stardust and such

I don't know what's worse, forgetting your voice or only having it echo in my ribcage for the rest of my life.

And the fear that comes with it. I feel that so deeply. I have almost grapsed a few things. The last one i had in my hands, it was intwined in my fingers.

Then it was snatched away. So violently that i could have sworn there was nothing left of my hands but the bone.

Im tired of holding things loosly because im afraid of the pain that comes with them being ripped away. But i just can't force my fingers to cling tighter.

And then sometimes i get hit with this unyielding sense of purpose. And i hold on just a bit more. My hands twitch, reaching.

There is you, and there is what i want to do. Always intertwined through my being. Everything else runs through me like sand.

I don't think you know either. You never did.

My greatest pain, my greatest comfort.

I can't tell you much, not until you tell me.

I can't hear what you're saying until you speak.

You have to step first.

You have to risk yourself for me.

For once.

Please take aim and risk yourself for me for once.

I won't call. I won't drive. I won't run. But I'll be here to pick up the phone. I'll be here to meet you. I'll meet you at the line where home sits. Where you left it. You have to step first. Talk first. Fall first.

I heard your voice in my head again.

"You're too loose with it, baby. Baking is an exact science".

I threw extra chocolate chips in. I folded it with my hands. I put them in the oven for four minutes longer than the recipe called for. It's an exact science, you said. They turned out pretty good even though i was a bit messy with them.

I wonder how long it will take for me to turn out okay despite how messy you handled me. An exact science, you said.