Caraphernelia --

Hey now, I never said that. I was more thinking that drivel that Rihanna just released, for example. The only thing that song does is provide an interesting view when the guys try and twerk and whatever other dance moves are involved.

I agree with you. That song is fucking awful. I was sober, so the best part for me was watching sweaty, loud-for-no-reason people slip and slide against each other and try to pass it off as dancing.

I’m a little late for the whole breakfast offer but it’s not like you can’t have it anytime of the day. I guess I was one of the lucky ones that got to sleep all day.

I was bitching about the fact that I woke up early, but as soon as I fed the beast, who’s also infamoulsy known as ‘Josh’s stomach’, I knocked the fuck out. So, I also slept all day. I hope you get some breakfast! French toast is delicious. 

I totally know the feeling. I’ve been up since like four this morning. But I took a hardcore nap for like five hours and breakfast does sound nice right about now. Thanks for the idea.

Anytime, man. Make sure you fuel yourself on plenty of hashbrowns. They’re scientifically proven to improve your mood and add years to your life. Probably.

Please pick me. 

I’ll always pick you. 

I missed this, but I’m disappointed you didn’t just call me. Tomorrow?

Sorry, love. I didn’t want to hit you up ridiculously early and wake you up on our day off. 

I only woke up this early so that I’d have all day to play video games, but food sounds like everything that I need right now.

You don’t lose either way you go with those two choices. Both at the same time, though. Imagine. 

I just really wanna go bowling. Who’s down for food and bowling on Saturday? Lets just get a group of people, have fun and get a start to the summer a little early. Call me lame all you want but we all know bowling is awesome.

Bowling is awesome. Bumpers or no bumpers?

Oh my gosh, ew! Why would you ever willingly let yourself become another version of Jabba The Hutt?

Whoa whoa whoa, listen. I don’t appreciate your harsh judgement on my man crush monday. Jabba’s a bad ass gangster. 

I guess my night had it’s perks with a date and a limo driver. It was a pretty interesting night, I didn’t get arrested and I didn’t get to deflower a virgin like most movies make it seem like. Did you have a good time?

Limo’s get me hype. I wish I would’ve rented one. Was there a sun roof? Yeah, dude, I had a rad time. The food was good, they played Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone, and I was able to get everyone home in one piece. Only shit part was the fact that I got a ticket on my way home. Fuckin’ faulty blinker. I thought putting my hand out the window to signal my turns would suffice, you know, like peds on bikes do? Guess not.

I hope you went to the gym after that, those things felt so filling I could only have like two. 

I’ve done a bit of running since then, but no hardcore ‘working out’. I’ve just accepted the fact that by time they digest, I’ll be Jabba The Hutt’s doppleganger. Which is cool. I’m down for that. Your need to be fit is admirable, but my need to fit food in my mouth outweighs my need to have hard muscles. Pun intended.

I finally managed to move today! Not very far and it was awful, but I did it.

Had three extra shots of espresso. Today has been phenomenal. 

I did! I had so much fun in my little night of adventures! Meaning I mostly stayed in the fort I made and travelled to the kitchen to bake brownies! 

You win, Marley. Brownies trump everything else. You had the best not-prom night by a long shot. 

You know, I can’t for the life of me seem to remember these coveted dance moves of yours, Josh. I think that just means a reminder is long past due. I mean, I know we’ve gone to a couple dances together, but awkward, middle-school-dance swaying is hardly enough proof that you won’t kill yourself trying to do something a little more advanced…or maybe I’m just feeling extra generous and am giving you a convenient excuse to sweep me off my feet. We’ll never know, but either way - you owe me a dance. My sanity depends on it.

Ask and you shall receive. I’d be honored to jog your memory.  You’re talking a lot of shit, Wilde! If I remember correctly, and it seems like we can only go off of my memories these days since you’re experiencing some sort of lapse, you had it pretty bad for those middle school moves.  Convenience, conshmenience. Help me, nurse, I’ve bruised my ‘bow. Kiss it better.