To you, my imaginary angel.
Ahn Keonho──────fem.reader
GENRE──angst
SYNOPSIS────On a bright winter day, you and Keonho share a series of thrilling sled rides that leave your heart racing for more than one reason. But as the wind carries a mysterious whisper down the hill, you're left wondering what was real, and what was only imagination.
WORD COUNT───1543
It was noon of a bright winter's day. The air was crisp with frost, and you, who was walking beside Keonho, found your hair and the upper lip silvered with snowflakes. The two of you stood at the top of a high hill. The ground fell away at your feet in a steep incline which reflected the suns rays like a mirror. Near you lays a little sled brightly upholstered with red.
"Let's go down, y/n!" he begged. "Just once! I promise you nothing will happen."
But you were timid. The long slope, from where your shoes were planted to the foot of the ice-clad hill, looked to you like the wall of a terrible, yawning chasm. Your heart stopped beating, and you held your breath as you gazed into that abyss while he urged you to take your seat on the sled. What might happen if you were to risk a flight over that precipice! You would die, for sure!
"C'mon, please!" Keonho urged again. "Don't be a coward!"
At last you consented to go, but he could see from your face that you were scared to death. He seated you, all pale and trembling, in the little sled, put his arm around you, and together you plunged into the abyss.
The sled flew like a shot out of a gun. The wind lashed your faces, it howled and whistled in your ears, and plucked furiously at you, trying to wrench your heads from your shoulders, you felt as if the devil himself had seized you in his talons, and was snatching you with a shriek down into the infernal regions. Another second, and it seemed like you would fall off.
"I love you, y/n." Keonho whispered.
And now the sled began to slacken its pace, the howling of the wind and the swish of the runners sounded less terrible, you breathed again, and found yourselves at the foot of the mountain at last. You, more dead than alive, were breathless and pale. He helped you to your feet.
"I'm never doing that again in my life!" you said, gazing at him with wide, terror-stricken eyes. "Not for anything on earth. I almost died!"
In a few minutes, however, you were yourself again, and already your inquiring eyes were asking the question of his:
"Had he really uttered those four words, or had I only fancied I heard them?"
He stood beside you, humming a soft tune and looking attentively at his gloves.
You took his arm and the two of you strolled about for a long time at the foot of the hill. It was obvious that the words gave you no peace. Had he spoken those words or not? It was for you a question of pride, of honour, of happiness, of life itself, a very important question, the most important one in the whole world. You looked at Keonho now impatiently, now sorrowfully, now searchingly, you answered his questions at random and waited for him to speak. Oh, what a pretty play of expression flitted across your sweet face! He saw that you were struggling with yourself, you longed to say something, to ask some question, but the words would not come, you were terrified, embarrassed and happy.
"On a second thought..." you said, without looking at him.
"Let's...let's slide down the hill again!"
You mounted the steps that led to the top of the hill. Once more he seated you, pale and trembling, in the little sled, once more you plunged into that terrible abyss, once more the wind howled, and the wind hissed, and once more, at the wildest and most tumultuous moment of our descent, he whispered:
When the sleigh had come to a standstill, you threw a backward look at the hill down which you had just sped, and then gazed for a long time into his face, listening to the calm, even tones of his voice. Every inch of you, every line of your frame expressed the utmost uncertainty. On your face was written the question:
"What can it have been? Who spoke those words? Was it he, or was it only my imagination?"
The uncertainty of it was troubling you, and your patience was becoming thin. You had stopped answering his questions, only thinking about those four little words.
"Should we go home?" he asked.
"No! I mean, I love coasting!" you answered. "Shouldn't slide down once more?"
You "loved" coasting, and yet, as you took your seat on the sled, you were as trembling and pale as before and scarcely could breathe for terror!
You coasted down for the third time and Keonho saw you watching his face and following the movements of his lips with your eyes. But he put his scarf to his mouth and coughed, and when you were half-way down He managed to say:
So the mystery remained unsolved! You were left pensive and silent. He walked you home, and as you walked you shortened your steps and tried to go slowly, waiting for him to say those words. He was aware of the struggle going on in your mind, and of how you were forcing yourself not to exclaim:
"The wind couldn't have said those words! You said them!"
Next day he received the following note:
"If you are going coasting, today, call for me. Y/n." Since then, you and Keonho went coasting every day, and each time that you sped down the hill on the little sled he whispered the words:
You soon grew to crave this phrase like some people crave drugs or wine. You could no longer live without hearing it! Though to fly down the hill was as terrible to you as ever, danger and fear lent a strange fascination to those words of love, words which remained a mystery to torture your heart. Both the wind and him were suspected, which of them two was confessing their love for you now seemed not to matter, as long as they are being said.
One day, at noon, Keonho went to your hill alone. There he saw You. You approached the hill, seeking him with your eyes, and at last he saw your timidly mounting the steps that led to the summit. Oh, how fearful, how terrifying you found it to make that journey alone! Your face was as white as the snow, and you shook as if you were going to your doom, but up you climbed, firmly, without one backward look. Clearly you were determined to discover once for all whether those wondrously sweet words would reach your ears if he was not there. He saw you seat yourself on the sled with a pale face and lips parted with horror, saw you shut your eyes and push off, bidding farewell for ever to this world. "zzzzzzz!" hissed the runners. What did you hear? He didn't know, he only saw you rise tired and trembling from the sled, and it was clear from your expression that you could not yourself have said what you had heard, your downward terror had robbed your of the power of distinguishing the sounds that came to your ears.
And now, with March, came the spring. The sun's rays grew warmer and brighter. Your snowy hillside grew darker and duller, and the ice crust finally melted away. Your coasting came to an end.
Nowhere could poor you now hear the beautiful words, there was no one to say them, the wind was silent and he was preparing to go to Seoul for a long time, perhaps forever.
One evening, two days before his departure, he sat in the little garden separated from the garden where you lived by a high fence surmounted by iron spikes. It was cold and the snow was still on the ground, the trees were lifeless, but the scent of spring was in the air. He approached the fence, and for a long time peered through a hole in the boards. He saw you come out of the house and stand on the door-step, gazing with anguish and longing at the sky. The spring wind was blowing directly into your pale, sorrowful face. It reminded you of the wind that had howled for you on the hillside when you had heard those four words, and with that recollection your face grew very sad. And Keonho, waiting for a gust to carry them to you, said softly:
Heavens, what an effect my words had on you! You laughed, softly, quietly, beautifully, it was like music to his ears.
And he went to pack his things. All this happened a long time ago. You married, whether for love or not matters little. But you have not forgotten how the two of you coasted together and how the wind whispered to you:
That memory is for you the happiest, the most touching, the most beautiful one of your life.
But for him, now that he has grown older, he can no longer understand why he said those words and why he messed with you...