i died and reincarnated as an autistic gay loser

allan's deadname is sadayo (yes. i named him after my wife sadayo kawakami from persona 5).

when he was about 7 years old , his mother suffered a psychotic break. thanks to the neglect of mental illness and general cultural stigma around it in japan she refused to receive any treatment or help for her disorder. with her perceived reality jumbled, she would physically and emotionally abuse allan. it was fairly on-and-off until when he was about 10 years old when she reached the worst of her condition. she screamed at the top of her lungs, threw glass bottles at him, and hit him. it was so loud that the police was called.

after a bunch of messy legal affairs, allan was taken into custody by a distant relative of his mother, natoru. natoru was very young (about 19-20) when he took allan in, but no other relatives wanted to and so he stepped up. he was greatly unprepared to be a father but he tried the best he could last-minute.

the two moved to america as that was where natoru had been living for awhile.

allan obviously suffered with a lot of shit from his childhood like PTSD. he had also inherited schizoaffective disorder on top of it all.

he met orly and sam in 6th grade (11 years old). their friendship greatly influenced his perception of the world and he began to be visibly happier than before.

when he was about 13 he started feeling intense dysphoria, which he first interpreted as dysmorphia or psychosis. his perception of himself felt out of line with how others saw him. he was often praised as a beautiful young girl when he had always seen himself more of a pretty boy. when he first brought it up to his dad, natoru assumed it was because allan was only friends with boys and brushed it off for the most part.

it continued throughout the year, however, even as allan was making a lot of friends and generally was doing well. the stress of social dysphoria would send him into psychosis often and lead himself to harming himself and hallucinating.

natoru brought it up to a psychologist and it was agreed that allan was probably transgender. orly's father actually cut allan's hair first and allan began to socially transition, starting with changing his clothes and his name.

orly did not fully take the transition well. he had always seen allan as sadayo, a girly, beautiful popular girl. he had a lot of trouble adjusting to his transition but tried his best to be supportive. he obviously adjusted to it eventually and became his #1 supporter.

transcription (i have bad handwriting)

sfx: chatter chatter

allan: "we shouldn't do this in public..."

orly: "you make it sound like i'm doing something bad. it's just kissing. and nobody here knows us."

allan: "it's still embarassing."

orly: "oh, i embarrass you?"

con: "they didn't tell us they were here!"

sam: "those two make me sick."