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“I need help. I am getting help. Things are going to be okay.
Being full will not hurt me. Being empty will.
Things are going to be okay. Let it happen.” - 6.16.17
Four days later-- one year ago today-- I took a huge leap of faith for my future self (thank God, am I right?) I showed up. Against everything inside me, I let myself cry, drink my first ever boost, even make an effort to eat without rituals. I let myself fight, without knowing how it was gonna turn out-- just a whole lotta trust in the vague hope that something else was gonna be fulfilling enough to let go of this. 365 days ago, I took a chance on the possibility of a different future, and I let myself try to create it.
One year ago tomorrow, I sobbed (yes like actual beached whale sobs) over pizza, and I let one of my biggest rules fall away for a few bites. I refused to let myself quit. I told myself I would keep going for that maybe: maybe one day I would be proud that I did this, maybe one day I won’t feel this way.
That maybe, that one day, we made it. It really is possible. It really is “gone be ok baby”. I am so deeply and fully grateful for those first beautiful, painful, brave steps-- paperwork, a bite, a sip, admitting that something is wrong, allowing others to help. I am even more grateful for the small fighter inside me that would not quit; not when I counted the number of times we had pizza, not when I wouldn’t touch the plate, not when I got 4 exchange snacks, not after grilled cheese guilt, not even after all the times I was ready to plan a relapse.
There is so much wonder out there, and so many ups and downs and incredible things I get to feel and experience in life, all thanks to those shaky steps in the dark. Thank you for trusting (even though that’s so, so hard). Thank you for trying, for letting go of rules, for showing up, for letting the inner fire burn.
Thank you, so much, me but 365 days younger. I love you, I am so proud of you, and it really will be worth it.
“Don’t get all sentimental about it
The sun comes up the rain comes down
There ain’t nothing you can do to change it
Don’t get all sentimental about it
Life’s not fair…”
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what she means: stromae's expertise and sheer versatility is a great source of stress for me. he sings, he raps, he dances, he drums, he designs clothing, he's behind the camera on some of his own video shoots, he speaks multiple languages, he performs his own songs with more genuine emotion than most actors i see on tv; the sharpness of his cheekbones is unparalleled, the depths of his eyes fathomless. i fear i will never understand, let alone reach, his level of wordsmithing. the more i study his lyrics, the more puns and references and double-meanings i discover. the diversity of subject matter addressed in his music is astounding--there isn't a single love song or four-chord song to be found on racine carrée. his production choices, his piano parts, his tight background harmonies, his chord progressions, all demonstrate that he possesses truly amazing musicianship. i can't decide whether to cry because i want his talent, or because i can't witness it up close.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
The fact that ur having intrusive thought abt something means that that thing is the opposite of who you are. It’s absolutely against what you stand for and your ocd/mental illness is using it against you. The intrusive thought puts it there because it’s something that will make you feel bad about yourself. It’s engineered to make you feel like a bad person, but your recognition that those thoughts are bad proves the opposite. You are a good person.
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