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REFLECTIVE STATEMENT

I feel overwhelmed at the amount of animation I was able to achieve, as I was having great difficulty articulating will in the character of Khadija. I wrestled with my frustration about about her head shape and keeping on model, which inevitably delayed progress. This year, I have been less ambitious with planning for narrative in order to focus on animation technique and portraying action. My main difficulty was dividing up my time into manageable chunks to help me plan for future problems such as work being lost, or poorly drawn linework. I had a production checklist, but no month-to-month schedule apart from a personal calendar I plan a week in advance, and worked for blocks of hours at a time. This greatly impacted my ability to plan ahead for disruptions. The animation sequence was divided into 9 parts so that ToonBoom Harmony would not be overwhelmed, and this would also help me locate more easily which scenes needed some more work.

Over the course of the year, I struggled separating my personal feelings from the work, so it was difficult to break away from my perfectionistic tendencies. This was an issue particularly during the development of the poem attached to this film. Gathering feedback from others helped to maintain a sense of trust in my own creative control, and I soon recognised that I did not have to separate my own experiences from the project. Chai, a fellow student in BA music composed the score for the film, and her piece deeply moved me and motivated me to progress. Hearing the poem being spoken back to me by peers also had me confront much of the appropriate feeling and emotion that my film needed to project.

With regards to animation technique, I also soon realised that I did not have to keep every line moving for every single frame. This helped to save hours of time figuring out individual positions for every single detail. Simpler, more minimalistic movements can also often feel more honest, and boiling the lines works more for some actions than others. I also realised that not every drawing has to occupy a certain amount of frames, and that I could leave some drawings on for longer. It had been greatly useful to separate some drawings into another layer so that I could easily keep track of which lines needed to move in the scene.

The 2nd divided part of the animation was one of the shortest, but most difficult to animate. I believe that the scene where she is depicted to be drowning in texts has taken up a lot of time with regards to figuring out how to animate it. A piece of feedback from Jonathan that I held onto from one of the previous crits was about how the scene could become more minimalist. I then internalised this and sought to play around more with how the lines could work with colour to express feelings of tightness and claustrophobia.

For the remainder of the project, I would grow more confident in my ability to finish this project due to a lot of help and encouragement from feedback from staff and peers.

PROCESS

Archive of Production Drafts (link)

Rough linework (Before and after).

A screenshot of the program Toonboom Harmony showing how my layers are organised.

Showreel

Portfolio Catalogue

Website

Guide for Degree Show & Festival Pack:

Festival Pack (link)

Animatic with sound test and poem, draft 3

Production Spreadsheet:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1i5buDsbp_ZS9FMcbDbgEEIIek6cl3WWBaK0UI_Hmoms/edit?usp=drivesdk

Progress so far. Taking in some feedback from peers, I have revised the poem some more for increased emotional impact.

Animatic with sound test and poem, draft 2

afraid of the cold i suffocated under your body weight but if i could just escape seeing you at break tomorrow i can finally swallow my lunch my mom and dad would always check if i was alright he would turn on the light and she would stroke my hair i froze far too often to tell them you were there in my best nightmares you are not here upon waking i stay home to reimagine my dignity, my face without anticipating your bitter gaze i gave my breath away to you too freely not knowing it would leave me barely alive all that you asked for i could not provide it was my fault for missing class it was my fault for picking up the pieces of your broken glass it was my fault, my fault, my fault for keeping you awake while i was fast asleep safe in those dreams you could never have taken from me my friends could only comprehend their truths in the face of mine i feel kinder to myself as time passes and more pain takes flight in the warmth and light of the sun as we give and let go

Animatic with sound test and poem, draft 1

afraid of the cold i suffocated under your body weight but if i could just escape seeing you at break tomorrow i can finally swallow my lunch my mom and dad would always check if i was alright he would turn on the light and she would stroke my hair i froze far too often to tell them you were there in my best nightmares you are not there upon waking i stay home to reimagine my dignity, my face without anticipating your cold gaze i gave my breath away to you too freely not knowing it would leave me barely alive your every demand i could not provide it was my fault for missing class it was my fault for picking up your pieces of broken glass it was my fault, my fault, my fault for keeping you awake while i was fast asleep safe in dreams you could have never taken from me my friends could only comprehend their truths in the face of mine i feel kinder to myself with time the glue holding us forever is how much stronger we are now together

I have recorded a draft voiceover for the poem over the animatic, indicating which shots the pauses should arrive. I have been advised that the symbolism would be stronger if different voices were reciting the poem and were blended together as one on the more impactful lines or verses. I will apply this feedback wholeheartedly.

It was also recommended that the closeups of her face during Khadijah's panic attack be combined into either one shot or more focused closeups that are fixated on the eyes or mouth in order for those shots to commit fully in portraying her experiences of trauma.

A collaborative film by Don, Scarlette, Rachel, and Julius.

Version 1

Final Animatic (sound test without poem)

The animatic feels too quick. I feel as though it does not dwell enough on certain important scenes and goes over the experiences of abuse and processes of seeking help for trauma recovery too fast. I am not the best animator, so admittedly many shots are quite simple in terms of camera work in order to make any planned movement in the scene as visible as possible. Some shots could possibly be lengthened for more emotional weight. I feel that the ending shot needs to linger a little bit more, and I have mixed opinions about the music I have used for it.

My animatic has developed from 30 seconds to 2 minutes since the beginning of term, which I am relieved to have been able to achieve. I have had major difficulties in completing production before, and this has been a huge step for me in terms of overall learning.