✨Just My Feels✨

I think to myself

Did I really deserve this?

I fall again

Back into the darkness, back into the numbness

Why am I so hard to love?

I truly believed this time was going to be different

Guess I was wrong…

I feel numb again

I don’t want to continue feeling this way

I want to quit

I want to give up

I don’t know how much longer I can take this

I miss feeling full

Happy, loved

Now all I feel is empty

And I’m tired of pretending

Am I only a pretty face?

A nice body?

Why is it that I’m enough to be lusted, but never enough to be loved?

Every time I meet someone new I think it’s going to be different.

But it never is.

And at the end of the day I’m always left feeling more empty and alone than before…

About the emptiness you feel after.

The gut wrenching feeling that sets in when you realise what you just did.

No one says anything about all the “what if’s” you can’t stop thinking about.

The sadness you don’t believe you’re allowed to feel.

The feeling of missing someone you never even met.

…

It’s been a while now.

But.

Every. Single. Day.

I still wonder what could have been.