That's some damning evidence you've got there..

Hi, 

I have received a few notes about typesets of Mortifying being sold on Etsy, which I report as they crop up, often to little effect. Please don’t pay for typesets of my -- or, indeed, of any -- fanfic.

Some lovely people have made Mortifying Ordeal typesets available for free. Thank you very much to these creators for sharing their beautiful work:

Typeset by Jackie (2 volumes)

Typeset by mrsyoflam (1 volume)

Typeset by ladybobbit (1 volume)

Typeset by TwinSuns (1 volume)

Typeset by DuranBinding (2 volume version also available: 1, 2)

If you know of others, send me a message so I can add them here. 

Please keep fandom free!

The saga of someone with bipolar 2

-Deep cleaning an entire room but completely ignoring the mess in the rest of the house

-Starting fifteen different projects but not finishing any of them

-Taking a shower and then getting distracted halfway through getting dressed and doing just the randomest shit

-Sending a bunch of short text messages to everyone in your contacts

Working on projects when you’re depressed be like:

i salute you from my bed with my tea and warming pad

Just saw a dude tell another dude he was brave for getting a vasectomy. Like, “Wow, you’re so brave.” 

Yes, congratulations, you got a form of permanent birth control that takes 20 minutes with a doctor and got to go home immediately and can get up and walk around right now. It’s not fun that you’ve got to ice your dick, but you can probably take a shit just fine.

Every single woman who has ever sought permanent sterility has to be put under full anesthesia and have three incisions in her stomach. Then, three cameras are jammed down in there so doctors can look around and make sure they cut your tubes and tie them in a square knot. Then, you get stitches, painkillers, and–at minimum–are on general bed rest for a week because you have three goddamn holes in your body with stitches.

And shitting feels like knives because you have three holes in your abdomen, and it’s common to have constipation issues after a full surgery, so then it’s like shitting double knives. And then you go back to work in a week, still sore, because YOU STILL HAVE HOLES IN YOUR BODY.

“But, Gayle,” you might be thinking, “what about long term birth control that DOESN’T require surgery. The implant is good for three years, and a hormonal IUD is good for five. And THEY’RE outpatient.”

You’re right. They are. You go in, you get them, you go home. HOWEVER:

When you get the implant, they numb your arm, but I can tell you from experience, it’s not a full numbing. You WILL feel a giant goddamn pinch when they staple that fucker in place.

And for the IUD? No numbing agent at all. You just have to hope the doctor or nurse jamming that thing into your cervix works quick and gets it on the first try. 

The pain on site after the implant isn’t terrible. A few days of aching like you might have overused a muscle. But the IUD? Well, after the white-hot pain of a piece of plastic getting jammed into your cervix, your body immediately falls into aching mode because there’s SOMETHING JAMMED IN YOUR FUCKING CERVIX. It HURTS. And it’s common for it to hurt for UP TO TWO MONTHS. It’s also common to bleed to some degree FOR UP TO TWO MONTHS. 

And, because we’re talking about hormonal options, you may not even know it’s a bad match for you until YOU START TO FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF. WHILE IN CONSTANT PAIN.

The absolute truth about IUD insertion?  For most people it is excruciating.  For some people it’s no problem.  But for everyone?  It’s WAY LESS PAINFUL THAN CHILDBIRTH.

Cervixes don’t like to be messed with.  In particular, they don’t like things opening them up or going up inside the uterus.  When you get an IUD placed it presses up though the cervix, opening it up, which can cause anything from a slight cramp to fainting and crying.  There’s also a nerve, the vagus nerve, that enervates (stimulates) the uterus & cervix, and sometimes when people have an IUD inserted, the vagus nerve is tweaked, causing a “vasovagal reaction”, which usually means fainting.  So if people faint during an IUD insertion, it’s not necessarily because of pain, it’s just stimulation of the nerve.

To recap:

IUD insertion hurts.

IUD insertion hurts WAY LESS than giving birth to an unwanted pregnancy.

IUD insertion hurts less than abortion.

IUD insertion takes 3-5 minutes only.

So you go to a protest. The police “decide” it’s a riot. This can happen because the protest didn’t have a permit. Or someone throws a bottle. Or the police think maybe they possibly see someone with something that might, maybe, conceivably, be a weapon. Or, you know, they tell you to march on the wrong side of the street and then arrest you for being on the street. Or if you disobey police instructions to do an illegal thing, they arrest you for disobeying police instructions.

Oh, and if they really don’t like the protest, they will embed agents provocateur in the protest to manufacture the violence the real protesters refuse to conveniently provide. (I’m looking at you, California Highway Patrol).

So. You get arrested. And by “You” I mean “You and 5000 of your closest buddies". Well, okay, if you’re lucky you’re just arrested. If you’re unlucky first they decide to “kettle” the protest, which is where they just force the protesters into a dead end and then just… don’t let anyone leave. For hours. Without food, water, or access to bathrooms. But eventually they decide to start arresting people en masse.

In mass arrests, police tend to play fast and loose with these little concepts like “right to see a lawyer” and “stand before a judge and hear the charges”, or “know what you are charged with” and even “not being detained without charges”. In fact, they tend be kinda hinky about “keeping you in a safe holding cell provided with food and water” and even “letting you have access to live-saving medication or care”. They’re… really shitty to protestors in general, okay?

Now, you’ve been arrested. You may be suffering from injury due to tear gas, fire hoses, or just having the shit beat out of you because the arresting cops felt like it. You may be injured because they zip-tied your hands for hours, using “mass arrest” zip tie cuffs which are only safe to use for a brief while as someone is in transit, but cops don’t follow rules, they enforce “rules”.

You’re in a mass holding facility. These are temporary deals, usually warehouses pretty far from the center of town, consisting of holding cells made using chain-link fencing. You’ve been shoved in one of these cells with too many other people. There is nothing to sit on, no bedding, no blankets. No AC in the summer, no heat in the winter. You’re just… standing there. If you need to go to the bathroom, or gods forbid see a doctor - good luck with that. If youre fellow cellmates are decent, they’ll maybe try to arrange to stand in a way to get some privacy while you each pee in a designated corner or something. Dignity is not an option.

At some point, usually within 48 hours or so, you’ll either be charged with something, or released without charges. If the former, you’ll be none-too-gently thrown into a proper detention cell at the city or county lockup to await a hearing. If the latter, you’ll be “released”. Your belongings (i.e. your cell phone, wallet, keys, cash, etc.) might be returned to you at that point, but don’t hold your breath. More likely they will either refuse to return these things at all, or they will “graciously” mail them to your legal address within N weeks. After imaging your cell phone and throwing any cash you had into the “confiscated, could not return” pile.

Now, when I say “released” I don’t mean they give you a ride back to where they grabbed you. You’re now in an industrial park on the outskirts of town, without a wallet, money, or a cell phone. And you’re not released all at once, they just let out a few at a time. Fortunately there are groups which will meet and assist you in getting home, but you’re kinda entirely at their mercy. And yes, police have a history of fucking with those groups, too - they’re not big fans of anyone who helps protesters. Which means they’ll lie about where and when people are being released, threaten and intimidate the support folks - you know, like cops do.

But let’s optimistically assume at this point you can get home. Let’s even optimistically assume your vehicle, which you smartly did not drive to get to the protest, has not been impounded. You have most likely been missing from work, with no way to contact your job, for at least one full day, maybe longer depending on when the protest was, when your next shift was, and how long the police decided to hold you.

If you work in an at-will state, that’s all she wrote. You’re now out of a job, unless your boss is particularly merciful. At best you were fired with cause for failing to come in to work. At worst, well, the police can still decide they want to charge you. That’s a specter which can hang over your head for years, especially if you ever get arrested again. And in the US, having a criminal history, or even having been arrested, can keep you from getting a job again.

Yeah. There’s damned good reason people don’t go to protests.

Pokemon Ita Backpacks

These super cute bags are on Kickstarter right now and are $55 USD a bag. The ears and tails are removable so you not only get a Pokemon bag but a plain solid colour bag when you take off the attachments. 

The Kickstarter ends Nov 5 so make sure you grab one!

If you’re the kind of person with “unfollowing anxiety” I want you to know it’s okay to unfollow me

 I don’t care if we’re mutuals, friends in real life, family, whatever

i think about this a lot. where i learned it from. i have the same mantra at the gym. i have the same mantra over salad. i have the same mantra at 3 AM while doing homework: it doesn’t have to feel good, but it does have to happen. 

where did i learn it from, that life is a thing to be endured and not celebrated. that each moment is either a bad space or bracing for the next wound. to hop from catcall to grope to spiked drink without batting an eye - this is just something to live through, turn over. to minimize my space in trains, to maximize his needs, his desires, all without complaining. to say yes when it is unearned.

my keychain has a whistle on it. this is not uncommon. most of us have been prepared for The Emergency since we were old enough to be told what to wear. did i think that the emergency had to look and act a certain way for it to actually be an emergency. did i think that, under the threat of something worse, the silver of this violence was something smoother. this isn’t The Emergency. this is the yes, and i did say yes.

worse things happened to me. they deserved a loud whistle and a bright red light. this is not worse. i don’t have to like it, because what i do like, i will be mocked for. i just have to deal with it, and i must do so prettily, without pouting, without complaint. how do i phrase this to my therapist. at the time it was just easier. at the time it was just how things worked between us. i have been a good girl all my life. i have always been quiet and thoughtful and ready to drop my own needs at a moment’s notice. this was just another version of being good. i was keeping us together. i was helping out. i was just doing what was expected of me, and i can’t regret that now.