JewelS

Well shit. If you are reading this and you are not me, I’m sorry. I just want to get this out of my head. I feel like I am destined to go nowhere in life. I’m scared like all the time. So I never push myself but I’m scared of being where I am currently. I don’t want to be here. Whatever here is i don’t really know right now. I can hear my blood pounding in my ears. That’s what here is. I want to be doing more and accomplishing more and fucking just being more then who i am because who I am fucking sucks. It’s a shell of a person and I pretend to be so much more and have these huge plans in life but fuckkkkk. Idk man. I just want to make my parents proud because i will never be able to make myself proud. That chance left the day I fucking let those people get in my head. The day I went to the tool shop and bought a ten pack of blades for only two fucking dollars. Fuck I just wanna feel love because that has been gone for fucking years. I can’t remember the last time I loved myself. I can’t remember the last time I felt loved.