kaitlyn 🍒📓🐈‍⬛✨

- Clare is 14.

- shortly after Tony announced he was Iron Man, that was when the collaboration between the Red Room and Hydra begun.

- Clare and Tony would bond over the suits.

- Clare would absolutely want him and Pepper back together. that has been her dream ever since she was little.

- Clare actually hated the way Tony would party all the time. that kinda goes into wanting her parents to finally get together.

- when she meets Nat, of course Nat took Clare under her wing, despite Pepper not loving the idea of it. Tony didn’t mind.

- Pepper also doesn’t love the idea of Clare making weapons. Clare only makes tasers for girls who feel threatened by unwanted attention.

- that’s when Nat would teach her some self defense techniques.

- also, Natasha would help Clare dye her hair red. Like her idol Hayley Williams.

- Clare actually does get harassed by boys during this time too. Courtesy of the world knowing her father is Iron Man. With the threats, these boys would also taunt her.

- Clare would get into trouble using the self-defense moves at school and Pepper would be pissed. Tony would be proud.

- Clare is gonna be a bit of a brat to her mom since at this point she barely sees her mom and sees more of her father.

- Clare would be suspended during this time and she is forced to go to Port Verde for the race.

- Clare catches on that Tony isn’t well.

- CLARE FUCKING HATES JUSTIN HAMMER. strongly.

- Pepper makes Clare live with her while Tony lives with his issues.

- Clare doesn’t want to. In fact, she goes through the classified documents about her grandfather’s research. Thus, beginning her journey of doing research.

- Clare sneaks out the night of the Stark Expo and goes in for free. SHE’S A STARK.

- Pepper is pissed, but Clare does not care.

- Clare airs out Tony’s secret and how Pepper and her are still in love.

- Clare gets pissed when her dad comes to the event and fears for his safety.

- While Pepper and Clare are trapped at the expo and Natasha and Happy leave, Tony saves both Pepper and Clare.

- best believe Clare shouted “KISS HER YOU FOUL!”

- Pepper wants to ground Clare, but there are more pressing matters. Tony’s heart.

- Rumlow begins his stalking of Clare.

Arms Around a Memory: Chapter Eighteen

TW: more talk about trauma, mention of possible kidnapping,

“Steve, I don’t know why you bother to follow me to my room. What would my dear old father think?” I ask with my hand on my chest, pretending to be shocked.

“I came in here to make sure you were alright. And to ask what just happened? I woke up to you and your father screaming at each other.” I can’t help but to laugh. “I couldn’t sleep… I needed a drink… Clearly Tony did too.”

Steve examines me. Reads me like a book that needs to be studied. “I know your father can be alot-” “Oh trust me. Being raised by him was no joke.” I can’t help but to laugh again. “You probably think I’m drunk. I have to tell you, Steve, I’m great. It’s what trauma and being trained like a weapon does to you.”

“So, they didn’t give you serum?” “Nope… from what I remember in the Red Room, they had this compound that they would use on the girls. To control them. While Bucky, and the other Soldiers used serum, that’s what they used on us. I, of course being Tony’s daughter, took orders wrongly at times. Dreykov would be brutal.” I shake my head to clear it.

“Anyway, other than that, I had to start obeying him to stay alive. That’s where Bucky comes in. He centered me. My ‘moral’ compass. He was a great man, outside of his conditioning. However, when he was on missions, he had that mask. A mental one.”

“Did he ever hurt you?” Steve asks as I pat the spot on the bed next to me.

I shake my head, actually smiling at the thought of him. “God, no. He protected me. Bucky would tell me about the war and how you were out there as Captain America. He also knew Howard… my grandfather.”

“Hm.” Steve hums. “A great man.” “That dad hated for whatever reason. Any time I try to bring him up, dad gets into a mood where he shuts off. Mom tries to explain it the best way she can, but even she can’t explain him. So, I have to go with what I know. Did he really create your shield?”

“You researched everything you know about him and that’s what you ask?” Steve teases me. I roll my eyes. “It’s a trick question, goofball. Of course I fucking knew that.” He eyes me. “Yeah, yeah. I know, ‘language.’” We both laugh.

“Steve… Thank you for having my back in there. I know it wasn’t easy at first to trust me. Given that I was used as a weapon to assassinate you all. Thank god that failed miserably.” “You’re really thanking the man upstairs for everything you’ve been through?” “Okay, fine. Thank the Gods for what I’ve been through.” Can’t forget Thor. Or the Nordics. Truly anything, after everything I’ve read and witnessed.

“On a serious note, always. I really didn’t know you that well back then. Then… I heard about you in that Battle from Nick and Natasha. I remembered hearing how scared you were for your life. I vowed to protect it. In any way I can.”

Something coils in my gut. “And thank you for not mentioning I’m kind of like Bucky. I don’t think I want dad to know about him until I know where he is.” Even if I have that feeling in my gut.

“He can’t know about him.” I say, getting serious. “Because Bucky killed your grandparents.” I startle for a second. I look at him in shock. “How do you know?” “When everything with Project Insight going on, Nat and I went to New Jersey and I learned through a file. Where did you learn that?”

I don’t mince my words. “Rumlow told me when he was torturing me.” Steve looks at me shocked from my nonchalance. “It was to get a rise out of me. Probably to start something between Bucky and me. Clearly, it didn’t work. I wasn’t mad at him. He was brainwashed, just like I was. With the shit we were in, we had to do what we had to do to survive.”

Steve takes this all in. “I’m so sorry, Clare. You never deserved any of this.” I nod. “Me too. But, it’s only made me stronger, as cheesy as it is.” “Well, I’m glad to see it.”

I pull him in for a hug. “I’m still feeling good, remember.” I say laughing as he hugs me back. “Speaking of feeling good, how’s it going with… What’s her name? ‘Sharon’? Yeah! I saw her at S.H.I.E.L.D. the other day!”

“That’s enough, Clare.” He says while laughing. “No, I’m serious. You two would be great together.” Steve laughs nervously. “Okay, fine. I’ll stop talking about her. I just thought she’d be good for you.”

“Tell me a little more about Bucky. I mean, your story with him.” He lightly smiles. I curl up in a ball like I’m a teenager again. “Well, what exactly do you want to know?”

“When did you start trusting him?”

I definitely do not hesitate when I say “It was when I first got into the Red Room. I was so out of it from the compound they gave me. I had just gotten done with a ‘meeting’ with Dreykov and a scientist. Female, I think. I remember laying my eyes on him and it was a bit daunting at first. He definitely looked very different than how he did during the war. I was too drugged up to be scared. I felt I couldn’t show weakness in front of any of them. That’s also what Dreykov wanted.”

I clear my throat while recollecting my memories. “So, because of that, I was partnered with Bucky. It wasn’t long before we had one-on-one training. That was when I knew I could trust him. He knew my grandfather, and of course, you. He was aware of me being kidnapped. I knew he was dangerous, but I felt safe with him. We started dating in secret not long after. Sneak into each other’s quarters. On missions, it was free game. We went by ourselves, most of the time. Occasionally, I’d have another widow with me.” Yelena Belova.

“We’d often talk about deflecting. Getting the hell of those organizations. We almost escaped. It was with the help of that scientist and widow I was ‘close’ to. Actually… Nat might know them. Anyway, Yelena helped steal a jet while Melina showed me how to properly break my nose basically to deflect from Drekov’s control. Of course, I have Tony’s genes, it wasn’t hard.”

We both laugh. “But nothing went past Dreykov… and I wanna say that was when I met Pierce. Still, nothing stopped me from going after Dreykov from running his mouth. Bucky snuck in this vial of this dust that took me out of Dreykov’s control. It felt good to actually hurt him. Then… the rest is history.”

“Did you see each other much in Siberia?” Steve asks.

“Only when Bucky got to knock everyone out, including our buddy.” I feel the mood darken. My mood in particular.

“Say it.” Steve says. “You’re not gonna like it.” I say almost sounding darkly cold just like the man who trained me.

“I want to kill Rumlow. Brutally and slowly. I want his blood on my hands. I don’t want to poison him like I had to on my missions in the Red Room. I had to do things to get out of doing things. Things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. He is the only one left alive that took everything from me. I want the satisfaction he had when torturing me. For torturing Bucky. I’m going to kill him.”

Steve can’t help but to smile. “I think your father wants the honors.”

I can’t help but to smirk. “Too bad he won’t get what he wants for once.”

“You really are your father’s daughter but definitely Howard’s granddaughter.”

“Brilliant.”

**************

I’m now sitting in my therapist’s “office” in the Compound. I told her I’d come see her after the mission. The mission I still feel like I failed.

My dad left earlier, not wanting to even speak to me. Or, rather, that’s what I think. I was maybe a little too hard on him last night. I can see that now. My tolerance to alcohol is still top tier though. Still doesn’t feel good I won taking all that tequila.

“How was the mission?” She asks as she looks at me attentively.

“Well… I thought I would totally ace it. Capture Rumlow and give him hardcore injuries, but… I failed.” “Clare, you didn’t fail. You saw your abuser and you flinched. It’s really okay.”

I groan. “Is it though? ‘Cause all I felt was fear when he was choking me to the point where I almost died. In case you couldn’t tell by my bruises.” I gesture to my bruised neck. It was quite gnarly to wake up to this morning.

“And I felt defeated. I still feel like he still had that power over me for a very split second. For a split second, I thought I was going to die… Then…” Then anger comes in. “My father swoops in to save my life. You’d think I’d be grateful, but if anything, I’m pissed. I’m pissed he came in.”

She jots down her notes. “Because he tried to steal your chance to hurt Rumlow.” No, to kill.

“You could totally put it that way… But, it was like.. A murderous feeling. While I felt that fear, I felt so ready to kill him. But, I need to bring him back in one piece… Nobody said I couldn’t injure him.”

I laugh. “I remember everything now. I guess my anger is from everything. Being taken an advantage of. So many fucking times. Seeing everything that’s been taken away from me. It feels exactly like that. My dad swooped in. I wanted that chance to prove myself right. That I am good. I am not a victim.”

But, I am.

“It just sucks. And then I find out that I’ve had everything.” I gesture to my uterus, ovaries, everything. “It just added fuel to the fire.”

“How do you feel currently?” I laugh a bit. “Like I want to avenge everything.”

She laughs with me. “You’re not a failure. You have to keep trying. I’ve worked with you for nine months and you’ve been doing amazing. That one tiny ‘failure’ isn’t your fault. Yes, that was a father protecting his daughter, but that wasn’t on you. You are getting stronger everyday. Tell that Imposter syndrome to go fuck itself. You are Clare Stark. You are who you see yourself ass. Who you fight for.”

I smile at her sentiment. “I am Clare fucking Stark.” “Yeah!” “Yeah!”

She can’t help but to smirk. “Yes?”

“I wanna talk about what you remember. Bucky? It used to be the “Winter Soldier’ menacingly. Now, you were kind of beaming when you said you want to avenge everything.” I get shy. “Don’t get shy with me Clare. I’m your therapist. This is completely confidential.”

“Okay, fine.” I say lightly smiling. “I do remember everything… Thanks to Wanda. She had to take my memories of him away as my punishment. If I didn’t obey Strucker and be his little ‘Madame Rouge’. I was very resistant, until I couldn’t anymore. I was actually sent to assassinate him, to see if I was actually loyal… Wanda altered that memory. Thank God.”

“So, he’s still alive.” “Yes.” And safe in Romania, I hope.

“Do you still have the letters and the journal HYDRA never saw?” “Yep! I’m still surprised they never found the journal… with how many letters were in there.” “Bucky was wise.” “That he was. I mean, he did train me after all to be a deadly weapon.”

We both laugh. “What’s your favorite memory of him?” “oh honey, I have a ton… He was an amazing lover… But… There’s this one mission that we went on. We, as cliche as it is, were in Paris. The city of love. We were done with it. We told each other that once we were done, we could do whatever we wanted… so, we actually explored the city. It was beautiful, being there with him. Being loved by him.”

That familiar anger returns.

“That love was taken away from me. He took care of me in the Red Room. He was there for me when obviously no one was. When nobody could. He risked it all for me. He knew as much as I did when it came to being in captivity. We were each other’s rock. Even in Siberia, I’d get his little letters and then he truly risked it all one night before we were sent to wreck havoc on S.H.I.E.L.D. and make sure Project Insight went through. During that, we were thrown together and it felt like one last time. It was a mind game to them. It was actually so sick.”

“Were y’all together?” “Yes. They let us sleep in the same quarters… Then we were torn away. I was sent to Sokovia… It’s so beyond fucked.”

“And then the first time you saw each other since was on that mission to kill him. That’s…” “Psychopathic. I know. The one thing Wanda so graciously took from me that I’m actually so happy she did. I don’t know what would’ve happened…” “Strucker would’ve either killed you, anyone you cared about, or made you kill everyone you loved.” Exactly.

“Now, moving forward and knowing everything, I have many things I want to do.” I say as I smile over the thought of seeing Bucky again. “First, find Bucky, of course…. But…”

“But….”

“There was this little girl at the Smithsonian who I saw so much of myself in. Her name is Violet. I was in so much shock from being in the same proximity as him, I didn’t fully realize how much she possibly idolized me. And, that almost terrified me. I was made into a monstrous weapon. Her and her friends call me the ‘Iron Widow’... She’s also getting severely bullied… and possibly being targeted for so much worse.” “The Red Room…”

I nod solemnly. “I… I want to talk about my trauma. Bring awareness to it. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to use my power for good. Show the abusers they have no power over me… Or Violet… Bucky… Anyone.”

My therapist nods. “That’s amazing Clare. Do you think you’re ready?”

“Yes.”

**************

Walking into the kitchen, I see a very happy Wanda cooking in the kitchen.

“Hey Wands, whatcha making?” I ask as I sit at the bar. “Just something from Sokovia. Did you want some?” “Please?” I watch as she puts paprika in the dish. “God, that smells amazing.”

“Thank you. It was a family recipe growing up. I figured you were hungry after therapy. How was it?” “As good as it can get talking about my father.”

I give her a small smile. She hands me a mug of what I presume is tea. “Thank you.”

A scent of chamomile wafts through my nose. Mmm.

“Did you talk about Bucky?” “I did. It was so great to not talk about him in a fearful way. I talked about everything I now remember about him. The good… The bad… and the honestly what the fuck is going on.”

We both laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.

“And how my father absolutely ruined my chances of capturing Rumlow.” “You will get other chances. Just don’t tell him.”

I huff out a laugh drinking my tea.

“Right…. “Cause anything would get past Tony fucking Stark.” “I mean… He did leave in the middle of the night.” “Yeah, after our drunken fight.” “Yeah you two were very loud.” “... Sorry.”

I’m also kind of sorry for how I was last night. I mean, the sentiment was there. The way I acted… That’s a very different story.

I text my dad to see if he made it home safely, but it appears he beat me to it, of course.

“Hey, sweetheart. I’m sorry for last night and leaving without saying goodbye. We both just got too heated. I love you.”

“Oh…” Wanda says as she lets the family recipe from Sokovia simmer. “This came for you.”

She hands me an envelope and we both look at it intently.

“What could this be? A secret admirer?” I joke as she giggles.

I opened it noticing it didn’t have who it was from. That’s odd…. That is until I see what it says.

Hello Doll, I’m so happy you’ve made it out safe. I’ve been thinking about you, my love. I need to see you. See if you’re in one piece. I’m right where you told me to be. Bucharest is lonely without you. I love you.

Arms Around a Memory: Chapter Seventeen

TW: father daughter fighting, yelling, daughter not feeling good enough, talking about past trauma on both sides, Tony talks about what it was like while Clare was in captivity, coming to terms with trauma to a degree, alcohol, eating disorder (bulimia please pretty please read at your own risk and I love you)

Fuck.

I stare up at the ceiling with racing thoughts. Racing recurring thoughts of things being taken away from me. Eating me alive.

Getting taken away by the Red Room at freshly eighteen. Falling in love with my superior not long after. Then getting torn away from him and getting tortured for loving him. Getting sent to another prison only to have those memories ripped away from me as well. Not allowing myself to eat to punish myself for everything. Then binge eating when I’m safe in Bucharest. Away from the torture.

Then, with a cherry on top, finding out I still have everything I thought had stolen from me.

It’s fucking tragic.

I’ve gone two years thinking HYDRA did their own twisted version of a hysterectomy. Honestly, it’s kind of sick I’m giving them a bit of credit. They tortured and altered me so much that I don’t think I’ll be able to have kids… They’re giving the Red Room a run for their money.

I wouldn’t even be thinking about having kids if it weren’t having my life constantly on the line. I wouldn’t even want to bring a child into this world after what I went through. Or Bucky. Or my mother. My fucking father.

I’ve had everything taken away from me. I just got my parents back.

Dad.

Should I even tell him? I mean, I’ve always been told to take my time with my recovery. Talk about things when I’m ready. Am I ready? Not entirely, but I guess it’s a start, right?

Plus, after earlier, I probably should talk to him. See where our heads were at. Are at. Better now than never.

I get up slowly, groaning at the sting of my stitching. Natasha is clearly an expert at patching things up. I grab the heating pad next to me and set it on my belly. Just letting myself rest before talking to dad. Maybe I’m psyching myself out. Pepping myself up. Yeah, definitely.

Thank god dad put elevators in the Compound. Stairs would be my biggest enemy, at least behind Rumlow and Dreykov. I at least would love to throw them down flights of stairs. A tortured girl can only dream.

“Okay, Clare. You got this. This is your father you’re opening up to. It’s not one of your captors who silenced you for two fucking years.”

The thought stills me as the metal box moves. For a brief moment, I’m in that tiny excuse of a cell in HYDRA. My quarters in the Red Room. At least Strucker was kind enough to actually give me a decent sized cell. “Kind” being put lightly.

I snap out of it. “Clare. You’re safe. You are with loved ones. Hell, you have the capacity to kick someone’s ass.” I smile. “Thanks to Bucky.”

I think of him. What he could be doing right now. Could he be in that hiding spot I told him about? The one in Bucharest. The one I’d go to hideout during missions as Madame Rouge. To get the fuck away from Strucker. He surprisingly didn’t have the type of advances others did. I was an asset to him. Although, he did make Wanda take my memories of Bucky as punishment.

That place was the only place I can have somewhat normalcy. Be somewhat aware of Bucky. My little sanctuary.

Jesus Christ how long is this elevator?

Finally, it stops but it doesn’t help my anxiety. I need a drink.

I go to the living room and into the kitchen and grab some scotch. I need something stronger for this.

“Tequila works wonders too.”

I startle facing my father. “Couldn’t sleep?” I ask while setting the scotch down. “Where are my manners? Want a glass?” I gesture to the liquor still in my hand.Dad brushes it off. “Oh, I’m good. I have a glass already.” I laugh. “Like father, like daughter.”

I see his phone light up on the couch and my eyebrows furrow. “Whatcha looking at?” Dad looks at his phone as we walk back to the couch. “Finally getting back to watching those videos of Spider-man. Thank you for telling me about him.”

I give my dad a light smile. I’m still livid with him for not listening to me. I understand I was in danger. Extreme danger. But, that’s why I had Natasha and Wanda with me. I didn’t want dad to go out and ruin what was already going for me.

I wanted to capture Rumlow, maybe beat the shit out of him. They did say I could do what I felt fit. However, I have to put my feelings aside and swallow my pride. At the end of the day, we want the same things.

“Of course. He has some serious potential to be an Avenger. I think you should mentor him.” I say as I sip my drink. The burn hits my throat quickly. It feels good.

“You know, I think you’d be a better fit.” Dad says as I laugh. “Why? Dad… Last I checked, I’m not an Avenger. Do I think it would be a great experience? Yes. But, I’m definitely not an Avenger.” He takes a sip of his own drink.

Of course I’d want to be an Avenger. Absolutely. However, I have reservations, or, I feel like my dad does. I feel like he still does see me as that little girl prior to my kidnapping. The little girl who was intrigued by him saving the world. Idolizing him. The twelve year old girl who snuck a peek at the Avengers Initiative. I watched him make the suits. Remake the suits.

With my interests piqued, mom would take me to D.C. on business trips. Because I had read the initiative, I wanted to know just about everything, starting with Steve. Which also led to me learning about Bucky, HYDRA, the Super Soldier serum. My grandfather was a huge part of it, and that was also another reason why I snuck that peek.

Dad hardly ever talked about my grandparents. He’d talk about Maria, my namesake, mostly. However, he’d shut down when Howard gets mentioned and I never understood why. I never dared push him about it either. Especially when I can somewhat understand why.

“Right, but your leadership skills are phenomenal. You get that from me.” He grins smugly and we both laugh. “Okay, yeah. You’re right. But I think you should do it. You have more experience than I do. You… went into space. You saved mom from getting killed by another type of serum. You fought a whole army of aliens with the rest of the Avengers. You got out of captivity.”

“And you don’t think you're qualified to mentor him?” I bristle at the idea. “I think…” Shit, what do I think? Not I am qualified to mentor him, but also I need my dad occupied. I really do hate saying that or thinking that.

“I did some reading on him. It looks like he doesn’t have a fatherly figure in his life… actually, both of his parents died in a plane crash and his aunt is raising him.” “Wait…. That sounds oddly familiar..” “... Yep.”

Dad stiffens a bit. “I just think this would be good for you, dad. Seriously. Promise you do it for me. Please?” I give him the puppy dog eyes that I would give him when I was little, which would work wonders.

“Okay, fine. I’ll do it. Only on one condition.” “Yeah?” “Tell me the progress of getting Rumlow.” I try not to grimace. “Fine.”

There’s something bothering him. “Are you okay?” I ask, taking another swig of my whiskey.

“Yeah… Are you?” He points to my abdomen. Right, my wounds.

“Yeah.. The alcohol is definitely helping the pain.” I start laughing. “Wanna see the wicked stitching Natasha had to do?” “Y’know what? Why not?” I lift the hem of my shirt and show dad. “Oh my god.” Dad says. The alcohol is really giving me the courage to talk to him about this. “Yeah… Apparently HYDRA didn’t take out everything like I thought. I was sure they’d rip it out.”

Realizing what I had said, my jaw drops. “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Dad looks as if he knows something, but I brush it off. “It’s okay. You’re opening up. That’s all I can ask for.” “Even with the alcohol in my veins? That Widow training is definitely doing its thing…. Or the trauma.”

I realize it again. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I really shouldn’t-” Dad puts a hand on my shoulder. “Honey, it’s okay. You can always talk about it. Don’t ever hesitate.” I look at him with presumably sad eyes. Pleading. “What if it’s something you can’t bear to hear?”

He gives me a sad smile. “Would it help if I talk to you about how it was for your mother and I?”

Maybe.

“Yes.”

I situate myself on the couch, facing him. “Did you want more scotch?” He asks, eyeing the glass empty. “Please…” I think about it. “Can we do shots of tequila instead?”

“You’re not driving are you?” He asks as I laugh. “I don’t think so… Unless you think the Quinjet is safe?” “Absolutely not.”

Dad puts down two shot glasses. “You’re doing some too?” “What’s sharing war stories without a bit of tequila?” “Okay, true.” “Cannot believe this is us drinking together for the first time. My little girl is growing up.”

Two years of being in captivity will do that to you.

“Well, at least I can handle it…” I pour the shots. “I mean, I had to toughen up in there. In all of those places.” I eye the limes. “Ready?” “Ready to beat you at taking tequila shots? Absolutely.” “We’ll see.”

“On three.” Dad says. “One…” I say. “Two…” “THREE!” We take the shots quickly and chase it with the lime. Dad looks at me in shock. “You didn’t flinch. Impressive.” “Well, I got stronger.”

“I’m glad you did.” Dad gives me that “I’m-proud-of-you-sweetheart” smile.

“You first.” Dad says. “Okay.” I say as I prepare myself to open up.

“Well, the night I was kidnapped, it was Rumlow who kidnapped me… He disguised himself as a S.H.I.E.L.D. member… I mean, he kind of was, I guess. So, I had known him somehow already. And, it was Christmas. He gave me a gift…. It ended up being a serum of some kind. It knocked me out. Next thing I knew, I’m in the Red Room with Dreykov… and it was terrifying to be in the presence. Let alone what he did to me. To Natasha. I, according to him, was his greatest weapon after Natasha. Because I’m a Stark. I had advantages and he’d often take advantage of me. If I failed a mission, he’d do the most atrocious things.”

Dad looks pained to hear. “I’m not sure I want to share those gory details, so I’m not going to. Just know he was the piece of shit Natasha has said he always was. But, I have to tell you about the man who helped me through it.” Dad smirks. “Bucky Barnes.” He says in a teasing manner and it sends chills down my spine.

I told myself I wouldn’t tell him much about him, not until I knew where Bucky was. Time to put those secret keeping skills to the test. “Yes… The Winter Soldier.” I somehow like the sound of it on my tongue.

“He saved my life there. We were considered the Red Room and HYDRA’s greatest assets together. It’s insane when you think about it. I would say the only time I ever felt like a human being was with him. I mean, they took me hostage to turn me into a weapon to kill the Avengers…” I look at my father, remembering that mission.

“Dad…” “It’s okay. I saw it in your eyes you didn’t want to pull the trigger.” Not to mention, the man who was sent to kill your parents. My grandparents. And me being born on their death anniversary.

“When you were kidnapped, we literally tried everything to find you. S.H.I.E.L.D. and S.T.R.I.K.E. agents…” “Don't tell me Rumlow…” “Yep. That two faced asshole was in fact part of it.” Fury runs through my veins.

Dad pours tequila in those two glasses and I don’t hesitate to take mine. “Wow you can really handle it.” Yeah, but my anger, not so much.

“And those missions would fail each time. And then that one night… I was sent to that party to actually find you. It was Nat and I.”

My heart races.

“And to see you, in the flesh, after over a year. Oh my god, I wanted to grab you. But then you had a gun on me. And then he was behind you. I knew somehow he was taking care of you. I always heard he was dangerous. Natasha had told me so. I was in shambles Clare. I felt like I failed you. And your mother.. I…”

I pulled him in for a hug. “Dad… it’s okay. You didn’t fail me. Nor did you fail Pepper.”

I gesture to myself. “I came out in one piece.” Physically, but mentally, in pieces.

“When I saw you in Sokovia, I thought I was hallucinating.” I say not even bothering to tear up. “When you said my name, it didn’t feel real. Being a prisoner really takes a toll on you…” I look at him. “I never thought I’d see you again. I had hoped I would… Fury gave me this note after the battle of the Triskelion that I would read every single day. ‘We will find you’. I still wonder how he knew to give it to me.”

Dad seems suspicious. I decide to go into more because he’s letting me talk, which could be a mistake. “And then you found me… I always somehow feel like that was a coincidence. Like Strucker wanted you to find me… to kill you.” He looks incredibly suspicious.

“Dad… what’s eating at you?” I ask. He shakes his head. “Nothing. I just…. Fury had a feeling you’d be there, and you were. We were there to get the Mind Stone. And, of course, I was on a mission to find you. So I looked all over for you and you just so happened to be behind a door. A very roomy cell.”

I laugh at that. “Yeah… Strucker would use me for leverage about The Avengers and ask me what I knew… and if I didn’t listen…” I have to use my words carefully. “Take privileges from me. Like…” Think, Clare. You got this.

“I couldn’t eat when I was there. I was punishing myself for being a weapon. I had no control of my body. Of course, they force fed me and I got rid of it somehow. When I came back. To be fair, I wouldn’t eat in Siberia. Or, if I did, I wouldn’t feel worthy enough. So, I would purge. I was so used to it when I got to Sokovia that I’d eat and excessively exercise. I’m surprised I survived that.”

I take a deep breath. “That’s why they took so long to treat me once I returned. I couldn’t keep anything down. I didn’t have any control of my body… and probably why…” I look at my father and feel certain anger.

I grab the tequila and chug it out of the bottle.

Dad suddenly senses it too, but stupidly asks, “Clare, what the hell?”

I say with an extremely calm demeanor, probably scaring him, “What? Not to tell me some things about my recovery… Like the fact that I had everything still in my body? That I still have the ability to maybe have kids if I choose to do so in the future?” Oh it’s definitely the alcohol kicking in. I don’t fucking care. I can fucking handle it.

“Clare… Sweetheart. They told us not to say anything to make sure you were okay.” I laugh. “Oh really? “Cause I’m still pretty fucked in the head… or so you seem to think so. I saw my records, dad. It’s all in there.”

I’m yelling now. “You didn’t trust me with Rumlow. You didn’t trust I was ready to see him.” He was right, but am I going to let him know? No. Why? I need to get stronger and why don’t I just use it as exposure therapy.

“Clare,” he starts yelling. “I was trying to protect you.” Tears are about to form in my eyes. No, not yet. Don’t let him see you’re hurt by his distrust. Cry once you get into your room.

“Have you forgotten what I went through the last two years? I trained as a Widow, dad. I was trained by the Winter Soldier. Held against my will. Turned into a fucking monster.” I can hear the elevator hum in the silence. “Not to mention, I was a quick learner, and you wanna know why?”

I laugh again. It’s the anger running through me. I want it to burn. “It’s because I’m just like you, dad. I made it through because of you. I got punished because of you. And you didn’t want to tell me what is going on with my own body…” I hear the elevator open. Ah, we got an audience.

The tears are long gone. I see Natasha and Steve walk in. “What the hell is going on?” Natasha asks. “It’s 4am. Why..” Steve looks at the alcohol. “Shoot.”

“‘Shoot’ is right, Steve. Because I’m pretty sure my father doesn't trust me enough with anything. Especially with secrets.” “Clare…” Tony uses his fatherly tone.

“So, they tell you not to tell me about what’s going on with my own body because they don’t trust me.” I smirk. “And you don’t either.”

“I do.” Nat and Steve say as I just look at my father. “No, I wanna hear it from him.” “Clare… You’re drunk.” Natasha states. “No actually I’m not. You see, one thing I know about my body from the trauma, is that I can literally handle my alcohol. Some type of response I guess?”

It’s quiet for a second.

“Clare, I do trust you” I can see it in my father’s eyes. “Who trusts me?” I ask. “Truly. ‘Cause it looks like I have to prove myself over and over again that I can be trusted. Which sucks, because I thought I was trusted with Rumlow.”

“I didn’t at first.” Nat says. I eye her. “That’s only because it was after that battle. I thought you were long gone.. Then, I saw the fear in your eyes when Pierce faced you. I knew at that point you wanted to do good. I saw it towards the end. Then, we saved you in that lab.” I look at Steve. “I didn’t at first as well… You’re like Natasha and…” I also know. Bucky, he won’t say it out loud.

“Clint fully trusted you. Vision fully trusts you.” I roll my eyes at the lie about Vision from dad.

“And Fury, Coulson and Sam.” Welp that settles it.

I laugh at my dad. “Well… Nice to know my father doesn’t trust me and basically lied. That’s great dad. I’m going to bed… Goodnight…” Tony looks like he wants to say something as I walk away. It sounds like Nat stops him while Steve follows me. Joy.

- she was 12 when Tony was kidnapped.

- At the time, she’d go back and forth living with Tony and Pepper. Living mainly with Pepper.

- In my mind, Tony and Pepper, when Clare was born, both decided to raise her amicably. I know, it’s weird.

- During this time, she’d stay with Pepper a lot. Because, clearly, Tony was in his Bachelor era.

- After Tony was rescued, she figured out he was Iron Man by spending the night with him at his place. She couldn’t sleep and stumbled upon him rebuilding a better suit, and a new arc reactor.

- Tony tells him she’s all she he thought of when in captivity.

- This was also a time when Clare kinda thought Tony hated her for his bachelor life. Tony definitely LOVES Clare.

- Clare would see him more often after Tony was rescued.

- Clare kept his secret until he came out.

- She’d be near the end of her sixth grade year. While I said Clare wasn’t initially bullied for being a Stark, I low key take that back. She did have some assholes. It’s literally the sixth grade.

- It’s the late 2000s. She’d love The All American Rejects, Boys Like Girls, Jesse McCartney, Paramore. Heavy on Paramore.

- Tony would take her to as many concerts as he could. all the time. When he’d see things were safe.

- This is also when she’d get more into writing.

- Also, Tony would tell her more about his parents and her middle namesake. This would be the start of wanting to know more, especially when she sneaks a peek of the Avengers Initiative. Which, of course, raised her many questions and interests.

- Happy would always be in the carpool line to get Clare.

- Hayley Williams is her idol.

TW: smut (a “dream” sequence), fighting between a father and daughter, body autonomy, blood, wounds, gore, navigating trauma, bruising of reproductive organs.

Nausea and anger course through my veins as I sit in the back of the quinjet, not even bothering to talk to Dad. How fucking dare he think I couldn’t take Rumlow down myself? He sits up front with Steve and Natasha. Good, I don’t even want to talk to him right now.

Wanda and Vision come sit with me. “How’s your stomach?” Wanda asks. Sam hands me an ice pack that I lay on it.

“Sore. Actually, that’s a lie. It hurts like hell.” Shit, my voice is extremely hoarse. Oh……

My pelvic area.

HYDRA nor the Red Room never put me through the Graduation Ceremony. It was part of their sick, twisted way of having control of me. Something to hold over me. One other thing to. My whole existence was a toy for them to play with. My innocence.

It shouldn’t be long until we arrive back at the Compound. Rest up.” Vision says as I ice my abdomen. Sam gives me a sympathetic smile. Wanda shares a similar one. Probably knowing the other reason why I’m angry.

I’ll just drift off to sleep, hoping neither Rumlow or Pierce or Dreykov, or even fucking Strucker appear in my dreams. I’ve been through plenty of revelations tonight.

********

“James.” I reach for Bucky’s side of the bed, only to realize I’m the only one in my cell. In isolation. Nothing but myself and the journal that’s filled with his letters and endless entries of being lonesome and trying to hold it together. I don’t know how much longer I can take. How long has it been since we’ve been caught by the very organizations that took away our lives?

It’s gotta be ages. Maybe a couple of months? At this point, I can’t keep track. I mean, it’s hard to when you constantly get shocked by Brock Rumlow for turning down his advances or even better get beaten by him. It really isn’t enough that he was the one who abducted me so long ago and gave me over to the Red Room.

I jolt up as I hear footsteps approaching. Oh, here we go.

When I go up to the door and look into the slot, it’s those familiar, haunted yet passionate eyes I have fallen in love with.

My breath hitches. “Bucky.” I lay my hands flat against the chilled metal door, hoping his hands are on the door as well.

“Hi, doll.”

His voice is shaky. HIs eyes are glazed over. They must’ve done it again. He must’ve gone on another mission. “Are you alright?” I ask as I feel the door shift. Pure fiery panic fills my belly. “Bucky, what are you-”

He pulls me in for a very, very intense and longing kiss.

I melt right into him. It was like in the Red Room. In his quarters. If only we were in his bed. Tangled in each other’s embrace.

“Pierce is away and I knocked out your guards… including Rumlow.” He nips on my bottom lip and I moan into it. I savor the feeling of him.

“Oh…” I run my hand against his chest and groan as his metal hand caresses my back. My eyes roll to the back of my head. His tongue meets mine and he pins me against the wall. He kisses and nips my neck.

My moans fill the cell. HIs join in. Fuck, I miss this.

“Shhh, doll. You don’t want to wake them up, do you?” He teases as he plays with my pants.

“Please,Bucky, please.”

My voice is a whisper as his metal fingers waste no time plunging inside me. I moan in his ear as I can feel his grin. “I missed this so much, doll.” I reach for him, fumbling with the buttons. I fear we don’t have enough time.

He spreads his fingers inside me as I start riding them. “I need you so bad, baby.”

His trousers fall to the ground and he greedily pulls his fingers out of me. I whimper at the loss of them. “Don’t worry, doll.”

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him. “Oh, thank god.”

He sinks into me perfectly and we both moan in unison. “Fuck.” My legs cling onto him so tightly as my skin creates friction against the wall. My quiet moans get louder as he continues his efforts and his metal fingers play with my clit. “Oh Bucky…”

I lean into his body as he pumps into me. His cock feels so great inside me. It somehow feels like the first time. I mean, it’s been months since we’d been together. Too long. I’ve missed his touch. I’ve missed his embrace. I’ve missed him.

I longed for him for so long these past few months. Separated by only walls and communicated by letters. I knew I didn’t have long with him, so I will savor this. Even if I want more with him. These assholes wouldn’t allow it.

He moans against my hot lips. “You’re so beautiful, doll.” He breathes. “Always.” He hits my g-spot repeatedly as I’m trying so hard to contain it. Considering the punishments for the both of us. I don’t care. I have what I wanted right here. I could do this any day.

I feel my climax rush over me like a tidal wave. It crashes into me and I bite my bottom lip to keep from screaming as Bucky tears me into two.

Too bad. ‘Cause he's hitting my cervix just right and I’m in euphoria. The way he’s got me pressed against the wall. The way his fingers rub my clit so vigorously. The look in his eyes however, tell me he also knows we don’t have long.

So, I pull his face into mine and swallow his moans as his release comes. I hold him so tightly I’m not even sure I’d be able to let go. It’s unreal how our love is. Despite what they want to do to us, what they’re doing to us, we are untouchable.

I need more of him. So fucking bad. To be in his arms for longer. I don’t care for how. He’s my rock here. I need him.

“What did you do, exactly?” I ask as we both come down from our high now resting against the wall side by side.

“What? Now you care for them?” He laughs with a bit of his teeth shining through the cell.

“Fuck no.. I miss you.. And I’m scared we won’t have enough time.” Since escaping would be beyond stupid at this point.

“I took note from a very particular smart woman I worked with in the Red Room long ago. I made something to knock them out.”

I grin. “Did she poison her targets after getting what she needed? Was she pretty?”

“She was magnificent. She absolutely poisoned her targets. I trained her very well.”

“How long do we have?”

“The whole night, doll.”

I straddle him and wrap my arms around his neck and his hands rest on my ass.

“I taught you well.” I grin as we kiss.

“Yes you did, darling.” His metal hand goes into my hair as his other hand rubs lazy circles on my back.

I yelp a bit. He looks at me with concern. “What is he doing to you?” He asks as he lifts up my shirt to see the bruises all over my torso blooming. I can feel my face ashen.

“Rumlow is very into combat these days.” I choke out.

“Doll.”

“It’s been so bad, pumpkin. I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? They’re hurting you. Rumlow is going to pay for it.”

“NO! If you intervene, who knows what they’d do to you. They’re already wiping your memory after every mission.” I hold his face in my hands. “You’d hurt yourself even more. PLease, don’t. For us. Promise me. Promise you won’t.” Pain shines in his eyes, reflecting my own.

“I promise, doll. I do have a mission coming up too.”

My throat stings at the thought of him being on the mission.

“Who’s your mission?”

Bucky looks at me with what looked like sadness in his eyes, and rage.

“They call him “Captain America’.”

I grip his hands and let him see the fear in my eyes. “Don’t hurt him.”

Bucky looks at me with confusion and fear in his own eyes. “Why?”

I swallow considering the consequences telling him. However, knowing they also brainwash him before missions, it’s my only shot to help him.

“Because he was your best friend. His name is Steve Rogers. You two fought in World War II.”

I can see him remembering this. I’ve seen this way too many times to know him. It breaks me to know they’re going to just take that away from him soon.

It would be a special kind of torture to witness it, as it is to experience it.

“Bucky.. I’m so, so sorry.”

He holds me tightly and sobs into my chest. Tears of my own form in my eyes. I don’t dare hold back. “I’m sorry.” I whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

I kiss him tenderly. “He was my best friend. And they’re about to make me kill him.” I press my forehead against his. “They’re going to pay. Okay? I’ll make sure of it.’ “No. They will kill you-”

“I’m already dead. They already have a ball torturing me. I’m not going to survive this.” Tears overwhelm me. “But I will go down knowing they’re going to pay for everything they put us through. It’ll be Hell on Earth. I will go down swinging because you trained me to be a killing machine. I will make sure they will suffer.”

He lightly smiles at the comment. “I’m not going to kill Steve. I’ll be right there with you. We both go down together.” I smile back. “Promise?” Bucky kisses me. “I swear it.”

*********

I awake as we land at the Compound. Home sweet home.

“Need help?” Sam offers his arm as I get up, my abdomen screams in protest. I groan at the pain. Whatever Brock did, it’s definitely left its mark.

I still can’t comprehend how they manage to hold onto that information for so long. Wouldn’t they have known I still had everything?

Something’s up.

“You alright? “ Dad comes up to me to give me a hand, but I’m not too happy with him.

“I’m fine.” I almost growl at my father, but also still take Sam’s help. I mean, dad has to know I’m pissed at him for letting Rumlow escape. “Thank you.” I say to Sam as I blatantly ignore my dad.

“Clare…” I heard the hurt in his voice, but my Red Room training paid off. I don’t care. I’m already overwhelmed by the onslaught of memories coming back to me. Sam just leads me into my training room. “Not right now.” Sam tells my father as he, Wanda and Natasha go into the room with me.

I feel the tears coming, but I don't let them fall yet. The pain is raging though.

“Her abdomen is extremely tender.” Natasha says as I activate L.A.N.C.E. “L.A.N.C.E, do a full body scan. I wanna know everything.” Yes, everything S.H.I.E.L.D. is keeping from me.

“On it.” My wonderful AI assistant speaks. I love my new best friend.

“Clare, you ready?” Natasha asks. “Yes. Take the fucking shit off.” I bite onto something while she and Wanda work on me.

Sam asks if I'm okay for him to leave, maybe to talk some sense into Tony. I’d like to think that's what Steve would do. Shit, if Clint were here, he’d be for me just like that. Just like he was when I was first rescued. He had daughters. Dad was in too much shock to even comfort me. Steve honestly was focused on not lying to my father. He is Bucky’s best friend, though. Sigh.

Sam walks out of the room as Natasha and Wanda begin to take all of my suit off.

I fear the searing sensation on my pelvic region. I can sense the bruising on my thighs. My throat.

The waves of memories crashing into my mind. Some comforting, some daunting. Some I can’t fathom are real, like the one that’s constantly playing in my mind.

“Clare, are you still with us?” Natasha asks as I come back into reality. “Yes.” I breathe. “Yes.”

“Good. Rumlow seems to have gotten you pretty good.” Natasha states. “Yeah… I guess it’s pay back for how that mission turned out.”

Wanda looks at me with her brows furrowed. “What mission?” I wince at the pain as she tends to my bruises. “The mission where Pierce got shot.”

I groan. “Are you okay? Do you wanna sit up?” Natasha asks. “Yes.” “Luckily it’s just really intense bruising.” “Don’t forget L.A.N.C.E. is doing a full body scan.” “What does ‘L.A.N.C.E. stand for?” Wanda asks. I think about it.

Dad never did say what it stood for. Maybe I can make it up. I can be clever with names too.

Thinking like my father with a little flare of Clare, “How about… ‘Lovably Arrogant Networked Cognitive Entity.’”

“I like that very much.” L.A.N.C.E. says as the three of us laugh, which makes my stomach hurt just a bit.

“How’s that full body scan coming along?” Nat asks. “75% complete. Still figuring out some details.” “Details? Like what?” I ask it. “It has something to do with your reproductive system. I’ll let you know when it’s complete.”

I look at the two women in front of me. My best friend from when we were imprisoned, and the woman who mentored me. “Can I talk about something that just came back to me?”

Wanda looks very relieved, considering it seemed like I was angry with her forever. Natasha, I can’t get a read on her. “Yes, of course!”

“It’s kind of grim. But, I’m happy to share with you.” Natasha holds my hand, she seems to know what it is. “Go for it, Clarebear. We’re here to listen.”

I give her a weak smile as the memory surges through me.

“Rumlow and Pierce were always very buddy-buddy. They’d come up with really sick and twisted ways to torture Bucky and I. Rumlow was mainly in charge of me.. Pierce was in charge of Bucky. I guess you can say Rumlow was my new handler.” I laugh to brush off what he did. The two women in front of me are not convinced. I figured as such.

“They really loved control. Natasha, you know that from being in the Red Room. They thrive and breathe it. With him and I, it was all a sick game for them. You want the thing that gives you strength, they take it away to make you weak. Turn you into a weapon for their own personal gain…”

Wanda hands me water. I take a sip of it. I see the gnash on my abdomen. Shit. He really got me.

Natasha starts stitching me up. I don’t feel it, she must’ve gotten lidocaine.

“So with that being said, those two assholes came up with a no way of torture: put Bucky and I on a mission together, probably to see how well we work together. I didn’t care at first. As long as I got to see him, it made me happy… Yeah, that was taken from me.”

“You got to see him?” Wanda asks. Natasha ices my wound, now stitched up. “Yeah, you can absolutely say that. For maybe five minutes. For those five minutes, Pierce had Bucky and I sit next to each other. Obedient as always. I had the fabulous accessory Rumlow gave me, the shock collar, around my neck. We were told not to say a word to each other, let alone look at each other. We were told there was a very special mission coming up. To preserve our energy, PIerce instructed us to be in cryostasis until we got to the destination of our base.”

Natasha stops in her tracks. I eye her instinctively.

“We were in cryostasis for maybe five days. We were flown in like that. When we finally made it to our destination, we weren’t brainwashed like we normally would be. I didn’t have the collar on. We were told because of our ‘good behavior’, we could not only train together, but also share the same quarters. That first night, we didn’t look at each other. We felt like we were being watched. We weren’t. When we weren’t training, Bucky would have his conditioning while I was out with Pierce and Rumlow.”

Natasha looks at me concerned. “You think you were the only people with Photostatic Veils? Rumlow gave me it while Pierce instructed me to get information for HYDRA. For things to go smoothly. I was mind controlled by PIerce. I was there when Project Insight was essentially going into effect. Natasha, you may remember it.”

Natasha seemingly knows what I’m talking about because she catches her breath. She was there.

“‘The Battle of the Triskelion’.”

“Yep. While Steve and Bucky fought, Rumlow was battling Sam, I was Pierce’s little pet. I was also there when things got nasty. Pierce threatened to shoot Singh for disagreeing with him. I had my gun on you, like you had yours on Pierce. When you took your mask off, I was scared. I was thinking of what would happen if I took off my own. But, knowing Pierce, I knew he’d want to show me off. So, I took mine off. I remember not wanting to fight you. We had to fight anyway. Because of Pierce’s demands. Because of what was coursing through me.”

I see that Natasha wants to say something, but I’m not sure what. So, I just keep going.

“You were trying to get me to remember the good we were. Who my father was. How you were trying to find ways to get me out. Only to find me here. I was fighting so hard through the mental restraints, but then you said.. Said that..” I can’t get the words out.

“That your parents were two of the targets.”

I grimace.

“... Yes… At that point, I couldn’t think about them getting killed. I wouldn’t let them. So, I was out of the mind-control, and turned against Pierce. I was terrified over the consequences, but I didn’t care. As long as my parents were safe, as well as millions. I didn’t care. Pierce laughed and said that that’s the defiance he was looking for. But, also said I was weak. Said that’s why he’s sending me somewhere that could definitely break me. I ‘failed’ this mission.”

“He then knocked you out with the butt of his gun. Fury killed him not long after that. I tried to grab you, to get you back but his men were faster. Do you remember anything after that?”

I nod. “Yes. I woke up next to Rumlow, who was grimly injured. There was no sign of Bucky. Which, scared the fuck out of me. I, however, did laugh seeing Rumlow. I mean, how often do you see your abuser injured to the point of him being knocked out? It was like a breath of fresh air, even if it was for the time being. That was when I found out I was being transferred to Sokovia.”

I look down at the dog tags. Still not able to put that puzzle piece together.

“Someone on the ship who had a heart surprisingly gave me my things from the Siberia base. I was deeply surprised by that. As if Bucky maybe threatened them to do so. It also had an extra thing with it. These.” I hold up the dog tags. “And a note from Fury… ‘we will find you’…”

I rest my hand on my stomach. “Wands, did you change that memory to when I was in Siberia waiting to be transferred?” Wanda nods back. “Yes. Strycker told me not to do it, but I did it anyway. Because I saw everything they did to you. It hurt you in more ways than we can fathom. Not knowing where Bucky was, I thought I’d at least give you a bit of comfort.”

I don’t give a flying fuck about pain as I hug her. “Did I mention you’re forgiven?” We both chuckle. “You might’ve mentioned it.”

Natasha smirks at us. “Are we going to address the elephant in the room?”

Right. “L.A.N.C.E., how's that full body scan looking?”

“Fully complete. Would you like the results?” “Absolutely.”

“You have a concussion, so it’s best to stay in a darkened room for a bit. Contusions in the lower abdominal region, going towards your pelvic region. It appears Rumlow had done a number on your cervix, by the raging bruising. Repeat blows to the ovaries also caused contusions.”

My mind starts swimming. “And my uterus?”

“Perfectly intact, Clare.”

‘86 headcannons pt. 2 - season five edition (leaning towards the end)

- Roxie and Eddie continue to live in their secluded fort, Fort Munson. For the next 18 months, Roxie does venture out in Hawkins.

- Roxie helped set up the SQAWK with Steve and Robin.

- Dustin becomes solemn like he did in season 5, but because of relentless bullying by Andy and his dipshits.

- Roxie still claims Eddie’s innocence. The town just thinks she’s hopelessly in love.

- to help the seclusion and the idea that Eddie is gone, there are no tunnels at fort Munson. Nobody has blamed Roxie.

- Roxie worries about Dustin constantly. She quickly suspects he’s getting bullied by Andy.

- She gets mad at Steve for being hard on Dustin. Like furious.

- She confides in Eddie and Nancy about it. There are times when she wants to scream at the top of her lungs “EDDIE LIVES!” But she can’t and it kills her.

- Eleven and her haven’t been able to talk to each other.

- She frequently visits Max in the hospital. She talks to her even if Max can’t.

- Roxie and Jonathan bond over their love of photography. She even has a scrapbook for the final battle with Vecna.

- She’s making it in case Max wakes up after everything and wants to give it to her.

- Roxie, Nancy and Robin are the newly formed Hawkins Angels.

- When she sees Dustin after he gets beat up, she tracks down Andy and definitely gives him something to cry about.

- Hopper has been giving her self defense lessons. Of course she kicks Andy’s ass and the rest of his friends run off scared.

- Yes, Eddie gets turned on by this fact. That she beat Andy’s ass.

- Robin begs Roxie to watch the radio station with Vicki after the Hospital. Wayne hangs out with Eddie in the meantime.

- Roxie idolizes all the moms. So, when she heard what Karen did to those Demogorgons, she screamed proudly she wanted to hug her.

- Roxie offers Vickie alcohol when they’re back at the Squak. Robin, Joyce, Steve and Nancy look at her concerned. Roxie says “it’s what we would’ve done for Eddie.” Which, causes another freak out.

- ROXIE AND MAX. Let me tell you. When Roxie realizes Max is awake, she doesn’t want to startle her. However, they have that sister vibe. So of course she’s gonna fucking bawl her eyes out when she sees Max. “You made it! I knew you’d pull through!” “I missed you so much, Rox! It was never, ever your fault for what happened.” “What are you talking about?” “I hear you, sometimes. You’d play Kate Bush and talk… we made it out Roxie.” “Yes we did!”

- Vickie takes a few swigs to calm the nerves. She asks Roxie if she can get another.

- Roxie shakes her head. “Vick, I’d love to, you know that, but Robin would have my head on a stick.” “IT’S TRUE!”

- Roxie is definitely there for the coming out scene. She is proud of Will but her gaydar would be THROUGH THE ROOF. Why? She has the strongest feeling Will liked Mike. It was blatantly obvious to her.

- Roxie wasn’t part of the final battle, but she was a part of the conversation. She had a field day with Robin’s comment about Steve’s ….. you know.

- Before Roxie leaves, she had a heartfelt conversation with Dustin about being careful. To let her know when the final battle was over and that Claudia would be at fort Munson with them waiting.

- She’s proud of her brother, like, incredibly proud. She’s the one who tells him, “Hellfire Lives.”

- Dustin and her hug so tightly.

- Roxie shouts to Steve, “YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL WITH HIM. Me and Claudia will come after you.”

- When the battle is over, Hawkins goes through what feels like aftershocks of an earthquake.

- Claudia is at Fort Munson with Roxie, Eddie and Wayne. They have a feeling something bad happened.

- Hours after the event, the military brings a distraught Dustin and Steve back to fort Munson. Eddie stands behind Roxie as Roxie lays eyes on Dustin. “He didn’t do anything.” Roxie would state. “We know.” The commander would say.

- Dustin would go to hug Roxie and she has a feeling it’s Eleven.

- Dustin tells her and Claudia everything while Steve, Eddie, and Wayne talk to the military.

- Roxie believes El is alive.

- Hawkins somehow goes back to normal.

- Roxie and Steve confront Andy about beating Dustin up. Andy lies and says that he didn’t. Roxie threatens him, saying if he doesn’t leave Dustin alone some silly bullshit, hellfire will come. Then, punches him in the face.

- Steve high fives her. Roxie said it’s what he deserves.

TWO YEARS LATER

- graduation is upon Hawkins.

- Eddie and Roxie are in town for the graduation. They’ve been in California with the guys recording Corroded Coffin’s debut.

- Needless to say, it took months to tell the whole city that the Hellfire Club was not behind what had happened. Nonetheless, Eddie is cleared and so, the gang went to California.

- Roxie is in fact Corroded Coffin’s photographer.

- With that being said, she and Eddie are having a good time embarrassing Dustin.

- Eddie proposed to Roxie a week before and they don’t want to take the spotlight from Dustin.

- Before the ceremony starts, Roxie rounds up the kids. Tells them to make her proud.

- She tells Dustin separately that she and Eddie are finally engaged.

- Dustin is extremely excited about this.

- When Dustin makes his speech, you’d think Eddie would cheer like hell but Roxie wins. Nobody is ever beating Roxie with cheering for her brother, not even Steve.

- After the ceremony, Roxie and Eddie join the other adults on the roof.

- Steve is the one who immediately notices Roxie’s glow.

- Roxie tells Nancy and Robin they have to rock, paper, scissors for spot of Maid of Honor.

HEADCANNONS TIMEEEE

86 headcannons pt. 1 (it’s what we deserve)

- where we left off, Roxie is unconscious from the injuries in the Upside Down. In the next chapter, Uncle Wayne is there. Eddie tells him everything in a heart to heart.

- Wayne tells Eddie that while he doesn’t understand entirely what’s going on, he will always protect him, and now Roxie.

- Wayne would tell him that he absolutely adores Roxie and says she will absolutely pull through, somehow.

- Eddie explains how it happened. Who Vecna was. How they couldn’t just go out and say Eddie wasn’t the murderer everyone thought him out to be.

- Wayne doesn’t think Eddie was a murderer. He honestly had the thought in the back of his head that Hawkins has always been cursed, especially when hearing about Henry from Nancy.

- Wayne tells Eddie a bit about his past. The play. How Henry was an outcast. Everything he knew.

- Eddie thinks about Roxie’s camera. What evidence can be in it. So, he gives Wayne the camera and explains that Roxie took photos while down there.

- Wayne without hesitation says yes.

- Roxie does wake up groggy and confused at first then realizes where she is and everything makes sense.

- She and Wayne have a heart to heart. About how much she cares for Eddie. How Wayne thinks of Roxie as a daughter. Roxie is crying during all of this thinking of her mom. What she’d think.

- Roxie, Eddie and Wayne come up with a plan. The cabin is secluded, so Eddie and Roxie can hide out until everything is figured out. Roxie wants to write a letter to her mother and to explain everything.

- Eddie comes up with the idea to show Claudia the photos. Wayne is more than willing to get them processed maybe sit and explain it to her. Nancy would come to help.

- Roxie eventually says someone could bring her to the cabin and they could have a talk. She doesn’t want Claudia to think she hates her.

- At that point, it’s decided that Steve and Dustin would take Roxie back to the Henderson House after Wayne gets the photos processed with Nancy.

- Eddie gives her a pep talk and his full support. Roxie is scared she won’t be able to see her mom again.

- Roxie tells everyone what she saw while unconscious.

- Robin tells her about Max and Roxie’s heart completely drops.

- Roxie wants to go see Max after seeing Claudia.

- Wayne and Nancy come back with the photos and Roxie knows it’s time.

- Dustin, Steve and Roxie go to the Henderson House and explain to Claudia everything.

- Claudia felt like she lost Dustin and Roxie forever. She never meant to hurt them.

- Roxie tells her about what happened in the Upside Down. All the way to the bats.

- Claudia cries and feels she could’ve done better.

- Roxie tells her she is an amazing mom. She raised Dustin and her and they came out amazing.

- Claudia then realizes Eddie was never the killer while Roxie and her look at the photos.

- Roxie would come clean about how she completely felt about their father leaving and how heartbroken she was. She felt whole when she and Eddie met.

- She also has the courage to come out to Claudia, which would make Claudia bawl and they’d laugh about how she’d figure when Nancy and her stopped being friends.

- Roxie gives her the address to the cabin and explains that she has to be with Eddie, until this is over, which we know takes 18 months.

- Claudia understands and they have the most beautiful mother-daughter relationship.

- Claudia helped her pack more clothes and they’d look at her old stuff.

- Claudia apologizes for not believing her and locking her in her room she was only protecting her. Roxie knew this, but still forgives her.

- When they leave, Roxie tells Claudia to stay diligent and keep fighting. Claudia tells her she will.

- When Roxie goes to see Max, she cries into Lucas’ arms. She feels so sorry.

- Lucas tells her that Max fought like hell. Roxie completely agrees.

- Max idolized Roxie BTW (ohhhhh get ready for the tearjerker in part two)

- Roxie laughed hysterically when Lucas told her Jason was split in half. “It’s what he deserved.”

- She’d be proud of Erica for kicking Andy in the balls (again wait for part two for the ultimate big sister moment.)

- At that point everyone knows about Roxie and Eddie’s plan.

- When everyone else comes back to Hawkins, Nancy takes Hopper back to their cabin, along with Jonathan, Joyce, Will, Mike and El.

- Hopper does offer to help anyway he could. Of course, he gave Eddie some hell in true Hopper fashion.

- Joyce, another mother figure to Roxie, said she’d look out for her completely.

- Jonathan and Roxie finally bond over photography.

- This is all when shit REALLY goes down and they run outside to watch Hawkins as they knew change forever.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: Dreams

Tw: DADDY FUCKING ISSUES, confronting your past, coming to terms with your past, Jason being a tool, mentions of stitches, mentions of wounds, mentions of blood, childhood trauma, an out of body experience.

Roxie’s POV

It feels like I’m floating.

Like I’m some sort of dream, except, it’s such a familiar feeling. I can’t explain it. I wake up floating, no, falling. What the hell?

It’s somehow very comforting. Am I alive? Am I dead? I can’t be dead, right?

It’s pitch black at first, then it lightens up as I land on the ground. Wait, it’s a bed. I don’t even feel any pain as I get up and look around confused.

Where am I?

I must be groggy because I swear I think I’m back when my dad left. Right before we moved back to Hawkins. I explore my surroundings more. As if I’m reliving it, or rather, watching what happened. Which could very much be the case.

I take in everything. I’m not even panicking. Why am I not panicking? I get up from my old bed in my old bedroom and it’s like the breath has been knocked out of me. It’s the day my father left. March 22, 1978.

“What the hell?” I ask myself as I see a little girl sprinting toward something. Urgency in her eyes… and sadness.

“Daddy…” She, I, speak in such agony. That sadness. I follow her. “What are you doing?” Walter then turns around as he sees me, completely startled. This is not how I remember things.

A lump forms in my throat. What is happening? My eyebrows furrow as I watch this play out.

“Roxie Gracie, what are you doing awake? Do you have any idea what time it is?” Little me shakes her head. Loose waves of light brown hair sway with the movement. There’s so much confusion in her eyes.

“Where are you going?” I ask. “I, uh, have to go grab something from the store.” That pathetic excuse. We didn’t deserve him. Fuck him.

I cross my arms as I confront my past. Obviously I’m not going anywhere.

“We have everything you need here.” Little me speaks in such a heartbreaking tone. Fuck.

“Sweetheart…” He goes to hold my hand. “You're so young to understand, but…. I….” Tears form in those brown eyes of mine as the first man she once loved says the harshest things. “Your mother and I… we don’t…”

Little, defiant me says “don’t what, daddy?” Bile forms in my throat as I know what’s coming. I shoved this memory down for so, so long.

“We… don’t love each other anymore, sweetheart. It’s just too much for us.” “What? Me and Dustin? Dustin is only six. We need you.” This is all too much.

I can’t cry. I won’t. Not over my pathetic father. But, I do feel some sort of way for me. He had no reason to put all of that on me. Especially at ten years old.

“I know sweetheart. But, daddy loves you so much.” “No you don’t. Otherwise you wouldn’t be leaving. What would Dustin think when he wakes up and doesn’t find you? Mom?” “You’ll be okay. I promise.”

Tears now form in both forms of me. Why am I watching this? Am I reliving the heartbreaking moments? What the fuck?

I back away slowly as little me wails for dad to come back. I’m so sorry little me, but that asshole of a man will not. You will find comfort in so many things.

A tether pulls me back into another memory it seems. I’m in Hawkins. Much older. I may be thirteen, actually. It seems I’m in middle school. I’m hanging out with Nancy and Barb.

Oh perfect.

There’s something about this one though… It's my thirteenth birthday. APRIL 22, 1981.

The first year of my teenage years. Barb and Nancy were my best friends. We had a sleepover at my house to celebrate. We’re blasting Phil Collins’ song ‘In The Air Tonight’ and talking about the latest in our school year.

I smile watching the once young, naive girls and their now dead best friend. Barb was such a light. God, her fucking smile.

Mom comes running in with Dustin. “HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXIE!” Mom screams on the top of her lungs. Dustin is hugging me so tightly. Oh, little Dustin in his Dungeons & Dragons get up.

He would be nine at this point. We had just moved back to Hawkins from Minnesota. It’s all coming back in an instant.

Mom was tired of the same old bullshit in Minnesota. Tired of reliving what had happened with dad. I understood that all too well. Dustin was always beaming. He made quick friends with Will, Mike and Lucas. In turn, I made friends with Nancy very quickly.

We quickly became friends with Barb too, and now if I’m not mistaken, this was also when a new episode of Charlie’s Angels came on.

“What’d you wish for?” Dustin asks. Oh, my sweet younger brother. I smile at everyone in that very room. “I have everything I need right here.”

Wait, right there. Bingo. The way I look at Nancy. That look. I’ve loved her for so long, I knew she’d never like me back. Are these demo-bat bites just showing me what’s important? What’s going on?

“Aw that’s so sweet! We love you, sweet angel.” Mom says as she hugs and kisses my head. The girls giggle. Mom. Oh my god, mom.

I hope she knows and understands that I don’t hate her. I would never, ever hate her. She did so much for Dustin and I growing up. She took up the role as mother and father once Walter left.

She must think I hate her. For not believing me. I can’t die with her thinking I hate her. Stay alive, Rox. Please.

I start tearing up as I’m jerked to yet another memory. This one, I am very much familiar with.

The day I officially met Eddie. Or rather, had the balls to talk to him. March 23, 1985.

I’m jetting out of class to completely avoid Jason. I laugh at his moronic attempt to woo me. Oh my god, was he always this bad? This so fucking awful at picking up women? So needy. Chrissy didn’t deserve that.

“Hi Roxanne.” Bleh. The way he said my full name. Just throw in “Gracie” while you’re at it. Why didn’t I fully punch him in the face? That would’ve set him in his place.

“It was going good until you showed up.” Past me growls while trying to get past Jason. I’m forced to watch this play out. Why the fuck was he so eager?

A smile forms on my face as Eddie’s arm wraps around my shoulder. “Hey babe, is this guy bothering you?” It’s not until now that I fully understand what happened.

Eddie was eyeing this whole interaction. He had enough of Jason’s bullshit. Gareth and the guys were encouraging him, but he didn’t need much. It seemed like he didn’t want me in danger.

“Yeah. He’s… He’s harassing me about going to the game later and won’t stop.” I swing right into that role. It felt so natural with him. I somehow knew I felt safe with him.

“Carver thinks he can pull a fast one on my girl? Think I wouldn’t notice?” I smile watching Jason’s face go red, while Eddie sees red. This is actually very entertaining.

I watch as past me lays a hand on his chest. His heart was beating so fast that day. He was protecting me even when he didn’t know me. That’s the kind of guy he is.

“I’m just surprised a pretty thing would go out with a freak like you.” Eddie gets angry. “She is not a ‘thing’. She is a woman.” The cafeteria grows so silent, you can hear a pin drop.

“A woman who chose the wrong guy.” “At least I’m not a scum bag l-“ I wanted to see Jason’s face back then. Seeing it now, I huffed out a laugh. It’s so priceless. Like he’d just lost his dream girl.

That first kiss with Eddie though, that was a dream come true. I was infatuated by him for so long, I couldn’t believe I was kissing him, even if at the time it was fake and to keep me out of harm's way.

At that moment, I expected that tether to pull me back to another memory. But, nothing. “WHAT THE HELL?!” I scream. Then I realize what I’m in.

These must be my critical memories. The moment my dad left and crushed me. Aka my first heartbreak. The moment I realized I was in love with Nancy Wheeler. Eddie.

The realization hits, and suddenly I’m catapulted to the present. I watch as Steve and Eddie put me on the make shift operating table the boys made. Gareth, Jeff and Dougie did a fantastic job on this. Transforming Fort Munson into a sanctuary. An actual sanctuary.

Gareth acts quickly with the first aid with Robin while Steve and Nancy keep Dustin and Eddie calm. From the looks of it, the wounds themselves don’t look bad. But what the fuck do I know?

“Dustin. She’s going to be okay!” Nancy reassures him. I can’t help the tears that flow down my face. Oh, I can’t leave Dustin. And Eddie. And mom. Anyone.

I can’t.

I notice Jeff and Dougie are nowhere to be found. “Where’s Jeff and Dougie?” Eddie asks frantically. “They went to get help.” “I told you, Gareth, not to get anyone.” “We thought it could help. He was worried about you.”

He. My mind scrambles. It could and has to be Uncle Wayne. To keep Eddie calm. It has to be.

Where the fuck was Lucas and Erica? Max? I look around the present to see if I can see them. Nope. “We can’t lose Roxie. We already…” Eddie hyperventilates.

Vecna got Max. God fucking dammit.

Lucas and Erica are at the hospital with her. Good. She has people with her.

“Eddie. We need you to breathe okay? Roxie is okay. Okay? She is stable. Robin knows what she’s doing.” Dustin says in a calm manner. Lord knows how he’s feeling.

I briefly saw how he was when I was conscious. He was in distress. Like Eddie is now. It’s as if they switched. “Yeah, Eds. She’s okay. She’s breathing! She just needs to rest. I just patched her up. See?”

Gareth says as Nancy and Steve show Eddie. Tears come out of Eddie’s eyes. “I thought I was going to lose her man. I thought Vecna got her. Like he did with Max.”

He starts hyperventilating as Dustin pats his back. Robin holds my hand while Nancy goes to look at my wounds. “They look so much better. Good job.” She smiles at Gareth and Robin.

“Roxie is normally so incredible with first aid. She’d help when any of us would do stupid shit in the quarry.” Dustin and Steve laugh a bit with Eddie. Oh it’s so great to see his smile, even if it’s for a second.

“What would you-“ They all look at Dustin, as if to give him an answer. “Right.” “She was always teasing us. About how to not hurt ourselves in any shape or form.” Gareth looks at Nancy.

Already told her. I think to myself. “She told you didn’t she.” Nancy nods, laughing and smiling.

See.

“She's a resilient girl. She’s been my best friend for many years. Even during that rift, I missed her to pieces. Her and her Stevie Nicks obsession.”

Everyone laughs. “She does pull off the hair very, very well.” Steve says.

I smile at them talking about me as if I can’t hear them.

Then, there’s a knock on the door and everyone stops suddenly. “Come in.” An exhausted Eddie carefully speaks.

Chapter Thirty-Three: Love Bites

Tw: blood, so much. Wounds. Near death. Mentions of passing out. Mentions of shock. Mentions of weapons (guns). This whole fucking chapter is a trigger warning.

Eddie’s POV

“If you see anything, run the fuck away. Okay? Don’t try to be a hero.” Roxie’s words echo through my mind as I finish the last few notes of “Master of Puppets.” Pretty metal if I do say so myself.

Dustin and I run back into the trailer and cheer. “That was so fucking metal dude!” Dustin screeches. Fuck, I wish Roxie was here to see this. “I wish Roxie saw that!” He shares my exact same sentiment.

“Me too, man. She would watch me practice that song since the album came out.” I smile thinking of her. Dustin gives me a gentle smile. “She’ll see that soon. I’m sure. Once we defeat this asshole, she will see that.” I hope so.

Images of her playing with my hair while I played her the song come into my head. My little Stevie Nicks. “Play it again.” She’d giggle as she would attempt to braid my hair. “Can I get a kiss if I do well?” “Fucking always.”

“I really do hope she’s okay.” Dustin says. “She looked like she didn’t want to go with them.” “Your sister is a fighter. She's a badass. She can handle anything.” Dustin smiles. “She is-“

Suddenly, we hear the swarm of bats on top of the trailer. “Fuck.” Dustin and I are back to back with weapons ready. “Ready, Henderson?” “Always.”

The sounds of the bats hit like thunder. Boom. Boom. Boom.

“Holy shit!” Dustin yells as one manages to come through the vents. “GET IT!” I yell as we stab it repeatedly. Then, more bats come in. Through the bedroom vents. “DUSTIN! Go!”

“I’m not leaving you!” Dustin says. “Dustin. Trust me. Go.” I look into those eyes. “For Roxie. For me. Go.” Dustin nods as he goes to close the bedroom door and goes to climb the rope.

God, please forgive me for this. Roxie, please forgive me for this.

I make the insane decision to cut the rope, much to Dustin’s dismay. “EDDIE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” “Buying more time.” Dustin begins to freak out in the distance. “What about Roxie?”

“I will not die. Just trust me Dustin.” Even if those fucking bats bite the hell out of me.

I run outside and climb on the bike immediately. “COME GET ME!” Roxie is going to fucking kill me. I start to roll away and the bats follow me. The plan is working accordingly.

I keep shouting at them to come get me. For sure angering them. I keep going further and further away from the trailer. I, however, stop in my tracks when I see the most magnificently beautiful yet terrifying creature.

Roxie comes out with her gun blazing. With her shirt torn up, her skirt torn up. She’s strapped with weaponry. Her auburn hair is absolutely unkempt. If I didn’t know any better, I’d be ready to pounce.

But no, that’ll have to wait. We have a shit town to save. Little lost sheep to save.

The bats go down little by little. It’s an absolute sight. That’s my girl.

“EDDIE WHAT THE HELL!” She yells running toward me and we are now back to back. “I’m just buying more time.” “Where’s Dustin?” She asks while she hands me the bat. “He’s safe on the other side.”

“This seems like a job for the Dungeon Master and Mistress, anyway.” She says as she turns slightly to smirk at me. I smirk back. “Did I mention that I fucking love you?” “Once or twice.” Oh, we're going to have fun celebrating later.

More bats come in as we make commotion. “Ready?” She asks. “Let’s do this.” We break apart and she starts shooting. I start swinging on the other side. We’re a fucking team. Dustin would be rooting for us.

Bats hit the bat continuously while Roxie hits targets perfectly. I wish I could see her, watch her. I want to turn around so bad and fight them off. Then I think about it. Why is she not with Robin, Nancy and Steve?

“HEY ROX?” I yell over the shots being fired by her. She’s the one to turn around, and it’s like a slow motion type thing you’d see in movies. She’s that fucking magnificent. With the way her hair is blowing. Her skirt too.

“Vecna… gave me a vision of you getting hurt. I needed to come and see you.” “Aw, you came to save me. Rox, sweetheart, everything would’ve been fine..” Roxie’s light smile fades as she faces something. “EDDIE! Watch out!”

She gets in front of me and holds up her gun. “ROX! NO!!!” I scream as she starts shooting at the bats honing in on us, but not before one bites her right in the hip.

“FUCK!” Roxie screams as another comes to bite her in her stomach, then one in her shoulder. But, I can see her already getting weak. No, Rox. You can’t leave.

“Eds.” She groans in pain, as if she can hear my thoughts. “It’s okay. I got this.” She continues to shoot until another bat knocks the gun out of her hand.

I run toward her to bat those demobats away, mauling at her skin. “No. NO!” I yell as I swing the bat around. Roxie’s screaming in pain. She can’t leave, no.

“You will not take her.” I say to the bats, who I know damn well are controlled by Vecna. He tricked her. “She is loved. So fucking loved.” I get the bats off of her and hit them.

Tears well up in my eyes thinking of Dustin. He can’t lose his sister. He can’t. Not when Roxie loves him so much and raised him with their mother Claudia. Not when Roxie had just realized her feelings for Nancy and became true to herself. Not when we are saving Hawkins.

“Eddie…” she whispers as I look at her, not wanting to show how terrified I am. “You are not going to die today. No. Never. Vecna is not going to win. You hear me? You will fucking live. We have many lost sheep to find.”

She smiles lightly. “It’s okay.” Tears well up in her own eyes. “We’re going to get you help. DUSTIN!!!!” I scream for her brother, who I hope can hear me. Oh god, please. We can’t lose her.

I can’t imagine losing her. She has brought so much light into my own life. “Eddie.” She smiles. “It’s okay.” The bats seem to leave us alone. Fucking prick.

“No, it’s not. We’re going to get you help, okay?” I sniffle. “DUSTIN!!” Dustin, by the grace of some entity, comes running and his eyes widen. His face is in pure pain that no sibling should ever go through. “ROXIE!!!!”

He comes sprinting and immediately knows the situation. “We need to get her into the van. There are a bunch of supplies.” I say trying to keep pressure onto her wounds, Dustin helps. “I thought she was with Steve, Nancy, and Robin.”

“That’s what I thought too. Vecna showed her a vision of me getting hurt…” I squeeze my eyes shut thinking of what could happen. “Let’s get her the supplies. Please, Dustin. We can’t lose her.”

Dustin swallows. “Okay, I have to find a way to get us out. With the rope cut, I had to improvise.” “Okay. We will figure it out.” I lift Roxie up in her arms. She already looks so pale. “Eddie, it hurts so bad.”

I kiss her head. “I know babe, I know. We’re getting you help. You’re going to be okay.” I look over to her discarded gun. “Dustin.” I say with such alertness. “Yeah?” He looks at the gun. “Get the damn gun and shoot at anything that comes after us.”

“Eddie- Dustin, don’t-“ “No, it’s justice. Justice for you. We have to go before you die.” Dustin screams at his sister. Roxie stays quiet in my arms, knowing he’s right.

“Ready, set, fucking go!” I say as we run and low and behold, bats follow after us. Dustin goes absolutely crazy with the gun. Roxie feels so light in my arms. If Vecna takes her I swear to fucking god.

I run into the trailer with her in my arms. “Babe. You saved me.” Dustin slams the door shut, just as things out there calm down. I smile at her. “We did.” I smile at Dustin.

Dustin gets a better look at Roxie, and definitely tries not to freak out at her wounds. The bats got her good. She’s losing too much blood. The wounds on her hip and stomach are so bad. “Dustin…. Go get the supplies now.”

Dustin, without saying a word, runs off. Roxie can’t get overwhelmed. I’m afraid she’d get worse. So, I stroke her hair. “You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” She smiles. “I know, I saved you from getting hurt.” “And we’re going to discuss that later.”

“Eds…” She says as I keep pressure on her wounds. “Rox, stop. You’re not going to die. We’re going to be sure of that, okay? The guys are setting up camp at Fort Munson, remember? They’re stealing shit from the hospital right now. We’re going to save you. Just stay with me, please.”

“Okay, I’ll try.” “You will.” She sniffles. “I don’t want to die.” “You’re not going to. You are going to live a long healthy life. With me. With Dustin. With your mother, who I’m certainly going to get brownie points from, I’m sure.” She laughs.

“I love you, Eddie. Forever and always. My mom will know you’re not a killer and she will approve. Dustin loves you so much. Hawkins better realize that.” I give her a soft kiss on her head.

“I love you too, sweetheart. We will make it through this. We will defeat Vecna. Get the fuck out of Hawkins. Tour the world together as Corroded Coffin and you’d be our photographer. God, you’re going to be amazing.” “No you are.”

We both smile at each other. It’s then I realize she’s maybe about to pass out. Possibly from the shock. C’mon Dustin, hurry the fuck up.

Roxie is trying so hard to fight it, but I’m so afraid of what would happen if she falls asleep. She looks so dazed.

Things suddenly stop feeling so crazy and Dustin comes back with the first aid items for her. The ones she got from the War Zone. Just in time for Nancy, Steve and Robin come in.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!” Nancy yells as she’s the first to run to us. She checks Roxie’s wounds and her pulse. “Her pulse…” “We need to get her to Fort Munson STAT.” Dustin says.

“She needs to go to the hospital.” Robin says. “If we take her to the hospital, they’re going to ask her how she got hurt.” Steve rationalizes. “But rabies. AND DO YOU SEE HOW DEEP THESE WOUNDS ARE?!”

“Guys…” I hear Dustin say as I try to remain calm for Roxie. Steve and Robin fight. Nancy gives me a sympathetic look. I’m sorry, Eddie.

“GUYS! If you could stop fucking arguing, we could quickly get Roxie help. All you gotta do is shut the fuck up.” Dustin interrupts them. Finally.

“Exactly. Steve is right, Robin. We can’t exactly go to the hospital. Roxie got supplies to hold us over till we get to their cabin.” Nancy says.

“Exactly. My thoughts exactly.” Steve says as Robin rolls her eyes. “Fine.” “The guys also stole a bunch of supplies from the hospital just in case.” Roxie says, sounding completely hoarse. Everyone laughs in shock.

“Now, are we just gonna sit here, or get Roxie some fucking help?” I say looking around. “Let’s go.”

Nancy goes first and then Dustin. They’re getting a comforter of mine to lift Roxie up. Robin then goes up and seemingly goes to tie the makeshift ropes back together.

It’s just Steve, Roxie and I. “Are you ready?” I ask Roxie. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”

Steve and I situate Roxie onto the comforter and give the thumbs up to the three. Nancy, Dustin and Robin pull the ropes up. Thank god. Maybe this will be okay after all.

Steve and I smile at each other while the plan seems to be going to plan. “Did you get him?” I ask. “There were complications… Did you see Roxie’s neck? We were choked out by these vines. And Vecna gave Roxie a vision… we got him really good… Nancy was such a bad ass. Wow. Anyway, sorry. We didn’t kill him and that fucking sucks.”

Roxie’s neck. Holy fuck. I didn’t see it. Steve must see my solemn expression, because he pats me on the shoulder. “Hey man, she’s going to pull through. She’s going to be okay. Vecna is going to pay. One way or another.”

“I know, but… she risked her life for me. After everything she’s been through.” “You’re her rock. She needs you. You need her. Now, let’s go root for her, okay?”

Nancy and Robin throw the makeshift ropes down. We climb up.

********

“Gareth the Great, do you copy?” I talk into the walkie talkie. “Yeah I copy. Is everything okay?” I stroke Roxie’s hair as Dustin and Robin sit with us in the back while Steve and Nancy drive up front.

“Yeah, man… listen. I need you to meet us at the Creel house… using my van. R-rox-Roxie…” I can’t find the words. Robin’s holding Roxie’s hand. Dustin grabs the walkie talkie from me.

“Roxie was injured during the battle. We need you ready to take her while we get Erica, Lucas and Max. Do you copy?”

Steve and Nancy look behind them. “Holy fuck. Yes. We’re going there now. Over.”

Robin then thinks of something. “Wait… your van…” “We’ve taken care of it.” Somehow getting my van covered up was a success. “Besides, I wouldn’t be so concerned with it right now. There’s a more dire situation going on right now.”

That’s when it hits. Roxie starts hyperventilating. Steve speeds as Nancy runs to the back. “ROXIE! What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… the room is spinning. I…” I feel myself panicking, I squeeze her hand. “See my dad.” “ROXIE! NO!” Dustin panics. “STEVE GO FASTER!” Robin yells. “I'M GOING! We’re almost there!”

“Roxie, stay with us.” “It’s gotta be confusion. She has to be hallucinating.” Dustin says. “Dad isn’t dead. Keep that in mind.” “Roxie, what do you see?” Nancy asks.