𝟭𝟬 .ᐟ

For the first time in a long, Sadie found herself lost for words. Here was this brilliant man, walking side by side, holding her hand, airing out his truth and all she wanted was to hide him from the tragedy that taunted every fiber of his being. It took a minute, but eventually she gathered her thoughts well enough to begin a conversation she hoped would help. "Jude, it's not dramatic to allow your emotions to present themselves. This isn't just a job to you, it's your world" She assured softly, needing to validate his emotions now more than ever. "You're allowed to be hurt and it's okay to be frustrated with the outcome of something that matters to you." She continued, brushing her thumb against the back of his palm. "People aren't machines. If you're sad, showing it only means your brave enough to allow me to see it and believe me, I'm honoured that you feel safe enough to speak so freely with me." Her blue eyed gaze met the dark irises she'd grown to adore and she offered him a gentle smile. "There are no easy answers here." She confessed with a sigh. "As much as I want to, I can't fix this for you and I certainly can't tell you what's going to happen in the future." Sadie continued, kicking the ground beneath her feet. "I don't know where you'll be in four years time or if you'll be playing in another world cup." She shrugged. "What I do know is how much of an impact you've made this time around." Her gaze turned soft, gentle and calm the more she spoke. "I knew nothing about soccer until you entered my life, but since meeting you, I've noticed a shift." Like day at night, the thoughts hit so suddenly, she almost physically stumbled from the impact. "People are painting murals of you on buildings. Grown adults are having children and giving their baby your name." A soft laugh fell between them. "You inspire people. You made your country proud. There's a reason people were so quick to join in and sing Hey Jude. That doesn't go away because of one game." She willed him to believe it. "You might not be raising that trophy this year, but somewhere in England, there are going to be kids kicking a ball around and they're going to be pretending they're you." Eyes shining with pride, Sadie could truthfully say she had never met a man like him before. He was one of a kind and she could hardly believe he was still holding her hand like a lifeline. "The wound is fresh and I know you might not feel this way, but you did your best and you guys have the talent." Pausing for a moment, she looked around, the blue sky still beaming down golden sun rays. "Not every success is measured by first place."

jude felt his chest tighten with every word she spoke. not in the painful way it had after the final whistle, but in a way that left him feeling exposed, seen. nobody had ever been particularly good at comforting him when it came to football, most people either treated him like he was invincible or rushed to tell him why everything would be fine. sadie did neither, she simply listened, she understood. somehow, despite never growing up in dressing rooms or stadiums, despite not living and breathing the sport the way he had since he was old enough to kick a ball, she understood exactly what this loss meant to him. he found himself staring at her while she spoke, hanging onto every word as though they were the only thing keeping him from sinking completely into his disappointment. the mention of murals and children carrying his name made him let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "that sounds insane when you say it out loud." his smile grew slightly. i still feel like the same kid who used to annoy everyone by kicking a football against the garage door for hours." he looked down briefly, his thumb tracing absent circles across the back of her hand. "it's strange. i spend so much time focusing on what i haven't done yet that i forget about any of that." his voice softened. "i forget that there are people watching, kids watching. i don't know if i'm half the role model people think i am, but hearing you say all that…" he paused, swallowing hard. "it helps a whole fucking lot." his eyes never left hers as she confessed how invested she'd become because of him. the admission made something warm bloom in his chest, cutting through the disappointment that had followed him since the match ended. a small grin tugged at his lips when she called him the pretty boy she met in london. "pretty boy?" he repeated, feigning disbelief. "that's all i am now?" the teasing only lasted a second before his expression softened again. he reached up and gently brushed his knuckles against her cheek. "for what it's worth, london would've been a lot lonelier without you too." his voice dropped lower. "i don't think i have ever told you that." when she admitted she had a thing for him, his smile widened despite himself and he ducked his head slightly as if suddenly embarrassed. "a thing for me?" he murmured. "good. because i was starting to think i imagined all those signs." the joke was quiet, but the affection behind it was impossible to miss. he shifted closer after settling into the seat, immediately wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she leaned against him.

When she'd been invited to the world cup, the last thing Sadie had expected was for her to have actually become so invested in the sport. It wasn't exactly the soccer that caught her attention in an iron clad grasp, but more so the person on the pitch giving his all to the game. She saw it in the small moments he felt no one was watching, how his eyes shined brighter and a small smile always threatened to break free against his lips. This match was different to the one she's watched days prior, the odds weren't swayed in his favour and when the final whistle blew, signaling the end of the game, she felt the exact moment her heart shattered. Before now, she hadn't cared about goals, fouls or red cards, there had been no need. Then suddenly he entered her world and all of that stuff seemed to matter again. From the crowd, she watched as the look of anguish washed over his sharp features and all she wanted was to run out from the stands and wrap him up in a protective embrace and comfort him, but she couldn't. It wasn't allowed and even if it had been, Sadie highly doubted he would have wanted such an emotional moment to play out on such a public stage. As everyone began to leave, she took that as her queue to follow and walked through the stadium, passing by loud fans and tired workers. Her mind focused on one goal and one goal only: she had to find Jude. As much as he loved the team he'd played with, the atmosphere that surrounded the players would be one of sorrow. An inescapable, terrible mood would hover over the England team for the next few days, at least. He needed a friendly face to remind him that while it might not feel like it right now, this wasn't the end of the world. He would continue to play and he would go on to do amazing things, but it was more than okay if he needed a moment to grieve the game he'd been so optimistic about winning only a couple hours ago. Sport was competitive and everyone who played faced the same outcome should the sun go down on their one bight day. Logically, she knew that, but logic didn't matter when the person you cared for was hurting so deeply. Sadie felt it in her bones and hated the thought that she couldn't necessarily fix this for him. All she could hope now was that he would be open to her presence. So she weaved through bodies and pushed past people with an absentmind "sorry." entirely unphased by the disgruntled protests, none of it mattered. She needed to get to him.

jude let out a quiet laugh, but there was no real humour behind it. the sound was hollow, weighed down by exhaustion and disappointment. his shoulders sagged as they continued walking, his fingers tightening around hers as though he needed the contact to keep himself grounded. around them, people continued moving through the stadium grounds, but everything felt distant, blurred together into meaningless noise. for the first time in weeks, maybe months, football wasn't the only thing occupying his mind and somehow that made everything hurt even more. he listened carefully as she spoke, hearing every word, appreciating every attempt she made to pull him out of the darkness threatening to swallow him whole. but it was difficult, god, it was so difficult. "everyone keeps saying that..." he murmured after a long silence. "that i'm young, that i'll have another chance, that i'll be back." his jaw tightened slightly. "and maybe they're right, maybe i will be." he shrugged helplessly. "but nobody knows that for sure, do they?" his eyes drifted toward the pavement beneath their feet. "4 years is a long time, sadie. people act like it's guaranteed, but it's not. players get injured, managers change, teams change, everything changes." he swallowed hard before continuing. "i've watched enough football to know that some players spend their entire careers chasing moments like this and never get another opportunity, some never even get one." a humourless smile touched his lips. "so when people tell me not to be upset because i'll have another world cup, it almost makes me angrier. because what if i don't? what if this was the best chance i ever get?" he exhaled sharply through his nose and shook his head. "i know that probably sounds dramatic." his gaze lifted toward her, finding comfort in the familiar blue of her eyes. for a few seconds he simply looked at her, taking in the softness of her expression, the concern she wasn't even trying to hide. "the worst part isn't even losing." he admitted. "it's knowing how good we were. knowing what we could've done." his voice cracked slightly before he looked away. "i keep replaying everything in my head. every pass, every mistake, every moment i should've done something differently." a small laugh escaped him, bitter and frustrated. "i've probably replayed the entire match a hundred times already." he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, exhaustion finally beginning to show through the composed exterior he'd maintained all evening. "when i was a kid, i used to sit in front of the television and imagine what this would feel like. playing for england, hearing the anthem, walking out in front of the whole world." his eyes softened slightly at the memory. "and i always imagined winning. nobody dreams about getting knocked out, nobody dreams about sitting in a dressing room afterwards wondering where it all went wrong." he paused, his gaze drifting toward the stadium towering behind them. "when that whistle blew..." he stopped himself for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "i don't know. it felt like somebody ripped something away from me. it sounds stupid because it's only football, but it doesn't feel like only football right now."

so, are you elle or lexi? i didn't realise i had a new obsession, but i'm quite happy to find that out now. fucking hell, you change subjects so quickly, i feel like i'm constantly trying to keep up with you and somehow failing every single time. i'm doing my best, though, because everything you're talking about sounds ridiculously interesting. i think i'm going to have to watch a few of your interviews just to figure out what the hell you're on about. the whole '90s and 2000s era is cool, though, i wasn't around for most of it, but i've always found it fascinating. also, are you wearing pink in every interview now or what's going on? and speaking of things that make me happy, i saw that hilary duff is back on tour and i was thrilled for her, i'd love to go to one of her shows someday. no, i don't think throwing your iphone into the ocean is a good idea, things are expensive these days, elle-lexi, let's not create unnecessary financial problems for ourselves. me? i spent most of my childhood watching cristiano ronaldo videos and convincing myself that one day i'd be just as good as him. i'd copy all of his celebrations, practise them in the garden and fully believe i was destined for greatness.

Who said I wanted to reject you? Now you're just putting words in my mouth. I honestly didn't realise you were interested in me like that. No, seriously. I was doing promo for Stranger Things, filming the new Spiderman movie and working on a play all at the same time. I barley had time to eat, never mind attending a game. It's not through lack of wanting to. Even if I don't fully understand the rules, I have always been interested every time you asked. Things have calmed down now and I don't have to play the balancing act again. You're cute. I find a way to insult you and you're still so optimistic about it. No wonder the world is in love with you. Maybe change it to my name, with that cute little heart on fire emoji... if you're brave enough. I already have a soccer ball next to your name. Want me to add anything else? Well, you certainly kept your promise and I was thoroughly impressed. You know, you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Even if you hadn't scored, I would have liked you all the same. I like Jude the person just as much as, if not a little bit more than, Jude the player. Although, I can admit that if your mission was to make me smile, you were more than successful. I couldn't keep the grin off my face after the first goal. You used our secret celebration. I thought it was a one time thing and then you scored a second time and did it again. I'd be lying if I told you it didn't make me feel a little special, even if you were flirting with the tall blonde throughout half the game. A kiss on the cheek? Hmm... maybe. If you reciprocate, of course. Like I said, I can't confirm nor deny, but you should know my sister has heard all about this cute English soccer star I met. You might have heard of him... his name is in an old Beatles tune people still sing. Maybe I should start telling people your a nightmare. My masterplan to keep them away from you so I can have you all to myself. Well, we're both still young. If you want, we could try and learn more about ourselves together. Are you saying that I, Sadie Sink, have the power to make you, Jude Bellingham, blush? Why would I deny myself that joy? Locker room talk stays there, doesn't it? I'm sure the boys won't tease too hard. You did just win them the game. Besides, can't you play the flushed cheeks look off as being warm from the game? I like the sound of being your only baby girl. What do I get to call you in return? Please, take all the time you need in the shower. I'll wait for you. I was thinking we could go somewhere a little more private. I still have that kiss to give you, remember? And well, I thought maybe we could grab dinner. You say there's a lot to learn about you and well, I want to dive right in. There's no time like the present, is there?

nobody said you wanted to reject me, but that's honestly where my mind went because that's what it felt like at the time, forgive me if i got the wrong idea. really? why not? i don't think i'm particularly good at showing people how i feel sometimes, but i promise i'm working on it. and, sadie, you don't have to explain yourself to me, it's alright, i promise. i know you were busy with stranger things, spiderman and about a hundred other things, you've got a hectic life and i respect that. i'm cute? thank you, i do try. you can insult me as much as you like, by the way. i'll always find a way to take it as a compliment, it's a gift. hopefully people stay in love with me for a long time yet, i'm loving seeing people obsessed with me, it's cute. alright then, i'm changing your contact name. i do think you should add a heart emoji or something equally embarrassing so i can continue living in my fantasy world. and look, it's the world cup, of course i'm going to give everything i've got, of course i'm going to do everything i can to help england win, but i promise i won't change who i am, i'll always be me. i told you i was going to use our secret celebration! you noticed, didn't you? now, in my defence... haaland is one of the most lovable people on the planet and one of my best mates, i practically have a contractual obligation to flirt with him whenever we play each other, can you forgive me? i promise i won't do it with any of the argentina players tomorrow. a kiss on the cheek, though? that's a dangerous negotiation tactic, because i'd probably give you whatever you asked for after that. also, i need to meet your sister immediately, i'm convinced she's lovely and i'd very much like to know what you've been telling her about me. hold on, are you saying you want me all to yourself? because i can't say i'd complain about that. honestly, that sounds a bit like a dream. you absolutely have the power to make me blush! you don't know the lads, sadie, they're idiots, complete idiots, they live to take the piss out of me. i tried to keep it under control, but it clearly didn't work, eventually i had to admit i was acting like an idiot because of you and now they call you "miss bellingham" and, unfortunately for me, they find it absolutely hilarious. baby girl it is, then. what are you going to call me? and i have to be honest, i think i'm going to need quite a lot of kisses after tomorrow's match. you know... if you decide to come.