Jonnor4ever

“If you walk into a room believing you don’t matter…

You won’t.”

Remember your gifts and talents have value. Even more important, remember YOU have value. What you do will always be filtered through the perceptions of others….but who you are is who you are…and you should never discount it for the sake of people.

“’Insert boring author’s note here.” So glad you all loved the first part. I’m trying to be as efficient I can with this story so that I don’t end updating like every millennium. Hope you all like it. We’re still in the beginning. Link for Part 1 is below.

Part 1

Connor finds himself constantly thinking about the boy on the bridge. It actually borders on ridiculous because he finds brown eyes and a playful smile burning into his sub conscious and his deep voice still vibrates in his memory. He isn’t able to go back to the bridge the next night because Wes insists, that “for the love of god and everything that is good” that Connor come out for drinks with everyone else. The “no” balances on the tip of his tongue but the look on Wes’ face is too hopeful and Connor knows he’s really just trying to be a good friend and keep him from disappearing into himself. So he goes to the typical, too dark, too loud night club that is frequented by most of the college students and it naturally sucks, with desperate girls, and a few guys trying to either get his number or get in his pants, but he can’t leave because Wes is trashed and he has to take his sorry ass home before he does something he’d regret in the morning.

 They get home around three and Connor is exhausted enough to sleep for about an hour before he’s wakened by the sound of Wes’ puking.  He stares at the ceiling till dawn and thinks he must have been a pretty terrible person in his previous life. The next few nights he’s stuck in the library helping Wes get his shit together for a big exam he has coming up.

After a full day of classes and an exhausting baseball practice he thinks maybe he’ll be able to sleep tonight, but it’s all wishful thinking. He’s pulls on his coat and tries to slide past Wes who’s trying to finish an essay he was given almost two weeks ago. He can see Wes glance up from his laptop in his periphery and he ignores the raised eyebrow.

He’s really not in the mood for a lecture. But it never comes.

“Do you have that pepper spray I bought you,” Wes asks.

He groans. “Could you not.”

“Don’t get mad at me for caring about your safety.”

Connor gives him an extravagant eye roll.

 “You know I would almost think that the reason you’ve been going out on these early mornings escapades is to meet some super-hot mysterious boy.  A little midnight rendezvous.“

Connor freezes very briefly even though he knows Wes is just making a joke but he coughs awkwardly anyways.

 "Fuck off,” he says intelligently and he closes the door to the sound of Wes’,  “Be safe and don’t accept drugs from strangers.“

 He heads directly for the bridge and he’s not expecting Jude to be there. Jude’s not the reason he goes back…well not entirely.  He just feels as if the other night was a dream.  As if there really was no boy named Jude with gorgeous cheekbones and brown eyes.

 There’s no one at the bridge when he gets there and he tries not to feel too disappointed as he slips down on the bench. The night is colder than usual and he feels too entirely lonely. He hates feeling sorry for himself but there’s nothing worse than long sleepless nights and only the thoughts in your head to keep you company.  

He’s just about ready to have a very stimulating conversation with himself when he hears,

"Connor?” He looks up in surprise and he tries not to look too enamored that Jude remembers his name. He blinks though, to make sure that this isn’t an illusion, that this is actually happening in real time. He smiles.

“Hey.”

Jude is standing in front of him with a smile that reaches his eyes and a heavy navy blue sweater. Is he the reason for that smile?  He sits next to Connor, his hands buried deep into his pockets and shivers.

“Hey fellow insomniac. I missed you the past few nights.” Connor reminds himself to breathe. “It’s so cold isn’t it?” Jude adds, rubbing his hands together.

“Yeah.”

Jude glances over him, “You don’t talk much do you? But that’s okay. I talk too much.”

Connor is still reeling over the fact that Jude had admitted to missing him, but maybe he was just being courteous.

“I talk when I have something important to say.” Connor had lately come to find that there was no point in talking unnecessarily. Noise was pointless, and there was enough of it in his head ever since… the accident.

He feels Jude nudge his knee with his, and he’s given that infamous smirk. “I feel like everything you would have to say is important.” Connor thanks God for the dark because him blushing is the last thing he wants Jude to see.

Connor runs his hands through his hair. He knows he looks like a mess, as usual, but it’s dark anyway.

Connor’s not sure what to say next, but he’s just really glad to be up for once and  he doesn’t feel lonely anymore.

“So did your friend burn you into the ground for being out so late the other morning?” Connor’s surprised Jude remembers that.

“No. He’s used to it by now. He’s basically given up on me.” He thinks of Wes and his over dramatic, exasperated facial expressions.

“But what about you? You just wander the night freely? With no one breathing down your neck?”

Jude shrugs and smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah I guess. Free spirit or whatever.” Connor can hear him trying to keep his voice upbeat but it sounds kind of sad and Connor feels really bad for bringing it up.

“Hey,” Connor says, “If you want I’ll badger you for being up so late.” As Jude turns to face him he puts on his best stern face and nudges Jude’s shoulder with his index finger, “Go to bed Jude. God, what’s fucking wrong with you? It’s so late. Go take a pill. Get in your bed. Do you want to get fucking frostbite?”

When he stops Jude stares at him for a second like he’s gone crazy, and he begins to regret his little display until Jude bursts out into laughter that rings though the night, with the corner of his eyes crinkling adorably as he bends over laughing. Connor cards Jude’s laugh down as one of his favorite sounds.

Jude eventually goes quiet, looking at Connor fondly and shaking his head, “You are something else. That was actually pretty good.”

Connor shrugs. “Experience.”

Jude’s still staring at him, and Connor resorts to staring at his hands while he fiddles with his fingers.

“Do you play a sport or something?”

Connor looks up, surprised at the question, “’Um yeah, baseball. Why?”

“I knew it,” Jude says triumphantly as if he’s won a prize. “It’s just you can’t keep your hands still, and under all those layers it’s not hard to notice that you’re really fit, well…I mean it’s not like I’ve been constantly imagining what’s under your clothes and my god I sound like such a pervert now. I’ll shut up.”

It’s Connor’s turn to laugh. “You’re right. You do talk a lot.” Jude groans, ducking his head as he tries to hide behind his hair, “I know. It’s a problem.”

“No. It’s cute.” Connors not sure where that came out from but it’s enough to make Jude raise his head and grin cheekily. “Are you flirting with me Connor?”

Connor rolls his eyes and gets up, walking to the railing so Jude can’t see the red on his face. “You’d like to think that would you?” and he hears Jude chuckle and get up to join him. In the distance they hear the screeching of tires and the blare of car horns and Connor’s heart involuntarily speeds up and he grips the railing till his knuckles turn white. He closes his eyes.

He doesn’t open them until he feels Jude’s fingers lightly on his wrist. “Hey,” Jude whispers, “Are you okay?”

He swallows and opens his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Sorry. It’s just..sometimes,” he pauses because he’s not sure where he’s going with this.

He feels Jude run his hand over his arm, “Hey, it’s okay,” he says warmly, “You don’t have to explain anything to me.” His hand is resting gently on his arm and Connor has the urge to rest his head on his shoulder, right in the crook of his perfect neck, but he shakes the thought. That would be weird.

Jude smiles gently, bringing him back to earth and he hates how quickly  he’s learning to love that smile.

“You look nice by the way, even your ferret looking hair.” Connor smiles shoving him with his shoulder. “Shut up.”

“No really, you do,” Jude says a little more sincerely, catching his eyes and holding his gaze.

Connor wants to know everything about him. Where he’s from, what he’s doing whether it be in school or at work, about his family. He wants his story. But he starts with something simple.

“How old are you?”

“Twenty,” Jude says simply. “In my second year of college, majoring in philosophy.” Connor gets more than he bargained for.

“Oh,” he offers, “Interesting.” Jude scoffs. “No need to be polite Connor. Philosophy is the major of someone who does not know what the fuck they’re doing with their life.”

“That too.”

“Smartass,’’ Jude murmurs fondly. “What about you? Age, occupation, social security number.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “Twenty one. Third year of college. I’m majoring in communications but I’m hoping to be drafted by next year to go pro.”

Connor doesn’t say it to impress or show off, he just telling the truth.

“Wow,” Jude says, “that’s great. You must be a great player.”

“I’m alright.  It’s a small chance though. Only a few out of the hundreds get chosen.”

There standing at the railing , looking out to the water and Jude smiles at him, resting his hand down on his forearms and looking up at him through his hair. Connor again is startled at how pale he is, with these brown pools filled with something he can’t quite put his finger on, and he’s subtly beautiful, but also startlingly so. Connor wants to stare at him all night.

“You’ll get chosen,” Jude tells him confidently, as is he’s the pilot of Connor’s destiny. “I’m sure of it.”“So you’re an oracle now?”

Jude shrugs, “No. I just believe in you.” It’s been a long time since anyone has told him that and it’s nearly sunrise and Connor’s heart and head is filled with this boy whose only known him for a few hours but believes in him.

Jude yawns, which triggers Connor as well and they’re both tired and stubbornly still awake. Jude blinks at Connor sleepily and quite adorably.

“Why can’t you sleep?” he asks Connor again and Connor rests his head on his forearms on the railing as well so that their heads are level and he turns his head so their face to face.

“I don’t know. Why can’t you?”

Jude shrugs letting out a soft sigh and Connor feels his warm breath on his face. They both know the other’s lying, but their eyes don’t wander form each other’s face and their softly smiling as if their sharing a secret.

They stay there, listening to the sound of the water and reveling in the silence of the morning. They sit back on the bench, thighs touching lightly and watch the sun rise before there tired eyes. They’re both sleepy, and Connor knows that Wes will have is ass when he gets back home, but this moment is almost perfect, and the sun is this perfect gold and Jude is beautiful.

They both yawn at exactly the same time and laugh. They both stand and Jude says tiredly, nudging Connor, “It’s time for bed young man,” he says playfully. His eyes are drooping a little bit and he’s so cute when he’s tired.

Connor laughs, “Don’t I know it.” Jude smiles and takes Connor’s hand and gently squeezes it, “Bye Connor.”

No one probably remembers lol. I’m that girl who used to write some jonnor fanfics?  I’ve just been so busy with school and all. I’ve been meaning to start something for awhile but I have finally got around to it. This was just going to be a one shot but I feel like it has alot of potential to be way more than that. I’m not sure as yet. I love writing for this fandom, so tell me what you guys think. Comment , message me, reblog whatever. Enjoy  :*

Connor’s five steps away from the door of his apartment when he hears behind him,

“Connor!” his roommate Wes whispers, poking his head out the bedroom door, eyes squinted and hair lopsided. “Where in the fuck are you going? It’s two in the god damn morning.”

Connor sighs deeply, closing his eyes for a brief second before answering in a tired voice, “Out. I’m going out.”

Wes face softens at the sound of Connor’s voice, “Can’t sleep again huh?” Connor shakes his head, turning on his heel and softly closing the door behind him. He knows that Wes is more concerned than annoyed with his early morning escapes and Connor knows he really wishes he could help in some way, but his best friend has all but given up trying to get him to make friends with his bed and has resorted to simply scolding him on his way out and on the nights Wes was feeling particular motherly he would remind him to take his coat.

The night is laced with a chill that finds its way deep down into his bones. The November night is blissfully quiet, breathing softly of fall. He’s in a sweater, t-shirt and coat and an old converse he’s stolen from Wes. He’s less than a desirable site with red eyes and hair that has taken a life of its own. He thinks he probably looks like that particular guy, you would try your best to avoid in a dark alley. But honestly he just needs to get out. He needs to escape the noise in his head.

Wes and everyone else keeps telling him to, “Just fucking take something.” Their medicine cabinet almost resembles a pharmacy now as Wes has taken it upon himself to purchase every sleeping aid known to man, just so Connor stops ghosting out of their apartment every night like a fucking phantom. But Connor refuses to take them. He prefers to be exhausted and awake on his own accord than artificially numb. He’s tired, but no amount of counting sheep or Benadryl could satisfy this exhaustion.

The cold November air cuts his face like a knife and the chill is telling him to go back inside. Inside where it’s warm and comfortable and safe, but instead he just shoves his hands deep into his pockets and ducks his head from the wind and charges on, because for the first time since he tried to fall asleep hours ago, he feels a little more alive, or maybe it’s just the night telling him to go back the fuck inside before he gets frostbite.

He walks, and walks and there is never really a destination. The route changes every night and this night he follows the lazy glow of the streetlights. They flicker, as if they are already ready to retire for the night, even though dawn is still hours away and he whispers to them, “Yeah, I understand. I’m tired too.” He finds himself at the park, weaving through sleeping swing sets and dormant slides, making his way toward the bridge that overlooks the lake. He’d been walking for roughly half an hour.

He leans heavily on the bridge, eyes following the lights dancing on the water and he’s…so tired, but sleep stopped having dealings with him for quite a while now and he’s stopped fighting it.  So instead he’s learnt to settle for midnight walks and too much silence to hear his own thoughts. He looks up at the few stars dotting the sky and swallow, his breath catching in his throat. She had always loved the night sky. Too many memories come stampeding in all at once and he loses his breath for a second. He has to close his eyes, and tighten his grip on the railing because he begins to feel like he’s spinning and shit,shit,shit, these walks were to clear his head not to make him feel worse.

Just as he thinks that it may be a good idea to head back to the apartment he hears someone subtly clear their throat and he jumps, only just realizing that a few feet away from him there is a figure sitting on a bench. He holds his breath as the thought, “ax murderer” comes to him and damn it, why didn’t he just listen to Wes and take some fucking NyQuil. Now he was going to die.

The figure, shrouded in darkness gets up from the bench and slowly and  cautiously makes their way towards him. As the figure steps under the streetlight Connor pauses and evaluates the boy that has now taken form before him. He’s tall and lean, and he has on a black sweater, black jeans and his hair falls just past his ears, falling into his eyes and Connor thinks if this is how ax murders typically look then maybe he should come here more often. He could already feel Wes knocking him over his head for that thought.

The strange boy gives him a cautious smile and says, “Hey. Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. People aren’t usually around here this time of night.”

The logical part of Connor tells him that maybe he should go home, for all he knew this person was a psycho insomniac ready to murder on a whim, but then he reevaluates the thought, because the boy could easily think the same of him.

The boy inches a little closer and speaks again as Connor seems to be at a loss for words.

“Um, I would have left you alone but you kind of looked like you were ready to throw yourself off the bridge so…um….I…..well… are you alright?” he asks softly. He looks tired Connor notices, and he can’t help but notice his cheekbones and how defined they are and his face is beautifully pale.

He finally finds his voice, “Um, no.no. That’s okay and I’m okay.” He sounds unsure even to himself. The boy walks to stand next to him, resting his forehands on the railing and looking out to the water. Shadows cast on his face and Connor focuses on the water, trying hard not to stare.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” the boy asks in a voice that’s deep and warm and Connor inwardly shivers, but this time, not from the cold.

“Hm.” he replies because he is at a loss for words again. The boy doesn’t seems too concerned with Connor’s lack of speech and continues, “It’s my favorite place to come at this time.”

Connor finds his words, stealing a glance at him, “So I’m assuming you come here a lot?”

The boys looks over and shrugs, giving Connor a playful smile, “From time to time. Sometimes all the time or not.”

Connor scoffs, rolling his eyes, “You really cleared that one up.” He smiles to the water, “I’m Connor.”

“Jude.”  Jude runs his hand through his hair which looks incredibly soft to Connor, in other words, he would have liked to confirm that theory.

“So Connor, why, at this obscene hour, are you not in your bed sound asleep?”

“I could ask you the same.”

Jude laughs, and Connor really likes the sound of it. It’s not too loud, or too harsh, but more like a soft melody designed specifically for the quiet of the morning.

“Touche,” Jude says. He lifts his hands from the railing and with his long limbs, lazily makes his way back to the bench, eyeing Connor as he sits. “You can come and sit if you like. I promise I don’t bite. Well most of the time.”

Connor smiles at that and then their sitting next to each other and Connor can feel Jude’s warmth as their arms are just inches away from each other. They sit in silence and Connor watches as his breaths come out in white puffs.

 The silence is broken by Jude asking, “Care to tell me why you can’t sleep?”

 Connor’s not much of a storyteller. He shrugs, “I don’t really know, what about you?”

Jude glances at him, shrugging as well. “Haven’t the slightest idea.”

They both know the other’s lying but neither pushes the matter and Jude sighs, resting his head back on the bench.

Jude says to the sky, or Connor, or to the entire universe, “You know, it is so weird, I’m exhausted and my body is practically screaming  for me to go to bed but I know as soon I get home I’ll be up for a few more hours, staring at the ceiling.”

“Insomnia’s a bitch,” Connor offers up and Jude nods in agreement.

Connor feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and he knows its Wes calling him to get his ass home because they have baseball practice and even though Connor could usually function on just a fraction of sleep, Wes was like a nagging mother. He sighs, running his hand over his face while pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Someone seems to be worried about your whereabouts,” Jude says.

Connor shrugs, “Pestering friend. I should go.” 

“Well that’s nice,” Jude says, “To have someone up worrying about you.”

It sounds sad and Connor swallows, “Don’t you? I mean there must be someone worrying about you, no matter where they are.” Jude shrugs, eyes till closed and head tilted back.  He does that alot, that shrugging Connor notice, that somehow comes off as, dare he say, elegant.

Connor’s hesitant to leave him and it’s so stupid that it bothers him that Jude is so nonchalant about his departure. For God’s sake, he just met the guy.

Jude lazily stands, stretching his long limbs and giving Connor a smile that is so perfectly imperfect Connor has trouble breathing for a second.

“Well it was nice meeting you Connor, I hope you get some sleep.”

“Hope you do too,” Connor replies as Jude begins to walk away. Jude turns around walking backwards to reply with a “Highly unlikely, insomnia’s a bitch.” Jude salutes him with a smirk and Connor notices as the streetlight illuminates his eyes for the briefest second that he has the softest brown eyes.

Jude gives Connor one last smile before he turns around and heads off, and it warms the chill in Connor’s bones.

Connor gets home and gets approximately half an hour of sleep before he has to wake up for practice.

BLACK = I would date you.

GREEN = I think you’re cute.

BLUE = You are my tumblr crush.

GREY = I wish you would notice me.

PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.

TEAL = We have a lot in common.

YELLOW = I don’t know you at all.

ORANGE = I don’t like your blog.

BROWN = I don’t like you.

PINK = I think you are unattractive.

RED = I hate you with a burning passion.

WHITE = You scare me.

RAINBOW = BED PLZ.

SCARLET = You have influenced my decision/thoughts on something.

MAROON = You taught me something new.

CINNAMON = You’re a really cool person and admire you from afar.

PERIWINKLE = You make me laugh

MAUVE = You are really talented

BLUSH = Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better.

CYAN = We have very little in common

THISTLE = I only just started following you

INDIGO = I’ve been following you for a long time

FUCHSIA = Your blog content is gold

COPPER = Your blog content is trash (and I love it)

VERMILION = You make me feel passionate

HONEYDEW = I want to call you by a nickname

LAVENDER = You inspire me

CORAL = You’re a meme

UMBER = I want to know more about you

FORGET-ME-NOT = You remind me of somebody

RAZZMATAZZ = I would share my favorite food with you

ARSENIC = I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you

WINE = You make me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class

SAFFRON = I love your ideas

TIMBERWOLF = I trust you

FALLOW = I want to run through the Northern wilderness barefoot with you

PLUM = I’d like to chat with you

TANGERINE = I love your aesthetic

SAGE = You make me cry

CRIMSON = We should collaborate on something!

VIRIDIAN = I wanna hang out on your blog

CHARTREUSE = You’re my homie

It’s time for @thegavinmacintosh to leave a random comment here and there so we can all collectively freak out and make speculations and stuff.

The people are waiting, Gavin.

Your move.

Can you roll your tongue like this?