ChanniesHannie

╰┈➤ Chan

Tries to be the mature one, but it kills him inside. He tells himself that as long as you’re happy, he should be happy too…but it doesn’t stop the ache in his chest every time you pull away.

Overthinks everything. Did he say something wrong? Did he do something to make you uncomfortable? He replays every conversation in his head, searching for a reason why you’re slipping away.

Still checks up on you, even when you don’t respond right away. Sends casual “Hope you’re doing okay” texts or reminds you to eat and rest..because no matter how much it hurts, he can’t stop caring about you.

Pretends to be fine around the others, but they can tell. He still smiles, still jokes around, but his energy is off. The sparkle in his eyes when he talks about you? Gone.

Tries to convince himself that he’s just your friend…but jealousy betrays him. Seeing you with someone else makes his stomach twist in ways he hates. He laughs it off, but deep down, he’s unraveling.

"Right. I get it." His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it, something almost bitter. You’ve known him long enough to recognize when he’s holding back.

"You’re happy with them, huh?" He lets out a dry chuckle, running a hand through his hair. "That’s good. That’s… that’s what I wanted for you."

You open your mouth to respond, but he exhales sharply, shaking his head.

"No, actually….screw that." He suddenly looks at you, and for the first time, you see it. The frustration. The heartbreak. The feelings he’s been shoving down for who knows how long.

"I hate this," he admits, voice quieter now. "I hate watching you slip away because of some guy...do you even realize how much I care about you?"

He lets out a soft, bitter laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I thought we had something. And maybe that was just me being stupid, maybe I was reading too much into things—but I…" He stops himself, lips pressing into a thin line.

Then, barely above a whisper—

"I was supposed to be the one making you smile like that."

╰┈➤ Minho

Acts like he doesn’t care…but he definitely cares. At first, he just observes, waiting to see if you’ll come back on your own. But when you keep pulling away, he starts getting annoyed.

Gets passive-aggressive. His usual teasing turns sharper. If you cancel plans, he just shrugs and says, “Figured you’d be too busy anyway.”

Refuses to ask what’s wrong. He’s stubborn. If you want to push him away, fine. He won’t beg for your attention—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

His eyes always give him away. Even when he plays it cool, you can see the way his gaze lingers, the way his expression darkens whenever your S/O is mentioned.

Starts distancing himself before you can fully leave him behind. If you don’t need him anymore, then maybe it’s easier if he’s the one to walk away first.

Finally snaps when he catches you avoiding him. If you won’t give him an explanation, he’ll demand one.

"So, am I just not important to you anymore?" The words hit you like a slap, and when you turn to face him, he is standing there,arms crossed, face blank, but eyes burning.

"Because that’s what it feels like," he continues, voice quieter but laced with frustration. "One second, we’re fine. And then suddenly, you’re too busy, too distant....too… gone."

You stammer, trying to explain, but he lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head.

"Yeah, whatever. You’ve got someone better now, right?"

His tone is mocking, but there’s a crack in it...just enough to betray him. Just enough to show that this isn’t just annoyance.

It’s hurt.

He turns to leave, but then

He stops. His fists clench at his sides. He doesn’t face you when he speaks next, voice barely above a whisper.

"I liked you first."

Your breath catches.

"You know that, right?" he finally looks at you, expression unreadable but eyes raw with emotion. "I’ve liked you for so long, but I waited. I waited because I thought… I thought maybe you’d see me, too."

A pause. A breath. Then—

"And now, I have to sit here and watch someone else have you?"

His voice is tight, controlled, but the pain is there. He takes a step back, shaking his head, his usual confidence gone.

"Forget it."

╰┈➤ Changbin

At first, he doesn’t take it seriously. He jokes around, playfully whining about how you’re ditching him for your “new best friend.” But when he realizes it’s not a phase, his smile starts feeling forced.

Keeps trying to reach out. Sends you funny memes, random gym updates, or voice notes just to see if you’ll respond like you used to. When you don’t? Yeah, it stings.

Overcompensates by acting louder and happier around others. He hates feeling like the sad, jealous guy, so he pretends it doesn’t bother him. But his jokes get a little sharper, his laughs a little less genuine.

Starts working out even more. If he can’t control the way you’re slipping away, at least he can control something. He pushes himself harder at the gym, but no amount of training can distract him from missing you.

Gets mad at himself for feeling jealous. He tells himself he should just be happy for you...but the thought of someone else being the reason for your smile makes his stomach churn.

"Are you serious right now?"

His voice is sharp, frustrated.

"I get it, okay? You have someone new in your life. That’s great. But does that mean I just—what? Stop existing?"

You open your mouth to explain, but he doesn’t let you.

"Do you know how stupid I’ve felt? Sitting here, waiting for you to text back, waiting for you to just—acknowledge me?" He lets out a bitter chuckle, shaking his head. "I’ve never had to fight this hard just to talk to you." He sighs.

"And I hate that I’m jealous." The words come out softer, but they hit harder. His jaw clenches, and for once, Changbin looks uncertain.

"I hate that I care this much. That every time you talk about them, I feel like I’m losing you a little more." He swallows hard, eyes meeting to yours.

"I wanted to be the one you looked at like that." He runs a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply.

"Forget it. Just… just tell me one thing.." his voice wavers, but he keeps going, "Did I ever even have a chance?"

╰┈➤ Hyunjin

At first, he pretends it doesn’t bother him. He convinces himself you’re just busy and that things will go back to normal soon. But as days turn into weeks, the distance between you feels crushing.

Becomes unusually quiet around you. He still smiles, still laughs, but there’s a hesitation now. A pause before he speaks, like he’s choosing his words carefully...afraid of saying something he can’t take back.

Starts expressing his emotions through art instead. If you won’t talk to him, his sketchbook becomes his outlet. Page after page filled with drawings of you, his way of holding on when he feels like he’s losing you.

Acts like he’s fine, but his eyes give him away. Whenever you mention your S/O, his eyes tell you everything you need to know....sadness, frustration, something he doesn’t want you to see.

Becomes distant, too—but not because he wants to. If you don’t need him anymore, maybe it’s better if he stops clinging. But every time he tries to walk away, he finds himself waiting. Hoping.

"Just tell me what I did wrong."

His voice is quiet but firm, and when you finally look at him, Hyunjin’s expression is unreadable...except for his eyes. His eyes are full of everything.

"Because I don’t get it," he continues, laughing bitterly. "We were fine, and then suddenly, you’re too busy, like I don’t even exist to you anymore."

You shift uncomfortably, but he steps closer, shaking his head.

"You don’t even look at me the same."

His voice wavers, and for the first time, you see it..The vulnerability, the pain he’s been trying so hard to hide.

"I should be happy for you," he admits, exhaling shakily. "I tried to be happy for you." He lets out a dry chuckle, running a hand through his hair. "But every time I see you with them, I just—"

He stops himself, his lips pressing into a thin line. His fingers twitch at his sides like he wants to reach for you, but he doesn’t. Instead, he lets out a slow breath, taking a step back.

"I guess that was never an option, was it?"

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

ઇଓ networks

@skzstarnet @supernovanetwork @k-labels @straykidsland

ઇଓ Taglist

@stayceebs97 @everythingboutkpop @velvetmoonlght @ririwhiskers @ch4nn13luv

@stellasays45 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @changbiddies0325 @ayyonoona @mellhwang

@bowsnbang @jisungsbff01 @miin17 @lyracarvahall

@sunoosfavsposts @kayleefriedchicken @yougottobekittenme @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad

@intrikatie @chrizzztopherbang @catlove83 @vernorica123

╰┈➤ Chan

Becomes extraaaa attentive. He’ll always check if you’re comfortable, safe, or need anything without making it too obvious. If you so much as sigh, he’s already asking you questions.

........But he sucks at making things not obvious so hes tripping over his words... and his feet.

He’s normally composed, but around you? He’s stuttering, dropping things, and somehow managing to trip over completely flat surfaces.

Pink is his new favorite color. Specifically, the pink of his cheeks whenever you compliment him or stand too close. He’ll try to play it off, but his ears betray him every time.

Finds ANY excuse to be around you. He suddenly needs help with things he’s perfectly capable of doing, like “Can you help me hold this?” (it’s literally a single sheet of paper). Or he just happens to show up at places he swears he didn’t know you’d be. “Oh, you’re here too? What a coincidence!” (It’s not.)

Gets protective in the softest way—He’ll casually drape his hoodie over your shoulders if you look cold, subtly push your drink closer if you haven’t sipped it in a while, or remind you to take breaks if he sees you working too hard. He’ll never make a big deal about it, just a casual “Here, take this.”

Deflects when someone else flirts with you—If someone tries to hit on you, Chan will laugh—but it’s that nervous, “Hah… okay, moving on” kind of laugh before he immediately finds a way to insert himself back into the conversation

╰┈➤ Minho

He is the embodyment of down bad

Acts like he doesn’t care, but he totally does—He’ll shrug and say, “Why are you telling me this?” when you share something with him… only for him to bring it up later because he definitely remembered. (“Didn’t you say you liked this? Just take it and don’t make it weird.”)

Teases you way more than anyone else—If he has a nickname for you, it’s probably something ridiculous (“Hey, clumsy,” even if you’re not). But the moment anyone else tries to tease you? His glare alone is enough to shut them up.

Finds ways to ‘annoy’ you just to get your attention—Takes your stuff and holds it above your head, pokes your side when you’re not paying attention, or randomly rests his arm on your shoulder just to see your reaction. But if you ignore him? He gets so huffy and pouty.

Notices every little thing about you—He’ll adjust the volume of the music to a level he knows you like, order your favorite drink without asking, or silently position things so you’re more comfortable. He won’t say anything about it—he just does it.

Secretly soft but only when you’re not looking—If you fall asleep next to him, he’ll make sure you’re comfortable and maybe even brush your hair out of your face… but the second you wake up, he’s back to pretending he doesn’t care. “You drool in your sleep. It’s disgusting.” (He was totally staring at you fondly five seconds ago.)

Gets suspiciously quiet when someone else flirts with you—He won’t say anything, but his energy shifts fast. Either he suddenly becomes very interested in his phone, or he’ll cut into the conversation with a deadpan “Wow. That’s original.” before dragging you away.

Will do something sweet for you but make it seem like it’s not a big deal—If you thank him for anything, he’ll wave it off with a “You’re so annoying. Just take it.” But he’ll be secretly waiting for your reaction out of the corner of his eye.

╰┈➤ Changbin

Acts like the most confident guy ever… until you actually pay attention to him. He’ll be flexing at the gym, showing off his rap skills, or cracking jokes....then you compliment him, and suddenly he’s stammering and looking anywhere but at you.

Starts working out even harder when you’re around. If you walk by while he’s lifting weights, he’ll suddenly go way harder than usual. Like he has to prove he’s strong. But if you call him out on it? “What? This? Pfft, this is nothing.” (He’s totally out of breath.)

Buys you snacks but pretends he just had extra.“Oh, I got two of these for no reason. You can have one, I guess.” (He literally went out of his way to buy your favorite one.)

Laughs way too loud at your jokes. Even if it’s not funny, even if it barely makes sense, he’s cracking up like you’re the world’s best comedian. (Get your own show)

Tries to be cool but blurts out embarrassing things. He’ll be trying to flirt, but somehow, it comes out all wrong. “You smell nice—I MEAN—I wasn’t sniffing you! Not like a dog or anything! I mean—oh my god.”

Gets competitive just for an excuse to be close to you. If there’s a game, he’s challenging you. If you win, he’s demanding a rematch. If you lose, he’ll tease you mercilessly. But if you pout, he’ll instantly go soft like “Okay, okay, you did good.”

If someone else flirts with you, suddenly he’s so funny. He’ll start cracking jokes, flexing his arms, or just randomly inserting himself into the conversation. Anything to make sure he’s the one you’re paying attention to.

╰┈➤ Hyunjin

Gets completely lost in his own world when looking at you. He thinks he’s being subtle, but nope—his soft gaze, little smile, and absolute lack of blinking give him away every time. If you catch him staring, he panics and immediately looks anywhere else “Oh, I was just… admiring the wallpaper.” (The wallpaper being a completely blank white wall.)

Randomly starts writing poetry or doodling in his notebook...and it somehow always ends up being about you. If you ask him about it, he’ll get all flustered and flip the page so fast he almost rips it.

Flirts without realizing it… until you flirt back. He’ll dramatically say, “You look breathtaking today,” like he’s in a historical romance drama. But if you respond with, “So do you,” his whole brain short-circuits, and he’s suddenly giggling into his sleeve.

Accidentally touches you all the time. Brushes hair out of your face, fixes your collar, tucks a loose strand behind your ear—then realizes what he’s doing and instantly pulls back like he just touched a hot stove. “Uh—I, um—there was lint!”

Gets dreamy and sentimental whenever you talk about things you love. You could be talking about your favorite food or a childhood memory, and he’s just sitting there, chin in his hand, completely enchanted.

If he sees you upset, he gets dramatic but in the softest way.“Who do I need to fight?” Then he’ll gently nudge your shoulder and mumble, “I don’t like seeing you sad.”

If someone else flirts with you, suddenly he’s the most poetic person alive. He’ll start saying things like, “A connection like ours… it’s rare, don’t you think?” while looking at you with the softest eyes. He’s not even being subtle at this point.

╰┈➤ Han

Acts totally normal—except he’s so not. He thinks he’s playing it cool, but suddenly, he’s laughing at the wrong part of a joke, tripping over absolutely nothing, or just blurting out words that make zero sense.

Finds literally any excuse to talk to you. Even if it’s the most random thing ever. “Hey, do you think squirrels have, like, best friends?” He just wants to hear your voice, even if the conversation makes no sense.

Rambles when he gets nervous. If he’s trying to impress you, he ends up going on a five-minute tangent about something completely unrelated. “Yeah, so anyway, that’s how I learned I’m slightly allergic to pineapples. Wait, what were we talking about again?”

Gives you his food, even when he doesn’t share with anyone else. Everyone knows Han doesn’t play when it comes to his food, but if you so much as glance at his plate, suddenly he’s sliding it over like, “Here, you can have some. But just a little. Actually, just take the whole thing.”

Writes lyrics that suspiciously sound like they’re about you. If you catch onto it, he’ll deny, deny, deny. “What? No, this isn’t about anyone! I just… wrote it. For fun. RANDOMLY.” (It’s absolutely about you.)

Sends you memes instead of flirting. If he likes you, expect a daily flood of funny videos, memes, and inside jokes. It’s his way of making sure you’re laughing even when he’s not around.

Gets lowkey jealous but plays it off. If someone else flirts with you, he’ll make a joke out of it, but you can hear the pout in his voice. “Wow. That was so funny. Almost as funny as ME.” Then he’ll immediately try to one-up them.

╰┈➤ Felix

Looks at you like you hung the stars. He thinks he’s being subtle, but his eyes absolutely light up whenever you walk into the room. If anyone points it out, he gets all shy and mumbles something like, “No, I was just—uh—nothing.” (It’s not nothing.)

Bakes extra just for you. He’ll claim he just happened to make too many cookies, but somehow, they’re always exactly your favorite. If you ever compliment his baking, he’ll get the softest smile and probably make an even bigger batch next time.

Gives you little gifts for no reason. Whether it’s a tiny trinket, a cute sticker, or a random plushie that reminded him of you, he’s always finding ways to show he’s thinking about you.

Sneaks in small, thoughtful gestures. If your phone battery is low, he offers his charger before you even ask. If it’s chilly, he casually drapes his hoodie over your shoulders. If you’re stressed, he just quietly sits beside you, offering warmth and comfort without saying a word.

Laughs at literally everything you say. Even if it’s not funny. Especially if it’s not funny. He just finds you so endearing that even your bad jokes are worth giggling over.

Stays up late just to talk to you. Even if he’s exhausted, if you text him, he’s responding immediately with a “Not tired at all! What’s up?” (He is definitely tired, but he’d rather hear your voice than sleep.)

Goes quiet when he’s flustered. Felix is naturally expressive, but if you catch him off guard—like by calling him cute or standing a little too close—he suddenly turns into a shy, blushing mess. His freckles practically glow from how red he gets.

If someone else flirts with you, he gets extra clingy. He won’t make a scene, but expect lots of lingering touches, pouty looks, and a soft, “You’re mine, right?” whispered just loud enough for you to hear. ( Great now were BOTH blushing)

╰┈➤ Seungmin

Teases you way more than anyone else. If Seungmin likes you, congratulations—you’re now his favorite target. He’ll tease you for everything, from the way you hold your chopsticks to your music taste. But if someone else tries to tease you? Suddenly, he’s not laughing anymore.

Pretends not to care but is lowkey always looking out for you. He’ll act like he doesn’t notice when you’re tired or stressed, but next thing you know, he’s casually sliding a drink your way, saying something like, “You look like a zombie. Drink this before you collapse.”

Finds excuses to be around you but plays it off like it’s your fault. If you’re in the room, he’s magically there too—but if anyone calls him out, he’ll deadpan, “I was here first.” (He absolutely was not.)

Mocks you but listens to everything you say. You could mention a random childhood story once, and months later, he’ll bring it up like it was yesterday. (“Didn’t you say your favorite candy was this? You better eat it. I didn’t get it for nothing.”)

Acts so unbothered but gets flustered when you flip the teasing on him. The moment you compliment him or call him cute, he freezes for a second before scoffing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” (He knows exactly what you’re talking about, and he is dying inside.)

Casually bullies you into taking care of yourself. If you skip a meal, he’s giving you that look before handing you a snack. “Eat before you get even more annoying.” If you’re overworking yourself, he’ll literally steal your stuff so you have to take a break.

If someone else flirts with you, he just silently glares. No whining, no obvious jealousy—just a blank stare that says “Are you serious right now?”

╰┈➤ Jeongin

Gets ridiculously shy around you but also lowkey enjoys teasing you. One second, he’s avoiding eye contact and blushing if you get too close; the next, he’s grinning and calling you a baby just to see you pout. “Aww, are you mad? So cute.” (He’s totally the one who’s flustered.)

Always “accidentally” ends up next to you. Whether it’s sitting beside you during group hangouts, walking next to you without realizing, or suddenly needing to be where you are—he somehow always finds his way to you.

Acts like he’s unaffected but gets SO nervous when you focus on him. You compliment his outfit? He suddenly forgets how to exist. You look at him too long? He’s playing with his sleeves, avoiding eye contact, and mumbling “Stop looking at me like that.”

Remembers the most random details about you. You could casually mention your favorite snack or how you love a certain brand of hand cream, and next thing you know, he’s gifting it to you “just because.”

Laughs at literally everything you do. Even if it’s not that funny, even if you just tripped over air—he’s dying laughing. But if you’re embarrassed, he’ll soften immediately, nudging you with a “It’s okay, I do dumb stuff all the time too.”

Gets adorably protective in small ways. He’ll hold doors open, walk on the side closest to the road, or casually hand you a jacket if it’s cold...like it’s second nature. If you thank him, he’ll just shrug, trying to act like his heart isn’t racing.

If someone else flirts with you, he just… stares. At first, he pretends not to care, but his ears are bright red. If it goes on too long, he’ll suddenly appear beside you like, “Let’s go.” No explanation. Just go.

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

ઇଓ networks

@skzstarnet @supernovanetwork @k-labels @straykidsland

ઇଓ Taglist

@stayceebs97 @everythingboutkpop @velvetmoonlght @ririwhiskers @ch4nn13luv

@stellasays45 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @changbiddies0325 @ayyonoona @mellhwang

@bowsnbang @jisungsbff01 @miin17 @lyracarvahall

@sunoosfavsposts @kayleefriedchicken @yougottobekittenme @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad

@intrikatie @chrizzztopherbang @catlove83@vernorica123

It's about the fourth time in an hour that Chris has checked his phone, the frown on his lips staying there as there's still no texts from you. He releases a sigh before attempting to refocus on the task at hand; recording.

The two of you have been in an argument for the past two days. Longest time the two of you have spent angry at one another. You didn't argue often, so Chris is becoming a bit panicked when you don't text him on the third day.

“Hyung,” Changbin's voice snaps Chris from his thoughts, turning in his chair to face the younger member. “Is everything okay? I've never seen you this spaced out.”

Chris provides a fake smile, going to reassure him that everything is okay when his phone vibrates. He picks it up immediately, his heart dropping a bit when it's not you. He swipes away the notification without any thought, not really in the mood to converse with anyone.

“I'm okay, I guess,” he mumbles, setting his phone back on the desk. “Uhm, Y/N and I had an argument three days ago and…” Chris trails off, biting his lip to stop himself from crying.

“Have you tried calling?” Changbin asks, motioning for the other staff to give them a minute alone.

Chris blankly stares at the computer screen, moving the mouse around idly. “I get sent to voicemail,” he tells Changbin, not moving his gaze once.

“I'll try calling. This can't go on any longer. You can't work like this,” Changbin sighs, standing up from the couch. The younger member pulls his phone out of his pocket, finding your contact before calling your number.

Chris can hear the phone ringing, his heart beginning to beat a million miles a minute in his chest.

“Bin?” Your voice comes through the receiver, causing Chris to gasp lightly. He finally looks over towards Changbin, seeing him hold his phone out.

Take the phone. He motions, holding the device out to him. Chris hesitantly takes the phone as you continue to call out for Changbin.

“Y/N?” Chris calls out your name just after Changbin leaves the studio. He can hear your breath hitch at the sound of his voice, and he begins to think you might hang up. “B-Before you hang up… can we talk? Please?”

Silence fills the space as he waits for your reply. He swallows the lump in his throat, wondering if he's fucked up one of the good things in his hectic life.

“I'm really sorry, y'know? I've always had the habit of keeping shit to myself. You can ask the guys,” he starts to apologize, staring at your contact name. “I was doing really well on keeping you in tabs of everything, but these past few weeks have been pretty stressful. And, I know that's not a great excuse, but being cooped up in the studio hours on end has brought me back to my old ways. I should've told you what's been going on, but I promise, if you don't leave me that I'll change. I don't want to lose you.”

His heart is in his throat as he waits for you to say something, anything. When he hears you start to cry, his first instinct is for him to run to your apartment. “Baby–”

“How are you so perfect?” You whisper loud enough for him to hear. You sniffle and clear your throat before speaking again. “I should be so mad at you, Chris. But, you– you make it impossible to stay mad.”

“I'm sorry?” He mumbles, furrowing his brows in confusion.

A chuckle comes from your end, and his heart skips a beat. “It's okay. Uhm, are you busy? Is it okay if I come to you, or,” You offer to meet up, making Chris's heart race.

“Y-Yeah, no, yeah, you can come by. I'll let the front desk know. Text me when you get here?” He asks, a smile coming to his lips for the first time in three days.

“Of course, handsome. I'll see you soon, okay?” You reassure him.

~

You're nervous as you walk into the JYP building. You know everything's going to turn out okay, but for some reason, the nausea is still there. The receptionist clears you through, and you step into the elevator. After pressing the button for the floor Chris is on, you decided to take some deep breaths.

Your phone vibrates in your hand, seeing a single heart emoji text from Chris. Your heart flutters in your chest, beginning to believe that everything will be alright. The door to the elevator opens up, and you step out, walking in the familiar direction of the studio they're using.

When you round the corner to go down the slim hallway, you find Chris standing at the studio door. You stop in place, meeting his dark eyes. The first thing you notice is the bags under his eyes. A frown comes to your lips at how exhausted he looks.

“Baby,” you mumble and start walking towards him.

“You look good,” Chris smiles at you, his eyes a little glossy. “I missed you so much.”

Both of you wrap your arms around one another, embracing tightly. You tightly grip the shirt he's wearing as he takes in the scent of your perfume.

“I missed you, too, baby,” you sigh, combing your fingers through his hair with your free hand.

Chris holds on to you as if you'll disappear once he lets go. He moves both of you into the studio before shutting the door, giving you some privacy.

You pull away from him, keeping your hands on his forearms as you look back up at him. “Everything's gonna be okay, okay?” You reassure him, gently stroking his arms.

He nods his head, clearing his throat before wrapping you up in his arms again. “I honestly thought that this was the end, y'know?” He mumbles into your neck, kissing the skin lightly.

“I'm in love with you, Chris. I don't ever want this to end,” you tell him while massaging the back of his head.

His hands slip under the hoodie you're wearing, a breathy sigh leaving his lips at the feeling of your soft skin. You bring your hands to his face, making him look at you before your lips meet his.

Chris moans into the kiss, his grip on your waist tightening. “God,” he mumbles, pulling away for a quick second. He reconnects his lips to yours, putting some more passion into the kiss. “I love you.”

You can't help but giggle, resting your forehead against his. “You make me feel like I've got a high school crush, you know that?” You ask him while placing one of your hands to your chest, feeling how fast your heartbeat is.

“I feel the same about you, baby,” he grins, dimples on full display. Chris grabs a hold of your hands as silence fills the room. He intertwines your fingers, keeping his gaze on them.

“You okay, baby?” You ask him quietly, squeezing his hands. “Talk to me.”

He lifts his head, the smile still there, and he nods. “I'm okay. I'm just– really happy that you're back and that we're okay,” he releases a deep breath, bringing your hands to his lips, peppering the backs of them in kisses.

“I'm afraid you're stuck with me,” you joke with him.

“I wouldn't want it any other way, baby,” Chris pulls you close to him, capturing your lips in another kiss.

~

Chan was out today and he’d be out for most of the day. The two of you were having an extended vacation in Sydney, so he could visit his parents for the holidays. You were offered a chance to go along with him, but you politely declined. You didn’t want to overstep and it had been so long since Chan saw his family, you didn’t want to barge in and make yourself at home for the dinner they were making. 

It was a full spread with his father’s grilled lamb and some of his mother’s favorite recipes. His siblings were going to be there and you loved his family, but you hated the idea of sticking out like a sore thumb. Besides, you already had dinner with them a few times. 

You tried to get your mind off of it by cleaning the airbnb. His parents wanted him to stay there, but he wanted you to be comfortable. Plus, his old bedroom had been taken over by storage. Staying there required buying a brand new mattress, a box spring, and bedding. It felt easier to rent an airbnb. 

Your face grew darker and darker as the blood rushed towards your head. Your eyes shut and you let your hair dangle. While they were having dinner, you had to find your own dinner. Sydney was full of possibilities, but all you could think about was his father’s lamb. 

How many times had he raved about it? Back in Korea, he talked about it all the time. Whenever he ordered lamb from somewhere, it was delicious, but it was never up to the same standards as his father’s. The thought of it made your mouth salivate. 

“What are you doing down there?” 

Your eyes widened in shock. Above you, dimples formed in the sides of Chan’s cheeks. “Look at you, my little cutie.” He bent down and gently poked the top of your nose. “You look like a little tomato.” 

You huffed and lightly pushed his hand away. “Stop it, I’m just hanging out. Why are you here?” 

“I got halfway there and then turned the car back around. It didn’t feel right showing up without you. I don’t like the idea of eating a Christmas dinner without you by my side. Not to mention, my parents would demand to know where you were.” 

He grabbed one of your wrists, reached down to support your back, and supported you while you sat up. You allowed it, but when he tried to tug you off the couch, you hesitated. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“I don’t want to ruin your Christmas dinner with your family.” 

“How will you ruin it?” 

“Your parents don’t get to spend holidays with you often. You should see them by yourself. They don’t need me there to worry about. They called Christmas a family gathering for a reason.” 

A soft sigh escaped his lips and he sat down beside you. “Sweetheart, you’re part of my family too. You don’t think my family considers you part of our family? Did you know that my siblings can’t wait for the day that we’re married? They’re excited to truly consider you a sibling.” 

Your head shook, your own stubbornness refused to let you see it. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” You tugged away, but his fingers didn’t let go of your wrist. 

“Talk to me, what’s really going on? What’s causing you to feel like this?” His hand cupped the side of your cheek. The familiar warmth of his thumb slid across your eye socket. “Please just talk to me. Do you not like them?” 

“Of course, I like them. I love your family, but I feel like an embarrassment. Shouldn’t I be celebrating my own holiday with my own family? I hate feeling like an intruder.” 

“Well, you’re not.” He leaned forward, his nose nearly touched yours. “You’re going to come along and, even if I have to drag you there, we’re going. If you’re lucky, maybe my dad might give you his lamb recipe.”

The pitiful look in your eyes was more than enough. He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of your nose. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” 

You squealed as he stood up and grabbed you. His fingers lightly tickled your sides and he hauled you over his shoulder. Your giggles filled the air with each dramatic bouncing step he took. 

No matter how much of an intruder you felt like, he’d never leave you alone.  _ _ _

Minho: 

The sudden shriek from across the room caused your eyes to widen. You glanced over and found Minho’s face returning to normal. Almost like he hadn’t just jerked his head back and let out the loudest wail known to mankind.

In his hands, a fresh ceramic mug of black tea sat. A steady stream of steam lazily twirled into the air. He ignored your look of concern, gently blew onto the drink, and took a sip. His lips smacked together and he let out a content sigh. 

“What the hell was that?” You finally asked. 

“What was what?” His eyes found yours. “Blowing on my tea? Can’t you see that it’s hot? Is your eyesight bad enough that we should take you to the eye doctor?” 

A blank look of your unamusement caused him to chuckle. He took another loud sip, trying not to laugh at your annoyance. You shut the book you were holding and leaned back along the couch. 

“So you’re just going to pretend like you didn’t scream?” 

“Oh, that?” He shrugged and adjusted his grip on the sage green mug. “I was just thinking about how excited I am to go home for the holidays. I can’t wait to see my cats again. You know them?” 

“How could I forget Soonie, Doongie, and Dori? Of course, I know them. Are you old enough that you have memory loss?” 

“I’m older than you, learn some manners.” 

You rolled your eyes, grabbed your book, and began to flip back to the page you were on. He headed in your direction, sat on the couch beside you, and placed his mug on the wooden coffee table. 

“I’ve mentioned my holiday plans a few times, but you’ve never mentioned yours. What are you doing for yours?” 

“I’ll be hanging out here in our apartment.” 

“What do you mean?” His eyes narrowed. “Why? What about your family?” 

“Pretty hard to celebrate when your family members are buried six feet down in the frozen ground.” 

He slowly blinked, wondering if he heard you right. You didn’t explain yourself, instead, you just continued to flip until you found the right page again. Your body relaxed back up against the arm of the couch and you started at the top of the page. 

When you didn’t clarify, he reached out, and he placed a sprawled out hand over the words, so you couldn’t read them. “What do you mean they’re dead?” 

“My family was small and there was an accident. They’re dead and life goes on. I haven’t celebrated the holidays since they died. Now if you’ll excuse me-” You pulled your book from his hand. “You’re blocking my story.” 

You acted like your words were normal. He wanted to know more, but you didn’t seem to be budging. He reached out, jerked the book away, and planted a finger in the page you were reading. 

“Hey!” You cried out. 

“We have to talk about this. You can’t just say that and expect me to be fine with that. No, no, no.” He brought up his free hand and wagged his finger in your face. “New holiday plans, you’re coming to my house to spend time with my family.” 

“Minho, it’s fine, really. I’ve gotten used to it and I’m okay with being alone. I’m not going to ruin your family’s holiday just because-” 

“Oh no, I’m not asking you.” He handed you your book back. You sighed and took it back. He pushed himself off the couch and began to pace while he pulled out his phone. 

You tried to ignore him, but curiosity got the better of you. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m texting my mom and telling her to make extra food. You’re going to meet my grandma and my parents. Your loneliness can be damned this holiday season. After this, I’m going to order matching Christmas sweaters for us and my cats.” 

“Huh?” 

“Don’t question me, my family is going to love it. I’m going to post the photos of my cats to Bubble afterwards. The fans are going to be mad. Not only do I have three cats, but they have matching sweaters, and they don’t.” 

“Do you always plan to torment your fans?” 

He finally glanced up from his phone. “Well, someone has to keep them humble. Nobody else is going to do it, so I will.” 

For the next twenty minutes, he kept showing you cat Christmas sweaters on pet store websites and asking which one you thought was cuter.  _ _ _

Changbin: 

“Are you staying there? Baby, are your eyes closed? Are you peeking? Stop it!” 

“I’m not peeking! My hands are over my eyes and I don’t know what more you want from me! I’m trying to be patient, but you’re freaking me out. What are you doing out there?” 

“DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES!” 

You were sitting with your legs crossed in the middle of the couch. Changbin came home from work wrapped in an oversized white blanket. Before you could even ask, he told you to stay put and close your eyes. So here you were, curled up, with your hands flat against your shut eyes. 

For the past few minutes, Changbin had been out in the kitchen. Soft clatters floated from the room, but you didn’t know what he was exactly doing. Every time you tried to peek, he’d shriek at you like a mother defending her eggs from a predator. 

There was more clattering and it was topped off with a giggle. In the kitchen, Changbin rubbed his hands together and grinned. “Baby, are you ready?” 

“Can I look now?” 

“One moment! I’m coming. Don’t look until I give you the okay!” 

Giddiness coated the lining of your stomach and you waited. His footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped altogether. “Okay, you can look now.” 

You opened your eyes with a smile on your face. It only grew wider when you saw what he was wearing. He was in a white button down long sleeve shirt. A black vest sat on top of it and a matching bow tie was secured around his neck. A white apron tied around his waist and gave the illusion of a long skirt. 

On his hand, there was a silver platter adorned with three styrofoam cups. You gave him a funny look, but all he could do was give you a goofy grin. As he balanced the platter, his legs began to move. 

“Hot! Hot! Ooh, we got it! Hot! Hot! Hey, we got it!” 

You slapped a hand over your mouth to stop the giggles from escaping. He moved and twirled around the living room with the platter. Unbeknownst to you, the empty cups were taped down and the tray was secured to the back of his hand with a strap. 

“Hot! Hot! Say, we got it! Hot chocolate!” 

His feet tapped against the floor and he spun around with the platter overhead. It took you a moment to find the fake mustache glued onto his face and when you saw it, you lost it. 

He didn’t stop singing and dancing. Your eyes widened as he stepped onto the couch beside you. You had to look up at him. He winked as your eyes met and he spun off and back to the ground. 

Just as you thought, he couldn’t do more, he moon-walked to the coffee table and jumped on top of it. Part of you was alarmed, but the other half of you was amused. He jumped off with ease and bowed in front of you with the platter held out to you. 

Heavy breaths racked his chest and his heart beamed with pride. Your hands went together and you began to clap in delight. He got back up, hurried into the kitchen, and came back with a mug of steaming hot chocolate. 

“For-” He sucked in a deep breath, “for you.” 

“Thank you,” You uttered as you grabbed it. “How long did it take you to learn the dance?” 

“About a week, but it was worth it to see that smile on your face. I know how much you like the Polar Express. I-I was trying to figure out a way to cheer you up, so I-” 

“Changbin?” 

He glanced down at you and you patted the space next to you. “I love you so much, you have no idea. This is the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You look exactly like the waiters in the movie.” 

His cheeks went red and he brushed your words away. “It was nothing, really. Maybe I can teach you the dance and put a fake mustache on you. Do you think I should grow a mustache?” 

“I think if you ever find yourself out of a job, you should consider working on one of those trains that recreates the Polar Express. You’ve got the role in the bag.” 

“Is the hot chocolate good?” 

“Delicious.” 

“Good. Did it work? Did I make you feel better? You’ve been glum lately and I hate to see you so miserable during this time of the year.” 

You swallowed another sip before offering him the cup. He glanced over at you and giggled at the sight of the brown mustache sitting on your upper lip. His thumb reached out to wipe it away.

“Forget me growing a mustache baby, you would suit one perfectly.”  _ _ _

Hyunjin: 

“This is too hard and I’m dying. I know too many people. Why did I agree to go Christmas shopping with Felix and Jeongin?” Hyunjin’s hands wiped down his face and he groaned. 

Perched on your shared bed, there were four rolls of wrapping paper in different holiday prints. A bag of premade colorful bows scattered everywhere. Scissors were half open and nearly digging into his leg. The wrapping paper that he cut too short was scrunched into balls and littered the carpet beneath the bed. 

You were on your way to the bathroom when you glanced in to check on him. After coming home with multiple bags, he sauntered into the bedroom nearly an hour ago and he had been there ever since. He said he was going to wrap presents and you assumed he’d struggle, but you didn’t realize that it’d be this much. 

“Hyunjin?” You called out softly as you poked your head into the room. “Are you okay in here?” 

“Am I okay here?” He scoffed and gestured around. “Do I look like I’m okay? Look at this mess! How do you fold wrapping paper over a gift that’s not a square shape? I should have never let the guys talk me into buying so many gifts for people. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

You chuckled and stepped inside. “You’re very, very sweet. Do you want some help?” 

“Please. Preferably before Santa himself comes in and boots me from his workshop.” His arms crossed over his chest and his lips stuck out in a pout. “Wrapping gifts is too hard. We should just be able to give people items without them expecting wrapping paper.” 

“You don’t have to wrap them if you don’t want to,” you reminded him. 

“I know, I know. I want to wrap them, I just-” He sighed. “I’m just annoyed by it all. It’s really not that difficult, but I’m struggling with the amount of paper to use.” 

You headed over and grabbed the scissors. After searching for a few seconds, Hyunjin grabbed the tape and handed it to you. You glanced around at the gifts and nodded. “We can do this. Which wrapping paper and which gift?” 

He grabbed the black and red plaid wrapping paper. He nearly fell off the bed in the process of stretching to grab one of the gifts. Once he handed them to you, you gestured for him to follow you. 

You carefully averted yourself through the maze of gifts and headed out to the kitchen. He followed your steps and the moment his body broke free of the room, his stress melted away. You seemed so sure of your skills as you loaded up your tools onto the island. 

The first gift was a smaller square box with cologne in it. You unraveled some of the paper and set it in the center. “You see this?” You took the edge of the paper and rolled it up over the side. “You want this side of the paper to cover half the box.” 

“But it’s covering less than half?” 

You nodded and unraveled more wrapping paper. He watched as you adjusted the box and taped the first half of the paper down. You took your time letting the scissors glide across the end of the role. You pulled the other half over and asked for tape. 

He placed down a small piece, mimicking your previous motions. Once it was secured, you showed him how to bend and fold the ends. After you folded them, you let him tape them down. When you finished, you slid the box to him. 

“You made that seem a lot easier than it should be.” 

You chuckled at his words. “It’s really not that difficult to wrap a gift. My parents taught me that when I was younger. I’ve carried the skill around since then.” 

“God bless your parents.” 

You forced a smile at his words and watched as he disappeared to grab a bow from the bedroom. By the time he came back, you took your attention to the window above the sink. Painful memories adorned your brain at the mention of your parents. 

“Are you going to help me with the next one? You know I struggle with seeing things just once and being expected to know what to do. It takes me a while to get things.” 

You shut your eyes and nodded, still facing the window. “I’ll help you wrap the next one if you get it.” 

He kept an eye on you, worried about the sudden distance. Something flickered in your eyes when he mentioned your parents. When you reached up and wiped your eyes, he knew something was wrong. 

You weren’t expecting him to appear behind you. When his hand found your shoulder, you jumped slightly. Tears wet your eyes when you spun around to face him. Without a word, he tugged you to him. 

You couldn’t fight it. The familiar lull of his heart caused your eyes to shut. Your hands wrapped around his waist. “Family issues?” He uttered softly. 

“Something like that.” 

“I’m sorry I made you wrap a gift. I didn’t mean to bring up memor-” 

“Don’t apologize, I’ve missed wrapping gifts. Actually, I like wrapping gifts, but I’m not a fan of celebrating Christmas.” 

“So would you like to be a dear and spend the next few hours teaching and helping me wrap gifts?” 

“Obviously.” 

You forced yourself to smile, but he knew deep down that you weren’t okay. A storm brewed in the silence of your soul. Maybe one day you’d talk about it, but for now, he was just happy to be in your presence. 

He couldn’t heal the gaping wounds, but he could try to dull the ache.  _ _ _

Han: 

“Baby, please wake up.” Han reached over and shook your sleeping body. You had been asleep for a few hours and he was desperate for your feedback. “Please, get up.” 

When your groggy eyes finally cracked open, he grinned. “Hi there. I’m sorry for waking you up, but look!” He held open a homemade card and pressed it to your nose. “Be honest with me, can you read this?” 

“Kind of,” you mumbled. “Who is it going to?” 

“My mom.” 

“I’m sure she’ll be able to read it. Didn’t she grow up being able to read your handwriting?” 

“Well, yeah, but I wanted to make cards for the guys too.” He pushed the card against the bed and sat down on the edge. “I’m feeling festive this holiday season and I want to let people know how much I care about them.”

“Mm-hmm. That’s nice.” Your eyes slipped shut again and you twisted. You nuzzled the pillow and wrapped the blanket around your body tighter. 

“Baby?” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you want to get up and make Christmas cards with me?” 

“And send them to who? I cut off my family members, remember? I don’t talk to any of them to save my mental sanity.” 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, baby, I totally forgot.” He laid down beside you and slithered his hands around your waist. You didn’t fight it as he pulled you against himself. “Is this why you’ve been sleeping so much lately?” 

“Here I’ve been going on and on about the holidays and the people around me, but I haven’t even thought about you and your situation.” 

“I’m not mad at you. I like listening to you talk about everything and everyone in your life. You’ve got a lot of love to give and creating homemade Christmas cards is cute. I’m sure they’re going to love them.” 

“I hate that you think your family issues make you unlovable.” 

“I-I don’t think-” Your voice cut off as a lump built in your throat. Tears began to build up and you blinked rapidly. Of course, you felt unlovable. 

Holiday ads were smeared with family gatherings. Songs chirped about winter and connection. Even when the birds migrate for winter, they fly to warmer weather with all their friends and family. So many creatures, human or not, have connection, but not you. 

You had Han, but everyone else? Everyone else seemed to be far away. Even when your parents’ compliments were backhanded. When your grandparents gabbed about your disappointing appearance and when your siblings reminded you that you were a loser, you were supposed to endure it for the holidays. 

It didn’t matter if you were their own flesh and blood. It didn’t matter if it hurt your feelings, you were just supposed to sit through it. You were supposed to be grateful you knew them. You were supposed to be thankful that you even had family. 

How many times have your holiday dinners been interrupted with a lump in your throat? When you excused yourself from the table, so you could let your tears fall in the privacy of the bathroom. How many times had you clung to the rope tethering your family together, despite no matter how much the rope burn rubbed your hands raw? 

So you walked away from it all. You were deemed an ungrateful traitor by your family members. They were the victims of your selfishness in your eyes, but if selfishness was what you had to be called to pick and choose your own lonely path of happiness, so be it.

You shifted and curled into Han’s chest. He held you to him tighter. One of his hands began to gently rub your back. The other hand went to the back of your head. 

“I can’t put into words how much I love you. I hope you get to hear it in some of my songs. I hope you’re able to pluck it out between the melody and the backing vocals. I hope you can feel it in my touch.” 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to utter through tears. 

“And for my next Christmas card, I’ll be sending it to your parents house. On the front, there’s a giant ‘fuck you’ written in glitter. Tis the season to tell them to fuck off.” 

You couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up in your chest.  _ _ _

Felix: 

Jingling bells were mixed with sobs. The halls were decked with tissues. The snowy gray skies were dotted with misery and an impending doom that you just couldn’t shake. 

The holidays were a continuous slow death. The lack of sunlight brought in depression and your brain was haunted with past memories. Everything seemed to be decorated for Christmas, including downtown. 

A nearby business was having Christmas carols tonight and Felix wanted you to go with him, but you turned it down. It was an open invite by the business, anyone could come along and sing, but you didn’t have it in you to stand in front of a door of strangers and put on a smile. 

Your apartment was dark and when Felix first arrived, he wasn’t sure if you were home. It was only around seven and your car was in the parking lot, but the rest of the house seemed dead. Every light was off and there wasn’t a sign that you were around. 

He placed his basket over his arm and knocked but you didn’t answer the door. He frowned and knocked harder, but you still didn’t answer. Instead of leaving, he pulled off his glove, and pulled out his phone. He got to your number and hit the call button. 

Inside your house, you were drowning your worries in eggnog. You normally stuck to the non-alcoholic version that was stored in the coolers, but this time, you picked up a bottle at room temperature that was mixed with a spiced rum. Outside, the streets were wrapped in a velvet green and bright red, but your soul was tainted black. 

You thought about ignoring Felix’s call when his contact lit up your screen, but your hand moved before you could stop it. You answered the call and placed it on speakerphone. “What do you want? I told you I’m not singing tonight?” 

“I’m not here to gather you for singing. I’m outside and I have something for you. I thought we could do something together inside and enjoy each other’s company.” 

“Go away, I’m probably drunk.” 

“If you were drunk, you would have hung up. You forget which way is left and right. Why not let me in and see what kind of treats I brought?” 

You paused at the words and you glanced over at the front door from your spot in the kitchen. “Edible treats?” 

“Of course.” 

“Sweet treats?” 

“You bet.” 

“I’m coming, don’t leave.” 

He listened to the sound of your footsteps and when you finally cracked the door open, you looked like a mess. You smelled like nutmeg and rum. You hung up the phone in your hand and stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. 

“You poor, poor thing.” 

“I don’t want your pity.” 

He held up his hands in defeat. “Can I just come in? I think these things are cool by now and we can decorate them.” 

You eyed the wicker basket he was holding suspiciously. It was covered in a red and white patterned cloth. You couldn’t see in it, but you had suspicions about it. After a moment, you finally stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. 

He followed and a blast of chilled air rushed after him. You didn’t turn around as you led him towards your kitchen. He shut the door, kicked off his shoes, and he followed you. 

You flipped on the kitchen light, shielding your eyes in the process. The eggnog swirled in your stomach and with a small hiccup, you felt the alcohol crawl back up the back of your throat. You forced yourself to swallow it. 

“Welcome to my kitchen, you can do whatever here. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.” You began to turn and leave, but he grabbed your arm to stop you. 

“At least, look at what I brought with me first.” 

You sighed and spun back around. He peeled back the cloth and pulled out a variety of colorful piping bags. Small packets of gummies and candies followed. He even pulled out a few miniature candy canes. 

“What is this for?” 

He smiled at you and held up an undecorated gingerbread man. “I was hoping you could help me decorate them, so they could come to life.” 

“Why are you really here?” 

“Because I love you and I’m worried about you.” He placed the gingerbread man back in the basket. “Because every time I mention the holidays, you turn away and you scowl. Because you get a far away look on your face when I mention family and you frown.” 

That same frown that he had grown used to appeared on your face again. Just the sight of it broke his heart. His hand reached towards yours and he gently took your hand. 

“You don’t have to explain it to me, but I just don’t want you to feel alone this holiday season. I think everyone should feel warmth in this cold and I think you deserve it too. I love you and I don’t want you to feel alone.” 

The alcohol made you numb to your emotions. If you were fully sober, no doubt, you would have burst into tears. Instead, you just glanced over at his basket of gingerbread cookies. “And if they turn out ugly?” 

“Ugly cookies are still cookies at the end of the day, aren’t they? No matter what they look like, they still taste delicious. Deep down, they’re still loved.” 

When your lips met his, you finally felt the warmth you’d been lacking this holiday season.  _ _ _

Seungmin: 

“And for this holiday season, I might hang myself with the lights. Tell me, Kim Seungmin, would you kiss my corpse beneath the mistletoe? 

“I’d let your corpse kiss my ass beneath the mistletoe.” 

“I didn’t think you were into necrophilia, so I’ll have to note it.” 

“Fucking freak,” he grumbled. He turned back to the side of the house and continued to string the lights along the edge. The two of you had been working for nearly an hour, but it still wasn’t enough. 

You chuckled at his comment, but then you went quiet. Below him, you stood on the ladder with the raveled Christmas lights in your hand. They were wrapped around a piece of plastic and slowly, but surely, you were unstringing it as he hung the strands in clear clips. Your eyes finally found the ground and you held the lights steady. 

When you didn’t make another comment, Seungmin glanced down with a sigh. You didn’t hear it, too busy distracted by your own thoughts in your head. It took a few moments of him calling your name until you glanced up. “Hmm?” 

“Why are you making so many jokes about dying?” 

You shrugged, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “It’s not like I haven’t made jokes like that before. What makes it different this time?” 

“Well, usually you say you’re kidding afterwards, but this time, that never happened. You didn’t say you were kidding, you just pretended like you never said anything. I know you joke about it a lot, but it worries me that you’re doing it more than usual. Did something happen?” 

His gaze lingered, but you stayed quiet. Your teeth sank into the velvet section of your bottom lip. He began to descend the ladder when you didn’t respond. He walked over to you, pulled the lights out of your hand, and gently placed his hands on your shoulders. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that thing where you shut me out and you shut down. What happened?” He lightly shook you and caused your head to sway back and forth. “Just please tell me what happened.” 

“Nothing specifically,” you finally uttered as your eyes found the ground. “Nothing specific happened, I’m just struggling, that’s all.” 

“With what?” 

“It’s the holiday season,” you shrugged. “Haven’t you noticed that everything goes bad during the holiday season? A light bulb blows and you don’t have a new one. An elderly family member passes away. You feel warm and cozy because of the holiday season and then you’re slammed with the heartbreaking realization that people don’t care about you the way that you care about them.” 

His fingers gently dug tighter into your winter coat and you lightly shoved him away. “It’s nothing, really. I’m probably just being dramatic, but it feels like everything spirals during this time of the year, doesn’t it?” 

“I didn’t know you felt like that.” 

“I don’t want to ruin your holiday cheer.” You reached down and grabbed the lights from the ground. “At least, the house will look festive.” You tried to force a smile, but it came out as a grimace instead. 

He pulled the lights from your hands and put them on the ground. You let him tug you inside and into the warmth of your shared house. The scent of the homemade apple cider you made earlier still lingered. The cinnamon sticks swirled with sugar and apples and spritzed the air. 

Seungmin spun to face you and he reached for your coat. You stayed put as he began to unzip your coat and pull you out of it. The freezing temperatures caused the tip of his nose and the tops of his cheeks to turn red. He was working with gloves coating his fingers. 

“What are you doing?” You finally whispered as he peeled off your hat. He didn’t respond and pulled off your scarf. You stayed quiet and watched him begin to peel off his own winter articles of clothing. 

You blinked and tried to keep your focus away from his face. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but he looked rather determined. His eyebrow sat in a furrow and he threw his hat onto the couch behind you. 

When he finished freeing himself, he gently cupped your face. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your eyes met him. He finally began to speak for once. 

“You lost a family member this time last year.” 

“So?” You hoarsely uttered, trying to keep the tears at bay. 

“It’s your first holiday season without them.” 

You pressed your lips together, desperate to keep the tears away. Decorating a grave isn’t nearly as fun as decorating the Christmas tree. Christmas lights lose their allure. Santa Claus sightings, Christmas cookies, and holiday songs can’t tune out the emptiness in your heart. No matter how many parties you go to, no matter how many presents you wrap, it’s never enough to heal your bleeding heart. 

The moment tears appeared in your eyes, he leaned forward and pressed soft lips to the center of your forehead. Your eyes shut, savoring the flicker of attention, and seeping in his silent love. He didn’t utter another word as he pulled you into his arms because he knew that you knew what he was saying. 

A strangled sob came out and his arms slipped beneath you. With snow encrusted snow boots, he took you to the nearby couch. He didn’t care that he sat on the mix of scarves, hats, and gloves. He rubbed your back as you let the holiday turmoil ooze out. 

Not every season was meant to be jolly. Not every holiday would be full of laughter and smiles. Sometimes the lower branches of the Christmas trees would be empty underneath and hold nothing. Sometimes the people you wished to celebrate the season with the most would disappear. 

Seungmin would hold you until the snow on your boots melted and soaked the carpet. He’d cling to you until the sobs stopped. He’d do this forever if you asked him to. He’d sit here until the next holiday season and do it all again. 

Maybe next year, you’d feel better, but until then, you were entirely his.  _ _ _

Jeongin:

“I hate the holidays. I hate this time of year. I hate people dressing like Santa. I hate red and green, they’re the worst colors.” 

“Okay, Ebenezer Scrooge, we get it, you don’t like Christmas.” 

You glared over at Jeongin, but he didn’t seem to see it. Instead, he continued to fold a piece of white construction paper. Your arms crossed over your chest and he continued. 

“I think the Grinch might have more love in his heart than you and that says a lot. For someone who tore down Christmas trees and stole Who Hash-” 

“I get it! I get it!” You threw your hands up in the air. “I’m the most miserable person to be around this time of year. I know!” 

His eyes widened, he sighed, and shook his head. “Well, you’re not going to ruin my Christmas cheer. I’m making snowflakes from construction paper because I actually like this holiday, unlike some people.” 

You stuck your tongue out at him and he pointed his scissors at you. There was a loud snip, but he didn’t dare try to injure you. The two of you were back to playfully being a pain in one another’s ass. 

“How the hell do you make snowflakes from construction paper?” 

“You fold the paper over and over and over and over again. I think you’re supposed to fold it in a certain way, but I just fold in whatever way I want to. I take these scissors-” He snipped them loudly a few times. “I cut snips into the paper and I open it back up.” 

He carefully unfolded the paper and once it was back to its normal shape, there were multiple slits to create an uneven snowflake. “Look at it! A snowflake! Ta-dah!” 

“Why does your snowflake have scoliosis?” 

“Hey!” He cried and he tugged the paper to his chest. “Be nice to my snowflake. Haven’t you heard that each snowflake is unique? Bully my snowflake again and I’ll give you scoliosis.” 

“You’re going to open up my spine, curve it, and stitch me back up?” 

He held up the scissors again. “If you don’t stop it, I’m gonna scissor you with these scissors.” 

Your cheeks sucked in as you tried not to laugh. Realizing what he just said, his eyes widened. “Hey, no! Stop it! Not like that! Ugh.” He tossed the scissors onto the kitchen table. “Let’s go back to the main topic. Why are you literally acting like this time of the year is the worst?” 

“Because it’s cold outside and I’m miserable, Jeongin! Look at my feet!” You pushed your fuzzy-sock feet up in the air and wiggled them. “Look at them! I have two pairs of socks on and I’m still freezing!” 

You got up to show off your hoodie and sweatpants combination. “Look at me!” You spun around and gestured to your clothes. “It’s the worst time of the year to celebrate when I’m freezing.” 

“I can’t go swimming or to the beach. If I try to go outside on a walk, I nearly freeze to death. Don’t get me started about the glasses I wear. Going from the freezing cold outside to the warm inside and then being unable to see from condensation, it’s the worst!” 

“Is that all you have in your defense?” 

“Yes, Jeongin!” 

“Wow.” 

“Santa Claus would find more joy in the depths of hell during this time of the year.” 

“Do you even know how hot hell is?” 

“Hot enough that I wouldn’t be freezing my sweet cheeks off, catholic boy!” 

He shoved a hand over his mouth and turned away, trying not to laugh. You scoffed and shook your head. “Laugh all you want, but when I turn into an icicle in this household, it won’t be funny then.” 

“The heat is on.” 

“And I’m ten degrees away from turning into a freezing cold corpse.” 

“I forgot how sensitive you are to the cold.” 

“Oh, you have no idea. Grocery shopping and entering the cooler and freezer section is the worst. It doesn’t matter if I have on a hoodie and a coat. Once I’m cold, I’m chilled to the bone and it ruins my day. I’m cold for the entire day and can’t get warm.” 

He reached down and began to fold a paper. You settled back down on the couch after yanking the decorative blanket off the back end. You took your time tucking yourself in and leaned back. Your hands ran down the velvet and you sighed softly. “This is so much better.” 

“You big baby.” 

“Frozen corpse.” 

He playfully rolled his eyes, stood up, and began to head towards you. Without asking, he leaned over and wormed his way on top of you. The moment he appeared, more warmth flooded your body. 

“I’ve been blessed by Jesus himself this holiday season.” You basked in the relief as you shifted to get comfy. “Merry Christmas to me, you’re not allowed to leave.” 

“Who says?” 

“If you go anywhere, you’re getting a lump of coal for Christmas.” 

“A harsh price to pay. I guess I should just be lucky that some part of me loves you. Thankfully, my catholicism blessed me with patience and gratefulness.” 

You shot him an unamused glare. He responded with a dimple-showing grin. As much as he was annoying sometimes, you still loved him. When you shut your eyes, he shifted and placed his head against your chest. 

The craft snowflakes would be there later, but if he didn’t warm you up now, he was secretly worried your heart would freeze over, just to spite him.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

His phone slipped from his hands as he let out a quiet, almost shaky laugh, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I don’t know… You know, I don’t always feel like I’m enough,” he admitted, his voice low.

Your heart clenched, and you sat up a little to take his hand, lacing your fingers with his. “Chris, stop,” you said firmly. “You’re more than enough. You’ve raised my standards so high I couldn’t even imagine anyone else. That’s why I said it – you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”  

He lifted his eyes to meet yours, wide and searching, and for a moment, he looked like he didn’t quite believe you. Then he gave a small, disbelieving laugh, a soft smile tugging at his lips. 

“Ruined you, huh?” he finally said, his tone teasing, but the slight break in his voice betrayed how deeply your words affected him. He reached out, cupping your face gently, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. “You think I’d ever let that happen? There’s no ‘breaking up,’ alright? You’re stuck with me.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his response, but he wasn’t done. His voice softened, taking on a vulnerable edge as he added, “But… hearing you say that? It means everything to me. I just – I try so hard to be good for you, you know? To make sure you know how much I love you. So… thank you. For saying that.”

You reached up, placing your hand over his. “You don’t have to try. You just… are.”

He stared at you for a long moment, then leaned in and kissed you, slow and lingering, as if to say all the things words couldn’t. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.