About a month ago, I decided that I needed to make a change in my life. So I stopped adding posts to my queue and let it run itself out. It gave me twenty days to come to terms with this, to accept that tumblr is no longer going to be a part of my life. When I wrote this letter, I had three days left with you. And now, posting it, I have none.
This blog began in December of 2009, at the request of my best friend. At first, I didn’t feel very drawn to tumblr, but then I began to join some fandoms, get into some books and tv shows. Since then, I’ve joined numerous fandoms and abandoned a few as well. I’ve met new people and met new friends and transitioned to different parts of my life. Both I myself and my writing have grown and matured.
But now, I’m on the cusp of the summer before my junior year of high school. I’m going to be taking on more responsibilities than ever before, and I can’t afford to waste my life away online instead of fulfilling them. I need to learn to be on my own. For over three years, I used tumblr as a distraction, an escape. An enabler for procrastination. I can’t do that anymore. I need to train myself to deal with life as it comes and keep my head high, not run home to my blog and cry and whine about it. I’m afraid I can’t do that if I stay.
Please know that this is nobody’s fault. There have been no anonymous hate messages in my askbox. I have not been bullied, exploited, or blackmailed into this. I’m doing this for me, for my well-being.
Letting you go is no easy feat. Saying goodbye to fandom, to those beautiful CrissColfer riots which were so good though few and far between, to spamming my lovely followers with pictures of decadent food, to using my blog as a shrine to Blaine Anderson and Darren Criss, to screaming and crying during an episode of Glee with the rest of the fandom on tumblr, to the unexpected wave of feels when I find a gifset of Harry Potter. I’m going to leave this behind, and more. It’s painful and sad, but I need to do it. I had to, at some point. But I’m doing this now before I regret staying. You should be proud of me. (I was always proud of you, too.)
I couldn’t leave without a goodbye. This blog was a good home to me. My followers are and were all good people. You are all lovely, every one of you. I’m sorry to be leaving. But for everything I’ve said and stood for for the past three years, I’ll be damned if I don’t leave you all with a few last notes, a few last requests:
I always believed in you. In all of you. I believed in your talent, in your compassion, in your love for love. And I always will.
Be good to yourselves. You’re beautiful people. Don’t doubt that.
Don’t ever give up. I know it gets hard, so impossibly hard, but please, you have to keep going. If not for me, then for you. Refuse to let that light inside you go out.
Be kind to others. Be so unfailingly kind. It will make you feel good (and you are often rewarded for it).
Don’t you dare lose respect for anything. Respect yourselves and others. Respect ships and shippers and fandoms. Respect dreams, and respect your ability in chasing them. Respect your childhood.
My darlings, it’s time for me to go. I’d be delighted to keep in contact with my friends here. You know who you are: you are invaluable to me, and I would be delighted to stay in your lives. Feel free to stop into my askbox and perhaps we can exchange contact information.
If I ever decide to remake, I’m sure you’ll find me. I’m sure an announcement will be made by someone somewhere.
This blog stays. It will be an archive, the only accurate documentation of how I spent my time during the past three years. Feel free to unfollow it; you won’t be insulting me. It’s okay. I understand.
If I don’t find you again, know that I wished the best for you. I hope you all lead and live happy lives, with beautiful old books and music that makes you cry happy tears and friends that make you laugh when you’re sad.
germansingergirl
gummygunk
origamiaround
blakekathryn
areudirty
