Journey of a Princess Cupcake...

With the end of May starts June and terrible month ahead. But this month was different for me. Under the guidance of my Sir, just six days into the month the episode as quickly as it had come was gone. All I felt for the first time in a very long time was Peace. I was calm, floating, happy, and subbie giddy as I like to call it. It’s something that happens when Sir makes me so excited, restless, joyful, and hyper, all at the same time. I was finally me once again for the first time years I was free of all he had done to me. It was all because of My Sir. I could finally breathe with ease and in relief. But first, let me tell you what usually goes on during this hell month.

By May 28th, there’s no room to breathe, no time to clear the thoughts or sleep peacefully. By this date, the sorrow has already crept in with a vengeance, then sorrow follows in its footsteps worthlessness is not far behind that, followed by endless thoughts of cutting and suicide. The thoughts, emotions, feelings are all consuming me to nothing, pulling me closer to my death with each new thought that comes at me. I haven’t a concern for myself or my well-being this entire month is locked down deep in severe depression. It’s so bad I feel like I’m drowning in the darkest blackest deepest ocean all the while swirling the drain of despair. Hopeless for anyone to try and save me when I feel all is at a lost, just like me, my thoughts, emotions, and feelings. 

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Hope you are ok today beautiful princess. Sorry I was away most of the weekend!!! Big cuddles xx

Princess Cupcake: It's okay. I had an asthma attack at work yesterday. I still feel like my breathing is at 50% capacity. Not to mention all I want to do is sleep. Today I was supposed to work a 12-hour shift.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Oh gorgeous lady!!! You can't work with your breathing that bad, you're going to make yourself iller.

Princess Cupcake: I know. I'm home resting, waiting for the doctor's office to open the Walk-ins back up.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Ahh lovely. Hope you get it sorted. Must be so scary xx

Princess Cupcake: It's little scary.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Big cuddles. Any news on the Doctor?

Princess Cupcake: Cuddles. Nope.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Boooo! Bad docs!!

Princess Cupcake: Yeah. Booooooo!!.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: How's it going? Did you have to go to work? Sad face emoji.

Princess Cupcake: No work 'til Wednesday.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: That is awesome. You had better spend that whole time in comfy jammies, chilling, and taking care of yourself!!!!!

Princess Cupcake: I had to have Nebulizer treatment. I need a Nebulizer machine.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: So take it flumpin easy gorgeous!!!

Princess Cupcake: I'm trying to. I had prednisone shot and tomorrow I start taking my Prednisone tablets. *Doctor's Note.* The following issue was addressed: Mild intermittent asthmatic bronchitis with acute exacerbation.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Just do everything they say and nothing extra!!! You move for food, drink, and toilet!!! You spend the rest of the time in one place. Reading, writing, drawing, watching t.v......all of these things require no movement!

Princess Cupcake: I'm better now.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Lol, you are not! You need to do as the doctor says!

Princess cupcake: I'm in the A/C so I can breathe better. You're Worse than Sir Chroi Stor.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: You better believe it missy!!!

Princess Cupcake: Since I had the nebulizer treatment I'm feeling much better.

Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess: Good. Just stick with it and look after yourself! Don't make me come out there. Winky face emoji.

Princess Cupcake: I think the Little Redheaded Mermaid Princess will make her first appearance on my blog today.

Sir A Chroí Stór: Have you eaten today?

Princess Cupcake: Yes. When I got back from the doctor.

Sir A Chroí Stór: Grinning wide Emoji.

Princess Cupcake: Have you?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Yes. Too much, probably lol

Princess Cupcake: Why?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Because I'm stuffed lol

Princess Cupcake: I know all about stuffing thanks though. Why did you eat so much? You a Turkey?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Gobble Gobble I had turkey for lunch though

Princess Cupcake: Hey... That was mine! Pouts.

Sir A Chroí Stór: Oh was it now?

Princess Cupcake: Pouting angry face emoji. You took my giggle. Give it back, Sir.

Sir A Chroí Stór: I didn't giggle... I gobbled. Lmao

Princess Cupcake: Gives him the raspberry, stunned, shocked and smirk emojis.

Sir A Chroí Stór: Besides if you were a Turkey there are only two kinds of stuffing for you. Sir and plugs. Wink emoji.

Princess Cupcake: How rude? Sir took my joke. But t'is true. Three Raspberry emojis, three wink emojis, followed by two sticking out tongue like the brat that I am emojis.

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. But in order to go forward, I must go back. To a time when suffering was all I knew. Time was something I hated. Locked away, not only in myself but in his prison. Right where he wanted me in a cage. That I once flew out of. To a time where life was fleeting and meaningless, where light doesn’t shine in the darkness. When my life was fragile and things like hope didn’t exist in my little corner of the world. The walls to my prison a threadbare concrete with too many cracks, damp, water dripping down the dirty mold creeping barrier. Wind seeping through the cracks and burning naked trembling bruised and cut skin. When I was nothing more than animal, something to beat, rape, to torture, control, manipulate. For years he told I was nothing and nobody. That no one would ever want me. To broken a doll, to damaged for anyone to use or ever want to love me.

But I’m not that scared little animal he made once upon a time. Someone does love me. 

Princess Cupcake: So my blog... What do you think thus far?

Sir A Chroí Stór: T'is a nice start. :)

Princess Cupcake: It is. Isn't it?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Yeppers. So what you up too tonight?

Princess Cupcake: I'm going to do my first Diary Entry.

Sir A Chroí Stór: Nice.

Princess Cupcake: Lmfao. Care to explain?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Just looking forward to reading it.

Princess Cupcake: Too reading my thoughts and feeling? To understand what makes me tick when it comes to you?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Yeppers.

Princess Cupcake: You are loving this blog? Aren't you?

Sir A Chroí Stór: Let's get some more on it before we say I'm in love with it. Lol.

Princess Cupcake: That was an asshat thing to say. Dickish in a way if you will. But then again you has a Dick. Right? *Spoiler Alert!* My Sir has PURPLE one-eyed Monster between his thighs. Blog time. *Blows several raspberries at him and gets to typing.*

Sir A Chroí Stór: Lol go for it, princess!

Princess Cupcake: In a bit... I have to pick myself off the floor from laughter.

Princess Cupcake: What would Sir say if he was on my Blog?

Sir A Chroí Stór: That Princess Cupcake has a cute booty. *giggles*

Princess Cupcake: Chuckles... And on a serious note?