#actually jonsa

It’s the same in every life.

The boy she might have called brother if not for the mimicry of prejudice. The girl he didn’t love best. The years between. How none of that mattered when they met again.

Bodies crashing into each other, arms wound tight, and relief in that press.

Boiled leather armor and a woolen gown.

A redcoat and silk caraco.

Olive drab uniform and a rayon shirtwaist dress.

Such pain-deep relief, it seeps into their bones and takes root. No difference across time.

There’s always a past that precedes it, which he never ceases wishing he could undo for her. Even if he hadn’t loved her best. Even if she hadn’t always been kind.

Hand stretched across the table, palm in palm, they both know it. Given another chance, he would love her better; he would save her. She would go back and be different if she could.

The path is pockmarked. War. Famine. Political upheaval and religious turmoil. The sorts of things that upend lives. But they’re side by side, shoulder to shoulder, facing it together rather than alone. It's more than surviving.

But he carries the weight of his own past, and somehow, under its burden, he doesn’t realize what he means to her.

Toe to toe, they argue.

Sandal to sandal.

Leather boot to leather boot.

Brogans to heeled slipper.

And it’s heated in a way neither one wants to admit. Sometimes they do. Sometimes it stays locked away behind their ribs. The admission—full lips crushing full lips, toes curling, and heads tipped back—if it comes, doesn’t change that she believes in him more than he does himself. That never changes. It’s baked in, part of the very fabric of the thing.

Standing before the Senate.

Sitting before a war council.

Poised at the front of the courtroom.

He never fully grasps how she only wants to shake the doubt from him, so he sees what she knows to be true. He thinks she undermines, he thinks he'll never be enough, and the pain is knife-sharp because he loves her in spite of it.

They never get it right. Not in any era.

He leaves, thinking he must. She stays, knowing she must. He returns with another woman at his side—beautiful without fail—his solution to a problem they might have solved together if they’d only been honest.

It goes so wrong.

She fights for him when he doesn’t believe he deserves it, and he’s angry and sorry and broken. And still the best man she knows. Still the only one she wants.

Years go by. There’s no way around it. And a different kind of pain along with it. Dull and nagging until it’s nearly forgotten, buried by the sediment of time.

But the world turns, and in another age, they crash into each other. And the relief is exquisite as her chin finds his shoulder and his hand spreads over her back, and this time, this time it could all turn out—

Hand in hand.

Brow to brow.

The Queen in the North visits the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.

There has already been a lot of discussion around Jon and Sansa’s dynamic and the idea of their love, but if we look deeper into their characters, it becomes clear that they are not just a “should have been” romance. Their connection reflects something far more essential. It is a crucial dynamic that aligns with their character growth and emotional needs, something that could have meaningfully elevated their story.Jon and Sansa share underlying qualities that often go unspoken, yet they are central to understanding their bond. These are not traits that could have been fully recognized or fulfilled by others around them.

The two of them are defined by very different characteristics, and their journeys differ in how they adapt to their life experiences. Yet, despite these differences, they arrive at a shared emotional ground, carrying a similar kind of pain shaped by those experiences, a pain that deeply resonates with one another.

Their loyalties and dreams were deeply self-defined, shaped by the purpose each of them chose to serve. For Jon, that purpose was the Night’s Watch

For Sansa, her purpose was to become a queen, to grow within the walls of a castle, with her loyalties devoted to the people she believed she loved and could trust.

However, the very purposes they chose for themselves are ultimately turned upside down by their fate. Both of them are betrayed and deceived by the same paths they once believed in, by the very people and ideals they had trusted when they made those choices.

This parallel is crucial. It establishes a clear thematic connection in their journeys, where despite their different experiences, they share the same underlying pain of being undone by their own choices. This becomes a defining thread between them from the very beginning.

However, what follows is where their paths truly diverge. Their characters are shaped in entirely different ways, particularly in how they adapt to and process these experiences. The way they navigate and unravel their journeys ultimately reveals why Jon needed someone like Sansa.

For Sansa, after everything she endures in King’s Landing, her exterior begins to change in response to what she learns from her surroundings. She does not simply build a protective shell to survive. Instead, she becomes more resilient through adaptation, shaped by the strategies she observes in those around her. Influenced by figures like Cersei and Littlefinger, she witnesses how Self- Preservation is maintained through calculation, restraint, and awareness. Rather than being consumed by her circumstances, she absorbs these lessons and evolves through them. Her growth is quiet but deliberate, rooted in observation and understanding, something she herself eventually acknowledges.

She grows into someone practical and strategically aware, capable of identifying weaknesses and warning against them. In contrast, Jon’s adaptation to his experiences manifests as fatigue, restraint, and emotional exhaustion. This is understandable, given the life he has lived. He has fought relentlessly, carried the burden of doing what is right, and lost much in the process. His strength has been poured into battles and responsibilities that have steadily worn him down.

Despite this, Jon remains deeply driven by loyalty and emotion, often blurring the line between conviction and practicality without realizing it. He does not see that he is at risk of repeating the same mistakes that defined Ned and Robb, until someone forces him to confront it. This is where Sansa becomes essential. She reminds him of that missing practicality, not to challenge him, but to steady him, to prevent him from falling into the same patterns that have already cost their family so much.

This is not Sansa trying to appear smarter than Jon or undermine him. She is stepping into the space where Jon is at risk of repeating the same mistakes. Sansa is not Jon, and she is not meant to be. Jon is a strong battle strategist, but at times he needs someone who can ground him with practical judgment, something that has worn down in him over time due to everything he has endured, including loss and even death.

In the Battle of the Bastards, when Sansa advised him that they should have waited until they have a stronger army, Jon holds onto the belief that battles can still be won against greater odds. His restraint and willingness to act on that hope come from his experiences, from exhaustion, from reaching a point where he feels there are no better options. It becomes a reactionary state, where he moves forward without fully expanding the possibilities in front of him.

Sansa, however, is not just there to remind him of past mistakes. She is there to restore what he is beginning to lose. Her role is not about creating a power imbalance or opposing his ideology, but about unifying their experiences and projecting those lessons in a way that strengthens them both. She does not pull him down, she helps lift him back into his strength.

Ever since Jon left home, his journey has been defined by constant fighting and isolation. The battles he has faced have taken a significant toll on him, leaving him exhausted both physically and emotionally. His growing reluctance toward further conflict is not weakness, but a natural response to reaching a point of saturation after enduring so much.

This is where Sansa becomes essential to his arc. His growth can no longer continue in isolation. He needs someone who does not seek to overpower him, but someone who can guide his strength in the right direction and help restore what has been worn down over time.

Because of this, we see a recurring pattern where Sansa reminds Jon of his own power, especially in moments where doubt begins to take hold. She does not replace his strength, she helps him reclaim it.

She becomes the force that urges him to fight for their home, restoring the support and trust he had long been missing.

Beyond this, Jon’s deepest desire has always been to belong to the Stark name, to be recognized as one of them. He loved Ned, yet Ned could not give him that identity. He loved Robb as a brother, but even that bond could not change what he was in the eyes of the world. Despite being loved, he was never fully acknowledged as a Stark. That absence remained a quiet but profound void in his life, something he could never truly fill on his own.

It pained him to never be fully recognized as a Stark by the very people he loved, despite how deeply that love existed.

Then there comes one person who sees him differently, not just as Jon, but as someone who truly belongs. She recognizes him as what he has always wanted to be, without hesitation and without him having to ask.

Her offering Jon Ned and Catelyn’s room is not merely an act of affection, it is a reflection of her understanding and acceptance of who he truly is, something very few people ever gave him. She recognizes what he has always desired, even without him having to say it, and responds to it with quiet certainty.

In doing so, she affirms that identity for him. She gives him a sense of belonging without him ever having to voice it aloud. It is the very thing he has always longed for. By placing the Stark cloak on him, she not only recognizes who he is, but also gives him the space to embrace that identity for himself.

It is Sansa who restores his strength to fight, helping him reconcile with and fulfill his long-held desire to be recognized as a Stark. That is what Jon had always wanted at his core.

Even their conflicts reflect this. No matter the situation, their arguments become extensions of Sansa trying to protect him, to keep him grounded, and to prevent him from repeating the same mistakes that their family made.

Their argument in 8x01 is one such instance. Sansa fears that Jon may be repeating the same pattern as Ned and Robb by bending the knee to an outsider she does not yet trust. Her concern is rooted in the history of their family, in the cost they have already paid for placing trust in the wrong people.However, she does not approach this as a matter of proving herself right or Jon wrong. Instead, she questions him based on her experiences, urging him to look deeper before committing to his decisions. Her intent is not to oppose him, but to guide him, to make him reflect on whether he is truly making the right choices.

Jon does question her in return, yet despite everything, Sansa continues to believe in him. Her trust in him does not waver. She questions him because she cares, because she wants to protect him and prevent him from making choices that could cost him everything. In doing so, she helps him hold onto his sense of judgment and the power he carries.This is why Sansa fits beside Jon in a way that feels necessary. He does not need a relationship that pulls him away from his identity or weakens his claim. He needs someone who stands beside him, who looks out for him, trusts him, and continually helps him hold onto that power.

And because of this, Jon perceives Sansa trying to present herself as very smart through her questioning.

But he comes to realize, with time, that Sansa had been warning him and questioning him for his own good and for the sake of everyone else. She had seen what he could not, and she had been trying to protect him from it all along. It is only when he witnesses the horrors , when he sees King’s Landing reduced to ashes, that every word she once said begins to make sense. In that moment, her doubts, her caution, and her insistence are no longer questioned, they are understood.

And through all of this, we begin to see how much Jon’s character is guided in the right direction with Sansa beside him. With her, he is able to reconcile with his identity, with his long-held desire to truly belong as a Stark. She helps him find the strength to fight again, even after everything that has exhausted and worn him down over time.She questions him constantly, not to oppose him, but to ensure he does not repeat the same fate as those before him. At the same time, she continues to remind him that she believes in him. She reinforces his sense of self, helps him trust in his own power, and encourages him to hold onto it, because in her eyes, he is the rightful one to lead.

And this is what Jon needed. This is what his arc truly required, rather than being reduced to a point where he rejects his own claim and loses himself in choices that take him further away from who he is. He needed someone who could keep him grounded in his identity, someone who could guide him when he Wavers. HE NEEDED SANSA.

Because she always recognizes his true identity and never wants him to turn away from it, even in the end. That is why, when he is leaving in 8x06, she addresses him as the “king they have lost.”

She believes that he always was a true king, and that is exactly what Jon needed to be recognized as. And over time, Jon comes to place the same kind of trust in Sansa that she has always had in him.

Jon also places deep trust in Sansa’s abilities. He elevates her with the same grace and respect that she offers him. This is not a one-time instance, he consistently believes in her, as seen when he entrusts the North to her in Season 7. What they share is an equal and uplifting dynamic, one that benefits and complements both of them in the most fitting way.

Another important and grounding aspect of their dynamic is how deeply they begin to adapt to each other’s values and reflect each other’s qualities. It is as if, over time, they learn from one another and come to value those traits the most.Jon’s defining qualities have always been his loyalty and kindness, traits that remain consistent throughout his journey.

Sansa grows into those qualities as well. She is inspired by Jon, just as she inspires him in return, creating a mutual exchange where both of them shape and strengthen each other.

They consistently bring out the best in each other. The kindness, compassion, loyalty, and quiet bravery they both carry become even more evident in each other’s presence. In many ways, they reflect the same core values, mirroring one another in how they act, endure, and care.

So from character requirement to growth, to love, to story, Sansa stands as the most logical and justified person Jon should have been with, considering everything they have been through and shared.

Rereading the books, I started noticing that not only Sansa and Lyanna Stark carry a lot of parallels in their storylines, but that also George is deconstructing Lyanna’s storyline using Sansa as a mirror. I think https://asoiafuniversity.tumblr.com/post/159345122025/sansa-and-lyanna-story-parallels best described the difference between Sansa and Arya parallels with Lyanna. Arya shares a lot of looks and personality parallels, while Sansa share STORY parallels to her aunt Lyanna.

Now, there is a lot of little parallels in the course of the books, like both Sansa and Lyanna defending people from bullies, or crying as they listening to a beautiful sad song, or how they both feel dead before their times or how they both are kept in towers during part of the story, but I am focusing on parallels in their love storyline.

so let me first lay out roughly what i think is going to happen should jonsa become canon. I personally love going down meta and graphic spirals, so I'm including links to other people’s theories/explanations/graphics of events too - also I would like to shout out @istumpysk because half these metas and gifsets were stuff I found on their blog initially, and also was the one who really convinced me that jonsa is less of a crackship and more of a contender for an actual canon theory, and from there i really found my niche in this fandom. specifically this meta about jon being the mummer's dragon is what pulled me out of my "we're never getting twow and if we do it's just gonna be that stupid dany has jon's magical baby while tyrion watches, then they all die theory" slump and lit my brain on fire again. let's goooo:

The Ashford Tourney Theory - Something Shady goes down at the tourney Petyr has planned that requires Sansa to make a quick getaway, and likely causes her to run into Brienne while fleeing. This theory for me is about hinting at Sansa's romantic future, allies, and how she's getting the hell out of the Vale: both the dark haired, Not Targ Looking Targ Prince that is the son of A Great Prince That Never Was being her romantic endgame but also it's about Brienne (/Dunk) getting her the hell out of there and becoming Sansa's number one ally and protector (with Sansa's number two being Bronze Yohn!! But he's not fleeing with her - if he helps her get out of the Vale, it'll be to cause a distraction or a fight so Sansa can slip away unnoticed. Bronze Yohn is coming with the knights of the Vale later to help defend his girl!).

The Girl In Grey - Out of options on where to go, Sansa & Brienne makes a long, fast, and dangerous trek to the only family she knows is still alive: Jon Snow at the Wall. No, I don't think Alys Karstark is the girl in grey on a dying horse; I think she's a red herring, the same as the scene where Sweetrobin destroys the snow castle, and that the real girl in grey (who slays the savage giant) is Sansa. Melisandre says that she sees "Jon's sister" but doesn't specify more than that, or how she knows it's Jon's sister, even - why would she assume Alys is Jon's sister and not some random Northern girl? Why was she so sure that it was his sister? It's because Alys isn't the girl in grey, it's Sansa, her horse dying because she's traveled halfway across the continent with Brienne and Pod, desperately trying to keep ahead of the dozens of people hunting her down.

The Blood of Winterfell - Sansa and Jon will reclaim winterfell together. This one is similar to above; just like Alys was a red herring, the scene where Sansa rebuilds the castle has a lot of foreshadowing (imo) but that isn't the moment in the prophecy Arya hears. The Savage Giant is Littlefinger, the castle of snow is Winterfell, and Sansa is going to liberate her home alongside Jon and what's left of the Northern lords.

Stone and Snow Remains - THIS is where Sansa and Jon will fall in love while fighting for the North. This is also the part where you lose a lot of people, because they think the evidence is real weak sauce but like, I also think the Jonerys "evidence" is weak af too (and no wonder, we have at minimum 2k pages left to get through!!). There's several believed foreshadowing points to this one, bare with me for this weird ass formatting because I can't do sub bullet points on tumblr:

1. Sansa's linking of snow with love and affection - "drifting snowflakes brushed her face as light as lover’s kisses, and melted on her cheeks...She could feel the snow on her lashes, taste it on her lips. It was the taste of Winterfell. The taste of innocence. The taste of dreams." along with her snow maiden and snow knight.

2. Bael the Bard and the Rose of Winterfell - the chapter where Sansa gets her period for the first time, Cersei refers to it as “flowering” a dozen times, linking being a maiden (a young girl, not quite of age or just barely of age) to flowers and several people refer to sex as ~plucking. Also notice the one who stole her from KL is Lord BAELish.

3. Aemon the Dragonknight & Queen Naerys - Sansa compares herself to Naerys, Joffrey to Aegon, and wishes for an Aemon, among the many similarities between her life and Naerys'. Jon not only calls himself Aemon, he has a deep connection with a different Aemon Targaryen. And if you’re thinking “Sansa isn’t Naerys, X is Naerys” I would remind you that Sansa as a character existed first, George purposefully had her compare herself to Naerys, and parallels don't belong to just one character.

4. Jenny of Oldstones and The Prince of Dragonflies - there's honestly a lot of parallels between them but like the Aemon/Naerys parallel, the Jenny/Duncan one stands out to me.

5. Janos Slynt - I mean. Iconic. This was the scene that made me first think about what their relationship could be in the future and there’s a reason Jonsas fixate on it. It’s about Sansa being desperate for a hero and the hero she dreamed about being Jon the whole time. 6. Societal Alienation - There's the bastard parallels here, the "it would be so sweet to see him again", the "Winterfell belongs to my sister, Sansa." It's about how Jon, through circumstances of his birth, finds himself alienated from the rest of society and reconnects with his prim and proper sister Sansa, who finds herself alienated from the rest of society as well but for vastly different reasons.

Robb’s Will - Howland is going to show up in the North, along with Maege and Galbert, with some WILD news about why Jon can’t rule Winterfell. There’s a lot of contention around this. Bran probably shows up around this time too, and Arya gets to the Riverlands to discover Lady Stoneheart and give her the gift of mercy. This is where all the inheritance stuff is going to happen and I have no idea how it's going to go down besides it's going to be messy as all fuck.

The Pact Of Ice And Fire - Jon & Sansa get secret married bc they’re in love, not siblings, & jon is the only man she trusts not to steal her claim. This isn't the only possible foreshadowing instance of a marriage either - some believe the Sandor/Sansa scene during the Battle of the Blackwater is foreshadowing as well (personally I feel that's a bit of a stretch but I wanted to include it anyway).

Jon As An Envoy - I talked about this in my "what's Jon's ending" a little but I believe Jon will act as an envoy for either Sansa or Bran to Aegon VI, essentially playing out a similar story that he does in the show with Daenerys. By which I mean, Jon is not the King because the ruler themselves do not go as an envoy, that’s stupid and dangerous, but he goes as an ambassador for Sansa or Bran, to treat with a new claimant to the Iron Throne that is gaining support - Aegon VI & Jon Connington. They will probably clash, Jon will probably have yet another identity crisis, there had BETTER be gay incest subtext, then Aegon dies, and Jon has his sixth quarter life crisis in a row.

“King” of the Gift - again, something I touched on in my Jon meta is that I think he’s going to have a hand in resettling the Gift. Personally, I think it's likely that Jon leaves to protect the claims of his siblings (see: Duncan and Jenny) and goes to the Gift to help resettle it to keep out of the way. This ending is typically referred to as the "bael the bard" ending but i like to think of it as the "brandon's gift" ending instead - though he is not physically with his family, Jon feels fulfilled having confirmed his family loves him through reclaiming Winterfell and marrying Sansa, being reunited with Arya, and being given the Gift by Bran. Sansa claims her children were fathered by a wolf.

So…what does all this do for the story?

Well, in my opinion, several things.

I think the main barrier here is that most people in the greater fandom describe Sansa's story as ~growing past childish wants~ and Jon's as ~rejecting love~ and I do not agree with either of those takes even a little bit. This is where (imo) the dividing line between Jonsas and the rest of the fandom is. I don’t think the answer to Sansa’s question “will anyone ever marry me for love” is going to be “nah" - that's not just a sad story to me (wanting to be married isn't childish! craving intimacy and understanding isn't childish! it's also not wrong for a child to be childish!), I think the idea that Sansa (or Jon) will not find another love just doesn't line up with how George approaches his story. Who Sansa's husband will be has been such a big question, and her story is so heavy into the more romantic tropes like courtly love and chivalry and the line between politics and love and identity, that the question of Sansa's hand in marriage will be plot relevant. I also think it's kinda naive of people to pretend like George isn't very interested in the sexual dynamics of the characters he writes about (yeah, sure, no woman needs a man but "needing a man" is not what this is about. look at everything this man wrote in F&B and tell me he is going to write a female character that longs for sex and desire and doesn't get it!).

After AGOT, nearly every time Sansa thinks about marriage involves her longing for love but believing she will never get it because a man will only ever love her for her claim. Giving her a man - like Jon - who not only will not steal her claim and in fact has defended it twice over already, who will love her for who she is and not what she can give him, is a really important aspect of her story in my opinion.

As for Jon, I am even more firmly against the opinion that his story is about rejecting love; Jon’s story is about wanting to be a good man, to measure up to his father ~despite~ his bastard blood. When Aemon asks if Ned would choose honor over love and Jon stubbornly says yes, Jon is wrong and it’s important to not forget that. Ned has never once in his entire life chosen honor over love; he chooses his daughter’s life over his honor, he chooses his sister & her son’s life over honor, he chooses Arya & Nymeria over honor, and on and on!!! Ned chooses love at almost turn but none of his children know that just yet - look at Robb choosing Jeyne’s honor over his own and how upset he is at the idea that Ned would be disappointed despite the fact that Ned would have understand Robb’s decision! Jon's whole arc is tied up in realizing that it is not wrong or dirty to feel and choose love, passion, and desire and if he never has another romantic arc again, I think you lose the second part of that lesson which is "you are responsible for how you act when you feel love but that doesn't mean that simply choosing love makes you a bad person."

There's also the fact that George has talked a lot about "who lives, who dies, who gets married" and yet we have not one marriage at the end of the show AND there's not a lot of guesses at what "who gets married" means besides Jon/erys (and even if Jonsa doesn't happen, I simply do not see Jon/erys happening. they are not similar enough, they will not be in the same space for long enough, and they are on wildlly different trajectories for their story, they are not getting married let alone having sex). I think Jonsa fits that bill very well.