WEIRDGUY 4 WEIRDGUY

---

The mess hall feels more crowded than usual today as every camper huddles around their table. Most are still sleepy from the past challenge, but some are in full gear. 

“We need to get our act together,” Max insists, drawing out a little game plan on his plate of mysterious brown slop, only pausing to glare at Frollo as he speaks. “We can’t afford to lose over petty personal differences.”

Frollo glares back, his eyes cold and gaze icy. Julia responds with a sigh, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “So what’s your plan, then, Mr. Man?”

“I don’t appreciate your tone,”

“I don’t appreciate your face!”

“Woah, let’s cool down, alright?” Austin says, holding out his arms between them as if they were to pounce on each other at any moment. “Take a chill pill, baby!”

Max pushes his arm down. “I’d ask you to kindly keep your peace and love away from me, thank you,” 

Austin sighs and sits back. “Only trying to keep us together, mate. We’re on a team, aren’t we?”

Only Kelly seems to agree as everyone glares daggers at each other. Max sighs. “As much as I hate to admit it, the hippie is right. As I said, we need to put our personal differences aside if we want to keep winning,”

“He’s right,” Scruffy chimes in, swallowing a spoonful of slop without a second thought. Everyone winces. “Speaking from the lens of a TDI historian, the most successful teams, alliances, and friendships are built off of practical cooperation.”

“Thank you,”

Julia rolls her eyes. 

Things are looking much more peaceful over at the Fujoshis table as they chat merrily. Courtney is wedged at the very end of the table, using McLovin as a shield to keep them away from Mal, who’s surrounded by Ass and Patrick. 

“And I’m covered by the company health insurance, so if I sustain any lasting injuries, it comes straight out of McLean’s pocket,” Caesar chuckles, using his spoon to form the breakfast gruel into pancake-shaped patties, somewhat fit for consumption. 

Bonnie shakes their head in bewilderment. “And you got all this stuff, how, exactly? Threatened to sue?”

“Not exactly,” he smiles. “Back home, I run a very popular Total Drama-themed Hunger Games simulation show on local cable and online. It got so big, the execs here threatened to sue. I sent my fans after them and they issued a formal apology, which included an invitation to their newest season.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen that!” Peter says, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s so awesome, my friends and I take bets on who wins!”

Bonnie scoffs, shaking their head with a smile. “Lucky,” 

“I threatened to sue, but the court dismissed my case,” Patrick chimes in. “On the grounds of not actually having been on the island.”

“If only the courts were evil,” Bonnie jokes. 

“If only the courts were evil in my favor,”

Bonnie chuckles. Kitty reaches into their apron pocket and pulls out a handful of candy and hands it to Patrick. “For your troubles,” they whisper. 

Patrick blinks. “Thank you,”

“Alright, campers!” Chris shouts. “Your next challenge starts in ten minutes- be prepared to bring it!”

“Corny. Same line he used in the original,” Scruffy mutters. 

---

The dodgeball emporium is already set up, a shiny glass athletic center that puts the rest of the island’s amenities to shame. That can only mean one thing- Chris is very enthusiastic about going all out for today's torture.

“I still feel exhausted,” Kelly sighs, stretching. “I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, either.”

“Bad dreams, baby?” Austin asks. 

“One of the girls was snoring,” 

All of the girls and such on the Inane Anons turn to Michael, who looks back, confused. “Wasn’t me. I was up all night, too,”

Kelly shrugs. “It’s no problem. Just a bit tired,”

“Today’s challenge is everyone’s favorite: dodgeball! The first rule is don’t get hit. Second is that if you catch the ball, the thrower is out and the catcher gets to bring another team member out onto the court! And some other stuff,”

“Great. Okay, we only need five players,” Max says. “Who’s gonna sit this out with Kelly?”

“No, no- I’ll play!” Kelly insists. Max raises an eyebrow, but shrugs. "I guess it makes sense to save the best for last. Get in under the radar and then surprise them last minute. Frollo, Staci, you're on. I'll go too, and-"

“If Kelly’s going, I am too, baby!” 

"Whatever. Just don't try to "make love not war" them to death,"

Courtney, Mal, Patrick, McLovin, and Peter stand opposite to them, not looking very happy. Courtney turns to the rest of their team. “Just focus on dodging for now. If you see an opportunity, take it, but no one get themselves hurt,”

“But if you do-” Mal interjects, much to Courtney’s annoyance. “There’s no shame in losing!”

“Yes there is,” Patrick says. 

“Alright, ready? Set? Play ball!” Chris blows into his whistle. 

Courtney sighs. “Just focus on keeping in the game!”

A ball immediately flies from the opposite side and tags Peter directly in the neck. Staci and Austin high-five. He wheezes on the ground for a few minutes as his teammates stare in shock, and then Chef drags him off the court. 

“What did I just ask?!”

Another ball flies by and Patrick barely dodges, though it bounces off the glass wall and smacks McLovin in the back of the head, flattening him on the ground. 

Courtney sighs as Chef scrapes McLovin off the floor with a shovel. “Alright, it’s on!”

They aim for Frollo- the easiest target, since he’s still all bruised from his earlier divine encounter- and toss the first ball from their side. 

Frollo holds out his Bible like a shield. “The Power of Christ compels y-” 

The ball hits him in the gut and he wheezes, drops to his knees, and then curls up on the floor. Max groans and puts his head in his hands. 

Kelly yawns and weakly tosses a ball, which simply bounces across the floor and lands at Patrick’s feet with a weak squeak. Patrick picks it up and in one throw, takes out Kelly and a poor, derelict Austin trying to help them stay awake. 

Mal swerves across the court, dribbling her ball and dodging throws from the remaining Inane Anons before throwing it, hitting Max with such a force he’s thrown into the glass behind them. She turns to smirk at Courtney, and is promptly hit in the head with a throw from Staci. 

Patrick aims straight for Staci’s face, but they catch the ball and use it to take both Patrick and Courtney out. The Inane Anons win the round with a cheer. 

“We need to get in gear,” Courtney says, rubbing their sore side. “Not to live up to my namesake, but I’m gonna go all Type A on this team if we don’t start working together!”

“I agree completely,” Mal smirks. Courtney glares at her. 

Kelly falls asleep on the bleachers, and Michael takes their place. Julia, O, and Scruffy also step in, and the Fujoshis come up with Courtney, Ass, Caesar, Bonnie, and McLovin. 

"You sure you can handle this?" Ass asks Caesar. "Getting hit in the hair will still count you out."

He chuckles. "If I can swerve paparazzi and desperate fans on an average trip to the grocery store, I can handle this, easy. Bonnie? Care to join?"

Bonnie jogs over and the two stand back to back.

---

BONNIE: "I mostly do online gaming now, but back before I had access to my computer setup and my tablets, I used to go to the Chuck-e-Cheese's," they smirk. "Not to brag, but you're looking at the regional skee ball and Pop-a-Shot champion."

---

Bonnie and Caesar give each other a smile before team up sweeping the game in the blink of an eye, taking out three Anons and leaving the rest to Courtney and Ass. Only McLovin gets tagged out by a seemingly very-determined Michael, to which he glares.

Courtney grins, some hint of assurance on their face. “I’m gonna step out to save energy. Ass and Bonnie, stay in,”

“I’ll Sha-Go too!” Sha-Mod bounds forward. 

“Erm, no offense, but…” Caesar gestures to the picture taped over their face. “Aren’t you a little visually impaired?”

“My other senses are heightened,”

Caesar shrugs. “Our funeral,”

"If I may?" Mal asks, smiling sweetly. "Peter hasn't gotten a chance to play again."

Peter looks up from where he'd been watching a bug crawl around on the floor with big eyes.

"No offense, but this isn't exactly taking turns on your brother's tricycle," Caesar says.

Courtney nods, glaring at Mal with a suspicious stare. "Yeah... I don't know if he's really up to the task,"

"I have faith in him," Mal smiles confidently. "Go take a breather, Caesar."

Caesar rolls his eyes and walks off as the game begins, much to Bonnie's and Courtney's dismay.

Julia takes out Sha-Mod almost instantly, and barely misses Peter. “Ow!” 

A flash of anger crosses Mal’s face. “Come ON! AIM!” Everyone raises an eyebrow at her, and she catches herself, changing to a smile and a nervous laugh as she pretends to help Sha-Mod up. 

Peter is taken out seconds later, and as Mal stifles a grin a stray ball catches her in the stomach and she collapses. Peter groans and is dragged off court. Sha-Mod follows. They leave Mal on the floor. 

Ass and Bonnie aim for Michael, but Julia tags out Bonnie just in time, distracting Ass long enough for Kelly to swoop in and steal the lead. 

“One more game, one more chance!” Courtney insists. “Patrick, you’re in. Anyone else who thinks they can-”

“I- I wanna try,” Peter wheezes. 

Ass and Courtney raise an eyebrow in sync. 

“I don't think that’s such a good idea, little buddy,” Patrick says, smirking slightly. 

“I have… to prove my worth,”

"I say we give him one last chance, huh?" Mal smiles.

Courtney starts to say something, but the rest of the team cuts in. Ass shrugs. “Whatever, just don't get hit!”

Patrick, Peter, McLovin, Caesar, and Sha-Mod stand against Kelly, Austin, Max, Scary, and Scruffy. 

“Piece of cake!” Sha-Mod grins directly before Kelly aims straight for the jugular. 

Patrick dodges a ball from Scary, watching it bounce against the glass wall and fall to his feet with a chuckle. He picks it up and looks forward just in time to see a coordinated attack from Scruffy and Max coming straight towards him. 

“Not that face,” he whimpers before both balls hit him square between the eyes.

Caesar dodges a throw from Austin, catching another from Scruffy as he stands at the line between the two sides of the court. He tosses a ball, missing Kelly, before hearing a faint giggle and looking up towards the ceiling where Scary is hanging from on all fours with a ball in their teeth. They drop it- it hits Caesar, bouncing off his hair, and then ricochets on McLovin, leaving Peter alone on the court.

“Come on, Peter, you got this!” Ass shouts. 

Peter swallows a nervous lump in his throat and looks back at the Anons.

“Do you really think he can make it?” McLovin asks, holding an ice pack to his jaw. 

“No, but it’s a nice thought, isn’t it?”

Peter trembles, the ball in his hands shaking violently as he stares down the opposing team, who aren’t looking too concerned at all. Max gives a slight I told you so look to the rest of his team, then a smile Kelly and Austin, and then all three of them part, allowing Scary to walk through. Peter quivers and weakly throws the ball. It bounces a few paces forward and stops at Scary’s feet. 

He picks it up, grins wickedly, and then tosses it directly upwards. 

Max cups his face to shout. “Seriously?! He's right-”

As it falls, Scary does a tight, neatly performed spin-kick and launches the ball with her heel, sending it out with such a force that when it hits Peter, it sends him directly through the glass and onto the beach below. 

Max's jaw drops. Everyone falls silent. Even Chris looks mildly concerned. The Flying Fujoshis stare in shock, all looking at each other as if to say, “So, who’s gonna get the body?”

Then, the silence lifts. 

“And with a sweeping victory, the Inane Anons have won the game!” Chris shouts against the cheers of the winning team. “Chef, bring Peter to the medical tent and call in a chopper, he’s outta here! No elimination ceremony tonight!”

The Fujoshis stare in complete dead silence before a few interns force them out of their seats.

“That was rough,” Sha-Mod says, shaking his head as they walk back to the cabin. The picture of Lightning quivers in the wind, but stays put. 

Patrick shrugs. “Eh, he had it coming. It’s the law of the wild on this island- natural selection. The weakest go first,”

Sha-Mod frowns, but doesn’t respond further. 

The Anons, on the other hand, seem to be doing just fine as they gather for lunch in the mess hall. “How’s this, baby: you, me, the Christian square, and the history square?” Austin asks, walking alongside Kelly. 

“Are you sure? I mean, Frollo is kind of…” they gesture to Frollo, who’s standing over Peter’s cast-covered body and sprinkling holy water on him while he tries to weakly protest. 

“That’s why he can’t say no, baby!”

“Ok, I guess that makes sense. What about… Staci? Staci is nice,” Kelly smiles, gesturing to Staci as they growl at Michael for staring. 

“Sure, baby, whatever you say. Yeah!”

Staci sits back down on the bench and huffs. Scary emerges from under the table as if she were rising from underwater and sits next to them. “I liked your technique today. Brutal!”

“Thank you,” Staci grins. “My great-great-great cousin twice-removed Bertram actually invented the earliest version of dodgeball, so I’m pretty good at it.”

Max rolls his eyes. “Oh, brother,”

“I heard that!” they snap, brandishing their grimy spoon like a weapon. Scary giggles with delight.