Chamorrita👑Queen

So there I was listening to "Oceans (slowed+reverb)" and was in my feels near tears about the famous bridge

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Saviour

This didn't hit me in a surface level religious way between the Divine and self. But it hit me that here I am, sad on this earth for desiring a love that transcends the 3D. I guess , in a gnostic way, I want someone to love me so deeply that they must go to the depths of hell to name their demons, so I may learn to study them as well, and love their shadow self as much as their light. And in that process, may they meet the Divine light we all possess (the God within us), and the purest of unconditional love... and that's where they'll find me. That's how far I want someone to go to find me and love me. I've seen more religious versions of what I'm saying such as "you have to seek God in order to love me". And while I have struggled with this becuase my brain was visualizing a person who actively goes to church, follows the Bible, etc...

Today it hit me differently. Because I would love to find the ones who see my soul, surrender to me, I surrender to them.. but they are willing to look within to find their own Divine light and their demons.. learn to name them.. tell me about them.. let me love them too. Will you love my own? Will you confront the ways you aren't meeting your highest self and actively work on being the best version of yourself? Will you let that be the domino effect to your highest good?

You’re not asking: “How do I get what I want?” You’re asking: 

I was talking to my Mali J about how part of my journey of neuroplasticitiy, was creating playlists that solely made me feel empowered, like a lovergirl, etc. "POV" has been in heavy rotation lately because it's such a lover girl song before that became a trendy word in recent years. But the first and most important love is the relationship we have with ourselves. As I work on my intuition, I can feel certain songs were just made with LOVE, about LOVE. And this song is definitely one of them. I resonate with not just wanting to everything that makes me beautiful to be loved. For my soul to be loved and seen from the outside.. But my soul craves for everything that makes me ugly to be just as loved just as gently, and as passionately.

who am I when I'm not preforming. The version of me that is constantly tired because she shows up hard in her public life, that she crashes when finally in the comfort of her own walls.

the internalized emotions I struggle to express until it's too late

how I sound when I'm stuttering because I can't turn thoughts into a sentence

who understands and loves the silence and solitude I crave because I'm in deep thought

I realize that I have come far with loving my shadow side just as deeply as my shining light.

I've met myself in the depths of my own hell to learn the names of my demons. And in that process, my arms stretched closer to the heavens. What did Carl Jung say?

Selfies to log my cortisol levels, inflammation, and moon face.