āI donāt really know what to think anymore. Maxxx is a great guy but heās so possessive that I just had to make a point, you know?ā
āHe kinda doesnāt really want to get the message, thoughā¦ā
-āHow about a little exxxtra spice š„š„š„??ā
- āAND TRUST ME, I FRICKINā CRUSHED IT THIS MORNING, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MAXXXāS EYES! IāD BE SURPRISED IF SHEāS STILL ABLE TO WA-.ā
-Ā āDude, I SO donāt want to hear about your d-game.āĀ
āI donāt trust either of them. One day Roz acts all morally superior just ācause I was close to crashing my UFO into this hoard of degenerates, and now he brags TO ME about stealing another guyās girl. Or maybe going for Aprilās implant assĀ is his way of dealing with me turning down his hatefuck offer? Whatever complex this qualifies as.ā
-āWHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING??ā
-āKeeping my eyes on your fake ass, literally and figuratively.ā
-āExcuse me??? First, thereās nothing fake about daily pilates with Misty Waters. Second, not into girls and third, DONāT STALK ME WHILE YOUāRE TAKING A DUMP.ā
āActually, I just wanted to piss her off.ā
-āDrop that hairy piece of filth and be with me, April! We look so much hotter together, plus you can be the no name bimbo breaking my heart in all my music videos once my career really takes off!ā
-āOooo when you put it that wayā¦ā
āMaxxx really does know how to charm a girl. Who knows, maybe we truly are meant to be together after all. I mean, if he didnāt care about me, heād just be looking forĀ another girl as we speak.ā
-āDamn April,Ā I gotta give it to you, you really are outdoing everyone in this house!ā
-āEmbarrassingly low bar, letās all be honest - I mean, Watcher, I just wasnāt sure about what I wanted. :(Ā ā
-āPfft, not hard when sheās living with both douchebags.ā
-āJealous much, desert queen Isabella?ā
-āI just have class and donāt take every available opportunity because Iām cheap. All that talk about me having dated overĀ 25 football playersĀ are just cruel lies!ā
-āI havenāt heard anyone talk about it on here besides you-ā
-Ā Um, well, speaking of looking cheap, whereās Angie?ā
āLook, the last day really SUCKED for me and Iām just trying to distract myself from theĀ factĀ the guy of my dreams chose some bimbo who immediately cheated on him over me.ā
āAngie is coming into the living room and all of the sudden starts tickling me. Just like the girls during my bartending days, you havenāt spoken a word to me before, neither when I pulled out a BuzzFeed article from 2017 featuring SimNationāsĀ top 50 worst pick-up lines, or when I asked her for a mint to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth yesterday. Just now when youāreĀ lonely and desperate - I suddenly exist!ā
-āGet your claws away from me you freak!ā
-āDid YOU OUT OF EVERYONE just call me a freak??? And who put that horrid music on, sounds like 8th graders during band rehearsal after discovering MySpace.ā
-āYou mean my mixtape Iām aggressively dancing to??ā
-āWHAT? NO MAXXX, NEVER!!!! YOUR MUSIC CANNOT BE DESCRIBED IN WORDS!!ā
āIām meeting up with this girl I ran into at the clubĀ yesterday. I just knew the moment I saw her she was something special⦠reminds me, should ask for her name again.ā
āSo everyone is having a good time, weāre dancing, itās great. And suddenly, out of nowhereā¦she kisses me.ā
-āOh baby, I couldnāt be more turned on by you than right now, in your sweat stained maxis tracksuit.ā
-āLetās take this somewhere more private, shall we? ;)ā
āMaxxx and I need to figure out where weāre at. If we really are ready for a relationship together.ā
-āApril, I love you, but honestly I think only I deserve you, so Iām ready for this relationship thing if that means I wonāt be seeing you near these out of your league morons ever again. Itās unbearably insulting to my looks and charm seeing what the guys you decided are my actual competition look like.ā
-āYour face looks just like the Sector 6 aliens I would sometimes see on vacation at Sector 8, so grotesquely deformed I always used to wonder how their organs were even remotely working⦠say, what do you do for a living?ā
āMaybe it was the amount of bubbles clouding her judgment or something, but as much as I canāt stand the girl, this was honestly sad to watch.ā
-āPerforming human experimentation. But my wife and I are certainly not opposed to extending our selection of interesting subjects.ā
-āIĀ mean, yeah, it doesnāt have to be a two-men show but thatās one weird metaphor.ā
-āItās official, these clownshows areĀ dating now. But theyāre gonna break up so fucking fast, trust me.ā
-āI hate them so much.ā
āAngie is my only friend in this house, so obviously I had to let her know about everything I just saw. So pathetic.ā
-āMaxxx, can I maybe talk to you for a sec?ā
-āAngie, look, youāre a nice girl and will surely find someone, but Maxxx doesnātĀ want anything from you.ā
-āNOT THE THIRD PERSON THING AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??ā
āIt was going great, the girl and I relocated to the hot tub and then⦠suddenly I see everything flashing white! I just thoughtĀ āWow, must be the best woohoo I ever had.ā ātil I realizeā¦ā
āI almost died, would you think this chick even moved a muscle? She just sat there grinning, like she was enjoying it. So no idea if weāre dealing with an actual succubus or if sheās just got some crazy fetish.ā
āAnd thatās not even the worst thing that happened.ā