Juxta(prose)ition

The last couple of months have been among the most stressful in my life. Last year I had the idea to launch an international women’s entrepreneurship conference. Things started to fall into place for an event in one of Chicago’s coolest neighborhoods. A month into planning I had a venue, sponsors and speakers. The response was overwhelmingly positive as I shared my vision for the event and saw it coming to life. I hired an intern in Chicago and everything was going great... until it wasn’t.

Early registration wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. I realized some key flaws on my promotion strategy. I was feeling bummed by a pattern of people starting out super excited and ambitious about supporting the conference and then disappearing when it was time to follow through. And then came the news that the conference venue I’d booked (and paid) was closing down. As an added bonus they weren’t sure how or when they’d be able to refund my money. Then my intern got offered a fantastic full time job that meant I’d be losing her at the most crucial point in conference planning.

Just as I was feeling more overwhelmed and anxious than I ever thought possible my grandmother got sick and died over the course of 48 hours. I was devastated. At first I cried. Then I was numb. No more fear. No more anxiety. Nothing. I was at such a low point that I almost welcomed the numbness. It seemed like a more manageable option than what I’d been going through.

I gave myself the weekend to get it all out, but I knew come Monday morning I’d have to get back to work. I had clients waiting, emails to answer and conference planning to do. I thought about other times in my life when I’d felt hopeless or overwhelmed, like I could never possibly feel like myself again. The common thread between all of those experiences is that they were never permanent. Life always got better eventually.

Just like things can suddenly take a turn for the worse, they’re just as likely to take a turn for the better. Everything is temporary. Even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Feeling comforted by remembering that I’d made it through hard times before, I decided to draw on my grandmother’s legacy as a strong, resilient woman to help me move forward. I draw on the legacy of her mother - my great grandmother - a widowed school teacher with a Masters degree in the first half of the 1900s. The school’s male principal forbade her to continue studying for her PhD because he wouldn’t allow his female employee to have a higher degree than him.

I move forward to honor all of the women who came before me. I realize that the mere opportunity to take such a huge risk - even if it resulted in failure - is a privilege. It’s a privilege denied to so many women past and present.

At this point I can say confidently that my gamble has already paid off. I’ve had the opportunity to connect with amazing women through this journey. I can’t wait to see what happens when we come together in one room. I’ve learned that while it’s certainly possible to walk this path alone - I don’t want to. 

I guess you could say I know a thing or two about grudges. From a young age I was mastering the art of holding on to things forever and keeping track of every single time I’d felt slighted. I’d always thought of myself as a happy person. But I was never really content. How could I be when I spent so much time and energy stewing over the past?

Besides, it wasn’t fair. Why was I always the victim?

It took the first 28 years of my life, a trip around the world and 10 days of silent meditation to figure it out. But eventually I realized that I was the one victimizing myself over and over again. Long after the initial incident that sparked my grudge I was still allowing myself to be hurt again. I bet most of the other people involved didn’t even care anymore.

I kept meditating regularly and felt my ability to exercise compassion growing. I felt more understanding and less critical of myself and others. But one day I noticed that somewhere along the line I’d slipped back into my old habit. While I’d manages to let go of those old grudges, I’d formed new ones to take their place. Ugh.

I wanted to come up with a plan to help me let go of all the drama and break the cycle once and for all. These are a few of the techniques I’ve found helpful.

Express yourself. Journal about your feelings. Write a letter to the person you’re holding a grudge against. You don’t have to give it to them. But it can be cathartic to get it out of your head. Say whatever you need to say for the last time. Tell yourself that you’re not allowed to stew on it anymore. You could tear the paper up and throw it away or maybe throw it on the grill or fire pit. Take a deep breath and let it go.

Use a mantra. Come up with a word or phrase you can repeat when you notice you’re thinking about the grudge. It could be “I forgive you”, “Let it go”, “Love and light to all involved”... whatever you decide. It’s important to choose something that resonates. Repeat your mantra to yourself as many times as you need to draw your attention away from the negative thoughts and remind yourself of your forgiving intention.

Meditate. Practicing meditation has been proven to increase our feelings of compassion. Some practices, such as Loving Kindness Meditation, are designed to do just that. Start by sitting or laying in a comfortable position with eyes closed and a smile on your face. Take 2-3 slow, deep breaths. Now imagine someone or something you love. It can my anything that elicits strong positive, loving emotions. I usually think of our rescue dog and fostering him as a puppy. He’s so loving, gentle and sweet.

Continue taking slow, deep breaths and direct those loving feelings into the space around you as you say, “May all beings be happy. May all beings be free.” Direct that loving feeling towards yourself and say, “May I be happy. May I be free.” Now direct those feelings towards the person you’re in a conflict with and say, “May ______ be happy. May ______ be free.” Exhale with a sigh and imagine sending love and light to everything around you.

I spent five weeks in Nepal while living in Asia. I had a rough start in Kathmandu. The sheer poverty and pollution were alarming to me. I only had electricity for a few hours each day and no heat. I couldn’t afford to pay for extra blankets from my guesthouse, so I just slept in layers of clothes and socks. But trust, this was luxury compared to the average Nepalese who typically earn the equivalent of $2-$10 per day.

I’d never planned to visit Nepal. I’m embarrassed to admit that I hadn’t even known it was the home of Mt. Everest. But after some complications getting my Indian visa in Australia it meant I’d have to spend an extra 2 ½ months in Asia if I still wanted to do my yoga teacher training. I knew it’d be a stretch financially since I’d been saving for a shorter stay. But I’d been planning to go to India for 6 months and it was the only place where I wanted to learn to be a yoga teacher.

Arriving in Kathmandu before the tourist season as a Western woman traveling alone, there seemed to be some confusion about whether I was a prostitute. I had a couple of scary incidents that made me grateful that I had my own padlocks to secure my guesthouse door from the inside. Kathmandu was cold, dark, dusty and as it turned out - kind of dangerous. 

What I first thought was a parade turned out to be a political demonstration. The men wearing military uniforms holding giant guns gave it away. Then it happened again. And again. Just down the street from where I was staying. There was a deadly bombing right next to a place I’d been the day before. I was pretty shaken up.

You can imagine my relief when I was befriended by a Nepalese couple who owned a travel agency in Kathmandu. They helped me get my visa for India and helped me get out of the city to places that were better suited for a lone female backpacker traveling outside of the tourist season. They shared meals and advice with me. But mostly they were genuine friends at a time when I felt more lonely and afraid than any other time in my life. 

My friends Pabi and Bijaya are safe and fortunately the home they share with Pabi’s extended family in a Kathmandu suburb is still standing after the earthquake. But like most of their neighbors they’re sleeping in tents on the street because of continued aftershocks.

My first thought when I heard about the earthquake was how dismal the living conditions were for many before this happened. The road to recovery will be long. 

Nepal has a special place in my heart. It’s where I learned to meditate and did a 10-day silent meditation in a Vipassana Center. A transformative experience that changed the course of my life (no kidding). I learned to appreciate natural beauty and solitude in ways I never had before. I realized that no matter how bad things get, at any moment it can always get better. It was my experience in Nepal that planted a tiny seed of compassion that has since blossomed to enrich every aspect of my life and business.

I encourage you to make a contribution to Nepal earthquake relief. It’s quick and easy to make a donation online. Even $5 helps. 

I’m also leading a DIY Natural Skin Care Workshop this Sat., May 2 with part of the proceeds going to Oxfam’s effort to provide clean drinking water and food to those affected by the earthquake. $10 will be donated for each participant.

One major source of pollution I witnessed in Nepal was packaging from all kinds of consumer goods. Things that used to be made at home, but are now purchased from stores. The wrapping was then thrown in the street or in the rivers.

We as individuals can reduce waste by moving away from consumerism and learning how to make certain things instead of buying them. These natural skin care remedies use ingredients you already have in your fridge or pantry. 

Anxiety and depression are definite things in my life. Being a yoga teacher doesn’t make me immune to them, and they’re not something I try to hide. When I share my experience, people often seem relieved that they’re not the only one who’s had those feelings.

My students are musicians, artists, scientists, bartenders, baristas, computer programmers, advertising executives, chefs, engineers, teachers, social workers, architects and entrepreneurs. They practice at work, school, in a studio or a garage or maybe their living room. 

They show up to breathe and move and relax. To let go of judgement and expectation. And maybe for a brief moment to drop out of the competition so they can feel that right now they are good enough. Just as they are.

These yogis don’t look like the images you see in the yoga magazines or in the ads for designer sportswear. They look like your average human beings. Because contrary to what you see in Western media and yoga studios, yoga is actually a practice designed for all bodies.

The entire purpose of the asanas (the physical poses that Westerners think of as yoga) is to make the body strong and flexible enough to sit in meditation for long periods of time. My yoga teacher in India told me to come back once I could sit in meditation for 3 hours straight. Not after I’d mastered handstand or some other advanced pose.

Seated meditation is the ultimate yoga pose. That’s why I’m sorry (not sorry) to say that many yoga studios have it all wrong. Newly trained yoga teachers turn to me for help with teaching for all levels on a regular basis. They realize after the fact that they only learned how to teach yoga for one kind of body - the stereotyped thin, fit, female yoga body at the studios that trained them.

It’s unfortunate. It only takes one yoga class of feeling like you don’t fit in to decide that it’s not for you. 

I came up with this recipe as a sweet treat over the 21 Days to Less Anxiety Challenge. Bananas and peanut butter are both on the list of anti-anxiety foods. I used local honey to help boost my immunity to seasonal allergies. The results were delicious.

Ingredients

1 cup soy or almond milk

1/2 cup honey

1/2 cup natural chunky peanut butter

1 mashed ripe banana

2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

The more I taught and practiced, the more I realized that society's perception of the average yogi is not at all accurate. There are thousands of dedicated practitioners with bum knees and c-section scars and flabby arms and imperfect skin....

I’ve been teasing for a while, but now it’s official! Join me in this luxurious log cabin in the mountains outside of Boulder, Colo. Thur., Sept. 17 - Sun., Sept. 20. We’ll gather Thursday evening to relax and socialize. Friday and Saturday will be filled with yoga, meditation, hiking, journaling, sketching, private yoga sessions, workshops and more! Afternoons are free to wander into Boulder or Rocky Mountain National Park. We’ll pack up Sunday after breakfast.

Did I mention we have 4.5 acres of private land and a hot tub?

Space is limited to 10 people (depending on whether we have any couples). Enjoy early bird pricing of $450 before June 15th. The price increases to $495 after that. Secure your spot with a $200 deposit! Price includes lodging (rooms are shared), all meals, classes and workshops.

I love practicing yoga as my “workout” because it teaches us to replace self criticism with love and acceptance - building strength inside and out. A good read.

Basically women are told that their self-confidence should be acquired, not because it’s good for their minds, bodies, or hearts, but because confidence is appealing to others. This reinforces the message that being desirable, pleasing others, and attracting men are a woman’s most important duties—which can affect every aspect of overall health and wellness, even which workout you choose.

This chili recipe warms the body and soul! Packed with anxiety-reducing ingredients, this one-pot meal is simple and delicious. Make this recipe vegan by replacing the meat with 1/2 pound dried black beans. 

1 lb. ground turkey or beef (or sub 1/2 lb. dried black beans)

1lb. dried kidney beans

2 lb. roma tomatoes

1 red bell pepper

1 medium yellow onion

4 garlic cloves

2 tablespoons chili powder

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon oregano

1 teaspoon turmeric

1 teaspoon coriander

1 teaspoon sea salt

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 1/2 cups water

Rinse and sort the beans. Soak them for 6-8 hours or overnight. Rinse and drain the beans. Place the beans in a large saucepan and cover with 6 cups water. Bring to a boil for 2-3 minutes. Then reduce heat to a simmer and cover. Cook covered, stirring occasionally, for 60-90 minutes. Beans should be tender, but not mushy when finished. 

While the beans are cooking, chop the onion, garlic, pepper and tomatoes. Place the tomatoes in a bowl and set aside. Brown the turkey or beef in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions, pepper and garlic for the last few minutes of cooking. Drain the excess fat. 

Drain the cooked beans and return to their original saucepan. Add the diced tomatoes and 1 1/2  cups water. Stir in the ground meat and onion mixture. Add the spices and mix thoroughly. Cover and let simmer for at least 30-minutes, stirring occasionally.

Adjust the seasoning to your taste. Dress it up with grated low fat cheese, a dollop of plain greek yogurt and fresh cilantro (all anxiety reducing). This recipe makes 8-10 servings so it’s perfect for a gathering or for freezing. Enjoy!

Writing about how to set goals and turn your dreams into reality on COOP.