ZZzzzzzzzzz

did i leave the oven on

nyo i'm making tater tots in thwre don't uou DARE turn it off

if you manage to stop a sneeze, and then sneeze a few minuets later, is it just the first sneeze delayed or is it a new sneeze entirely?

well that's just nonsensical. sneeze is an active process. ergo it's a new sneeze. nyot that hard to realize....

Would Sheldon Cooper refer to his Big Naturals™️ as his Bazingas

Bigzingas

stealing my gimmick???

When you see a word missing an e (like Flickr or Tumblr), that’s the present trying to look like the future. When you see a word with an extra e (think Ye Olde Towne Bar & Grille), that’s the present trying to look like the past.

Tumblr mention

Tumblr mention

Tumblr mention

Tumblr mention

If the world was flat the edge would be the most famous attraction in the world

i bet there'd be ropes to hang from for a funny photo at the edge

If vampires are cold-blooded, are they still mammals?

i think you should get out of the shower before the biologists find you

If you gave a squid a tattoo, would it be like tattooing a human with their own blood?

that sounds metal as fuck, however unfortunately i don't think most tattoo ink is derived from cephalopods. also i think their ink is slightly different than their blood. it'd probably be more comparable to tattooing a human with their spit

It’s lucky we don’t get itchy finger or toe nails.

you don't get itchy finger nails

jazz is just cursive music

i would like to disagree because classical/orchestra music should be the cursive music

People never drink beer through a straw.

that's because they're cowards. drink the alcohol with the heart silly straw

One day, we’ll look back on those crazy times when we used to pay money to go to a hot place.

not if mr. freeze wins

Dinosaurs deserve better than being immortalized as a chicken nugget shape

y'know i don't think chicken nuggets are eternal

Chances are, our ancestors have at least once murdered someone

gods i hope so. i want blood on my bloodline

Bread, cheese and vegetables make a socially acceptable breakfast, but pizza weirdly doesn’t

what breakfast did you just describe. also pizza is don't let the neurotypicals lie to you

Many of the people worried about pronoun identification ruining the world have been saying Y’all their entire lives.

i don't believe you.