oh btw i have reasons for every single one of these:
Cowboys/Dojima: Incapable of accepting that what they once loved will never return to them, forever indulging in escapism and unwilling to face what's in front of them
Giants/Mitsuru: Stodgy, from old money, completely unaware of how the world around them actually works in this day and age
Eagles/Haru: fuck da police
Commanders/Sumi: "You know, Senpai, the old name was actually a tribute to Native Americans, they never should've changed it, I'm gonna keep calling them the Re-"
Bears/Akechi: S U F F E R I N G (also this work by gimmie20dollas that has become my entire personality)
Lions/Kanji: Hard nosed, smash mouth football, duh (actually he thought the Hawaiian Blue color was super cute but he'd never tell you that)
Packers/Morgana: Zero innate understanding of how anything works outside of their own milieu, arrogance hiding insurmountable insecurities, I hope they both die
Vikings/Ann: It's a common headcanon that she's part Scandinavian, so this was an easy one. Just don't tell her about 1998
Falcons/Makoto: No matter the accolades, no matter the talent, no matter the devoted fanbase, both will always and forever be mid (I'm so sorry Makoto I love you)
Panthers/Yusuke: Prone to rash, irresponsible decisions that will leave them impoverished for ages to come; in desperate need of leadership
Saints/Sojiro: What is gumbo but Cajun curry?
Bucs/Ryuji: Pirates. I didn't think any further than that and neither did he
Cardinals/Futaba: Kyler Murray is a gamer and Futaba thinks that's swell
Rams/Rise: Glitz, glamor, and mortgaging your future for short term glory. It's the idol way
Niners/Naoto: Naoto saw that little man Brock Purdy rise to greatness and got gender envy. And what better place for that than San Francisco
Seahawks/Chie: Found out about the Legion of Boom a dozen years ago and thought it was the coolest shit ever
Bills/Yu: Exudes DGAF energy but barely beneath the surface is nothing but passion and loyalty. Also Bills fans all have sister complexes
Dolphins/Fuuka: As we all know, Fuuka has a deep compassion for her team and profound technical knowledge, but can't cook for shit. Just like having Mike McDaniel for a coach
Patriots/Akihiko: Much like the Brady/Belichick years Akihiko is defined by a borderline-psychotic infatuation with always improving, always staying on top, and always finding a made-up mental hurdle to climb. Also he just gives me New Englander vibes. He'd probably call you a slur
Jets/Yosuke: Much-deserved suffering.
Ravens/Ren: Much like the city of Baltimore, Ren gives off a goofy, theatrical vibe that can sometimes overshadow his innate toughness and loyalty. Unlike Ray Lewis, though, he doesn't deserve to have a criminal record
Bengals/Shinjiro: Hardscrabble, rough history, both barely surviving on meager funds
Browns/Teddie: He found out about Deshaun Watson and liked the cut of his jib
Steelers/Yukari: Always serviceable and more than a little mean, though clinging desperately to the past to avoid the pain of the present
Texans/Kawakami: A life of exhaustion, malaise, and zero forward momentum while drowning in debt is almost as depressing as having to be in Houston. Also I just really wanted to photoshop her with a Lone Star
Colts/Door-kun: Makoto doesn't care, and what better team to not care about than the Colts? Folks,
Jaguars/Junpei: Junpei is basically Jason Mendoza
Titans/Aigis: Technically sound, maybe, but wildly incompetent in most other regards. Titan Up, as they say
Broncos/Adachi: Years of abject mediocrity after trying to make something of yourself, desperately clawing to any shred of normalcy or relevance, would drive anyone to madness and sociopathy. Also Adachi is there
Chiefs/Yukiko: Red offensive powerhouses stick together, I guess. Definitely killed a guy
Raiders/Kotone: A yawning, bleak emptiness just beneath the surface. May have fans still, sure, but long forgotten by just about everyone else
Chargers/Zenkichi: Became a fan when they were in San Diego and has foregone all dignity to continue supporting them. Once again, a loved one escapes his life and he finds himself looking backward, chasing after a past that will never return to him.
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