I DELETED MY PREV ACCOUNT ACCIDENTALLY

i feel like something inside me has gone moldy

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

they put my blood through every test under the sun and yet nowhere in the pages and pages of lab reports do they tell me what my blood type is

your neutrophils absolute? 2.71. anion gap? why, that's 11! hemoglobin A1C? a solid 5.4. and don't fret, champ—your VLDL (calculated) is a cool 12. real fascinating stuff. hm? what's that? you want to know what kind of blood you have? like, so you won't have to look your next ER nurse in the eye and tell her you have no clue what type you have right after giving her a date of birth that confirms you are over 30 years old? psh, don't be silly! we can't tell you that! it's a ✨secret✨

yarr i lost all me treasure fuck me salty sea dog life im gonna walk me own plank

is there a name for the thing where people find out that a cute animal is still an animal that kills and fucks and does things that would be bad for humans to do to eachother so they start going "did you know DUCKS are EVIL?? did you know DOLPHINS will NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF GOD?? did you know your CAT is MORALLY BANKRUPT??"

I propose "misanthropomorphism".