—Search🙵Rescue—

The implication of his question hung in the air as Jieun stared at the steam rising out of the bowl of soup. She thought that she probably could, though her bandaged arm was her non-dominant hand. She certainly didn’t want to use the arm with the IVs sticking out of it. She considered the soup, wondering how painful it would be to drop it on herself because she was using her off hand. And yet, the alternative was having Jimin feed her. Would he find it odd? Or would it simply put more cruel fantasies in his head that she wasn’t sure she could fulfill.

“I don’t think so,” she paused, “You could call the nurse in,” she wanted to give him a way out. He didn’t need to take it. She wouldn’t mind if he fed her. But, she wanted him to know the obligation wasn’t there either. “Unless you don’t mind,”

“I don’t mind!” Jimin said much too quickly, sheepish smile surfacing just after. He would’ve reached up to scratch the back of his head, as he usually did after doing something embarrassing but he was far too concerned with the tray on his lap. He moved forward, tattered jeans covered thigh making an appearance on the side of her bed so he could wedge himself a bit closer. His hip pressed against hers, his body radiating warmth.

He placed his fingertips on the bowl, testing its temperature. It was quite hot but he was naturally tolerant to a degree and his hands were rough from work, which helped a bit. It wasn’t a discomfort he couldn’t endure for Jieun’s sake. He handed her the napkins and pushed the tray onto her nightstand but drew the bowl and the spoon back toward his chest.

Carefully, very carefully, he dipped the spoon into the steaming liquid, scraped the excess off the sides and brought it up near his lips. Plump lips parted, gently blowing on the soup until he felt like it must be safe. He appeared to be concentrating completely on the task he’d been given, an obvious opportunity to prove himself to Jieun and, hopefully, endear himself further to her, but his true ambition was to nourish her. She needed to regain her strength if she was going to get back on her feet anytime soon.

The door opened and Jieun looked up. She had thought Jimin had been talking to the nurse for a rather long time, but when she saw him, she realized that he had gone all the way down to the cafeteria. She didn’t look at the piles of uneaten food behind her, but she knew in the moment that he had seen it.

“Didn’t you bring a plant?” she asked quietly, looking around for it. She posed the question half because she wanted to see it and help it, but half (or perhaps a little more than half) because she wanted to move the subject away from food. Although, seeing Jimin here made her feel suddenly very hungry.

Half a beat passed. “What did you bring?” she asked, trying to seem nonchalant. Why had she felt sick to her stomach all day, unable to even think of eating, but when Jimin arrives carrying a tray of food, she is suddenly ravenous? She slowly sat up, adjusting the bed with her bandaged arm and then transferring Peppo to the far side of the bed, away from Jimin. She thought Peppo should be grateful that Jimin brought him here, but she didn’t entirely trust him. Jieun knew that the small animal would be livid if he learned that she had almost kissed him this morning. He would find a way to blame Jimin for Jieun’s uncontrolled impulses.

And as she looked at Jimin, tired but surprisingly casual, she found that the urge hadn’t entirely passed. Perhaps she was going crazy. She stared down at her own lap.

“Did… she tell you what happened…?”

Jimin’s footsteps faltered on his way to her bedside. He’d been keeping his eyes on the edge of the bowl at the center of his tray. The bowl that was dangerously full and close to spilling over. He didn’t want to make a mistake; to give Jieun any reason not to eat and he felt like thick soup dripping over the side of the bowl could be enough to turn her away. Warm brown eyes flicked up toward her at the mention of the plant and he paused, mid-step. Troubled.

His first instinct was that she was trying to change the subject and immediately worry washed over him. ‘Please just eat...’ he thought to himself but to his surprise and relief, she went back to the subject at hand. Jimin exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, causing steam from the soup to dissipate in a gust before persistently rising again from the piping hot liquid.

“Potato soup?” he answered, a sheepish grimace surfacing when he realized he’d answered in such a questioning tone. He knew what he’d brought her, of course, but was more trying to vocalize whether it was acceptable or not. When she moved Peppo to the opposite side of the bed Jimin realized he must’ve chosen well. Again, his hopes crept higher but this time no voice nagged a warning at him. Even that part of him was hopeful that things were improving too.

He made it to her side then, carefully perching on the side of the bed and balanced the tray over his knees. Not only was there the bowl of soup but napkins and a spoon and a small plate mounded with cookies. Jimin said nothing about them, especially not when Jieun asked about his conversation with the nurse. His eyes were just lifting to meet hers since he’d successfully delivered her meal without spilling it, but his gaze fell, avoiding hers for a moment.

“...to tell you the truth, she is not doing great...had to hook her up to another set of IVs because she decided to rip the other ones out...didn’t want her visitor this morning to leave so she tried to chase them. Can you imagine? The girl can hardly stand, let alone walk...She also has been refusing to eat...I don’t like seeing a girl like that in a hospital all day with no visitors...”

The nurse’s words circled around in Jimin’s head, haunting him, blaming him. Maybe it had been wrong to leave Jieun; it apparently looked that way to people that were only considering her side of things, but Jimin wouldn’t have gone anywhere if he had another choice. Still, it didn’t change what had happened or what he’d been told. Jieun realized he must’ve gotten at least some information out of the nurse, he was on the fast track to Detective, after all. But how much and how to tell her...

He smiled suddenly, gently. “She said...you didn’t want me to leave,” he started, cautiously looking up at her through fluffy blonde bangs. “I really feel terrible, but...it also made me a little bit, just the teensiest bit happy,” he admitted softly, lifting his hand and squeezing his thumb and index finger together to emphasize just how small that happiness had been. Of course, he didn’t want her to be lonely, but they both knew how he felt about her, so thinking she missed him, well...it was the gentlest way he could think to confess that he knew what had happened.

“What?” Taehyung sputtered, entirely aghast. “No- No, I don’t like him. I mean, I like him, yes, because he’s nice and cool and interesting and handso- I mean, I like him as a friend. He’s a friend. A very good friend. You’re a good friend. I like friends, see? Friends are good. Very likeable.” He thought it was a very good save indeed.

“Anyway-” He was entirely thankful to Jimin for this endeavour, not only for being a good listener just in case he did like Yonggeum (he didn’t, no, not at all), but also because no one he knew was willing to touch just about anything of theirs anymore. They had good reason, he supposed, but still.

He wasn’t that awful.

“I won’t fry it. Trust me, yeah? I looked up all the circuitry in these and everything. I even brought gloves-” He proudly displayed a pair used for dishwashing. “- Just in case. I can handle this system. You do know how to play it though, right?”

“How is this pretty far?” His tone was a little defensive, and a flush rose up his cheeks. “It’s just a game. So we can have other things to do when we hang out. That’s all it is. It’s not even a romantic game - I’m pretty sure everyone just beats each other up in it.”

Jimin pursed full lips together, doing his best to stifle a laugh that kept tickling in his throat and threatening to split his mouth into a smile. Taehyung was so obvious that it was comical and also, incredibly endearing but Jimin was pretty quick when it came to noticing special details in others and he wasn’t hard to impress. Still, how exactly was he supposed to keep a straight face when his pal was planning on donning rubber dishwashing gloves while they played video games?

He didn’t have the heart to burst Taehyung’s bubble regarding what Jimin felt were clear intentions and he certainly didn’t want to embarrass him further since he was already blushing. “Yeah, yeah, I know how to play it,” he reassured his friend as he plopped down on the sofa and stretched his legs out onto the coffee table. He tried to let the comment about the video game not being romantic slide. He didn’t know Yonggeum well but he definitely couldn’t imagine him playing any of those dating sim games that certain people found so entertaining.

hyerin reaches up, taking the cigarette from his mouth and holding it between two fingers so he can speak to jimin properly. just holding his head up straight makes him dizzy but he’d kill himself than look weak in front of a colleague. his pride won’t let him.

he flicks his cigarette from his fingers and it falls on the side walk, embers dying out slowly. 

“yeah, yeah, i’m good.” his voice is scratchy, low and weighed down by the indescribable. his knees ache with just the thought of getting up so he chooses to sit up instead. 

he looks the man up and down, surprised to see him in uniform at this time of night. “are you on patrol?” 

Tawny eyebrows furrowed, doubting Hyerin’s gruff and dismissive response. Maybe he wasn’t hurt, but he certainly didn’t seem ‘okay.’ Warm earth-toned orbs followed Hyerin’s gaze, looking down at his uniformed body when he realized he was being inspected. “Y-yes,” Jimin answered, sounding uncertain. He was sure he was on patrol, of course, but he wasn’t sure why that seemed out of the ordinary to the conscripted hunter before him, which caused him to doubt unnecessarily.

“Are you...working?” he asked, trying to force the chance meeting’s peculiar dialogue into something more akin to friendly small talk. He took a few steps closer, turning and sitting a respectable distance apart from Hyerin on the bench. He didn’t want to use the word that immediately came to mind. Hunting. Hunters hunted, right? But Hyerin certainly didn’t seem to be on the clock at the moment.

The door opened all the way and Jieun’s head snapped up, quickly wiping her tears as she looked upon Jimin’s face. He was here. He had really come back. He looked beyond exhausted, but better than he had in the morning.

She scanned him, taking in every inch of him. She had never seen him in anything other than his uniform, which was odd, now that she realized it. She nodded when he said he would be right back in, shifting her bandaged arm to try and hide it.

When the door closed, the nurse eyed it then gestured that they should move away from the door.

“I don’t want her to overhear, but to tell you the truth, she is not doing great. We had to hook her up to another set of IVs because she decided to rip the other ones out. She told the counselor she didn’t want her visitor this morning to leave so she tried to chase them. Can you imagine? The girl can hardly stand, let alone walk.” The nurse sighed, shaking her head, clearly not realizing that she was talking to Jieun’s visitor from that morning. She continued, “She also has been refusing to eat. Her session with the counselor went well, but she still hasn’t eaten anything. I’m really glad you came to visit her, though. I don’t like seeing a girl like that in a hospital all day with no visitors. Doesn’t seem right, especially considering the circumstances,”

The terracotta pot nestled between the crook of his elbow and his hip nearly dislodged and went shattering to the linoleum floor as the nurse explained precisely what had happened to Jieun after he’d left. His features were contorted with concern, scrunched as he listened intently, but he certainly couldn’t believe what he’d heard. His expression showed how stunned he felt but the nurse had looked away as she shook her head. Jimin tightened his grip on the pot before it fell but he couldn’t easily regain control of his features.

He’d already been preparing himself to scold Jieun for harming herself after she’d vowed not to, but on the other hand, wasn’t it his fault that she’d gone to these lengths? She had really wanted him to stay that desperately that she tried to come after him? His mind moved on grounding him before his heart got carried away. Reminding him of the near kiss that morning and how Jieun had turned away at the last moment. ‘It’s not you...it’s not you that she wanted to kiss or wanted to chase after...maybe she appreciates your friendship now...or maybe she thinks you’re still just trying to sleep with her...’

Jimin sighed, his stomach going queasy when he thought about what Jieun had accused him of when they’d had dinner. A lot had changed since then. He didn’t miss the nurse mentioning that Jieun wouldn’t eat and frankly, he wasn’t surprised. Again forced to recall the night Jieun had cooked dinner for him and barely eaten any herself. If she was going to continue with the same destructive behavior then it would only prolong her hospital stay. “I’ll try to come by more frequently,” Jimin apologized to the nurse that seemed to be guilt-tripping him about Jieun’s lack of visitors. 

If he was being honest, he was a bit worried about who might hear of what happened and show up. What he currently feared the most was that Minhyeok would hear the news and step back into the picture. He was sure that would only make things infinitely worse, which gave Jimin second thoughts about returning Jieun’s phone to her just yet. “Umm, actually...is it okay if I leave you my card? If anything happens when I’m not here I’d really appreciate a call.” He fished a business card out of his back pocket, holding it out to the nurse, somehow smiling as he insisted.

He abandoned the plant on a chair outside Jieun’s door and ventured down to the kitchen, lost in thoughts that were mainly to do with what was best for Jieun. First, she needed to eat and she needed to drink more fluids so an IV would no longer be necessary. He also wondered if he shouldn’t take some time off work so that he could stay with her properly. That nagging voice chimed in again, reminding him that it wasn’t his place to go to such lengths. Just because she was single didn’t mean he could consider himself her husband and start doing everything for her. She hadn’t asked him to, she probably didn’t want him to and the more she permitted him to stay close the further up his hopes would be and the harder it would be when she pushed him away again.

Because we can’t all just put brains in jars to see how they tick.

♦ - HOARD - something that is precious to them ✿ - DECAY - an old memory, from childhood perhaps ⚔ - DUEL - a meeting or relationship that was important to them ♥ - STAKED - a jarring event, something that changed their life/outlook ∇ - TOMBSTONE - who they are versus who they appear to be ☼ - DAYSTAR - a secret they don’t want coming to light ☂ - THUNDERSTORM - a difficult or miserable time in their life ⚖ - SCALES - how well they balance their good and bad impulses ϟ - LIGHTNING - something they thought they’d left in the past, returned ☢ - BIOHAZARD - the most dangerous thing about them to others ♬ - DIRGE - a habit, hobby, or obsession they can’t seem to shake ■ - LAIR - where they live, work, or spend most of their time ☠ - DEATH - the closest it’s come to touching their life

Jieun found herself laying on her back again, needles stuck all over the place in her scarred arm. They had clearly avoided it before because of it, but now that the elbow of her left arm was heavily bandaged, they had no choice. She could see the moving lines of the floor, where the angle of the sun changed the position of the shadows of the blinds. The bright fluorescents of the hospital made it difficult to tell what time of day it was from the light, but she guessed it was nearing the evening. They had already come in with three meals for her. All three sat untouched on her table, her head turned away from them. The idea of food, the idea of eating, was repulsive.

Her nurse opened the door slowly, but Jieun looked up at her. The woman smiled rather grimly. Obviously, she didn’t like that Jieun had no visitors either. But only Jimin and Peppo knew where she was right now. Only one of them could actually get into the hospital, and she was convinced that he wouldn’t be back. She wondered if he would tell anyone where she was. Lisa might care, but she had no idea. But after yelling at her about how the girl was just jealous of her relationship with Minhyeok, she doubted even her best friend would want to see her. Jieun couldn’t really think of anyone who would bother to visit. She had done a good job of isolating herself from everyone.

She had even managed to drive away the only person she hadn’t thus far succeeded in turning away. He had come back, he had saved her, and she had managed to drive him away too.

By the time evening fell, Jimin was ready to drop. He’d had a pretty bad day and a string of pretty bad days leading up to that, but he hoped he never had another day as terrible as he’d had the day before. After his walk to Jieun’s apartment and a positively uncomfortable reunion with Peppo, Jimin headed into work. He hadn’t been his cheerful self in a week and after rushing out and trampling a few of his sunbaes the night before, showing up looking like a similar yet very apologetic wreck didn’t seem to be warmly received.

He deeply and humbly apologized in front of everyone at the staff meeting he was obviously late to and instead of working on the paperwork currently cluttering his desk, he offered to wash and wax any of his colleagues' cruisers as penance. As trivial a gesture as that might have seemed, Jimin knew quite well the collective dislike for the troublesome task. It was only a small consolation that not everyone took him up on the offer.

It turned out to be a beautiful autumn day, which helped Jimin’s mood a lot while he was working. After grabbing and inhaling some food from the breakroom fridge and changing into SPD sweatpants and a tank top, he spent the rest of the afternoon outside in the sun, washing, and waxing. He could tell a few of his co-workers must’ve wanted to be outside too since every time he glanced at the building at least one of the noonas was waving at him. He really was lucky to work with such forgiving people.

He took an enormously deserved shower after completing his task, spending a long time under the scalding water in hopes that its force would loosen some of the knots from his body. The fact that he only had a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in his locker was only a minor concern to Jimin at this point. He couldn’t actually think of a time when Jieun had seen him not in uniform but he was sure she realized he must not always wear it. Still, even though she was in quite a state herself, Jimin worried that she’d be disappointed that he didn’t look as nice as he could when he came to see her. Jeans seemed too casual for Jieun, no matter what the situation. She deserved his best.

He returned to fetch Peppo and was even a little earlier than promised. Things were not great between them at any point but Jimin could tell they’d been at an all-time low that morning. There were some things Jimin felt would be too obvious and thus, too insulting to verbalize to Peppo about their secret mission but he did want to clear up details with the feline once they left. He grabbed the bag he noticed Jieun always used to carry him in and a few things he thought Jieun would want, like her cell phone and charger, a couple books that were marked at certain degrees of completion, a well-worn robe, and a small potted plant that looked like it was in dire need of more than just water.

He locked up after Peppo stepped out, two bags slung on his shoulder and a pot tucked into the crook of his arm. He let Peppo sit in the back of his car since he wasn’t sure whether he’d want the seat or the floor but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t want Jimin looking at him regardless. The plant was buckled into the passenger seat and finally, when they arrived at the hospital, Jimin took a moment to explain what he had in mind.

“I’ll bring you and everything into the room and go check in with the nurses. That way you two can have some privacy, okay?” he asked cautiously, taking Peppo’s venture into the bag as consent to the plan. Everything was going smoothly as they walked into the hospital and made their way to Jieun’s room but Jimin had just tapped on the door and partially opened the door when a voice made him freeze.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

Jimin looked over his shoulder, surprise quite evident on sunkissed features. He straightened up, turning so that Peppo’s bag was out of sight. He didn’t know how this nurse could’ve possibly known he was trying to sneak her cat in! “I’m sorry?” he laughed awkwardly, hugging the wilting plant tighter in his arm but looked down as if he’d never seen it when the nurse pointed to it. Jimin blinked back up at her, obviously confused and inwardly panicking.

“Well she’s not gonna take you seriously if you’re bringing her a dead plant, sweetheart!” the older nurse chastised. Jimin exhaled sharply, almost rolling his eyes because he’d panicked so easily. “You should bring her a giant bouquet! Vibrant colors, maybe some exotics, you know, drop a little cash if you’re really serious about her,” the woman continued to advise. Jimin smiled weakly, wondering if she’d even believe him if he explained why he thought she was wrong.

“I really don’t think she’d like that,” he admittedly weakly as he slipped half his body through the door. “Don’t be silly!” she insisted, stubbornly swatting at his wrist. “Every girl loves flowers! Pretty flowers for a pretty girl!” Jimin nodded, trying to acknowledge that he respected her opinion even if he still disagreed. He shrugged the bags off his shoulder and set them on the chair inside the door, hoping maybe Jieun was asleep and not hearing all of this.

“She does love flowers, so I’m sure she wouldn’t want me killing a bunch of them for her sake,” he explained softly. “And yes, flowers are pretty, but I’ve never seen any that compare to her,” he added, taking the woman’s silence and flushed cheeks as a small victory. He leaned into the room then, planning on giving Peppo the time he was promised but he couldn’t go another minute without at least laying his eyes on Jieun to make sure she was okay.

A smile of relief surfaced when he met Jieun’s eyes but it quickly faded when he saw the state of her relocated IVs and heavily bandaged elbow. He frowned, immensely concerned, especially when his eyes glanced over the untouched food on her tray table. “Noona,” he greeted, almost a little gruffly. “I’ll just be right back, okay?” he said in a sot and stern tone. He kept the plant on his hip as he stepped out of the doorway and closed it behind him.

“I promise,” she whispered, hardly aware of the words that were coming from her. In a minute, once he was further from her, she would chastise herself for giving him such a promise. It meant he would leave, but more importantly, it meant she had to keep it. But at this moment, her hand was tugging in his shirt to pull him closer. She knew it wasn’t her own strength that made him move, but more likely his own free will.

His face was so close to hers, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. Her hand tightened around the fabric of his shirt. Her mind had stopped offering her rational thoughts.

She pulled away, letting go of his shirt abruptly and turning her face away as quickly as she could. Her hand flew to cover her face as she tried desperately to steady her breathing. What was she doing? Certainly she couldn’t be doing that. Not here, not now, not with Jimin.

Well, maybe with Jimin.

No, not with Jimin. She couldn’t be so selfish. She couldn’t believe the thought had even crossed her mind, that her body had gone so far. What an asshole her mind was being, telling her to do things, to put hopes in Jimin’s head that she wouldn’t be able to guarantee he could cash in on later. He was worth more to her than that. She refused to use him like that.

“I’m sure,” she found it difficult to swallow. Her mouth was suddenly very dry. She looked resolutely down at her blankets, “that work starts soon. Will you come back afterwards?”

Jimin knew that he was a fool.

The man that raised him had told him frequently. He also told him that if you give someone the opportunity to hurt you; they will. Jimin always disliked the man’s bitter outlook. He didn’t want to believe the world was like that. Maybe for the most part, but not everyone. Surely, not everyone was waiting for an opportunity to damage or destroy. In time he understood that his ‘uncle’ was trying to look out for him, trying to toughen up a tender boy so that maybe the world wouldn’t completely snuff out the light inside him.

Jimin did things his own way. He always had; stubbornly kind, determinedly hopeful. Although he often ended up hurt, he couldn’t really blame the person who had done it. It was nearly always a situation where he’d allowed it to happen. He’d let the person get close, as close as they dared, close enough to wound or maim and he was just holding onto misguided faith that he’d be spared.

He wanted more than anything, to be loved. To belong to someone and have someone belong to him. His uncle had a lot to say about his absurd romantic notions, but Jimin was adamant. He believed in true love, in soulmates, all of it. The first moment he’d laid eyes on the girl in his arms, he’d decided. She’s the one. As she looked up at him now, a shadow of the vibrant young witch he’d first glimpsed, emaciated, tormented; he still believed that.

“I promise.”

Jimin’s heart skipped a beat. Relief washed over his features but his expression remained impassioned due to Jieun’s intent attention. The way she was looking at him, her proximity; he could hear her heart racing in time with his. Her delicate hands on his chest, gripping his shirt, tugging him, making him feel like she wanted him too.

He knew this wasn’t real and yet, he was leaning down, so eager to finally kiss her. He was sure once their lips met, she would understand his heart. Just one kiss was all it would take. Just one.

She pulled away, slipping from his grasp like sand in an hourglass. The light in Jimin’s eyes dimmed as he stood there, frozen. Jimin could practically hear his uncle’s words in his head. Why let yourself be hurt like this? Why let her use you? Why?! Jieun seemed flustered but intent on pretending nothing had happened. Maybe that’s what he actually meant to her; nothing.

He recoiled, detaching himself from her swiftly as he took a giant step back, pushing the chair with him. “Umm yeah, I’m already late actually,” he admitted, forcing a smile onto his lips. It didn’t reach his eyes, they were hollow and wouldn’t meet hers. He circled around the bed to get closer to the door, pausing to reach for her shoulder. He gently pulled his jacket away, careful not to touch her. “Don’t worry though, I’ll come by after,” he promised, doing his best to sound cheerful and failing as he tucked his jacket over his arm and turned away from her.

It was only two steps to the door. Two steps until he was free of the turmoil that seemed to be consuming all the oxygen in the room. Two steps until he could get a breath of fresh air and clear his head. He only made it one.

Jimin sighed shakily, looking over his shoulder at her before turning back to face her. He frowned slightly but came back. He would always come back. He leaned down as he slipped his free arm around her, his hand squeezed her shoulder. “You’re okay,” he whispered, pressing his cheek against her forehead, his lips brushing against her skin as he spoke. He wasn’t sure if she knew that. And he couldn’t just leave her there alone all day without making sure she did, whether he was hurt or not.

“We’ll figure things out as we go. And...and you don’t have to force yourself, okay? I’m not going anywhere, so just focus on feeling better and don’t worry about the other stuff,” he encouraged softly, squeezing her shoulder before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I’ll come back after work.” His words were abrupt and slightly choked and he was at the door before she could properly respond. He’d reached his breaking point, finally, and he definitely wasn’t swiping a tear off his cheek the second he stepped into the hall. Well, maybe not definitely.

Jimin took deep breaths as he rode the elevator down to the ground floor and slipped his jacket on as he exited the hospital. It was going to be a very long day. He hadn’t slept, eaten or showered. He was already late. He needed to stop by Jieun’s place and check on Peppo, feed him. And where the hell had he parked his car?

Oh.

“I don’t want you to leave,” is what she said instead. The words were mangled by her cries, but were distinguishable nonetheless. “I know you have work and you have to go and that you are tired and that you are probably sick of this stupid fucking hospital and just want to go home, but I don’t want you to leave,”

She was only onto his shirt as tightly as she could, balling up large chunks of it in her little fists in some kind of attempt to make him stay. She didn’t want to be alone, couldn’t be alone because she couldn’t promise him that she wouldn’t hurt herself if she was. She tried to make that promise, tried to force the words from her lips but found that her body only produced more tears instead.

Jimin loved her but she couldn’t promise him that one thing he wanted to hear, even after everything he had gone through because of her.

Jieun’s fingers slipped into his hair and Jimin involuntarily shuddered. Somehow, he hadn’t expected her to touch him. He hoped she’d accept his attempt to comfort but he hadn’t expected her to reach back. The hair stood up on the back of his neck but he couldn’t rightly enjoy the sensation, even if his body instinctually reacted. She was crying instead of promising him and Jimin found that he wanted to cry too.

He would fight until his last breath. For himself, for her - but he couldn’t make her fight. He’d gone so far as to beg, thinking that maybe, just maybe she would say yes for him; a loyal friend. He flinched against her wailing and kept his eyes screwed shut. Somehow her hair still smelled lovely even after all she’d been through.

When she attached herself to his collar and put words to her sobbing, Jimin’s eyes slowly opened in disbelief. How he wished he could enjoy this moment. To have this sweet girl that he was so crazy about, crying because she hated the thought of being without him. He wished that she meant the words as he wanted her to mean them, but he knew she didn’t, which made refusing her only marginally easier.

Still, he had to soothe her. He couldn’t deny either of them that. He brought his hands up, placing them over hers on his collar. He pushed them down to his chest easily despite how hard she felt she was gripping and sat up, taking her headrest too. He gently shushed her as he stood which happened to leave him straddling her knees. He barely noticed; he just wanted to stay close to her. He looked down at her, that now familiar pained expression on his face as he smoothed her hair and wiped away tears with rough fingertips.

After helping Jieun into a hospital gown instead of the clothes she had been wearing, and forcing her to put on some thick socks, the nurse bowed out, allowing Jimin to turn around to face Jieun again. She sat on the edge of her bed, legs dangling off the side, refusing to look at him. Would he see how puffy and red her eyes were because she had started crying again? Or did they look the same because she had been crying so much recently?

“Are you leaving soon?” she asked in a quiet voice, trying to hide the obvious hints of anxiety and sadness in her voice.

Jimin faltered for a split second when he heard Jieun’s voice mid-turn. His enhanced senses, his enhanced body, helped him in countless situations. Helped him to react and adapt much faster than any normal human could. In circumstances where he faltered, it was usually due to that meddlesome heart of his and this was a perfect example. His first instinct was to turn back to her because, clearly, there was something wrong. He felt her distress in the same instant that he heard her voice, but once he realized what she’d said, Jimin couldn’t do anything but continue on his path; the path away from her.

He felt a lump rise in his throat. A mixture of bitterness and jealousy. It wasn’t like him to feel sorry for himself, but he couldn’t help the swell of emotion that rose and crashed over carefully placed walls of dependability and patience. Not when Jieun’s small hands clutched the back of his shirt. Not when he could feel her silent sobs, taste the salt of her tears when he inhaled. He balled his hands into fists and stood still, like the pillar he worked so hard to be.

Jimin was vigilant through the rest of the examination. He didn’t think for even a split second that Jieun was blushing due to his presence. It seemed much more likely that she’d worked herself into a fever after all the torment she’d put herself through. Now that he was relieved enough to calmly consider what had happened, he had to admit he was a bit angry with Jieun. She’d hurt everyone who cared about her, but she’d definitely hurt herself the most...and for what? Jimin idly wondered if she might need to learn to love herself before she could really love someone else. Although...he wouldn’t mind too much if she wanted to practice a little on him. They could figure things out together.

When it was permissible for him to turn around, he did so, and he couldn’t help a sympathetic pout from rising on his lips. She looked utterly miserable...and yet...why did she still look so cute? Jimin made a note to check for gray hairs once he left the hospital. He was pretty sure he must’ve sprouted a few over the course of the night. He slipped out of his jacket for the time being, even though Jieun was right. He did need to leave soon.

He took a step closer, draping the warm garment around her thin shoulders. “I need to head to work soon,” he admitted as he crossed the room and grabbed the chair he’d been using earlier. He carried it back to her bedside, placing it right in front of her and taking a seat. He looked at the frail girl in front of him, warm brown eyes scanning down her legs. Even covered by the gown, they couldn’t hide just how thin she’d become. It was easier to overlook when she was smiling at him, but hearing the nurse estimate her weight...it was a frightening revelation.

Jimin reached for her ankles, gently pulling the balls of her feet onto the edge of the chair in the ample space between his legs. He glanced back up at her, the exhaustion on his face embarrassingly obvious at this angle. He had dark bags under his eyes, which were also puffy but nothing close to Jieun’s state. Still, it was a bit alarming to see him anything less than bright. Maybe he wasn’t human, but he was human too. Jieun’s actions had taken a lot out of him, but he stayed loyally by her side.

He slipped his arms behind her calves, resting his elbows on his own knees and leaned forward just enough to loosely hug and warm the only part of her that was bare. He turned his head and rested his cheek on her thigh, helping himself to a much-deserved rest, even if it would only be for a few minutes. He sighed softly, shoulders slumping as he relaxed. Part of him was worried that if he let his guard down, he’d crash completely. The other part of him was worried that he might not have a chance to be close to this girl again.

Slowly, Jieun moved to the edge of the bed and swung her legs over the edge. She looked down at them and was shocked by how skinny they looked. She couldn’t have been asleep long, right? Had she always been this thin, or had she gotten this way without her noticing? She forced herself to look up at Jimin instead, giving him her other hand as she forced herself to stand on weak legs. She nearly collapsed and put more weight on Jimin. The nurse, busy with examining her figure, made odd clicking sounds with her tongue.

“How long have you had the scar on your arm,” she asked as she lifted up her shirt to reveal a thin waist with a long scar on her hipbone. Another clicking sound, even though that scar had been from a particularly unfortunate run in with Chaos Controller minion. She kept that information to herself, however.

“I’ve had the one on my arm for years,” she whispered, unable to look at Jimin. She really disliked having this women point out all the glaring imperfection Jieun had (as well as revealing far more of her figure that she was honestly expecting Jimin to see), “and the one of my hip for a few months.”

The nurse nodded, dropping the shirt. She looked at Jimin and twirled her finger in a circle to indicate that he should turn around now.

Jimin fully expected that he’d have to leave Jieun’s side very soon and possibly for the rest of the day. It had been a long, sleepless night with far too many cups of vending machine coffee, even if it’d been kind for the staff to keep offering it to him. A night without sleep was an easy sacrifice if it meant he’d be right there waiting when Jieun opened her eyes and he had. But now that she was awake and the nurse was there to check on her, Jimin did assume he’d need to be on his way. He held onto Jieun’s hand while he had it, listening intently to the instructions and information the nurse provided her.

Hearing that she’d be in the hospital for at least a week brought concern back to Jimin’s expression, his gaze sliding to Jieun as he frowned. It did make sense that they’d want to monitor her for an extended period in case she tried something like that again. His attention went back to the nurse when she asked him to leave as expected, but Jieun’s outburst left him wide-eyed, her grip on his hand tightening more firmly than he would’ve believed she could manage in such a weak state.

The exchange between the women was uncomfortable for all parties involved. Of course, Jimin could hear everything that was said and averting his eyes didn’t make him any more deaf to the term ‘exposing.’ He couldn’t help feeling a rush of warmth on his cheeks and he happened to glance back toward Jieun just as she was glancing up at him. The warmth increased.

As honored, which is perhaps not the correct word but something close to that, as he felt that Jieun derived so much security from his presence, Jimin couldn’t help feeling that same sense of concern. He worried in almost every situation, so it was only natural for him to worry now. Neither of them asked him if he was comfortable being present during the exam, but...no, he wouldn’t leave under any circumstances if Jieun sounded like she desperately wanted him with her.

Jimin offered Jieun a comforting smile and did as he was told, taking care not to bump anything she was connected to as she cautiously stood on weak legs. Jimin would’ve fully supported her, if possible, but standing in one spot seemed like it wasn’t too much effort for her for the moment. He remained silent as the nurse started her examination, wondering at what point he should close his eyes or if he should’ve closed them from the start or if he’d be accused of being a pervert if he didn’t guess the right thing without being prompted.

Jimin wanted to close his eyes from the start but when the nurse immediately asked about the scar on Jieun’s arm, he found himself looking at it. He was very curious about it himself; where it had come from, why she seemed to touch it, dig into it when something was upsetting her. And before his eyes, Jieun’s baggy hospital top was moved aside and again, Jimin wanted to look away but yet another scar appeared; one that he didn’t even know she had.

He tried not to gawk but he couldn’t help the emotion that suddenly surfaced. It was bordering on betrayal. Something else had happened to Jieun that he didn’t know about. How many times had someone tried to harm her when he hadn’t been there? What other hardships had she suffered that he had no idea about?