en mer .

Everyone is different, we all have our own rituals and traditions. The secret things that we do when no one is looking or the quiet places that we visit to clear our mind. Places we don't tell anyone about in the fear that they might crowd us, join us or ruin the secret joys that we find in the world. It's the same as finding a favourite song and refusing to share it with someone. It's almost like you're tempted to, like you want someone to hear it and hear what you hear. Someone who can say 'hey I've been listening to it on repeat for days' just so you can say that you have as well but there's also that fear, that worry that maybe they won't like the song. Maybe they'll criticize it or brush it aside and all of a sudden a song that you love becomes a lack-luster track you don't feel so much pride over. You hear it through their ears and you lose the spark, the interest.

Soojung was like this, she had many secrets things. Some might argue that it was because her whole existence was a secret but she didn't really think about it in that sort of way. Forget the big picture, she just liked the little things. The little coffee shop across town, that song she'd found one night while wandering through YouTube, the poet who seemed to see right through her words and deep into her soul. Secret joys of life were meant to be hidden and after joining Coex as their resident tour guide she was soon able to find a secret joy there as well.

Coex was big, really big. Some found it overwhelming at first, she'd heard. The newest tour guides were always fumbling with maps and papers while they tripped and stumbled around the place; their attempts to educate a group of strangers usually anything but coordinated or interesting. Soojung had been different though, she'd not really expected to find it easy but she had a knack for finding her way around the place. One of the biggest reasons for this was her awe; the enthusiasm and respect for each section and aquarium of Coex. It was like discovering a new beauty each and every day and as she spoke about the sharks and the whales and the schools of fish, it was so easy to see her eyes light up in childish wonder.

Soojung was so good at finding her way around the aquarium that she had even managed to find things that weren't on the map. This was her secret. Off to the side, a small hallway with old paint and dim lighting led to a darker room. With walls made of glass, there was a smaller aquarium filled with brightly-coloured fish. To most it wouldn't seem very exciting compared to the other ones. It wasn't large-scale and there was nothing unique or fantastical about the animals behind the thick glass. They were just... there; existing. They moved together, moved around in-sync and waited for slow members to catch up. It made her feel safe in a way, to see the fish stick together.

No one ever came to that area of Coex and no one ever bothered her. That was part of the enjoyment. This is where she would disappear to on her breaks or at lunchtime. Sometimes she would visit the place even after her shift was done and that's what she was currently doing. The stress of the week had quietly built up and she found it almost humorous that her troubles were so unequivocally normal for once. Paying bills on time, wondering if her boss liked her, thinking if she should revise her tour — all of her thoughts seemed so... unexciting, compared to her past.

It's funny though, how accustomed to certain things you can become. How little things can seem like big things and instead of finding yourself in an action-movie you find yourself in a calm, indie-drama about a girl with no friends who works at an aquarium.

It's peculiar how things can be so misleading, how your eyes can see what they would like to see. It's almost as if you're caught in another reality, the truth of the situation so completely oblivious to you until all of a sudden it's not. Sometimes it's seeing something out of the corner of your eyes, or spying something in the dark; with the blink of an eye it's gone and you can chuckle to yourself.

Sometimes it's a bit more... serious.

It was late and she was tired. She didn't have much on her mind except that she wanted to be home. Of course home, the word, reminded her that the apartment she was returning back to wasn't actually that much of a home. It wasn't the home — it was just a home. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, Soojung trudged along the sidewalk. It's funny how some things just seem to get to you. The past is the past but it still hurts, it still clouds your mind and when you least expect it you become nostalgic. You miss old faces and you miss the new ones you were just getting to know — and that can make you angry. Angry at life or just angry at yourself, it's hard to know but Soojung was in a fury from zero to ten seconds out of nowhere.

Brows were furrowed as she moved and it was almost like she was on a mission now, this anger coming out from her seemingly from nowhere. It just took one word to set her off and in a moment's notice it would take one glance to play a trick on her.

She didn't notice the cameras, didn't notice the crew — all she saw was the fight. Halting her feet, she stared in shock as she became witness to a couple fighting in the street. Turning her head to glance around for cars who could possibly injure the couple, she took a step forward and continued to stare as they fought. It was heated, something seemed off — this didn't feel like "just" a fight. There seemed to be more beneath it and she winced at the way the man yelled at the girl. He was getting into her face and Soojung's heart picked up speed, that anger only growing more with each second; and now it had a new ammunition.

She was one to keep to herself but suddenly she wasn't keeping to herself anymore, "Hey—stop! Leave her alone!" She was yelling as she stormed into the street, the bitter cold making her take her hands out of her pockets to cross her arms, "Hey back off, man!" Soojung didn't seem to notice the confusion or the puzzlement on the other's face and it was done before she could acknowledge it.

     She'd been in hiding so long that she almost didn't recognize the way the wind whipped around with a fury so cold it made you shiver the word 'winter'. Rosy cheeks, half hidden by a giant cashmere circle scarf and bright reddish-pink locks of hair dancing away, she looked just the same as she always did. Well, since... since the... —

     Standing on the corner of two streets, she stared straight ahead. "Crossroads." she whispered to herself. Literally but mostly metaphorically. You can hide all you want but eventually you must find the strength to unearth yourself and mostly always when you happen to do so, you find yourself at a crossroad; an intersection. All of a sudden you're met with that fork in the road that you had so long ago decided to avoid.

     You can't avoid everything, though. You can take a break, take a small stop on your journey towards the dead-end but sometimes there is no detour and the only solution is but to face your fears and choose a path.