Just another Lil Red...searching...

Turkish:

There is no secret. Friends. Really. There’s not. There’s no secret to making kinky partnerships work or to communicating with a partner or any other aspect of being two people in a consenting arrangement.

At least, there’s no secret that you don’t already know.

D/s is a relationship. That’s it. It’s a relationship, just like dating, just like living together, just like marriage. And the secret to managing relationships?

99% of the time, the key to managing a relationship is communication. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. Tell your partner what you want, what you don’t want, what feels good and for God’s sake what doesn’t feel good. 

I browse a lot of the BDSM advice blogs & groups, and I swear to God, almost every question could be answered with TALK TO YOUR PARTNER.

(The other 1% can be answered with LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS, but that’s another post entirely.)

There is very little in any healthy D/s relationship that can’t be handled with the application of a little patience and a lot of communication. And seriously, if you’re finding that the communication isn’t working, there are counselors and therapists out there who specialize in “non-traditional” relationships. Therapy is probably one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, and as a tool for the maintenance of self and relationships, there’s not much else I’d recommend more highly. 

So yeah. That’s it. There’s the Big Secret everyone always wants to know.

I think I am typical for the species Submissive. I need structure and clear expectations. I flourished as a student, because I had the objectives presented for me and *all I had to do was fulfill them.* Then, I got the reward: a high grade or honor. When expectations are vague or fuzzy, I struggle. I get overwhelmed; I feel like I’m spinning out. When I’m stressed or going through a transition, my need for structure ratchets up higher.

For example, I have anxiety that mushroom clouds up in my life at inopportune times, like when I need to go to the grocery store. As I prepare to exit the car, I think of how many choices I’ll need to make. How will I not overspend? What’s on sale? What do I need for this recipe?. . .so many questions batter by brain. My husband, aka, Daddy, if I ask him ahead of time, will tell me some grocery items to get. I already will have a list, arranged by the order of the store layout. I’ll already have done a meal plan for at least 5/7 days. So, his few specific items are additional but they *matter* to me.

Routine is my friend. I plan a specific day to shop, ask him at least a day before, and he’ll tell me a few specific items to get. How this helps is, it takes away one of the million questions anxiety hurtles at me when I do this weekly shop.