Juniper102

~ Silver && Green ~ Depressed ~ Slytherin ~

“Dementors… glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… But you know happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Why stop at capitalism? Destroy everything.

Guys it’s been three weeks since I’ve eaten a vegetable

At least we have memes to dull the pain of existence

An AP student: Oh my god I thought seven was less than six 

(while filling the cap of their water bottle with water) SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS 

friend one: If all your friends jumped off a bridge wou- friend two: probably

I’M GONNA GO HOME AND DRINK A WHOLE GLASS OF WEED

If cows ruled the world would they drink human milk?

student: my calculator is broken teacher: your calculator isn’t broken, you’re broken

no actually I think you have to be of age to be considered a cougar

(during math class on the second floor) student 1: so like how far do you think the distance is from that window to the ground?   student 2: enough

teacher: has anyone ever been to New Orleans? Student: does Popeyes count?

my word count on this paper isn’t very high but I certainly am

we’re in adult limbo. I’m not a teen and I’m not an adult. I’M SUFFERING, THAT’S WHAT I AM!

holdmecloseandfast reblogged your post: Hot adulting tip: make a “responsibilitysona” and…

And therein lies the entertainment value. Pajamas Hellen might cause you suffering but she provides so much delight for…

Well, our house has an intercom system. There’s panels in every room, mostly because my dad likes to torment us. When we were kids, in our old house, he used to take a boom box and go around the house blaring opera to wake us up. When we moved, he decided he’d make life easier and just put speakers everywhere. (He also decided he wanted strobing red emergency lights in most of the communal rooms. Just for funsies.)

So one saturday morning I woke up at six am to some very dramatic arias coming over the speakers, and my dad yelling “Wake up! It’s time to learn new things!!” 

My dad is a morning person. I am not. 

I stumbled down the driveway in pjs and flipflops to the barn, where my dad had a diamond tipped drill, a slab of granite, and a bunch of welding supplies. He looked at me and asked if I wanted to go change. I grunted. I did not want to do anything. He held out a welding torch and explained that it was time to learn to weld and asked if I was sure. 

I was sure. 

I learned how to weld. There were casualties.

It turns out that batman pyjama pants are not fireproof, and will not protect you from flying chunks of slagged metal.  They simultaneously melted and caught fire. 

I went inside and changed. 

The second time was during a massive ice storm. Our house is on a dead end road, and so when we loose power, we’re pretty much the bottom of the priority list. We lost power for more than five days over christmas one year. Luckily, we got a generator from a family friend who’d gotten their power back already. Since we only had so much power from it, we chose to prioritize, and plugged in only the router and Christmas lights. In the rest of the house, we used candles. Including in the bathrooms, since most of them don’t get any exterior light. 

I was putting on eyeliner one morning, and since I’m blind as a bat, leaned in very close to the mirror. And therefore very close to the candle. Let me just tell you that burning hair smells awful, and that short cuts are not a great look for me. 

Know you aren’t alone. I don’t know your situation, but I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.

An alien’s observations on a human subject:

~ Subject mentions the fact that they are lactose intolerant every time they consume something with dairy in it.

~ Subject’s bones often make crunching noises. Subject assures me that this is somewhat normal.

~ Subject likes to put pictures together, one small irregularly shaped piece at a time, even though the picture is right in front of them.

~ Subject eats frozen food, even though this causes mild distress to their eating orifice.

~ Subject’s sleep schedule changes weekly. They do not understand this either.

~ Subject holds onto obsolete technology, despite not having the required device to even operate this technology.