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❀ *ﾟ matty healy. cismale. he/him. ⇝ hey, isn’t that julian “jude” morrison? i think that the twenty-nine year old from manchester, uk, works as a tattoo artist at black spade tattoo, but outside of that they spend a lot of time at the bars in las vegas. i hear they are pretentious + self-destructive, but they are also known to be equable + intelligent. consider giving them a visit at their home in buffalo mountain road apartments and get to know why they’re called the nihilist.

jude was a safe place for cassia. when she was filming in new york, signing a few brand deals, she’d met him at a party and instantly felt a connection. it wasn’t romantic, no, but it felt like she’d ran into an old friend. their conversation was smooth, no awkward silences, and she could remember spending the entire night sharing drinks and hits off of a blunt, just talking and laughing. she’d never felt that way with someone before, certainly not within their first meeting, and she couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again. they had skype calls, talked often, and she felt like she didn’t have to be drunk around him. this conversation only proved her point. “”his name was ronald ball. there’s a lawsuit, but i haven’t really looked into it recently to see the outcome. that’s definitely something i’m going to have to google later,” she nodded with excitement. “so, i actually saw a video after i read the article where somebody did a 30 day test. they bought a mouse from the pet store that had passed away, put him in a little jar and poured mountain dew over it, then left it in there for like, 37 days?” she shrugged her shoulders up and down. “give or take a few days, i think. but when he dumped the jar out outside, it was literally just… a tail and some goo,” she shuddered, remembering the sight all too well. this was a conversation they would have even more in depth later, she was sure of it. as he introduced himself, she felt out her hand and smirked. “hey jude!” she sang, as if he hadn’t heard that joke sixty times. “it’s cassia, or cass if that’s too difficult… which, some people find it difficult,” she had to laugh at her rambling. “what sentence do you wish you hadn’t heard? like, i have an example but i don’t want to take up the video. what sentence changed you, jude?”

Dominic begrudgingly lifted the bag of ice to his face, the cold shocking his system momentarily. “Well, Mac beat the shit out of me ‘cause I slept with his girl,” he laughed, shaking his head. “That sounds way worse than it really is, trust me. So I met this chick a couple of weeks back. She came into the bar for a drink and she was mad flirty right from the start. Like fuck me eyes and everything. And so whatever, I finish my shift and we get going in the back seat of my car. It was super cramped, definitely not the best night I’ve had but that’s not the point,” Dominic explained, using his hands a little to further explain. “Okay, so I was out with Day the other day, and we were talking about this secret chick Mac’s been sneaking around with. I didn’t know her name or what she looked like. But then Day showed me a picture, and this is where it got all kinds of fucked up. Day and this girl, her name is Lights, are exes, and Lights is the girl I hooked up with, and Lights is the chick who Mac’s been seeing lately.” The brunette let the words sink in, watching Jude’s reaction. It was a long, winding story, and it was easy to get lost in the details, but when he didn’t come up with any questions, Dom took that as a sign to keep going. “I thought tonight would be a good night to tell him.”

“Sorry for just showing up,” he said after a moment of silence. “I didn’t even consider if you were busy or had something to do tonight. I just - I just put in your address as soon as I packed my bag and got in the Uber.” It was true. Dominic did not think about where he was going, or who would be there for him in this situation. Jude was the obvious answer. Looking down, he examined his beaten knuckles. They weren’t that bad, which he took as a good sign that he hadn’t laid into Malcolm too hard. He breathed a little easier with that knowledge. 

before dom gives him the assurance that it isn’t as simple as having “slept with mac’s girl,” jude feels his heart break a little. it’s disappointment, but it’s a guilty disappointment. during that dark six-month period of time in new york when jude had been trudging along at rock bottom with his head down, he’d cheated on the girl he was with more than once. the look on her face when the all-consuming guilt had made him admit it to her is something he’s never been able to forget; the idea of what mac’s face might have looked like after learning of such a betrayal by a friend is difficult to stomach. but he doesn’t have to for long--dom’s explanation involves more twists and turns than a funhouse maze but he follows along well enough, and it’s not difficult to figure out that dom hadn’t done anything wrong. he’s silent for a moment as he processes the whole thing, drink forgotten, and when dom starts apologizing jude waves it away with a hand.

“i wasn’t busy and you can stay as long as you need to,” he assures him, “that living situation sounds like it just turned into a bit of a nightmare. and, dom, listen...mac was way out of line, mate. hitting you for sleeping with some bird he was sneaking around with, whose face you’d never seen? i dunno, man. that sounds literally insane to me, but i guess he must have some wild rationalization going on or he would have stopped after the first punch. well, before the first punch, actually.” he shakes his head and picks up his drink, knocking back half of it, and pulls a joint from behind his ear as he leans back into the couch. “some people are just...so full of rage, d’you know what i mean? if you’d done it knowingly i’d understand the pain behind it at least, but this is just so far beyond the reach of my empathetic capabilities. anyway, how’d you leave it, then? does daysia know?”

Dominic was thankful to have a handful of people he could rely on in Los Angeles. Not people he considered acquaintances that wished him a happy birthday via meaningless Instagram comments, but real people that cared about him beyond the typical shallow relationships people often had in a city as busy as LA. Jude was undoubtedly one of them. Following him into the apartment, Dominic cracked the first smile of the night. He probably shouldn’t have as it irritated his clotting cut on his lip, but being around Jude made it impossible not to.

“Really? I can barely feel it. Probably just a little scratch or something,” Dom replied sarcastically though a smirk tugged at the edges of his lips. Judes concern was comforting, and he felt both safe and secure in his company. He winced as he settled down onto the couch, his torso a little sore from the few punches Malcolm had snuck into his ribcage. “If you don’t have whiskey sitting around here then we’re gonna have to go and get some. You think anywhere’s open at this hour? Or will we have to beg your neighbours for shots?” He rambled, putting off the truth for as long as possible. Dominic didn’t want to concern Jude, but given the state of his face and the expression on Jude’s it was probably far too late for that. “Nothing too crazy. Me and Mac kinda got into it. All those pushups that he does helped him out tonight, that’s for sure. You think if I start doing them I’ll be able to take him next time? Or am I toast either way?”

“i’ve got something, don’t worry,” jude assures him, already halfway back to the kitchen. “use the ice, man, seriously. you look like goddamn rocky balboa.” he finds a half-empty bottle of jameson in one of his kitchen cabinets, stuffed behind a few bottles of red wine--the alcohol he rarely touches, in other words. a few years ago, even the stuff he detests would have been gone. he returns with the bottle and two glasses, both of which he fills a quarter of the way. “there you go,” he says with a nod, “whiskey on the house. now talk.” at first, the reality of what dom says doesn’t even process, maybe because of the way he’d started--nothing too crazy--or because of the casual way he says the whole thing. but then the sentence me and mac kinda got into it clicks and jude pauses with his drink halfway to his mouth. it wasn’t so rare for friends to fight; what jude was seeing now on dom’s face was a long stretch from kinda getting into it. “wait, i’m sorry, go back, you and mac got...kinda into it? what the hell does that even mean? you’ve got a split lip and a black eye, dom.” he knows, though. he doesn’t know specifics, of course, but there’s really only one thing that gets anybody worked up enough to throw a punch at a best friend: heartache. “i mean, for fuck’s sake. what happened?”

The bond between Jude and Asher was unlike it seemed. Asher being the possessive person that he was, maintaining a friendship with someone who had previously slept with his girl seemed unlike him. But, Jude was a different breed. The two matched each other with their laid back behavior and their love for all things artistic. Their interactions always fulfilled the void that Asher had for intelligent conversation in this city. Jude was smart and cunning and Asher would be a fool to pass up a friendship over a girl, right? After all, with Xyla in his bed at the end of the night, there was no need for jealousy. Asher had won the battle after all. 

Watching the other roll, Asher leaned back on his couch as he inhaled the crisp fumes of the bud. It was so distinct in nature, so unique in dignity. Most people would deem the smell intolerable but the two had both grown used to scent and found a bit more calming that anything. “The government wants to regluate everything, man. Sure, buying from a dispensary you know exactly what you’re getting. But, having a good dealer is the same thing.” Asher took the joint from the other, inhaling a hit himself before relaying it back to Jude. “I’m not worried, though. I have loyal customers that keep me in business.” Asher winked at the other, running his fingers delicately through his hair. He wasn’t sure how at this point in the game, Jude hadn’t spilled the beans about his side hustle to Xyla. He was grateful for it, meaning the two spoke very little about Asher. That could be a good thing, right? If they didn’t talk about him, that meant he wasn’t doing anything wrong. But that also meant that they could have been sneaking behind his back, not paying much mind to him. Asher shook the thought away. He didn’t want to pay mind to his jealous thoughts. “What’s up with you? Haven’t seen much of you lately. Was starting to think you find a new plug.”

“there’s something really disturbing about it, innit?” he takes the joint back, kicking his legs up onto the scratched-up fake wood of his coffee table with no mind paid to the bong (filled with putrid-smelling water that had been sitting in there for more than a week) sitting dangerously close to his feet. “the government regulating weed consumption? it’s a bloody plant, it’s nature. how free can you possibly be if your government has a say in your engagement with nature?” he shakes his head, blows the accumulated ash off the end of the joint, and passes it again. sure, there’s some tension there with asher, but there aren’t many people he knows who would have indulged him in this type of conversation. “i’d argue a good dealer is better than a dispensary, if i’m being honest. i trust you a hell of a lot more than i do any government-sanctioned retail space selling drugs they used to lock you up for in a country as volatile as this one.”

there’s nothing to feel guilty about, of course--he’s allowed to hang out with xyla--but there’s something about the way asher asks him what he’s been up to that makes jude feel like he’s hiding something anyway. “no new plug,” he laughs, “just busy at work, i s’pose, i’ve got people asking me for the most absurd, complicated pieces, it’s unbelievable. i finally bought death stranding, too, and fuck me if i can’t make myself stop playing it. i swear i’m not being that garbage person who only bums around with you when i need my fix.” fresh bud has always had a way of hitting jude fast and hard and he can suddenly feel it in his eyes, which he rubs none-too-gently with his knuckles. “you been up to anything good?” he asks, letting his arms drop bonelessly to the couch at his sides. “besides curating the best weed in the state, obviously.”

“yikes. well i’ve dated city already and aside from my own obvious pitfalls as a relationship partner we did pretty well, so i guess i’d marry her. i’ve threatened alexis with death on more than one occasion so i’d be more than happy to metaphorically end all that whingeing. which leaves xyla and fucking, and we’ve already done that, so.”

“Time.” She repeated with a sarcastic laugh. “What a joke. There isn’t enough of it in the world, but other days it feels like there’s a never ending supply of it.” City was stuck. Absolutely, one hundred percent stuck. Every bone in her body ached, every muscle quivering, longing to reach out and wrap herself around the man. She missed him. God, she missed him. But it was in such a different way than before. She honestly didn’t know how to be around him apart from holding him, touching his skin to hers, completely being with him and giving herself to him. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing ever was, however in comparison to her friends and their issues, it’d seem like smooth sailing. She could hear her heart in her ears like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. “I just want things to be normal. Between us.” The brunette uttered, fighting to take the hand that had pushed stray hairs away from her solemn face. And it was like something went off inside her. Like that time bomb exploded. Why couldn’t she just have this one thing? Sure, she had an amazing life, but why couldn’t she indulge in her vices like everyone else? Intertwining their fingers together, she pressed wet lips to the palm of his hand. “I don’t… feel that way about you. Not anymore. But… this—“ she moves, meeting his gaze, only inches from his. “This feels normal. Don’t you think?” Her voice was soft, but her eyes begged him to give her an answer. She didn’t know what to expect.

part of her wanted him to leave. why did she feel this way? her first relationship, her first love, now a bittersweet memory. at some point in their time together, she honestly thought they’d be together forever, like any lovestruck girl would. but city couldn’t pin point a moment where that changed. honestly, she thinks maybe she just changed. but had she really? “i can’t deal with you joking right now, jude.” her voice was soft, fragile, something that she’d never really heard before and it sounded so foreign to her. but it was her voice. and it scared her that someone could make her so vulnerable. “i don’t want you to fuck off. i want to be able to be in the same room as you and feel comfortable again. it’s… i hate how you’re making me feel right now. and i don’t know how, you’re not doing anything, you’re just… here.” she was rambling. but she wasn’t sure how to explain it to him, especially when there was so much going on in her head at this particular point in time. “i don’t know. i wish there was some magical remedy for this, but i don’t think there is.” city knew she’d hate herself for this later, but right now, she just wanted some comfort. someone to tell her what she’s feeling (or not feeling) is okay. so she inched closer to him, readjusted her posture, and laid her head in his lap. she was stiff to begin with, expecting him to move out of the way or push her off. but she hoped he wouldn’t.

Xyla rolled her eyes playfully as Jude quickly backed out of her challenge and accepted is role as a terrible partner-in-crime. “Maybe you’re not all that useless,” she added after a moment of thought. “If I’m going to be committing crimes for the sake of your entertainment, you have to bail me out of jail. Every time, regardless of how high my bail is. I’m sure it’ll rack up well within the thousands, but that shouldn’t be a problem, right?“ Xyla teased, gently nudging him they started towards the end of the pier.

It was a beautiful Los Angeles afternoon. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and not a cloud littered the bright blue sky above them. While Xyla’s original plans were to catch up on laundry and maybe hit the gym, she was thankful that Jude had persuaded her to ditch her responsibilities and let loose a little. Between endless client calls and meetings, taking care of her little pup, and trying to navigate the budding relationship she had with Asher, she had been neglecting much needed time with good friends. Hanging out with Jude was always a good time. His clever wit, charm and tantalizing accent kept things interesting, and she was never sure what he was going to say next. It kept Xyla on her toes and she greatly valued having someone like him in her life.

“We’re literally on the pier, staring out at the ocean on a beautiful LA day. Is that not scenic enough for you?” she scoffed, rolling her eyes at him as he lit the joint. “But fine, I’ll bite. We can go anywhere you want, so long as I can keep my feet on something solid and we’re not getting shoved into the back of police cars and thrown in holding cells.” The fair sent of marijuana lingered in the air between them before quick dissipating into the air. She watched as Jude took the first few hits, taking care to watch his technique. Xyla wasn’t much of a smoker, often leaning more towards a bottle of red wine at the end of a long day instead. However, given the carefree nature of their afternoon, there was no better time than now. “Ferris wheel,” she coughed after taking a drag from the joint. “I wouldn’t last a day, let alone a week in jail. I’ve seen Orange is the New Black. I am not cut out for that. And if I can yell and scream with no judgement while I’m up there, then I should be alright,” Xy answered, her lips curling up into a smirk. It wasn’t long before they reached the end of the pier and Xyla leaned her arms on the cool metal banister, looking down at the waves below. “Okay your turn. Would you rather get portraits of me and Danny Devito tattoo’d on your chest, or The Rock’s classic turtle neck and fanny pack pose on your back?” She reached for the joint after Jude and brought it back up to her lips. She watched his expression as he considered the two options. She was terrible at thinking of creative questions, but given the nature of his work, she couldn’t resist the terrible opportunities it paved the way for. 

letting out a short laugh at xyla’s assessment, jude gives a little shrug of agreement. “maybe i’m not, after all,” he allows, and this time he’s the one rolling his eyes. “oh absolutely, yeah, that’s no problem. i’m loaded, everyone knows that. and it’s the least i can do, you being the one taking all the risks for the--how did you put it? the sake of my entertainment. what’s a couple thousand? pennies on the dollar, know what i mean?” the ironic part, of course, being that his parents back home in england really were loaded, but he hadn’t seen so much as a dime of that since even before he’d cut them out of his life, and he certainly hadn’t told xyla about them.

even in his late teens and early twenties jude had never been an antagonistic person--he’d never gone out looking for drama, never started fights for the sake of starting fights, and he’d always had decent enough control over his emotions that he was usually capable of handling disappointment without lashing out at people. this is perhaps why it doesn’t even cross his mind to find a new dealer now that xyla’s fully turned her attention to asher rather than himself. yes, it hurts a little, but he’s old enough now to have made very sure from the beginning that he didn’t let himself fall hard enough for it to do much more than that. also, he likes asher. and he cares about xyla as a friend he wants to be happy more than he cares about chasing a crush. the problem, of course, is that he hasn’t been able to shake the weird feeling that there’s tension between them lately, and he realizes he might be making it up in his head, but he doesn’t think so. in his typical fashion, though, he does his very best to ignore it. 

she was relieved to be talking to someone she actually knew for her first question. as jude stepped into view, she flashed a grin. cassia didn’t know all the little details of how jude and city broke up. she and the girl normally shared everything, but it was a little blurry to her, so she didn’t see any reason to treat him with anything other than respect and civility. “oh thank goodness. i was so afraid you wouldn’t want to play along,” cassia responded with a soft giggle. she put the microphone towards jude as he spoke, nodding along and moving it back to her when it was her turn. “you’re absolutely right. i think it also has a lot to do with the fact that there are certain sounds we’re taught are wrong, certain words too. thinking about it, i’m not sure i’d cringe too much at nails on a chalkboard if no one had told me it was –” she put air quotes up with her fingers. “bad,” cassia moved the microphone back again. this was already going better than she had expected. she was hoping to get some answers like this, and some others telling her statements they wish they hadn’t heard. a good mix of the two would make for a good video. she shivered a bit as he spoke of the bugs in certain things. “ugh, that’s hard to think about, but i do remember that i once read an article about a man finding something that looked like a mouse in his can of mountain dew, and then mountain dew released a statement saying that anything like that would have already dissolved in the drink, and the guy wouldn’t have known, so there couldn’t have been a mouse – which then makes you wonder just how acidic soda really is, and what else we’re eating and drinking,” she wrinkled her nose in disgust. “oh, by the way,” she began, a smirk tugging at her lips as she thought about the question she was about to ask – and of course, she knew the answer. “what’s your name?” 

alexis clenches his jaw and pauses his movements. he could lie and say that he has much more interesting friends to hang out with. maybe he has a fancy party to attend or a grand premiere. but he doesn’t. all that was waiting for him was his goldfish at home. he rolls his eyes, settling back in the chair and crossing his legs. today he’s sporting a nice pair of leggings and a crop top. simple, but comfortable. “i think you’re a fan of my big bloody mouth,” alexis says, mocking jude’s accent. he shrugs his shoulders. “i don’t care what you or anyone else thinks of me. i only get offended when my talents are disregarded.” alexis’ fingers reach out for jude’s cigarette, too lazy to light himself a new one. “i’m a personal shopper for clients. i…get to shop for a living. occasionally i’ll be trusted to actually pick…what my client wears.”