My mental health is getting worse. I have a plan and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to act on it but why can’t I stop thinking about it. How do I make the thought stop? No one understands me, everyone thinks I’m crazy, my partner thinks I’m crazy. I need help I don’t know what to do. I can’t take time of during a pandemic. My team needs me, my patients need me. I hate my life.

I want to die

Where do I start. I have hit rock bottom. Trying to find a way to deal with the burnout, the compassion fatigue, the vicarious trauma. How does one deal with any of the above if not all at once. How does one deal with this overwhelming feeling of tiredness, hopelessness and emptiness? You don’t have time to care for yourself, you don’t have time to put yourself first because you are always putting the patients first. And if it’s not the patients it’s a family member or a friend looking for support. When do you have time to process and debrief on the traumatic experience you dealt with on your shift when you’re constantly exposed to trauma? How do you learn to love your job when all you want to do is cry? These are the daily struggles I face as a registered nurse. It’s tiring, it’s exhausting. This site will be my outlet to express my emotions, to debrief and to show insight into the pain, the heartache and the joy experienced while being a nurse.