Jinmod's Card Factory

Hi! I'm not dead! :D

Mind you, this was easier said than done in some cases. I only combined keywords of guilds that share colors, and even then, it got weird at times. Bloodrush and overload on the same card, for example. As such, I had to cheat a little, but I still like what I've come up with. I hope you do too.

Corrupt Arrester 1WW Creature — Human Soldier Extort Whenever you gain life, detain target creature an opponent controls unless that player pays 1. "None are truly innocent until they are innocent of liquid assets." 2/1

Orzhova Thrullcrafter 2WW Creature — Human Cleric Extort Whenever you gain life, populate. Made from discarded flesh and animated by discarded hopes, thrulls are the backbone of the Church, as their makers are quick to remind their superiors.  2/2

Rites of Welcoming 3W Enchantment Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, you may pay 2. If you do, detain target creature an opponent controls. 3W: Populate. "Some slap babies to get them to start crying. The Azorius make them wait for their birth certificates." —Ral Zarek 

Conclave Cavalier 3WW Creature — Human Knight First strike Battalion — Whenever Conclave Cavalier and at least two other creatures attack, populate. He leaves more new living bodies in his wake than most leave corpses. 3/3

Dissatisfied Seraph 4W Creature — Angel Extort Flying Battalion — Whenever Dissatisfied Seraph and at least two other creatures attack, attacking creature gain lifelink until end of turn. "I miss Feather. I miss Razia. I miss the Legion from my memories. Perhaps... perhaps the choirs of despair sing the truth." 3/3

Angelic Justiciar 4WW Creature — Angel Flying, vigilance Battalion — Whenever Angelic Justiciar and at least two other creatures attack, detain target creature defending player controls. "You stand in violation of Statute 31-67.b, Provision VI.392.5, and basic common decency." 4/4

Interlocus Inference UU Instant Change the text of the next instant or sorcery spell you cast this turn by replacing all instances of "target" with "each." Cipher Niv-Mizzet intentionally lets the Dimir glimpse his grand experiment on occassion, so that they may perform experiments that only they can. 

Paralysynchronicity UU Sorcery Detain target creature you don't control. Overload 5UU Sadly, the lawmage didn't appreciate the irony nearly as much as Quyzl had hoped she would. 

Fraudulent Infraction 2U Sorcery Detain target creature an opponent controls. Cipher With all their experience in avoiding detection, it's child's play for the Dimir to fabricate a seemingly obvious crime. 

Riddlewing Krasis 2UU Creature — Sphinx Drake Flying Evolve Whenever a +1/+1 counter is placed on Riddlewing Krasis, detain target creature an opponent controls. Sphinxes use their hypnotic plumage to add to their alluring mystique. The krasis has rather more utilitarian plans. 2/2

Zonot Sages 3U Creature — Merfolk Advisor Evolve Whenever a +1/+1 counter is put on Zonot Sages, you may encode an exiled card you own with cipher onto it. (That card is no longer encoded on any other creature.) "What we know of House Dimir is but a seed, but from it, forests of insight may be grown."  2/2

Pull of the Tidenimbus XU Instant Target creature you control gains evolve until end of turn. Put an X/X blue Weird creature token onto the battlefield. Exile that token at the beginning of the next end step. Overload XXU Most saw the appearance of the zonots as the end of an era for the Simic Combine. Izzet hyrdromancers saw a unique new opportunity. 

Craft Chitin 2B Instant As an additional cost to cast Craft Chitin, exile a creature card from your graveyard. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on target creature equal to the power of the exiled card. Cipher The Golgari aren't the only pragmatists in the undercity. 

Deadbridge Tolltaker 3B Creature — Zombie Defender Extort Scavenge 3B "A few zinos here or a few hours down there. It's your choice, friend."  2/4

Manic Mycoid 3B Creature — Fungus Zombie Unleash Haste Scavenge 3BB "He sure seems like a fungi." —Massacre Girl 3/1

Strutting Sell-Sword 3B Creature — Ogre Mercenary Unleash Extort Orzhov ogres have all the confidence inspired by the church's propaganda and none of the despair inspired by its fine print. 3/3

Overt Operative 4B Creature — Ogre Rogue Unleash Whenever a card is encoded on Overt Operative, you may put a +1/+1 counter on Overt Operative. "Subtlety is the stock and trade of House Dimir, but even we can find room for exceptions." —Lazav 3/3

Mausoleum Meeting 3BBB Sorcery Creatures you control gain extort until end of turn. You may cast an instant or sorcery card with converted mana cost X or less from your graveyard without paying its mana cost, where X is the total life lost by your opponents this turn. Then exile that card. Cipher Even the Dimir respect the wisdom of their elders.

Adrenalunge R Instant Target creature you control gets +1/+0 and gains haste until end of turn. Overload RR Battalion — Whenever you and your teammates attack with at least three creatures, return Adrenalunge from your graveyard to your hand. Glands are reusable. Lightning generally isn't.

Scab-Clan Howler RR Creature — Human Berserker Unleash Bloodrush — RR, Discard Scab-Clan Howler: Choose one — Target attacking creature you control gets +2/+2 until end of turn; or target attacking creature you control gets +3/+3 until end of turn and doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step. Pain and rage are synonymous for the Scab-Clan. "Synonymous," meanwhile, is interpreted as "please punch me in the face."  2/2

Provoke Pandemonium 1R Instant Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature. That creature gains unleash until end of turn. Overload 3RR "Okay, I admit it, this is kind of fun." —Niv-Mizzet, to Rakdos

Banneret Ablaze 2R Creature — Human Warrior Unleash Battalion — Whenever Banneret Ablaze and at least two other creatures attack, attacking creatures you control get +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is Banneret Ablaze's power. When the Boros speak of "burning zeal," they aren't being metaphorical. 2/1

Psychotic Surge 2R Instant As an additional cost to cast Psychotic Surge, discard a creature card. Until end of turn, target attacking creature you control gets +X/+Y and gains the abilities of the discarded card, where X is the discarded card's power and Y is its toughness. Overload 4RR "Madness is contagious; you get it from your test subjects." —Izzet League of Psychomancy, unofficial motto 

Rubblebelt Deserter 2R Creature — Human Warrior Battalion — Whenever Rubblebelt Deserter and at least two other creatures attack, Rubblebelt Deserter gains double strike until end of turn. Bloodrush — 2R, Discard Rubblebelt Deserter: Target attacking creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If at least three creatures are attacking, that creature gains double strike until end of turn. He rejected the restrictions and hypocrisy of the Legion, seeking the purity of battle amongst the Clans.  2/2

Flux-Fed Beetle 1G Creature — Insect Evolve Counters remain on Flux-Fed Beetle as it moves to any zone other than a player's hand or library. Scavenge 4GG Some would see a nuisance. The Simic see an unscheduled experiment.  1/2

Skarggan Owlbear 2GG Creature — Bird Bear Trample Evolve Bloodrush — 2GG, Discard Skaggan Owlbear: Put two +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature. That creature gains trample until end of turn. Not every Combine creation is content to lie in the zonots.  2/2

Mitotic Maverick 3G Creature — Human Wizard Mutant Evolve G, Remove two +1/+1 counter from Mitotic Maverick: Populate. "Vig went too far; I do not dispute that. I only dispute that cytoplasts should be abandoned entirely when they have helped so many so much."  2/2

Hive-Shell Carapace 3GG Creature — Zombie Insect When Hive-Shell Carapace dies, populate. Scavenge 4G Its contents are an ecology in and of themselves.  4/4

Carnomancer's Companion 5G Creature — Wurm Bloodrush — 1GG, Discard Carnomancer's Companion: Target attacking creature gets +4/+4 until end of turn. Scavenge 3GG Fresh meat, old cobblestones, so long as its belly is full, it's happy.  4/4

For the record, I know the Ancestors probably didn't have the same names pre- and post-Scratch, but in lieu of any other proper names, I worked with what I had.

English's Hoofmaiden 2RRR Legendary Creature — Goat Dragon Flying R, Remove a time counter from a permanent you control or suspended card you own: English's Hoofmaiden deals 1 damage to target creature defending player controls. Activate this ability only if English's Hoofmaiden is attacking. 4/4

Rufioh, the Whimsical 4URG Legendary Creature —  Faerie Dragon Flying, trample Whenever a player casts a spell during another player's turn, you may put a creature card in your hand onto the battlefield. If you do, return that creature to your hand at the beginning of the next end step. 6/6

Mituna, the Bifurcated 4UR Legendary Creature — Dragon Mutant Flying, double strike Mituna, the Bifurcated can't be blocked except by two or more creatures. Mituna can block an additional creature. UURR: Copy target instant or sorcery spell you control. You may choose new targets for the copy. 2/5

The Wingless 3RRWW Legendary Creature — Dragon The Wingless can't be blocked by creatures with flying. All damage that would be dealt to you or to another permanent you control is dealt to The Wingless instead. Whenever The Wingless is dealt damage, you gain that much life. 3/8

Meulin, the Devoted 4RG Legendary Creature — Cat Dragon Flying, trample Whenever Meulin, the Devoted deals combat damage to a player, discard a card, then draw two cards. "Let the Wingless's words banish your old delusions and open your eyes to new truths." 5/5 

Porrim, Draconic Dolorosa 3WUB Legendary Creature — Vampire Dragon Flying, protection from white and from black Other Dragon creatures you control get +1/+1 and have hexproof. "Caring for them is much like caring for hatchlings; they who are most vulnerable think they need the least protection." 3/4

Redglare Pyralspite, Fang of Justice 4RW Legendary Creature — Dragon Flying, haste Damage that would be dealt by Redglare Pyralspite, Fang of Justice can't be prevented. Whenever Redglare is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to target creature or player. Justice may be blind, but her nose and tongue are in working order. 4/4 

Mindfang, the Web-Breather 5UUR Legendary Creature — Spider Dragon Flash Flying When Mindfang, the Web-Breather enters the battlefield, it deals 5 damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures. Tap each creature damaged this way. Those creatures don't untap during their controller's next untap step. 5/4

Darkleer, the Crusher 3RGW Legendary Creature — Dragon Flying, trample Whenever Darkleer, the Crusher deals combat damage to a player, you may pay 2G. If you do, destroy any number of target artifacts and/or enchantments that player controls with total converted mana cost less than or equal to the damage dealt this way.  5/5 

Messiahs' Hellkite 4BR Legendary Creature — Dragon Cleric Flying, protection from converted mana cost 5 or less Pay 2 life: Messiahs' Hellkite gets +1/+1 until end of turn. Another target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn. On a world of dragons, the sound that inspires the most fear is not a roar, but a honk. 5/5 

Dualscar, Oceanic Ravager 4UB Legendary Creature — Dragon Serpent Dualscar, Oceanic Ravager can't attack unless defending player controls an Island. At the beginning of combat on your turn, target land becomes an Island until end of turn unless its controller pays 2 life. 6/6 

askredstokes:

Hey Jinmod, I was a bit unsure of how this card would work Colorwise. Also I feel it's a bit undercosted... but I'm not sure.

There's really not much that's green here. Maybe the vigilance, but the card could easily be just white-blue. You're definitely right about the undercosted aspect. Anything that can swing for three in the air, crank out a 4/4 shroud guy in the same turn, and live through a Lightning Bolt should not cost four, even four mana of specific colors. Finally, given that she makes Golems, she should probably be an Artificer. I recommend the following:

Just so you know, instead of my usual arcane sorting method, I'll be presenting the cards in (mostly) chronological order.

Office Key 1 Artifact 2, T: Untap target artifact. If Office Key untaps this way, transform it, then attach it to a creature you control. You are quite positive there has never been a gun in your office, and never will be. Frankly, the notion strikes you as reckless and foolhardy.  Sleuth's Pistol Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has "Whenever this creature attacks, you may have it deal 1 damage to target creature defending player controls." At the beginning of each end step, if Sleuth's Pistol is unattached, transform it. Equip 2

Ring of Keys 3 Artifact X, T: Untap X target artifacts. If Ring of Keys is untapped this way, transform it and attach it to a creature you control. For every lock, a key. For every metaphor, an imagination too shitty to complete it. Hard-Boiled Semiautomatic Artifact — Equipment X: Equipped creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn. At the beginning of each end step, if Hard-Boiled Semiautomatic is unattached, transform it. Equip 2

Innocuous Bobby Pin 2 Artifact 1, T: Choose another target artifact, then flip a coin. If the coin comes up heads, untap that artifact. If the coin comes up tails, untap and transform Innocuous Bobby Pin, then attach to a creature you control with power 4 or greater. Massive Minigun Artifact — Equipment Massive Minigun can be attached only to a creature with power 4 or greater. Equipped creature gets +4/+0 and has trample. At the beginning of each end step, if Dissociative Minigun is unattached, transform it. Equip 2 

Comforting Teddy Bear 2 Artifact T: The next time you discard a card this turn, return that card to your hand. If you do, untap and transform Comforting Teddy Bear, then attach it to a creature you control. You are quite positive there has never been a teddy bear in your apartment, and never will be. Frankly, the notion strikes you as silly and childish. Dame's Dagger Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has double strike. At the beginning of each end step, if Dame's Dagger is unattached, transform it. Equip 3

Ordinary Paint Roller 2 Artifact X, T: Choose a color. X target permanents become that color until end of turn. Then, if that color is the most common color among permanents or tied for most common, untap and transform Ordinary Paint Roller and attach it to a creature you control. "Some clients find it more alluring to watch the girls cover up rather than strip. I'm hardly one to judge." —Madame Murel Voltaic Incapacitator Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has first strike. Whenever equipped creature deals damage to a creature, tap that creature. Prevent all damage that would be dealt to equipped creature by tapped creatures. At the beginning of each end step, if Voltaic Incapacitator is unattached, transform it. Equip 4

Mural Melter 3 Artifact 2, T: Return target enchantment to its owner's hand unless its controller pays 1. If an enchantment leaves the battlefield this way, untap and transform Mural Melter, then attach it to a creature you control. Hysterical Flame Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature has intimidate and "(2r): This creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn." At the beginning of each end step, if Hysterical Flame is unattached, transform it. Equip 2 

Navigator's Sextant 1 Artifact — Equipment Whenever equipped creature attacks, look at the top card of your library. You may reveal that card. If a land card is revealed this way, untap equipped creature and transform Navigator's Sextant. Equip 1 Seafarer's Sniper Rifle Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature has vigilance and "3, T: This creature deals 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature." At the beginning of the end step, if Seafarer's Sniper Rifle is unattached, transform it. Equip 3 

Megaton Key 4 Artifact 4, T: Untap all other artifacts. If four or more permanents untapped this way, untap and transform Megaton Key, then attach it to a creature you control. Only the strongest of men can lift it. Only the wisest can say what lies beyond its door. Megaton Knuckles Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+0 for each artifact on the battlefield and has trample. At the beginning of the end step, if Megaton Knuckles is unattached, transform it. Equip 4 

Full-Bodied Wig 2 Artifact 3, T: Regenerate target creature you control. When a creature regenerates this way, untap and transform Full-Bodied Wig and attach it to that creature. Enough bounce and body to stop a bullet. Kaiser Helmet Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+2. Whenever equipped creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +1/+2 until end of turn. At the beginning of each end step, if Kaiser Helmet is unattached, transform it. Equip 3 

Alluring Lipstick 2 Artifact 3, T: Target creature you control must be blocked if able this turn. When that creature becomes blocked, untap and transform Alluring Lipstick, then attach it to that creature. There is nothing unusual about the cosmetic accessory at all, and there is no reason whatsoever for your Hysteria Gauge to elevate. Dissociative Chainsaw Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has trample. At the beginning of each end step, if Dissociative Chainsaw is unattached, transform it. Equip 3 

Skeleton Key 2 Artifact 1, T: Untap target artifact. If this is the second time this ability has resolved this turn, untap and transform Skeleton Key, then attach it to a creature you control. Skeleton Brush Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each of its colors. At the beginning of the end step, if Skeleton Brush is unattached, transform it. Equip 2 Madame Murel knew that, as with any other accessory, the best weapon was one that went with everything.

Hunk Rump of the Damned 4 Artifact 3, T: Target player discards a card. If you discard a card this way, transform Hunk Rump of the Damned and attach it to a creature you control. Its touch guarantees tears, either of torment or of gratitude. Fork of Damned Souls Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +3/+0. If a creature dealt damage by equipped creature this turn would die, exile it instead. At the beginning of each end step, if Fork of Damned Souls is unattached, transform it. Equip 3 

Tectrix of the Arbiter 4 Legendary Artifact 3, T: Each player may draw a card. If two or more cards were drawn this way, untap and transform Tectrix of the Arbiter, then attach it to a creature you control. The Diplomat has come. The Kingdoms are united. The Mountain is about to erupt. ...wait, what was that last one? Tectrixcalibur Legendary Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each card in your hand and has first strike and trample. 3, Discard a card: Attach Tectrixcalibur to a creature you control. Activate this ability only if Tectrixcalibur is unattached. At the beginning of each end step, if Tectrixcaliur is unattached, transform it. Equip 3

Ribbon of the Demimonde 2 Artifact 4, T, Sacrifice Ribbon of the Demimonde: Transform target artifact you control. If that permanent transforms into an Equipment, you may attach it to a creature you control. By semidivine grace are plowshares beaten into swords.

Two-Toned Lipstick 2 Artifact T: Target creature becomes your choice of black or green in addition to its other colors until end of turn. Then, if that creature is both black and green, untap and transform Two-Toned Lipstick, then attach it to that creature. Fashion has few adherents on Alternia, but that only makes them all the more dedicated. Ragripper's Chainsaw Artifact — Equipment Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Wizards. Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, that player sacrifices an artifact or creature unless he or she pays 2 life. At the beginning of each end step, if Ragripper's Chainsaw is unattached, transform it. Equip 2

Reinforced Physics 2W Enchantment Spells cost 1 more to cast. Activated abilities cost 1 more to activate unless they're mana abilities. "I'm aware of the irony, but science needs all the help it can get" —Rachel Diorata

Rationalize UU Instant Counter target nonartifact spell. "Stop making thermodynamics cry." —Rachel Diorata

Morbid Curiosity 2BB Instant As an additional cost to cast Morbid Curiosity, sacrifice a creature. Draw three cards. "All I want is to see what makes you tick. Is that so wrong?" —Rachel Diorata

Enthusiastic Incision 3R Instant Enthusiastic Incision deals 2 damage to target creature or player. Draw a card. "Hold still. I need to gather some samples." —Rachel Diorata

Kiwikiwi 1GG Creature — Plant Bird When Kiwikiwi dies, you gain 3 life. "Powerful and delicious! Another triumph for science!"  —Rachel Diorata 3/3 

My method was simple: Given an allied color pair, compare and contrast the two shards that had that pair, then extrapolate the wedge.

Black-Red: Grixis and Jund are both going to kill you. The key difference is how. Grixis will do it with magic, usually necromancy, but some times with lightning or more esoteric forces. Jund will just eat you. So, rather than mystical blue or hungry green, what do you get when you add white to this duo? You get a plane where it isn't the occupants you have to worry about. It's the world itself. Imagine the lovechild of Zendikar and Australia, where vegetation is sparse, water is scarce, and everything keeps exploding for no adequately explored reason.

Cataclysmic Ultimatum WWWBBRR Sorcery Each player chooses up to three permanents he or she controls. Destroy the rest. They can't be regenerated. "The weather here would be considered an eschatology on any other plane." —Kaalia of the Vast 

Overwhelming Archangel 4WWBR Creature — Angel Flying, first strike, vigilance, protection from converted mana cost 5 or less. Whenever Overwhelming Archangel blocks a creature with converted mana cost 5 or less, destroy that creature. She is eye-searing light and knee-buckling awe untempered by mercy or humility. 4/7

Red-Green: Both Jund and Naya are primordial jungle worlds; tropical planes ruled by megafauna. Jund, however, is a harsh, brutish land of constant predation, while Naya is an almost utopian place of overabundant resources. So, take the lush backdrop and add not exploitative black or idyllic white, but blue. Then what? Now the world becomes an arms race of nature versus civilization, where savagery, obsession, and insanity clash in ever more ludicrous acts of evolution and spellcraft. The world itself shudders with violent storms and tectonic upheaval. There are no higher ideals or hidden agendas; the conflict simply is, and to speak of resolution wastes brainpower that could be used to fight it.

Surreal Ultimatum UUURRGG Instant Gain control of target spell, then copy it. You may choose new targets for both. (If that spell is a permanent, it enters the battlefield under your control and the copy enters the battlefield as a token that's a copy of that permanent.) "No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong. Here, let me show you." —Riku of Two Reflections 

Improbaloth 4UURG Creature — Beast Trample; hexproof If Improbaloth would enter the battlefield, if you didn't cast it from your hand, put it on the bottom of its owner's library. Improbaloth can't be blocked except by all creatures able to do so. It exists only when it wants to. 8/8 

Green-White: Both Naya and Bant are genuinely nice places that won't immediately try to kill you. Oh, sure, you might get stepped on or break a dozen laws without trying, but gargantua are hard to miss and most of Bant's code of laws can be summarized as "Don't be a dick." The obvious difference is that of Tarzan and Arthurian legend. So, rather than savage red or uptight blue, let's mix in black. Then what? Well, things get worse. Tradition calcifies, innovation stagnates, and corruption slowly seeps into everything. Add in renewal magic and zombification, and not even death can shake things up. Everything from society to the terrain is one long, slow, gentle decline into quagmire.

Derivative Ultimatum BBBGGWW Sorcery You may cast any number of target nonland cards in your graveyard with total converted mana cost 7 or less without paying their mana costs. "Nothing new is needed while the old remains unforgotten." —Karador, Ghost Chieftan

Titan of Inertia 4BBGW Creature — Giant Avatar Vigilance Titan of Inertia can't leave the battlefield. (It can't be destroyed, sacrificed, exiled, or otherwise put into another zone from the battlefield, even if its toughness is 0 or less.) 6: Until end of turn, Titan of Inertia loses "Titan of Inertia can't leave the battlefield." Any player may activate this ability. It was. It is. It will be. 6/6

White-Blue: Bant and Esper are both homes to strictly regimented societies. Of course, the nature of those societies are polar opposites. Bant's is a caste system that still appreciates those on the bottom. Esper's is a magocratic dictatorship that can be summarized as an etherium boot stomping on a face for eternity. So, take this stable structure and apply it not to considerate green or cruel black, but red. What happens? You've got an attempt to control chaos, and anthropomorphic hedgehogs aside, that usually means one thing: war. Havoc and hierarchy, tactics and treachery, it's a massive no-holds-barred free-for-all. There are no neutral parties or war profiteers; everyone has a side, and everyone not on yours might as well be wearing a target.

Martial Ultimatum RRRWWUU Instant You control all players during the next combat phase this turn. (You see all cards any player could see and make all decisions.) "Ruhan does what Ruhan wills. Accept that or die." —Ruhan of the Fomori 

Strife 4RRWU Creature — Incarnation Double strike All creatures have vigilance, attack each turn if able, block each turn if able, and can attack and block as though they had no other abilities. Its heart is the fury of war itself, pumping every drop of blood spilled on a battlefield. 4/8

Blue-Black: Both Esper and Grixis, let's be frank, suck for the average Joe. Esperite peasantry don't have the short end of the stick; they're beaten with it. Vitals in Grixis, meanwhile, are a precious, all-too-exhaustible commodity for everything else on the plane. How does this suckitude react when combined not with imperious white or predatory red, but green? Trust no one, not even yourself. Loyalty is a myth, honor a cruel joke. There are plots within plots within plots, endless machinations, unseen enemies around every corner... and that's just the wildlife. The underbrush is as thickly knotted as the schemes hatched within, and nothing is as it seems. Or is it?

Byzantine Ultimatum GGGUUBB Sorcery Search your library for five cards and reveal them. An opponent separates those cards into two piles. Put one pile into your hand and the other into your graveyard. Then shuffle your library. "Prepare like you know nothing. Act like you know everything." —Damia, Sage of Stone

I felt it was about time to honor the first Tumblr planestrotter (to my knowledge) with a card. Bearing in mind trends both general (friendship) and specific (food and sex), I feel this is an accurate depiction of her:

aethertaffyswirl:

I hope this embed code works. Make sure Jin never sees this my good mod sir.

Indeed. There's really only one thing to do when presented with something this glorious: