mariana

I want to be the standard pretty, the pretty girl next door, a fantasy, just so my obssesion could be seen as something cute and attractive not as a pathetic cry for help.

One summer, I promise thee, I will fix my shortcomings and be deemed as a perfect girl of your dreams. I will delete myself from reality, one summer day, just so I could better myself and make you finally stay.

Every time, at that time of month, I am reminded of the cycle that will repeat for 3 more decades. Pain and suffering I must endore until I am deemed old, ugly and irrelevant by the rest of society. In this world, as a woman, you will only live in agony and shame.

As a woman in this world, you will never win.

I'm cursed. In relationships either I don't have any feelings or the other person doesn't. When will I get to love mutually.

I wish he sees me as my own. I dont want to be the healing copy of the past.

It's humiliating when someone points out a flaw you're well aware of but refuse to admit.

I have loved many people and searched for love throughout the years, encouraging others to wait for it to come along instead of chasing after it. Thoughts like "Will I ever love normally?" and "Will I ever be loved truly?" as well as "Does that person even exist or am I just an extra puzzle piece" are all that it left me with.

Would you protect me at night from the monsters that hide away in the closet and mirrors? Would you hug me tight when I cry, darling? Would you make my droopy melancholic eyes squint caused by the wide smile spreading across my cheeks? I’m gentle as a dove and angry as a bear, perfectly unstable, please protect me my love.