Just a Saturn Girl

snape: what are you doing?

regulus: just practicing.

snape: why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

regulus: i don't know. i’m 17. i think i’m going through a crisis

snape: you don't even have a partner.

regulus: hypothetically… divorce me.

snape: okay, then i’m hypothetically taking half your assets.

regulus: well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup. *to rosier* is it?… it’s called a prenup, right?

rosier: yeah, it's a prenup and you did hypothetically sign one, so.

snape: who the fuck is this guy?

rosier: i’m his hypothetical lawyer in this… divorce case.

snape: well, then i’m taking the hypothetical kids, so- *to mulciber* right? we can get those, right?

mulciber: yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids. don’t worry about it.

regulus: who the fuck is this hypothetical nerd? fucking idiot loser, no good-.

mulciber: wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. i need to keep these on for continuity so that we can sue

snape: this is MY hypothetical lawyer and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other.

regulus, outraged: how could you hypothetic- *trying not to laugh* how could you hYpOtHeTiCaLly do this to me?!

Spencer: But Rossi, we don't smoke.

Rossi: Cut the crap, Genius. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Rossi: *points at Emily* One! *points at Derek* Two! *points at JJ* Three! *points at Penelope* Four! *points at Reid* Five!

Rossi: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Emily: *puts a cigarrette in Rossi’s hand*

Rossi: Thank you. ...Light?

The Team: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

Severus: You must’ve learned recipes at a very young age.

Harry: Yeah, I memorized the entire cookbook.

Winston: Wasn't Marcus with you?

Winston: Yes. What’d you have for breakfast?

John Wick: …Nothing.

John Wick: I’m not an idiot, Winston!

Charon: Of course. You go down there, you turn left, you look for a broken down, stressed-out middle-aged man looking like he’s functioning on two hours of sleep and one working brain cell, and you follow him.

Santino: And he’ll take me to the Manager?

Charon: ...

Marcus: ...

The Adjudicator: ...

Zero: ...

Sofia: ...

Santino: I’ve been zoned out for the last two and a half hours.

Marcus: I got distracted about halfway through.

Charon: I’m sure everything is fine. We left him with Marcus.

Rossi: *Says something sarcastic *

Me: fuck I love himmmmm

Brain: you need therapy.

Me: lol no I don't, I just need a David Rossi in my life.

Other Me: Or in ya Pussy

Me: Okay now we need therapy!!

Brain: fucking hell....