needed you. You’re amazing, you know that Rhett?” 

—

A breathy chuckle managed to squeeze itself from his aching lungs as Emilio called him an asshole for the second—third?—time. He returned the hug fiercely, ruffling the slayer’s hair as they reluctantly pulled apart. “Love you more, ya stupid fuckin’ muppet.” Throwing a wink at him, Rhett smiled, a little less sad this time, seeing the way Teddy slipped effortlessly into that supporting role. And then complimented him, which drew forth an exasperated scoff. 

“Nah, nah… m’just an daft idiot who’s good with weapons.” Slipping the rifle from his back, he flicked the safety off. “Do me a favor… pray that some weird beasties come tumblin’ outta all these rips in reality, eh? Could use a little excitement for the last ride.” His grin widened, returning to that familiar, reckless type of insanity that was his whole personality. “And hey! Be good to my wagon! If you total ‘er, I’m gonna haunt both your fuckin’ arses!” Rhett moved with finality now, bracing the rifle in front of him as the storm rolled in overhead and thunder boomed between the clouds. The plea for them to just get out of there was quarantined to his eyes, the rest of him looking terribly ready for a fight. 

—

“Haunt us anyway.” It was only half a joke, and the way his voice wobbled betrayed as much. It was a stupid notion, of course, because exorcising Rhett in order to keep him from becoming a poltergeist would only mean losing him twice instead of once, but God, Emilio would have killed for something to cling to. It wasn’t enough to have a worn old van and a rushed goodbye. Nothing would ever be enough.

His legs remained locked in place, refusing to move for a moment in spite of the way he’d already agreed to go. Walking away from this, leaving while Rhett was alive and animated and knowing this was the last time he’d ever see him in such a way, it felt impossible. It was too much; they were asking too much of him. He glanced back to Teddy, throat burning, trying to communicate that he needed the florist to take that first step towards the van, trying to say without words that Emilio needed an extra push if he was going to be expected to climb this mountain.

—

With a heaved sigh, Teddy nodded and curled his arms around Emilio. Held him tight for just a moment before ushering both of them towards the van. "Want me to drive, love?" It was half a question, half an announcement as he was already going for the keys. The hunter didn't seem in a particularly good headspace to be driving. Teddy walked with him to the passenger side. Scooching aside the slumbering raiju who was content and dreaming, completely unaware of how hurt everyone around it was. As he rounded the front of the old wagon he ran his hand along the hood. A soft sad smile as he gave it a pat, as if thanking the van for its role in giving him the opportunity to meet its…former owner. As if asking for forgiveness from the machine, for accepting it and letting Rhett go. 

They had miles to go before they could rest, but the first turn of the key would always be the hardest. Teddy's hand wavered on the gear shift. As they watched the form of Rhett Tangaroa slip into the mist and shadow. All he could do now was look to Emilio for permission. 

—

He waved, as promised. But something in him knew that the van would sit there for too long if he waited. So, with a sweeping bow, the warden took his exit. Backed away from the scene, bathed in the red of the taillights, that wild grin never leaving his face. 

Not until he turned on his heel and faced the darkness that loomed behind him. The forced exuberance wilted, eyes widening in the face of his own mortality. Wasn’t how he ever saw himself going. He fought for the greater good, sure, but only in the way he understood. Killing fae. This was… well, this was foreign. But, he thought to himself, suppose an old dog can learn new tricks. 

It was time to get to his spot. There were still hours to go, but Rhett wouldn’t be the one showing up unfashionably late and dooming the whole fuckin’ planet, not after all that game he’d been talking moments ago. 

One step forward, into the gathering fog. Do it for them. His heart thumped quickly in his chest. Do it for him.

Lighter on his feet than he’d been in a long time, Teddy bounced his way back home. He’d stayed at Metzli’s a little longer than expected. Only a day or so, rather than the month he’d been exiled last time. Well. Not exiled. Hiding. Ashamed and confused and seeking the same person who ended up helping him again this time. Though, perhaps in the reverse order. Levi then Metzli. His ‘parents’ so to speak. Man that was a bag of cats to try and think about. They’d probably fight about as much as any of his foster parents had. Though none of them had supernatural abilities. So maybe it’d be a showdown worth watching. 

It felt weird to knock on his own door, but that was definitely the ave he wanted to go down. Just in case Emilio had been doing something or would somehow otherwise be caught unawares. Hell Teddy wasn’t even sure that he’d smell or sound fully like himself right now after spending so long away. And after… being a toddler. For a bit. That was rather weird. It didn’t feel like he’d rapidly de-aged and back again. More like, the memories fixated themselves into his past. Like they’d always been there. Probably why he felt so different. Also the second pact. That might have done more of a number on his insides than the brief stint as a youngin’ had done. Definitely gave him a renewed interest in learning the primordial language the Leviathan had written in, if only to know how it wrote ‘pumpkin pie’. 

With a lopsided smile, a bouquet of flowers (that hid a very special gift inside), Teddy shuffled from foot to foot and knocked. Like a teen picking up his date for prom. Just as awkward, just as giddy. 

— 

There was a knock on the door, and it took everything Emilio had not to groan at the sound of it. He’d wound up on the couch, at some point — not asleep, but not entirely aware, either, for however long it’d been since he’d sprawled out here. Not long enough to make him feel prepared for whatever client was knocking at the ungodly hour of… 3pm. Christ. 

The slayer pushed himself off the couch, grumbling under his breath as he stretched out his leg for a moment. “Vale, vale, ya vengo,” he called towards the door, shuffling towards it with a huff. He paused once he got to it, tilting his head to listen for a moment. It wasn’t the sort of precaution he would have taken a few months ago, but he figured he had a long list of people who’d kill him if he let someone who wanted him dead into his apartment, so caution had to be sloppily added to his list of exercises. 

The heartbeat on the other side of the door was a familiar one, he found, and immediately, the grumpy disposition melted away, a fond smile taking its place. He yanked the door open, raising a brow at the man on the other side. “You have a key, you know. Don’t gotta knock.” He reached forward, gently tugging Teddy into the apartment and shutting the door behind him.

—

Teddy fell into the apartment on fluttered feet, and allowed himself to gently crash into his slayer. A toothy grin split his cheeks wide. Almost enough to reach the new markings that dappled his skin. Although healed, he hadn’t escaped from the hunter fight unscathed. The fact that he was still standing at all was honestly impressive. But the scars and the brand new shock of white hair would definitely mark his ‘base’ form as… different. Something that might have been bad news if those hunters had friends or other people looking out for them. Teddy would just have to hope that Emilio’s detective work had been thorough. Not that he expected any different. He thought the fucking world of that man and pretty much anything he could do. 

“Yeah I know, I just didn’t call before and didn’t want to spook you.” He laughed, knowing both how easily the man was spooked, and how hard it was to actually scare him. Funny how those two things interact. “You’re usually a really hard man to surprise.” Teddy peppered Emilio with a few kisses before hoisting up the bouquet, which would definitely be a bit heavier than a bundle of flowers should have been. The fine glass bottle hidden in the foliage saw to that. Flowers were more Ted’s thing. The bottle would definitely win a few points in the hunter’s book though. As if he had to apologize for being away too long. 

— 

There were a few new scars marring Teddy’s features, and an absent sort of anger flared in the hunter’s chest. The men who’d put them there were dead already, of course, their corpses taken care of shortly after Teddy was deposited at the lighthouse and for a moment, the guilt Emilio felt for killing two fellow hunters evaporated. He’d done what he had to do, and there’d never been any doubt in his mind on that, but seeing Teddy now, like this? He’d done what he’d wanted to do, too. He’d given those men what they’d deserved. If anything, he’d gone easy on them.

“People come in without knocking all the time,” he pointed out with an amused snort. It was technically a business, even if Emilio was constantly irritated by the customers who chose to barge in. (Though, in all fairness, he was irritated by the ones who knocked, too. He’d never been much of a people person.) Grinning as Teddy kissed him, he leaned back a little to inspect the flowers. 

The petals probably had meanings behind them, ones that Teddy would know off the top of his head and Emilio would never understand no matter how many times they were explained to him, but there was something else lurking behind the bright colors, too. He saw a glint, his brows shooting up as he took the bouquet carefully and found it heavier than it ought to be. Moving aside some of the buds, he huffed a laugh. Carefully, he removed the bottle from the flowers, inspecting the label. “Pricier than my usual,” he teased, flashing Teddy a grateful grin. “Do we, uh… Put the flowers in water?”

—

"Probably a better idea than putting them in the whiskey." Teddy teased back, nuzzling into Emilio enough that he could fill his whole lungs with the hunter's scent. Warming him up from the long walk home with a mix of smoke and spice. A little sweet sweat and the subtle tinge of stale dried blood. Not his. Mostly. Ted laughed mischievously as he pressed his thoroughly chilled cheeks into Em's. Knowing full well how much the man hated the cold. Just had to let the hunter know what he'd been missing the whole time his partner had been gone.  It felt so good to be home. Even if they'd be leaving any day now, the place didn't matter. Only him. Only Emilio. 

"What do you think..?" He asked as he pulled back, noting how Emilio's brows ticked together at the sight of his new… appearance. "All things considered, I don't think the scars are that bad–" despite the fact that they covered a good quarter of his face now. And how he was pretty sure it didn't super matter how he shifted his shape now, the mark would stay one way or another. 

—-

“They can get their own whiskey. This bottle’s mine,” Emilio joked, smiling faintly as Teddy snuggled up close to him. He winced a little when the florist’s cold skin brushed against his, making a face. “You need me to warm you up?” The cold didn’t seem to bother Teddy as much as it did Emilio but, then, Teddy had grown up here, with Maine’s harsh winters. Mexico’s, by comparison, were much warmer. 

Leaning back a little more to better inspect Teddy’s new look, Emilio clicked his tongue thoughtfully. “I think you pull it off,” he offered. It was true — Teddy looked just as handsome now as he had before, even if Emilio hated that he’d had to go through what he had to earn the new scars. “You got any, uh… Pain left?” Emilio knew, better than most, that some things left a lingering physical sensation even long after they were finished. His leg twinged faintly, as if to offer him a reminder of it. 

—

"Yes, absolutely, I need a lot of warming up." This wasn't completely true. Teddy was very used to cold. He was honestly surprised it hadn't snowed yet, but maybe the strange hours the sky of White Crest had been keeping the worst of the real world weather away in favor of whatever whacky nonsense it wanted to throw at them. The florist sighed, lowering his hands to Emilio's and gently swayed both of them back and forth like a kid might do on the playground. Heart fluttering just as much as it might have if this was the first time Em had ever complimented him. 

"Feels a little strange, but uh– you know who did a pretty good job fixing me up. No pain. Head's extra chilly though, this isn't exactly the time of year I'd really ever shave my hair on purpose." Teddy breathed a laugh as he ran a hand over the fresh peachy fuzz behind the scar, hoping the mention of the demon wouldn't dampen the mood too much. He wanted this to be a wonderful reunion. And he definitely wanted to find out how exactly Emilio planned on warming him up. 

—

“Guess I’d better get on that,” Emilio responded with a quick grin. He made no move to pull Teddy towards the bedroom, though. After a few days apart, he just wanted to be with him for a while. To exist in the same space, to listen to his heartbeat, to remind himself in a tangible way that Teddy was safe and all right. It always felt like this, after time apart. No matter how brief it might have been, there was always a crushing sense of relief that came with the reunion. A side effect, Emilio figured, of being someone who’d lost a little too much.

The mention of Levi saw the slayer stiffening a bit. Looking to distract himself, he shifted to free up a hand, lifting it up to Teddy’s head and brushing the side of his head carefully. “Kind of like this look on you,” he admitted as he inspected the new haircut. “It’s soft.” And it looked good, too. Lucio had shaved Emilio’s head once when he was a kid, insistent that it would be better in the hot weather. He wasn’t sure if it was his uncle’s lack of barbershop skills or the shape of his head, but it’d looked awful. Made him look younger than he was, and he’d already had a young face. Teddy didn’t have that problem. On him, Emilio thought, the cut looked good. Of course, Emilio would think just about anything looked good on Teddy, but he was pretty sure he was right about this one. 

—

Teddy leaned into Emilio's hand. Brought his own up to meet it and just held it there. His smile softened to match the man's view of Teddy's appearance. "Oh yeah?" Had more time passed he might have made a joke about getting attacked by hunters earlier, but as it was the thought of that night still brought a hitch to Teddy's breath and a skip to his heart. For now he was more than content to just feel the radiating heat coming off Emilio's hand. Listen to the heartbeat that was clearer than it'd ever been. The second pact sharpened his senses, not that they were really dulling any time soon, but this was more.  

It felt like he could reach out and touch Emilio's energy. The very soul that called to him above all else. Levi might literally have had writing on Ted's ribs tying them for who knows how long, but there was something intrinsic to the whole of Teddy's being in how he felt about Emilio that seemed even more powerful. At least from his perspective. He might never get rid of that tug that pulled him towards the greater demon, but he had his angel right here. No matter what Emilio might fuss about Teddy thinking that way. The thought alone was enough to drive the florist to another quick kiss before leaning his forehead against the other's.

"Have you been eating? Microwaved non-perishables don't count. Nor does cold spaghetti-os" 

—

“Hate for you to go cold,” Emilio replied, grin widening just a little. With Teddy, it always felt easy to slip back into things. The moral conundrum he’d been grappling with since cleaning those hunters’ blood off his hands felt a little easier to carry when he was looking at the man he’d done it for, even if he knew it would never disappear completely. Trading lives was something every hunter learned the necessity of at a young age, and while Emilio never would have guessed he’d be doing it like this, he knew he made the right choice. The world was better with Teddy in it. He was certain of that.

He leaned into Teddy’s touch now, letting his forehead rest against the other with a low hum. “Haven’t starved,” he replied, shifting in a way that probably betrayed the fact that Teddy’s assumptions towards his diet were pretty spot on. “Don’t see why it doesn’t count. Food’s food, isn’t it? And if I eat it while you’re not here, you don’t have to smell it. Seems like a win for everyone, doesn’t it?”

—

A sense of total calm crept in the more they chatted, the longer their hands lingered in blessed contact. Teddy welcomed the rush of fluttered heartbeats, the way it pushed his chest out like he was host to a thousand butterflies all competing to be the brightest and most beautiful. Gone was the worry of keeping secrets, of how he had resolutely planned to go back to Levi. That they would probably see a lot more of each other under the guise of visiting Cass and Marina. Even after they left White Crest, wherever they settled was going to be close. He knew that much. They had to be. Metzli and Eilidh too, though there were probably a few less complaints about that pair than the sea squad. 

Some things were easier to talk about though. Like how Emilio's comment on 'smelling' the spaghetti-os was a bit more true than it'd ever been. So he remarked as such. "It smells like you bathed in them, babe. Didn't realize you were such a messy eater when you aren't trying to impress me." Teddy laughed, and started to scooch the pair of them over to the couch. "Y'know my nose is getting to the point where I can pick out ingredients of the daily special of the restaurant a block away with a whiff. I can’t tell if I love it or hate it." 

—

It was the calm before the storm. On some level, Emilio knew that. All the problems they’d had before — the town’s inevitable destruction, Emilio’s inability to even consider viewing Levi with anything less than a homicidal rage, the unsettled feeling that tended to build in his chest until it exploded time and time again — they were all still there. Even with the hunters that went after Teddy gone and no one left to avenge them, Emilio knew others would likely come at some point, would require killing in the same way that had left him with the heavy feeling in his chest now. But right now, in this moment, it didn’t seem to matter much. Those things could wait. Right now, Emilio just wanted to be in this moment.

He snorted lightly at Teddy’s comment, giving the other man’s shoulder a playful nudge. “Bullshit,” he accused, ducking his head to hide his grin. “You’re exaggerating.” He let Teddy lead him over towards the couch, taking a seat and tugging him down next to him when they reached it. “You gonna sniff me out like a bloodhound next time I’m late picking up groceries?” 

—

“Nuh-uh!!” Teddy’s eyes lit up as the rest of his face turned into a mockery of shock and betrayal. It was pretty clear however, from the continuous rumble of laughter and the fact that he opted to put more than half of his body on top of Emilio, that he was in no way upset at the man for calling his bluff. Ted found his favored spot and snuggled in even closer as he stretched out taking the rest of the couch as well. “I swear, everything is extra loud, smells way more strong. It’s one thing to be born like this but getting it now?”  He scrunched up his nose as if a particularly strong whiff of something caught him. 

“Maybe I will Em, What are you gonna do about it?” Like this, it was so easy to forget just how bad things were outside their apartment walls. How each hour was ticking away, the sky a kaleidoscope of danger and distress. Literal ghosts roamed the streets and monsters were becoming the mainstream. Hell, Teddy was one of them. But he was comfortable. Head resting on the man’s lap and a soft smile cast upward as he watched the subtle movements of Emilio’s face. This was home. This was where he belonged. 

—

Emilio hummed thoughtfully, nodding his head. He couldn’t relate entirely, but he remembered what it felt like to have his hunter abilities stripped from him and returned again during the mess of a broken promise to Regan. For him, there had been so much emotion tied into it that it had been difficult to really register the physical stuff, but he knew enough to know it was jarring. “You’ll get used to it after a while,” he offered, because that was a promise he knew he could keep. “Just takes time. Maybe we get you some headphones in the meantime. Block out some of the louder shit. Vivaporu under the nose.” And maybe Emilio would have to start dragging himself into the shower a little more often.