Just Someone With ADHD

{this post is not a happy one y’all. If you don’t feel like listening to me being all in my feels rn, just keep scrolling and ignore this please. Btw idk if that sounded passive aggressive just then, but I’m just putting that out there so anyone who doesn’t need negativity in their lives rn can pass this without it affecting them, bc I know I feel that way sometimes}

At this point in my life, I’m supposed to be going to school, figuring out my life, meeting new people, moving out, growing up, etc.  But I just feel like I’m totally lost on what to do with myself since there’s no one around me that I can really look to as an example or a leader.

My adhd scares me so much and I hate how much it rules over my life.

Instead of getting to move into dorms and have a normal college life, my fear of being constantly overstimulated and getting panic attacks has kept me at home with my family. And don’t get me wrong, I love my family and this was definitely better financially, but I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much because of it.

Right now I’m watching all of my friends move out, meet new people, and pursue degrees and careers they have confidence they can fulfill because they don’t have to worry about the limitations set on them with a disability like adhd. 

To be honest, I’ve known this was coming, and have been bracing myself for it for a while now. I also know that everyone struggles and that my life could be a lot worse. I shouldn’t be divulging in self pity so much, but it’s so hard to stop the problems and limitations caused by adhd from getting to me.

I’m trying to figure out what career I should pursue, but I have no idea what to do since I’m scared of how my adhd/anxiety could inhibit my future. Maybe if I choose a certain career path, I’m going to screw myself over because it’s not going to mix well with my mental conditions. What am I gonna do then? Won’t it be too late? It’s not like I can easily just go back to school and start over.

I always feel so alone. There’s no one I can talk to about this because not only do I want to upset anyone I know with my own unhappiness, but also because they just literally don’t get it. It’s totally not their fault, but there’s no way to make a connection with the people around me on this since they don’t understand what it’s like to have adhd.

I’ve gained like 20 lbs. in the last ~2 years because I stress eat. The difference between my body’s health and condition during the school year vs. during the summer shocks me every time school ends and I improve again. I see how much damage the stress of adhd does to my body since I have to work so hard to prevent my adhd from holding me back in school.

I had to become a part time student at school this semester (which is bad bc I’m a scholarship student and I was never supposed to do that in the first place) because I couldn’t take the work load of school. I was literally getting no sleep and was physically and mentally exhausted. Not to mention the fact that I need to work part time if I want to make enough money to move out. I’m scared for this upcoming semester since I have to go back to being full time and work my part time job at the same time. I don’t know how badly the extra work is going to affect my health.

I don’t want to be sad, scared, lonely, and insecure anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to know I have control over my life, but I don’t know how to do that.

Sorry this is a giant wall of text and it’s super all over the place. My mind is just kind of a mess right now and I’m really frustrated and tired.

Thank you SO MUCH to anyone who actually reads this whole thing. I don’t deserve that. I’m open to hearing your advice. Lol if you couldn’t already tell, I’m kind of at wits end here.

also someone tell me why my school had the bright idea to give me time and a half accommodations for my exams but won’t give me extended time for school work?

Hello, sorry I’ve been hiatus for like maybe over a month now but life was really starting to get to me. I had a couple of panic attacks and have been dealing with applying to college stress (still haven’t decided my major/school lol gonna kms (jk not really )), exams, friend problems, adhd shit (you guys know), and just my usual busy schedule on top of that. I just needed to lighten the load and managing my tumblr was the easiest thing to let go of. 

I feel bad about this because a lot of you guys have been submitting messages and stuff to me and I literally just you guys in the dark (I’m so so sorry). I was just in like bad condition and needed to fix myself and get back on track before I tried to help anyone else. Keeping that in mind, although I sometimes offer advice, I make no guarantee I will always be able to or that it’s going to be the best advice. Ya know? I’m just some high school kid, not Dr. Phil but imma try best anyway because we need to stick together as a community and try to help each other out when we can :)

That said, from now on (or at least for now) I will be responding to all messages privately (as soon as I get through all the anonymous messages in my inbox) as I just don’t want my the blog to be an advice/submission blog you know? I feel like ADHDtumblr already has a few really good blogs that post submissions, so idk, if you don’t like this, I guess maybe just go to them instead (?) (sorry). 

Anywho, I’ll start writing back to all the messages this week (just please have patience with me though, there’s a lot).

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced ear pain from ASMR before, or if it’s definitely adhd related (maybe somebody else knows?!) but i can say that I am extremely sensitive to ASMR. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can’t eat with my family or friends or be near them when they’re chewing gum or something. I literally have to like remove myself from the room so I don’t have to see or hear them doing the activity or else it literally feels like my brain is melting down.

Yes. Me. I do. All the time.

I don’t know if it’s different for where you live or the school system you’re in, however, I never had to have a recommendation from a teacher to get tested. I have doubts that you would need one too, but again, your situation may be different. Idk, I would try looking into it a little more.

But more than that I’m sorry to hear about the situation with your mother. If you haven’t already, I would inform her that it is very common for people to be diagnosed late in their lives. I, myself, was diagnosed at an older age than you are right now and many people get diagnosed as adults who have already graduated from college and moved on to careers. If she’s still not convinced I would try to reach out to maybe a teacher you trust, a school counselor, or school psychologist as they should be willing to listen to your concerns and work with you and your family to help you find the people who will get you tested.