kaigigachad blog🔥

thinking abt the tv glow and listening to the soundtrack I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS FILM. i rarely get the chance to talk about my transness, and the fact that my uni lacks in trans people which i was kinda sad to find SUCKS since i still have trouble coming out to new people bc i dont Pass so. whatever anyway

ive realised ive spent a lot of the time since i started using he/him pronouns, ive found that i try force myself into the box of a 'boy', hoping that my gender is more digestible and easier for cis people to stomach and understand. i dont often cry about not being born a boy but when i think abt this movie too hard, i do. those sentences may seem contradictory bc im not a boy but i wish i was born one but. idk my gender is beyond words fuck you. thats the point isnt it?

when i joined a new college i Remembered that queer people are the minority, and trans people even more, which is sad and kinda funny bc i spent secondary school in my own little bubble of queer friends. i realise that im not as openly and proudly trans as i like to think i am. im still scared of cis judgement. i dont feel attractive without being feminine. theres an uncomfortable push and pull whenever i think i should wear makeup. if i dont look and feel like the standard skinny white transmasc i might hate this body forever. i dont think i have all that self acceptance yet. but there is still time