update: still crying

"Girl…" you mumbled, reaching over to turn down the music that was playing. It was somewhat reminiscent of Ash's depression playlist, mostly your moping melodies, though. The song playing right now was one of his, though. A Pearl, by Mitski. Classic Ash move to deal with your emotions by making them worse.

"So you did?"

"No! I mean... That's… not what I'm calling you for."

"Did they kiss then?"

"Lena!"

"I'm sorry!" she protested through a fit of laughter, and you didn't miss the carefully whispered "not". If only you weren't smiling as hard as you were. Oh, you missed Lena. "So then… what is it?"

"Ash is coming back soon."

"Really? He's done with all the filming? It felt like yesterday we were partying our sorrows away."

"Yeah. I thought it was gonna feel like a long time, but…"

Now was the part where you had to figure out your feelings. If only you'd done that before you'd gotten to this point, and gotten painfully sober.

"Oh, did you have one of those couple's arguments?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. It went like, Ash, your name is too manly, and you're too famous. I couldn't possibly be with you anymore!"

"Taking after me and Thaddeus, I see. They grow up so fast..."

"His full name? Ouch. I didn't know it was that bad." You'd thought about calling him, actually. He always had good advice, as much as he never thought it was all that special. "But yeah, sort of? Or maybe lack of an argument is a better way to put it."

Lena hummed thoughtfully, before gasping, the sound muffled by what sounded like her hand over her mouth.

"So you can't communicate? I'm afraid it's over for you."

"Oh no, Dr. Lena," you drawled, holding back a scoff. "It's terminal?"

She giggles more at that, before sighing the laugh away.

"I just can't imagine that you guys would be in this situation."

"Why's that?"

"You were good friends before you got together, right? You seemed pretty open with each other."

"I guess."

He was open with you. It was easy for him to be. On all the quiet nights after you'd both finished work, you often fell asleep while calling him, while he rambled about all the great things he was up to. He had spilled coffee on himself again, part of the set broke and it pushed back their filming time, or he'd gotten got food poisoning from the restaurant near his apartment… Great things, right. It was clear that it was the same Ash that had left all those months ago, finding trouble wherever he went.

Still the same Thad, obviously the same Lena too. And you did want to meet up again, you really did, but something always seemed to come up, and Lena, of course, was stuck on the entire other side of the world. Your almost-every-night video calls were alright, but being apart for so long when you'd just gotten into a relationship left a lot of space for uncertainty. Too much. And just when you'd gotten used to ignoring it, Ash would be coming back, tomorrow. Or today. Right, 3am. Lena. Crap.

"Being mysterious is no fun, you know..." you heard her murmur, as you pulled your phone back up from its grave of sheets that you were still yet to fix. "Well, when you're not me, anyway."

"Maybe I should start stealing credit cards too."

"Now that's something I can actually give you advice on." Another exchange of chuckles, and you finally feel yourself deflate. You were glad it was Lena on the other side. It'd be way more awkward talking to anyone else.

"I don't know what to do. Or what I want," you started, feeling the uncomfortable strain in your eyes as you looked up at the ceiling.

"Do you still want to be with him?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't wanna break up."

"Then?"

"I just... there's just a lot I haven't told him, you know? We've been together for a few months now but I just feel like when he comes back, I..."

Ding!

quentin tarantino <3

Hey you, I'm at the airport! 2:59AM

There was a selfie attached. You didn't look at it, as much as you wanted to.

"…It's fine, actually, Lena. I think I just drank too much and I'm getting all… weird."

"Okay, now I'm not as introspective as my ten-night stand, but you're weird even without all the drinks."

"Wow, thanks, girl."

"No, no, I mean that it's not the alcohol making you weird, it's all the things you're keeping to yourself. And I don't care how jetlagged he is, or how much you don't want to ruin the mood. Consider your feelings for once, Miss Therapist."

"Oh, you got me…" You sighed, "stop acting like you're my therapist already!" ringing in your head.

"I'm serious! Remember when you beat up Lexi? Called her a bitch in front of tons of people?"

"That wasn't exactly a good way to consider my feelings, Lena."

"So you regret it?"

"No," you retorted, almost too quickly. "I… kinda get what you mean."

"Exactly. Don't hold back. You don't wanna break up with him, fine, but there's obviously something you want to say to him."

"Yeah. You're right."

"Of course I'm right."

If only Lena didn't live so far away, you thought to yourself, a smile tugging at your lips. After muttering goodnights/good mornings and reciprocating Lena's "mwah-mwah"s through the screen, you finally hung up.

Ding!

quentin tarantino <3

Are you still mad 3:08AM

I know you said you weren't mad at me but I don't really believe that Lena just told me you were awake by the way 3:09AM

Actually, screw Lena.

let's talk in person, get here safe Read 3:15AM ❤️

Shoving your phone away, and erasing the image of Ash in a bucket hat you'd just seen, you buried yourself under the covers. You squeezed the ache out of your eyes in the hopes of finally falling asleep; relationship troubles could wait for a little while. Right now it was quiet, your roommate wasn't home, and you could finally—

Creaaaak…

The front door? At this time?

"Oh my god, be quiet Chad, you're gonna wake up my roommate!"

Already ahead of you.

God damn it.