Lym's Diary

I've totally dropped the ball with writing this stuff. So much has happened, and now it's all just so mundane and boring.

Omrick seems to be off doing his own thing and while Nicholas is around I... Feel like I am bothering him.

So I've mostly been trying to decide what I should do next.

Are we done? Travelling? Are we ever going to deal with the dragon or was that it? It feels a bit anti climatic.

I think the next time I write here it's going to be the end of this diary. I just don't feel obliged to keep it going any more, after all it's not like anyone will read this. I'll just toss it somewhere in the Library at the Mansion and it'll probably get burnt at some point or thrown out.

Gotta run. Sorry for the short entry.

If death sent these lizards then maybe it was really, fully trying to finish the job.

I think the only time I’ve ever felt so bad, it was when I was shot with that poisoned arrow by the Kraken Society assassin.

At some point I was just - Just so tired of dealing with these things. They kept disappearing and moving and nobody could do anything so I did the only thing I could think of - and held onto one. 

Turns out that really turned the tide, but even so afterwards all I wanted to do was sleep. For a very long time, probably.

Man, everything hurts. Even my magic hand hurts.

Somehow.

Turns out it runs deeper though, because when we checked out the body of the one humanoid - the dwarf - he had marks denoting less savoury associations. The black hand. The kraken society. I know. I mean, I had learned by now that the Cult seemed to be being taken over or at least, controlled by the Kraken society but even so... It had always been like nobody believed me.

Or it felt that way.

I feel like I’m holding onto a conspiracy theory but everyone else is like “oh well it’s a coincidence” and if I keep being told that I’m going to snap.

I might be a kid but I’ve probably hurt more people than these adults ever will! Ever have. 

More nightmares. No point talking about them any more. Nobody cares.

I kept watch, the hours felt like they stretched on. I hate keeping watch. I miss being able to get a full nights sleep. I miss Baras. Did he leave because of me? Did I do something?

I feel like it’s my fault somehow. The only good thing about being on watch is that nobody can see when you cry. It was pretty uneventful til I saw someone sneaking up. I was feeling pretty upset and I was tired of shit going wrong so the moment I spotted them I just - decided to kill them. I had yelled, but I wasn’t planning to wait. I was... I guess, feeling reckless. I wanted to take out these feelings of hurt on someone. I think I probably would have killed them if it hadn’t suddenly gotten to the point where the trail split up and something just felt very wrong like it could be a trap.

Turns out it was, but not what you’re thinking. Those idiot actors in bedsheets spooked Nicholas. I swear next time I will kill them.

They also didn’t leave us alone during the day either, not til Aldirn threatened them anyway. I guess he’s useful for something.

Got to Mirabar. Usual bullshit with the guards. 

Then the Airship.

Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I didn’t have a brother.

So we went back later and there was no trace of the other statue giants. Or the bodies. We ended up camping with the orcs mostly for Aldirns peace of mind. Stupid fucking deer. It’s still looking for me. I can’t waste all this time on stupid things just hanging around. I didn’t really want to talk about it but Nicholas is annoyingly observant and knew something was up.

Even more annoyingly Aldirn seems to be a real ass about the fact there’s stuff we didn’t tell Silverhand. It didn’t seem important at the time! While we were also dealing with that we suffered an ambush. Nothing too weird, except for the fact they were some race of lizard. But apparently, not Dragonborn. 

That was probably up there with one of the more unpleasant near-death experiences I’ve gone through. You haven’t lived til you’ve been choked out by an invisible entity. I was just trying to tell Aldirn what I had seen and the next thing I knew I just-- couldn’t breathe. Every inhale just made it worse. 

I don’t know what happened but I came to with Nicholas hovering over me, asking if I was alright. I think... He gave me a necklace when I- When before, I... You know. I think maybe that helped. I don’t know, I don’t remember how it happened.

I was thinking about it a lot in the day or so following but we had a shit ton of stuff happen. Like a gold dragon basically demanding a toll - we got told later it might have been fake. Honestly though, wasn’t a fan of risking ending up as it’s dinner so it’s whatever.

We ran into some orcs keeping halflings or whatever prisoner. I was going to suggest we kill them but Aldirn was all about hey lets talk. Turns out they’d volunteered and weren’t interested in being saved.

Whatever.

I’m really getting annoyed with this guy, he’s making everything more difficult and take 100 times more.

They agreed to work with us on setting up a trap for the stone giants. Although Angelo had to go because he had a letter to deliver. 

I tried to give him as much direction and help as I could to let him avoid getting in trouble. I can only hope...

The fight was rough. There were so many of them and Omrick was being reckless. I didn’t see Nicholas go down ‘til it was too late but luckily I managed to stabilise him. But Omrick... Omrick died. I obviously don’t want to lose him but I am hoping this would be a big lesson in not running head. I can only do so much and somehow thankfully Nicholas managed to bring him back.

Honestly I’d never seen him doing it before. It was... Fascinating but also somehow weird. Not creepy but oddly clinical. I don’t know. I didn’t realise until now that I really don’t like syringes. How they look, I don’t want to imagine what it must feel like either.

I think Omrick was dreaming about something important though because I didn’t expect him to be so annoyed and punch Nicholas.

I also don’t know why but I didn’t expect the giant we captured to try and interrogate to be so... Useless. Usually people cave, eventually, but he refused. Then a statue started moving - turns out it wasn’t a statue - and one of the dead giants started rising.

Got set up to go to Gauntlegrym. Angelo was behaving weirdly so I stalked him. Everyone in the bar seemed really suspicious and one guy wouldn’t leave me alone. Turns out... It was just an actors guild pretending to be a bar. What the actual fuck. Angelo has paid some people to be able to buy all the horses and stalk Nicholas in ghost costumes where ever we go to build courage. I’m not sure if I am horrified, impressed or amused. Probably all three.

I know Nicholas was probably very unhappy. I mean, his reaction said everything.

Anyway, travel to Gauntlegrym. Same entry routine. King wanted to know how we did and Angelo seemed to have some stage fright. Omrick struggled to tell the story so I took over. I don’t care if these bigots think a woman is inferior. It worked out, anyway. 

Oh, the king also refused to read Silverhands letter. Obvious reasons and I kind of expected it. They also seemed very set on us staying for a feast.

At some point Angelo had woken us up at an early hour of the morning, wanting help forging a letter. Personally, I didn’t really feel all that bad about it but I also figured I probably shouldn’t tell Aldirn or Omrick because they would think it’s morally wrong. Well, it is, but the king isn’t a moral pariah either. so I did it.

But I don’t know.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been having these dreams lately. I can feel it searching for me. I can almost feel the veil that the weave has pulled about me, like a curtain trying to shade you from the light.

Or in this case, death. But it knew - I saw a hand reaching. I heard an unearthly voice telling me it had found me and I froze. I can’t say I remember what happened next, but I genuinely think I was so scared I barely remember what I said. I woke everyone up and I begged them that we should leave. That we needed to go.

I very reluctantly agreed to delay long enough to give the people at the church some food and water before we had to leave. Turns out Angelo was coming with, and the king is an imposter. In fact, he’s fully convinced of it and can’t be swayed.

I had a bad feeling and it only got worse as we walked around  the next morning, looking at the devastation caused by the loss of the fire primordial. Everyone was starving, struggling. There weren’t any shops - not really. The priest seemed convinced all was in abundance, as before. It makes no sense.It makes no sense. So I followed a hunch and... I saw something I almost wish I hadn’t. Tentacles attached to people who seemed oblivious of the issue. The priest, and going to other places.

I miss Baras. I hate Baras. I miss him. I hate him. He abandoned me. I feel insane. I think there's something wrong inside my brain I can't explain. I just want to run away.

I have a magic hand, it’s slowly spreading. I didn’t notice at first. It’s... Pretty. I don’t feel like I regret it. I can feel with it, but it feels like an echo. Maybe I only imagine I can feel things. It’s like reaching through water. I don’t know. It can do some stuff, like petting Fluffy without getting hurt from scratches. I guess that’s kinda cool. I feel like I’m finding out more things I can do as time goes on. I don’t have anyone to compare it to and I feel like if I tell people, like Nicholas, they worry. Or think it’s weird. I should probably just keep quiet about this sort of stuff.

It gives me the same feeling that speaking to my brother does, when he wears that mask and it mutes his emotions. He doesn’t feel like my brother. I get scared I will lose him, but if I say that I know someone is going to laugh. Because he’s not dead, he’s still there. But he’s not the brother I used to know. sometimes we... Sleep in the same hammock. We don’t really talk about it, it’s just. I get scared, I don’t like sleeping by myself any more. I’m so used to having baras nicholas there. Or Lehel. But I can’t exactly crawl into Nicholas’ bed it’d be weird. We are just friends, I mean he’s the closest thing to a dad uncle best friend that I can remember. If I do the wrong thing he’s going to leave me too I guess all I can do is just try to be the adult my other party members expect me to be. 

[a paragraph heavily scribbled out, with spotted and blurry parts as if droplets of water might have smudged the ink, then dried]

He made me a medallion with an emblem for the weave on it. It wasn’t quite how I imagined it, but I’m not an idiot. I know you aren’t meant to be rude to people who give you gifts and... I don’t know. I really like what he did. So maybe it’s better than what I had imagined. He keeps giving me gifts. I like them but I also feel like he’s doing it because I’m a kid. I don’t feel like a kid but I also don’t feel like an adult. Is that normal?

I kind of miss the simplicity of being dead. It’s like all my problems are there and I’m aware of them, but they’re far away and I don’t have to worry or care about them. I think a lot about my self worth and I feel bad most of the time but I don’t want to talk about it because it makes me think I’m broken or something. I’m struggling to remember things sometimes and it often feels like one day bleeds into the next.

Jarvis made food for me after I revived. I.. I really love Jarvis. I know he was only nice to me because he’s obliged to but just like Nicholas I see him as part of my family now I guess. My weird partly undead and partly chased by undead family. Hell, I’m friends with one of the ghosts that Nicholas claims is killing him.

It’s... I don’t really want to go into trying to find a name for it. Nicholas got me new marbles because I lost them at the Yak village before. Which is nice, but I feel like he’s trying to get me to play with him again even though he cheated before.

I miss mom.

Um. Alot of the stuff above was stuff I forgot to put in my last journal entry - sorry. Bit of a catchup I guess. My memory is still kind of hazy. 

To more current events.

I love Angelo. No not like that. He’s really nice to hang out with and he takes my mind off of the betrayal the departure of Baras. He makes me smile. I barely know him but he’s such a genuinely nice person. Even if he is a little dumb, he makes me feel like I’m an amazing friend and I think if he wasn’t here I’d be feeling really really bad right now. He has some dumb antics and I get really annoyed with him but he means well. He has a really innocent and pure heart.

I would kill everyone before I let him have his feelings hurt. 

We went to Mirrobar. The guards were absolute pricks like usual, I tried to talk them down but it ended up being our dark horse that sorted the issue out. Threw about his name and rank like it was something special and happened to somehow work. I guess. They’re pricks, we were just trying to save those people.

Well except the one that was nice enough to make some recommendations for shops. A really nice bakery with magical food. Then a shop that turned out to be run with a mimic co-owner. I got some gloves from there which should make my healing even more potent.

We were going to see if we could stay at Mildthru’s place but turns out it got shut down for bullshit reasons. I wanted to do something but I wasn’t sure there was anything we could do, honestly.

> Why hasn’t the weave shown itself before now? I’m glad you asked. The weave has always been here in you, your children, your forebears. We are all connected to magic in some way whether you are whole, blind or infirm. Why else would True Sight show us that our world is bursting with profound magic and untapped essence? You may not know how to cast spells but the potential is there for anyone who works hard enough. The weave is the unseen force, the power behind your words and conviction. It’s inside you whether you’re a good person or not. It can be a loving mother or a proud father. A feeling of encouragement. The reassurance of a goodberry in your time of need. It can be in the enemy you fear- they do not discriminate. They have ever proven that they exist and has never asked for thanks or dedication otherwise.

> If the weave doesn’t want dedication then why should we worship it? Everything has a balance. The weave came in my time of need, in the times I died - twice - and left me this hand as a mercy. Shielded me from death. It respected my decisions to come back to our plane so I could dedicate myself to their Words and teach others about them. This was my chosen path and I ask that you give me a moment of your time to heed my words.

> What about (other god?) can I worship them too? All gods are in part connected to magic. How can a cleric worship Ilmater and use the very same magic as a cleric who worships Bane? It’s very simple. Magic, the Weave, is a common element to all gods and faiths. It is the glue that binds us. Of course, it is not without its ideals and expectations. You should renounce evil gods and their hand in our world for The Weave wishes the world to be at peace. For dark machinations to be risen up against and undone. The root of evil is insidious and there is little that can be done by one man but if we come together we can make a change step by step, on this path.

> Where is your church? Every religion started as a devotee standing on a corner preaching Their word. The weave is no different - they do not demand your respect, your bended knee. It is my own choice to tell you of what I have seen and what I know. I have seen some truly awful things. I have experienced them personally and I know people who have also been a victim no matter how hard they try. I believe that magic is a gift that should be available to all - a gift from the weave - and that every common man and woman, and all else should be given the chance to better themselves through its gift. Not solely those who can afford pay for it.

> What happens when we die? That depends on you. I understand that everyone has their audience with God in their time. When their time comes. If you are truly at peace with the decisions you have made during this life and have upheld your moral compass and been devout you’ll be welcomed with open arms. They’ll catch your tears and reassure you that you’ve earned your final rest. Death should not be feared - it is not the end and simply the beginning of something new. You will live on and share a connection through the magic that your children weave. For life and death is a never ending spiral from generation to generation.

> How can I worship the weave? A moment of absolution. A word of prayer. A moment of meditation. Doing good deeds in their name not for glory but purely to be a good person and uphold your morals in the face of adversity. Sometimes doing the right thing is against the law, and while I cannot encourage you to break it we must all make our own decisions in this trying time. The giants are more active than ever, raiding and killing and it is only when we join hands against this threat that we can make a difference.

The last thing I remembered before seeking prayer was fear. A deep chill and calm almost like dread. I knew what I needed to do - ask for help. But I shouldn’t have been so hasty with my words. I prayed for help fervently, aid for my friends and holy fire upon the giant and orcs assailing us.

I don’t remember if she answered, but apparently she did. I simply remember feeling a “finality” a sort of sigh, as things faded out. I could feel that my friends were hale and hearty, somehow. I felt a great peace knowing that. They were safe. Couldn’t say why I felt that. 

In fact it’s hard to say what I felt after that at all. I know I felt safe. Swaddled, if you will. Shrouded in... Something. It was like being stuck in a web but it didn’t feel bad. Like everything was just reduced to my consciousness and I was content.

I felt curiosity, I didn’t think for a long time. Or was it just seconds? Hours? Couldn’t tell. It was... I can’t describe what I saw but it was mesmerising. I could have stayed for an eternity. Or for a minute and thought it was an eternity. Time was weightless and any sense of urgency a faint memory.

It was at some point I felt a... Did I feel it?

I just knew there was a sense of something. A pull. Urgency? I don’t even know how to describe it but it pulled at my every being and it was enough to coax me from the soft tangle and weave of... I guess, magic that I had cocooned myself within.

It must have been just a few seconds, but it seemed an eternity. I called out, hello? As if I expected someone to answer.

They did. She did. She... Oh. I can’t describe it. It’s less of a voice and more of a feeling. I could feel what she was saying and it sank deep into my bones like the warmth of a stoked fire on a cold winter night.

She welcomed me. Told me she had been waiting I-

Sorry for the tear stains. Thinking about it makes me cry and I cannot say for the life of me whether they were happy or sad tears. It just feels so... So real. So profound.

It felt like she was the parent I had almost thought I would never have. Like I was her precious little child. I felt safe. She was so... Understanding.

The longer she spoke the more I realised where I was. What was happening. Why I couldn’t let it - not yet. My friends, they needed me.

I tried to tell her this. Respectfully. I didn’t really have any place to demand what she asked of me. That’s when I was spoken to by another voice. Still - her. But More. The weave doesn’t really have a gender so it makes sense. Or maybe I imagined the voice to be different somehow.

It commended me for my bravery. My choice. To go back even though I’d earned the Weaves favour and deserved my final rest.

With a caveat.

It seems like I’ll spend my whole life running again. The weave said she’d protect me for a time, until I completed my objective anyway. The Ordnings restoration. Then all bets were off and it was my responsibility to keep a tenuous grasp on my life. Or perhaps put it aside and welcome death like an old friend.

My friends of course aren’t happy to hear this, I can understand that but... I do sometimes wonder if I made the right decision.

Coming back to life was... An ordeal. You know how it is. I think being dead for longer really took it out of me too. It’s not like I snapped right back. I was... Gone. Maybe only for a day, but even so. In another plane a day could be a week. An eternity. Or a second.

I was trying to find out more about death in Dave’s Library but I couldn’t find anything useful. Just some romance shit and philosophy.

Some catching up. Apparently Silverhand was unhappy with our work, but satisfied enough with our overarching objective of the Ordning. Plus being able to secure a foothold in Gauntlegrym. Plus being able to have the Lords Alliance take credit for the freed slaves that she was willing to offer the services of a Gnome Cleric.

That’s who brought me back, obviously. Just- Figured I’d write it down before I forget.

Oh. Also Dave came for dinner to talk about stuff. He went off with Baras to chat quietly and I haven’t seen him since.

In fact, we recently found out we probably won’t see him again.

Or maybe we will?

I... Feel like... I don’t know.

It’s like a knife in the gut but I know I’m not hurt. I don’t really understand and I can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s not permanent right? He’s coming back? Right?

He has to come back. He promised he’d be there for me.

He promised [unintelligibly written and scribbled out words]

I don’t know if I feel betrayed or abandoned and I didn’t really know what to say so I glossed over it when the news was broken to us.

I... Always thought I was so adult and mature, a woman grown enough for secrets. I suppose I’m also grown enough to know that no matter who tells you they’re your family can lie.

My heart hurts and I don’t understand why. It’s not like I ever liked that pompous idiot. Why did I think he could ever have feelings. Or truly understand?

I wish I could kill these feelings as swiftly as they came to me.

I don’t have family. Except Lehel. I need to start realising this and hardening my heart to people. Focussing on me. I can still heal people and care without making it personal.

I can smile- pretend to smile until everything feels okay.

It’ll be okay right?

I don’t think it can be.

Aldin. Alduin. Is that his name? He’s our replacement. A plant for the Lords Alliance probably to keep track of our task. He seems strong and responsible. Incredibly foreign and with an accent but a decent person.

i won’t let myself get attached.

Not to him, or anyone. Not any more.

I miss my mom and dad.

-We’re in! We’ve been freeing as many slaves as we can. Baras used magic to teleport them and I gave them some food, water and gold to help them with travelling back to the Citadel. I wonder how the agent looking after the circle is going to deal with that many people coming through his stable... Well, that’s his problem now. It’ll be fine! We also found the conch and set up an escape in advance - an incomplete teleportation circle. At least all we have to do is run back and finish it right? Although ideally I’d like to be able to free the slaves at the top of the mountain if possible on our way out.

Not sure how difficult it’ll be dealing with the Yaks but we will see.

I write this as we are taking a long rest inside the dollhouse of the giant princess cinder-something. I managed to trick her into thinking we’re here to rescue her because she dearly wants to go outside and isn’t favoured as much as her brother.

If nothing else it’ll be a good distraction.

I’m a bit worried about what the fight with the Duke will entail. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes wrong. I have this awful feeling in my chest  but we couldn’t just leave Angelo to fight the Duke by himself - he could get killed and I couldn’t have that on my conscience.

I’ll probably update when we’re on our way back out and nice and safe.

- Reminder to self to have that Talk with Omrick.

- Teach Fluffy to play fetch or something

- Tell Baras that I know he’s hiding something (feelings? Maybe he’s angry at me)

So I have a bit of a renewed motivation to try and keep this up to date. I’d like to think if anything happens to me it’ll be filled with lots of memories and stuff that my brother and my friends can read and be comforted by. I don’t think I’m going to die, but I have spent a lot of time considering my mortality. Baras will live to see us all perish given time, and In hindsight I was thinking how it’s probably harder to live a long life. Because you see everyone you love, die. Do you ever think there might be a way to let someone know you’re thinking of them if they’re a magic user and you die as a worshipper of the weave? It’s probably too much of an unknown factor but I’d like to imagine that with everyone that’s connected to the flow of magic in threads and stuff that maybe if something happens I could visit them in their dreams or something. But maybe that’s also kinda blasphemous because that’s the sort of stuff gods do right?

Um, sorry I wasn’t planning to write a whole load about that it just came to mind.

So we did a tournament partly because we were pushed into it and partly because it seemed fun - it was. But we didn’t end up deciding to stay because you know. Duty.

Oh, i’m running ahead. Before that we met some nice yak folk who turned out to be evil yak folk who kept us as slaves in a cage. We managed to escape with a lot of help from Varan on Nicholas’ part. Um. I asked for help and the weave did some spectacular shit I barely remember. Like not because it was forgetful but because most of it was weird. I saw magic. I saw it severed. When I see magic everything else is just - blackness? Which always feels like worse than blindness i guess because i can see when it’s dim but when it’s pitch black it’s nothingness and that’s sort of the same vibe.

But uh, I spoke a little about that to nicholas but for the most part i’ve just been thinking about it. I’ve also been trying to take my role as a cleric of the weave more seriously although i don’t know what i’m doing.

Omrick had some magic issues which got sorted, he was a dick to baras - need to remember to talk to him about that when we aren’t neck deep in a fire giant stronghold - and i kind of worry that baras might be upset and hiding it but it’s really hard to tell sometimes. He’s always so... I don’t know. But my chest hurts and it’s like, i feel bad for him I guess? I don’t want him to think i’m pitying him but omrick has always been kind of mean to both me and nicholas to varying degrees. I kind of brush it off because it don’t really bother me that much but I should really ask the others how it makes them feel.

I think maybe it’s the stress of the journey getting to us, or maybe the stress of losing his god? And I can emphasise with that because it’s terrifying when it happens. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy - even the yakfolk. I kind of feel guilty for what happened although people keep calling it a miracle. I’m not sure how i can even feel sorry for the yak folk after what they’ve done.

With Bane it wasn’t so much as converting as once you had the power you were trapped and there was no way out. One way deal.

- Braided hair (cut off one to use as holy symbol when seeking guidance)

- Scarification (take on the healed scars of people you aid to show self sacrifice and pride - like marks of honour and zeal)

- Dedicating time to acts of weaving and sewing while reflecting on your actions or decisions and donate the results to the needy

- Separate threads are weak but woven together we are strong. Heavy themes of unity and working together.

- Worship the concept / source of magic and encourage enlightenment. Offer education to any who wish to dedicate their time and prayer to the weave.

I’m getting more pragmatic as time passes. Before I’d throw myself to the wind and deal with the consequences but now I’m asking for guidance, saying prayers and consulting the bones.

I always felt super driven by the need to save and protect my brother, he’s all I have left of my old life but last night he confirmed what I had been thinking - he’s an adult now, he doesn’t need me to protect him. Hell, he doesn’t even really understand the kind of things we’ve been doing - doesn’t believe his baby sister could be slaying Giants let alone Giant Lords. 

That reminds me. When Varan took a tumbling leap from his Gryphon I was... I don’t know. Flustered? Embarrassed? The first time it had been nice but this was... Different. Maybe it’s because I saw the face - and yes, he’s recently been more expressive then maybe he realises? - that Baras made when he saw this. How quickly he dismissed Varan and I felt weird because of it.

I don’t know why though.

Lehel doesn’t seem to like Varan very much either now I think about it. Is there something I’m missing? I’ll have to bull- Interrogate him later about it.

Still, like I was saying before. I’ve been becoming super preoccupied with some really negative thoughts. I think alot about what will happen if I die. How would Lehel cope with the knowledge? I think if it came down to it I’d rather he didn’t know. Then he can go about his life thinking his little sister is making her way into the unknown - and in a way I am. 

It isn’t my time though and I’m probably just having silly thoughts but I want to at least see this through to the end. I can’t leave my friends in the mud and not help them with every fiber of my being as we see this whole thing to conclusion.

I’ve been trying pretty hard to hide my doubts and worries with smiles and I think it’s working. Even if it sometimes feels like when I get up I’m putting on a Lym shaped suit with a permanent smile on it to keep up appearances.

I even tried poetry - I don’t know a single thing about poems except that they’re supposed to rhyme!

Like broken angels, wingless, cast from heavens gates,

We only fly when falling, falling far from grace,

Our lives a message in a bottle, cast to sea,

Quick to their ends, our candles burn until we’re free,

In monochrome melodies, our tears are painted in red,

Deep inside we’re nothing more than scions and sinners

If I die, and you read my journal then please make sure Fluffy is cared for. Please make sure Baras Nicholas and Omrick don’t do something stupid.

Um, what else.

I guess please make sure my brother doesn’t cut any stupid deals with that dragon to bring me back either. It’s not worth the consequences,

But I’m not going to die. None of us are.

Who, later, decided to ask me to help with his little problem. Cutting off the horn that is. It was a bit bloody but I've seen worse and my stomach is steeled to the sight of gore. I just did my best to help mop up the blood and apply pressure but there wasn't much I could do, especially once the ship started shaking.

So.

There was a Manticore. Talk about timing

I don't remember much of the fight but I'm relieved that my brother is alright. He's all that matters.

That sounds awful, I know. I care for Baras and the others but if I had to sacrifice them in exchange for Lehel I would do so in a heartbeat. A lifetime of regret in exchange for my brother, but an easy decision nevertheless.

I'm old. I mean, not old but I'm the older sibling now. We fought some ghosts - problematic ancesters of the Blue Bear Tribe apparently - and they did something to me and now I'm old. I thought about keeping it, but then I remembered that I don't live anywhere as long as Omrick does so I decided to change myself back.

Then polymorph. Guess I can't keep myself Lym for too long huh? Still, it was to help with the digging.

Then we rested, when we got tired anyway. More fucking ghosts.

Maybe it was mean to tease Nicholas about being possessed but it was funny at the time. The guy needs to learn to relax and let so sometimes.

He's kind of cute but I keep reminding myself that he's like twice my age or something and kind of ancient

But then again so is Baras so like.

Anyway, relic obtained and we retreated to this place in the woods while Baras went and spoke to some treant. The guy who gave him this bush called Ubi I guess. Except he's bigger now.

I... Argued with him again. Lehel. I don't want to write about it. I took the damn mask and it just disappeared from my hands later.

I just spent my time playing the flute instead, til Nicholas asked for my help foraging.

It's one of the few things I'm good at.

I'm not good at anything really, if you think about it.

I'm not... Good. Not a good flute player. Not a good fighter. Not a good person.

Not a good sister.

We found cultists. I was useless again. I fell back on old methods and it still didn't work - torturing to get information but only succeeding in offering Bane his pain.

I should give up.

Maybe redemption is beyond me?

We visited the Grandfather tree. Pretty uneventful. We managed to find-

He visited us again. That handsome man who-

BARAS KNEW HIM AND LIED TO ME.

I have alot of thoughts on this but I can't begin to think about where to start.

I don't even know what he looks like because I asked The Weave to lend her eyes (for all the good it did). For a bit I was worried it would never wear off, but eventually it did.

New relic, new place. Polomorph idea was a bust so ended up annoying people, which was fun until my self loathing kicked in and I began realising I was doing exactly what I had complained about and then I felt awful.

So Omrick got cursed again ( I don't feel like elaborating, he probably deserved it ) but he fixed it himself without being problematic again so that's a thing.

So, back to Mirabar. Waiting for entry. Then Mr Remur turned up - seems like my new necklace put a spanner in their scrying verification. Had some issues with impersonation or something like that apparently.

Oh that and the Ruler of Mirabar got necked.

Unfortunate.

Well, we got paid for something though I don't know what. Ain't complaining.

Used it to do some shopping.

Seems like Nicholas is still trying to fatten me up with sweets.

Do I really seem like that much of a kid?

I just want to be treated for who I am, not how I look.

Not that I got too much time to worry about that because when we got back to the repaired airship it turns out the whole crew had vetoed their mask.

I get my brother back.

Please, Weave, never take him from me again even in jest.

Anyway - Giant temple. Offerings. Oracle.

One question about King Hekaton. Some personal ones.

Dunno, other stuff not important. How can...

I don't know how to word this.

Why can't I save my brother from the Keepers of the Secret Hoard?

I was going to send him, I mean, I did, but instead of answering he said something about a blue dragon. Why would it be here?

I told the others but...

Oh, Harshnag. The others think you are alive but I know... I feel that you are dead. We barely knew you, and you saved our lives.

I'll say a prayer just for you tonight.

We arrived at another tribe location. Some monsters that apparently are called Bullete attacked us. It was in hindsight I realised they were mounted and intent on harming us. We managed to kill them - mostly Baras' handiwork - and Omrick was, yet again, felled. I brought him back but... I... Every time I touch death it reminds me of what I'm trying to leave behind. The only saving grace was the small amount of mirth the loss of hair that this poor dwarf has suffered brought to us.

We rested while Baras investigated the site of the relic, eventually working out how to remove it effectively. Or we planned to - we were stopped by a tribe. We ended up surrendering the relic in exchange for information. Partly because we couldn't really fight them, the way we were.

Back to that ship.

I hate it.

I tried to pull him away from the group, persuade him to come with us to the city but he was blank. He spoke to me with about as much interest as if he were conversing with a brick wall. I... Lost it.

I lost my temper. I'm losing him and I can't do anything about it. Nicholas tried to talk to me but I really wasn't feeling it. Especially not when he suddenly turned up and acted like nothing was wrong.

I don't know whether to cry or laugh. Is it an act? Is it the mask?

My chest hurts but I'm fairly certain there's nothing wrong with me - physically anyway.

I tried to help Nicholas find the shop I got the pillow from but it turned out to be a bust. The shops here apparently move around quite often. Some kind of spacey timey wimey magic - I don't know.

We wandered, after parting with our resident Alchemist and settled on going to a cafe. Nothing eventful.

We all retired to an inn later - well, except Nicholas who apparently bolted from the tavern. I went to look for him but he seemed incredibly annoyed that Omrick had even tried to stop him leaving so I... Just left him. What was I supposed to do? Cart his arse out of there like he's a child?

I have far too much on my hands already.

Like worrying about Omrick. As much as he seems to hate me sometimes, other times he seems to be worried about and protecting me. It's really hard to get a read on him and I'm not sure if that's a typically Dwarf thing.

We wandered the city and checked a few churches out before finding one that seemed like it could help. Though mostly they recommended finding seclusion and reaching out to his goddess which seemed pretty useless. I guess it's like me and the Weave. If I just asked, it's fine. But when thousands are asking for guidance it's like a deafening cloud of prayers, shouts, wants and needs.

No wonder the gods forsake us, sometimes. They can only be in so many places at once - is that blasphemous? I'm... Not sure.

Probably not as blasphemous as Nicholas finding out that the pretty horn he's wearing is likely a direct insult to some kind of local goddess of unicorns or something.

I feel awful but I did laugh. I'm sorry but I couldn't help it.

Well, we left anyway because meditating didn't do shit. Luckily we checked one more place as a last result and seemed like it might be able to do something - we had to leave him there for a bit anyway.

While looking around and killing time, me and Lehel decided to take Baras to the cafe from before. We tried bringing Nicholas too but the moment he realised it was an undead cafe he fled. Not for a lack of trying to grapple him, let me say.

We split with Baras after Nicholas tried desperately to be allowed to watch Baras have his new armour made - I imagine he was disappointed by the resounding no he recieved from the blacksmith. Shame.

We eventually however did run across Sophie's Softies. What a coincidence - a well timed but inevitably useless coincidence.

Oh, forgot to mention but Baras is kinda chunky in his new armour. It's kind of cute in an endearing way I guess?

Omrick is better. We went back to the airship. I got to look at the masks and it seemed like it did nothing.