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When We Are Dust

Chapter 10 of 12

Jon/Sansa, post-canon, marriage of convenience

So, he claimed impotence by sorcery. Men were really into claiming witchcraft caused their impotence. Just witches stealing dicks all over the place! I think he probably couldn't get it up on their wedding night and had a male ego meltdown about it.

Seeing the thoughts/nightmares/PTSD that Jon has was also quite interesting. I imagine that if he would tell Sansa about that, she would do what she could to help him. Also, him telling her he will leave for two months at the last possible moment was a dick move on his part; i can understand his reasoning, but it was still a dick move.

Will we spend two months away or might he return sooner? Also, will we see his two months away or will the next chapter show him once he is back at Winterfell?

I'm realy curious to see how things will develop and how will they sort things out and start to openly talk to each other, considering the state of things between them and that there are only two chapters left.

Sansa fully recovers, but the thing about intrusive thoughts is that the more you attempt to stop them, the worse they often get. Obviously, Jon doesn't know that, but he's building a whole mental and physical infrastructure to try to stop them and, therefore, keep Sansa safe. It's like when a new mom is having intrusive thoughts and starts to feel unsafe with her baby. He doesn't know where these incredibly violent thoughts are coming from. He's disgusted by them, terrified of them, but he fears it means he's going to hurt her (and Beron).

Leaving without warning is his way of preventing her from stopping him, because he knows he can be easily stopped--he doesn't want to leave her. But he needs to go because he believes she's not safe around him.

Sansa would try to help if she understood, but for Jon, admitting to the violent thoughts would violate the very trust and security she sought in choosing him.

Ack!

Yeah, I've been doing research on medieval PTSD. I'm pretty familiar with modern PTSD treatment of soldiers due to personal connections, but my research on mental illness and treatment in the Middle Ages never extended to battle-related mental health issues.

The historical narrative has typically been that industrialized warfare sort of uniquely causes PTSD (shellshock in the older parlance), but I don't buy that, and I think I've got enough evidence that nothing is new under the sun, including being deeply mentally affected by war. Surprise, surprise.

So. Yeah. That's Jon's hurdle, and he's been navigating it in silence thus far.

Just one other caution: we're only privy to Jon's insecurities in the fic, but Sansa has them in abundance as well. There are moments where she's revealing them, including rather pointedly in the latest chapter, even if Jon isn't always clocking it. So, it's going "well," but in actuality, they both need to hash a lot out to be on firmer ground with each other.

Will Jon finally wise up and realise that Sansa does desire him and loves him or will he still be in his head and have doubts? Also, will they start sleeping in the same bed for good now?

So, it was moon tea that Sansa gave Mara when they first met? Interesting choice, but it does make sense and it seems that Mara really appreciated the gift. I'm guessing Sansa will give her more for the future, right?

Will Jon end up travelling back north with Mara and Tormund, to talk with the free folk and establish trade?

Also, i don't recall if it was mentioned, but did Jon find out who gave her the ring/necklace and why she kept it? If not, then i'm guessing that Jon might still be thinking about it.

Sansa’s actually probably even less convinced than Jon is at this point that the attraction is mutual. There are messy hints of that in this latest chapter, although she knows he loves her. But Jon’s about to get in his head in a big way as his intrusive thoughts start to really plague him following an anxious episode. Those thoughts (Jon sometimes calls them visions) are the driving engine for the conflict until the end.

Sansa gave Mara a gift of moon tea, but only because Jon didn’t have a woman when she got to Tormund’s village. It was like… well, you can have it, I guess. Bringing it for Jon’s woman is meant to have been an interesting choice though. 🧐

The trade negotiations amongst the free folk won’t play out on paper, but Jon will definitely go.