Lucian

TWO. in youth, you desired happiness and freedom. in youth, you knew you would not get it.

even if you were raised with love and affection and adoration, taught elegance and acknowledged with reverence, what would any of it have mattered anyway if your life was never meant to be yours?

you stand before each other, little distance between bodies cloaked in ceremonial attire. melancholy fills your heart, the tidal waves crashing ever so gently with realization that this is what your life has become and what it was always supposed to be.

you are married to kamisato ayato now. you imagined you would feel something more than a torment of defeat and regret on the day of your marriage.

you watch yourself in the reflection of purple eyes, catch sight of a longing that you wish was not yours. perhaps it is the longing for another, ayato realizes, but it is not him.

( he is sorry. he hopes, somehow, to walk down the path to a happy ending with you. )

THREE. life in the estate is more peaceful than you expect. ayato is not one for public appearances, so rarely is it that you have to stand at his side, head held high with poise and regard. you don't expect to interact with him unless deemed necessary because of this, but even then, his absence has not gone unnoticed. you're not sure why you're still surprised; ayato's shoulders weigh heavy with responsibility. you don't expect to be a priority by any means.

thoma notices this, tries to patch things up before they break entirely ( even if it's not his place. even if it's not his place, he thinks, because there's supposed to be a happy ending to these things ).

"my lord has been busy lately, you see."

thoma is quick to present his loyalties to you, always taking what little time he has to make sure you're alright ( which says a lot, considering that he's always on the go, finding something productive to do, even when he's completed everything on his mental task list already ).

he looks at you, visage radiant as ever, but somewhere in his eyes, there is an uncertainty. he treads carefully.

"he's been asking me to check on you when he can't, but lately, he's been so occupied with--"

"thoma," your voice is quiet, lacking malice, but he still grimaces ever so slightly, "what's wrong?"

he's overstepping his bounds, isn't he? he is. but maybe this is worth it, he decides, hopeful.

"he's got a good heart, you know. i can tell he wants to be happy with-- er-- he wants you to be happy, is what i'm saying. so... i hope you can consider him."

he almost winces at your silence. his lips part, an apology dancing on the tip of his tongue, but when you offer a tender smile, reluctant in its ways but understanding, he knows that there will be golden days, eventually.

( eventually, you'll get there. you'll be happy someday, together. he swears by this. )

FOUR. the head of the clan is full of mysteries, unreadable and readable, intentions known and hidden all the same. ayato is the first to reach out-- perhaps out of obligation or pity, you're not sure.

you don't trust it at first-- the way he seeks you out frequently nowadays, his approach gentle and welcoming in nature. you remind yourself of thoma's words, allow yourself to wonder if he had meant to find time with you before, had it not been for his never ending duties.

from meals eaten together to daily discussions of recent events, ayato discovers you are kinder than you let on. granted, he recalls, that the foundation of your relationship was purely one of convenience, it would only be natural of you to be guarded-- angry, even, at him, or at anyone, in truth.

"thank you." he tells you one night, breaking your trance as you watch the steam rise from the tea cup in your hand. ( that's his favorite one, the once shattered porcelain pieced together through gold and made to be whole once more. how beautiful are the things that are eventually bound together ).

"for what?"

he hums thoughtfully, finds solace in the warmth that greets his body when he takes a sip of the tea.

"for indulging me with your companionship."

your lips twitch. ayato sees this. his smile grows slightly. he hopes to cherish this moment for a lifetime.

something akin to fondness grows in your heart, gnaws away at the slight disdain that has stained the crimson blood that flows through it.

( you think there are surely better things to do than to force something out of this thing you call a marriage, but you would be lying if you did not feel something different, then and there. )

FIVE. diplomacy is meant to be a challenge, the delicate push and pull with underlying tension and game of intimidation a beastly being. it is nothing you're unfamiliar with, but there is something very knowing and heavy when you now represent the kamisato clan. you're no longer someone who carries your former family name anymore, but now, his, instead.

ayato knows of your discomfort even when you do not voice it. after months and months of a marriage where you are slowly transitioning from strangers to acquaintances to something more, he likes to think that he knows you, whether it's in the small things or the more significant ones. he's always been one to read another's language well, observe them keenly, and know their reactions like they are his own.

he doesn't stray from your side, even in the midst of strangers who desire his attention and focus. his hand rests on the small of your back, touch comforting in a trust that i am here with you. i will not leave your side, and maybe there's a forever in that, but maybe you're reading too much into this, mistaking his kindness as something else. you try not to think about it too much, but the way your brows furrow slightly gives you away.

"thank you," is all you can manage to say, and now you are the one who speaks words of appreciation, "for staying with me."

ayato's laugh is soft and wonderful; you always notice this when you hear it. he doesn't ask what you're thinking about, but he knows, and should you ever dare ask him what your existence means to him, then he would, undoubtedly, tell you the honest truth : that he wishes for your happiness, wishes to be with you, and hopes that there will be a love found in this marriage, whether it was proposed through genuine intentions or not.

but you don't ask, and he doesn't expect you to. instead, the back of his hand grazes against yours in the knowing of it all, and how comforting it is, to know that another can feel almost like home. your fingertips brush-- a ghost of a touch, light as a feather, but heavy in meaning.

"will you walk with me?"

he smiles at you, and you realize it is kinder, sweeter, than the one you saw when you first met. perhaps it has always been genuine, after all. you inhale deeply, feel the binds of reluctance and fear fade into oblivion. it remains, static in a way, but you think the fear will always be there, somehow. but it's always better to jump before you're pushed, and maybe if it's with him, then it will be well worth it.

"i will." you tell him, and your fingers lace together, intertwine into something that leads to a better beginning and ending. "i'll walk with you, ayato."