May 17, 2023: I don’t want to talk to someone who doesn’t find interest in talking to me back. If you have more important people to talk to, V. So be it, but I’m tired of coming second in your life. It makes me feel bad, it makes me feel like shit, especially when I can see you active on other things. So, I think I have to be done. Mentally, I can’t fuckin do it anymore man. I can’t, it makes me feel like such SHIT and I’m tired of feeling like SHIT. It makes me feel like I’m going crazy, that I’m begging someone to talk to me when it shouldn’t have to be that way. You know how you felt when you thought I was ignoring you? That’s how I feel every. Fucking. Day. I’m going to lose my mind if I continue like this.
I don’t want to have to be the only one to start conversations. I don’t want to have the be the only one who has interest in trying to keep a steady friendship. I don’t want to have to be the only one that fuckin cares anymore. If you cannot find the common interest and want, then I’m done Valeria.
Glad you can find people you’re interested in talking to, and feel that you can prioritize them, but I can’t keep expressing that I also need that. It doesn’t have to be on you to do that. If you don’t want to. Then you don’t want to. I’ve spent too long waiting— hoping… And I think I’ve finally, officially hit the limit to it. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can fuckin think for 10 minutes without most of it being revolved around you.
You always talk and say you’re all in. You’re not. You’re truly, honestly not and I’m not giving you my all anymore. I’m not giving this my all.
It’s been hard. Real hard. I value you way more than you could ever imagine. I don’t want to do this, and I know I don’t have to, but for fucks said, mentally I need to. I can’t keep putting myself self, and my feelings aside to appease you. I don’t want to have to continue to think, “Well I’ll just treat her the way she treats me back, and maybe she’ll have a change of heart”, when I know you won’t. I know that you frankly, don’t care. Won’t care, and will just brush it off your shoulder like every other wild thing you’ve done.
I wish you the best in life, V. I do. I want nothing but the best for you, and for you to flourish and live a better life than what you have been. I wish I could see it happen, and I wish I could be around, but until you decide that this is worth your time, and you can truly find the care for me outside of critical or emergency situations— then I can no longer give this my time and effort as it just repeatedly and relentlessly shown to be a waste of my time and my energy, love and my care.
I’m not mad, I’m more hurt than quite literally anything and everything. I’ve let you have my heart, my vulnerability and honestly my entire essence— all of these of which I am very protective of, and do not give away easily. I have been put through the wringer with you, over and over again, and I’ve just been sitting through the pain. Hoping that there would be a light at the end of a tunnel, but I don’t think I see that light anymore, if anything it’s almost flickered out.
I’m only saying all of this, V. Because you don’t deserve to be ghosted. I’ve treated you like equal shit, I admit. I won’t hide it. I’ve been very bad when it comes to you, and I haven’t treated you with the dignity or respect that you have deserved all of the time, and I wholesomely apologize and regret that I ever treated you as such. If I could take it all back, I would. That being said, again, you deserve to know. You deserve some closure. It is the least I can owe you, through it all and I want you to know that this. This is hard. So very, and insanely difficult.
