today i grieve a part of me, as i start working as an official ofw here in dubai, i was stay at home mom to my child for only 3mos since i quit my job at deped, but i have been attending to him and even prioritizing him above my job when i was in the philippines. i am truly grateful for deped for allowing me to grow as a mother while i effeciently work for the public service. i am going to miss our daily routine, it breaks my heart just by thinking about it. i am really clingy to my son and as he is to me, and now that i am about to start working, i know he's not going to be my top priority anymore. it breaks my heart i wont be picking him up for school, for school events i wont be there. it breaks my heart my time isn't his anymore. it breaks my heart that some other ‘teacher’ is going to teach him things instead of me. it's so hard to be a working mom. it's like we cant have both worlds. it's either work or your child. i want to attend to noah as loooong as he needs me. i want him to annoy me until he gets tired of being annoying kid. i am going to miss my child terribly. fathers dont need to explain why they are not home all the time. when we say ‘dad went to work.’ the story is done, but when us mothers go to work, we have to explained to our kids detailed why we need to go to work. ugh it doesnt make sense. it also breaks my heart because noah is still adjusting his life here in dubai. there were countful times that he would say he misses our home in the philippines. funny that i understand him. because i also miss our life back home. but this is our life now, here in dubai. and i believe the Lord willed us be here, well it gotta be His will because i'd go crazy if not😂the only best thing in this transition season that we are currently in is that the Lord is with us in every process. i can confidently say that because He has bestowing us His favors eversince we got here. looking for a job here is difficult (not as difficult in the philppines tho lol) the maximum level of competition just add more salt to the wound. i have cried a river looking for a job and we've been only here for a month. i have had too many rejections, handful of chances, but only TWO real opportunities. i have had worst interview sessions lol, interviews that would make you doubt your self abilities and capabilities. i am grateful because out these countless companies i have submitted my applications with, only two companies saw the potential in me. and i believe God really want me to work with one of these because i had the most quick interview my whole life, lasted for less than 10mins and i was selected right away. while the interview and selection process were fast, it was the looooongest prep process i have experienced. the background check was so detailed, they contacted both my previous employers, they asked for policed clearance (some employers here dont ask for these) and after 2weeks of submissions of every paper they have asked me to, suddenly they stopped calling me for 2days i dont know what happened to my application. i was starting to worry that maybe they changed their mind lol. it was the most stressful 2days of my life here in uae so far😂 i had anxiety, i have no appetite and i started having headaches the whole day. well anyhow, i am grateful, to be working on a local multicompany here in the UAE. never did i imagine i'd be having a chance to be working for this kind of company. you know here in uae, working for a foreign company is one thing, but working for a LOCAL company (meaning the owner is an emirati) is another thing! i cannot find any explanation but only God's grace and mercy for me and my family.
so yes while i grieve that i am about to change my daily life less time with my son, i am beyond grateful to God for giving me a chance to be working for this company. i am grateful that the Lord entrusted me this kind of responsibility in my hands, i am honored because the Lord believes in me, in my ability and capability, he knows i can just because he wills me to. now understood that grieve and gratefulness can reconcile with Jesus at the center of the equation. i know that this point of detail in my life is faaaaaar smaller than how big God's plan is. i am thankful because this will not last for eternity, i am grateful that in the end, the Lord will make all things new and i dont have to choose between motherhood and career anymore. oh Lord how i look forward to that, that the only job i would be doing is to give praise to you.
