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Qifrey's good at hiding and smiling through everything he needs to. The facade is there for a reason. So it feels a little strange to get to kiss you so often now that you're properly settled into the Atelier. Sometimes he gets a little distracted, and what's supposed to be a stolen kiss ends up being him holding you there hostage for kissing properly.
It doesn't matter for the most part since Olruggio is in and out of the place, but sometimes he forgets that his girls have the keys and they too are in and out of the house.
Cue his current issue.
Qifrey's got you half melted against him, licking his lips as he pulls back for air, and he's halfway into kissing you when the door clicks, and chattering stops when it swings open.
The girls freeze in place, and Richeh is the one to speak up.
"Did we... come at a bad time?"
Qifrey wipes his mouth with a handkerchief, turning to face his girls as you push him off of you, sitting down at the table to catch your breath.
"Told you it was a bad idea."
"Hi girls." He smiles, and the four of them blink.
Coco threw her hands over her eyes second she caught a glimpse, and Tetia's got stars in her eyes that Qifrey thinks is going to become a barrage of questions. Agott, well.
"Could the two of you not picked a better place?"
"Qifrey's fault."
You're quick to throw him under the bus, laughing as you stand up to dust your skirt off.
"I'm hurt, love."
"To what do we owe the pleasure?"
Tetia fires a round of questions at you, hopping over, and Qifrey tends to the other girls as they ask how things have been.
Well. Considering that they caught the two of you kissing like that, things can't be bad at all.
It was your birthday. The day that the duke had been waiting for, as the days of the month slowly ticked by.
He’d marked the date in his calendar–not that he needed reminding–and planned everything meticulously.
Handcrafted gifts sat wrapped with precision on his desk: a journal with your initials carved into the leather, a pendant forged from a rare ore only found near the Fortress, and your favorite tea blend imported from the surface.
He even reserved a quiet terrace in the upper levels of the Fortress, just far enough from the noise and steel to feel like a slice of peace. Flowers were brought in. The lighting was perfect. He practiced how he would say “Happy Birthday” more than once, though he'd never admit it.
Everything was bound to be perfect.
It's now been an hour since you assured him you would meet him at exactly 12 o'clock. The sun hangs high in the sky, casting shadows across the pavement, and the clock on the wall ticks mercilessly, reminding me of the passing time.
Now, he can't help but wonder–where could you be? Did he perhaps misread the time or miscalculate the hour? Or maybe the battery in his clock has failed, leaving him unaware of our appointment? More troubling, did you simply forget our arrangement?
As time dragged on, Wriothesley grew tired of waiting. Patience had long been his armor–honed through years of expecting little and losing much–but tonight, it felt heavier than ever. He had ytold himself you would come, that your promise meant something unshakable, but as the hours passed and the silence grew unbearable, that quiet hope withered.
He wasn’t angry–anger would have been easier. Instead, a familiar weight settled in his chest, one he knew all too well: the sting of being forgotten, the ache of trusting too much. And as the last candle flickered out, so did the part of him that believed this time would be different.
A sharp knock reverberated through the stillness of the room, prompting him to raise his voice, beckoning the visitor to enter. The door creaked open to reveal Sigewinne, her brow furrowed with concern. A worried expression painted her features, as if the weight of her friend's absence clung to her like a shadow.
“Sir Wriothesley… Are you all right?” she inquired gently, her voice barely above a whisper, as she stood frozen on the threshold, an uneasy tension in her posture. “You haven’t come out for some time, and I can’t help but worry…” Her eyes glimmered with both apprehension and care.
“Are you perhaps… thinking about her?”
Wriothesley looked up at her, and for a moment, there was nothing in his eyes but a quiet storm–gray and endless, like the sea just before it breaks. Then the realization surfaced, slow and brutal.
Right.
You’re not here anymore.
You weren’t simply late. You weren’t going to walk through the door with wind in your hair and an apology on your lips. There was no laughter waiting to echo through the Fortress, no familiar warmth to pull him from the cold. The silence wasn’t temporary–it was permanent. You were gone. Taken from this world like a candle snuffed too soon, and in your place was a haunting absence he couldn’t learn how to live with.
The gifts he had made still sat unopened. The seat beside him was untouched. And the promise you’d whispered–“I’ll never leave you.”--rattled through his skull like a cruel echo.
“I forgot,” he murmured, almost to himself, voice hollow. “She’s not coming back.”
And for once, even Sigewinne had no words to fill the silence.
“I think… she would’ve really loved all the gifts you made, Sir Wriothesley,” Sigewinne said softly, stepping just a little closer. Her usual cheer was subdued, but still present in the way she tilted her head, hands clasped in front of her. “You put so much care into everything… I’m sure she felt all that love. Maybe she’s even smiling about it–somewhere.” She offered a small, hopeful smile, though it wavered slightly at the edges.
“I'm sure she would.”
Days passed by, Sigewinne finally had time to take a stroll, so she decided to visit your grave with flowers you loved. As she arrived, she saw the gifts that once sat on Wriothesley’s desk, now on your tomb. A melancholy smile lit up her face, and tears dropped from her cheeks.
— where your longtime crush, phainon, hands you.. a boyfriend application?
· phainon x gn!reader .
NOTES: modern au, implied childhood friends to lovers, no use of pronouns for user, author needs coffee, enjoy.
youve known phainon for as long as you can remember, growing up together had you form a bond which was downright unbreakable. watching him grow taller was annoying, the way he started towering over everything and anything, i mean, you were tall, yes but his height was almost eldritch-like.
the closeness had made you gain feelings without even noticing, which,, you didnt think to be horrible at first.
although of course, those thoughts went straight to hell when you started noticing he hadnt shown any signs about the feelings being mutual.
it started getting mildly frustrating, every touch felt like a reminder, every loving gaze felt like a jab at your heart. and it didnt get better when he invited you out for a ‘date’.
“.. phainon, youve been digging holes in that menu for over thirty minutes now. didnt you suggest this place?” you nudged him in an attempt to get his attention, which. seemed to work.
“oh- right! im sorry, im just. uhm.. im trying to think on how to say this.” phainon responded quickly, stopping a few times to form his sentence correctly. he was hiding something. and your suspicions prove to be correct once you saw some neatly folded paper stapled together, which further deepened your curiosity.
“its .. an application, with all my qualities listed on it. please take a look..?” you were a bit taken aback, he hadnt mentioned any attempts at finding a proper job before.
“you idiot, you couldve just said that. alright ill take a look.” looking away from him, you focus on the sheets of paper. opening it to start reading.
alright, ‘official application for a boyfriend position—’
...
huh?
huh??
HUUH???
practically shooting your eyes over to him, you tilt your head, brows furrowing as you stare at him like he just confessed to murdering a family of 4.
“y..you.. sorry, what?”
phainon looks,, as dumb as he usually does, merely blinking. “is there a spelling error again? i thought i cleared them all, im sorry ...”
“what? no, nonono. you idiot, you absolute dumbfuck. i.. what is this??” you hold the top of the papers, brows knitted harder as you go back and forth between him and the sheet.
“ OFFICIAL BOYFRIEND APPLICATION. ”
Name: Phainon Age: 22 Height: 215cm
below those, all his qualities such as occupation, his earnings, skills in cleaning, cooking and whatever else you can think of were proudly displayed.
“do you.. have an issue? am i not up to your standards?” he was trying his best to hide it, but the way those puppy eyes appeared sadder as he slowly hunched down in uncertain defeat told you everything you needed to know. he was anxious, but holy fuck he liked you back. a little.. too much.
“i dont but,, seriously phai, two pages? what even was your thought process?” noticing how his little ahoge practically straightened itself up in joy, he showed you a fond smile and carried on.
“well i.. i didnt know if you liked me in a romantic setting and i .. i didnt want to accidentally put you in a bad spot.. but i wanted you to know of my skillset soidecidedonanapplicationand—”
“...”
“say something please..?”
“you fucking idiot. for someone who was the first in his class, you lack severe common sense.”
“... im sorry? did i do something?” there he was again, that stupid head tilt he does when stuck on something. does the thinking make more sense at a 45° angle? no one knows.
sigh.
“what im saying is. you.. you didnt need a whole fucking application. i like you too, my stupid puppy.”
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sukuna tells you to stop touching him — hurt/comfort, fluff
you are so touchy.
to a concerning degree.
and for someone like sukuna, who doesn’t allow softness and couple mushiness like other people do, he finds at first that he has to tolerate your incessant need to have your puny little hands all over him constantly rather than enjoying it, simply because he is not used to so much affection.
but he finds quickly that it isn’t unpleasant, how your fingers reach up to curl around his bicep whenever you’re walking together, the way you lean into his side when you’re sat side by side, how your hands slip up into his robes and rub against his chest and stomach when you’re cold. the cute little smile you give him afterwards isn’t bad either.
he’ll look down at you when your body comes in contact with his, and his fingers twitch at first with hesitation as he decides whether to grab you closer or push your clingy ass away.
it’s always the former. he wouldn’t want to hurt your little heart by refusing you.
he does realize that perhaps he might spoil you too much, because with how much he lets you get away with things, how he gets you whatever you want, lets you do whatever you want, you don’t seem to realize that sometimes - key word sometimes - you go overboard.
you sit too close. you drape yourself over him. you play with his fingers, trace the lines of his tattoos, press your face into his chest just to breathe him in. you climb into his space like it’s yours, like he’s yours, like you’re completely fearless of what he is. you touch, lick, bite, kiss, squeeze where he’s sensitive…
the day you do too much, you don’t even realize it. it’s so hot out, and you’re pressing your body that’s radiating excess heat like a furnace against him when he’s already grumbled that he’s too hot and that he’d rather you feel him up in a cold shower together, not with your sweaty, hot body in its current state.
“but i don’t like cold showers, kuna- they’re so uncomfortable!” was your whiny reply, and you get fussy as he growls at you when you dump your body on top of his on the couch while he’s already glazed in sweat. maybe he smells bad too, and that might put you off him for good. so, with a tone a little too harsh because the weathers already put him in a bad mood and your air conditioning is broken and hes busy but can’t do anything with you draped on him and rubbing up on him, he snaps; “enough, human.”
it comes out sharp. not exactly loud, but harsh and spat out in a way that makes you freeze instantly.
your expression falls, and your touches falter. with a frown, you pull back and climb off him with a response in the same tone as his, if not more cutting. “fine, ryomen. whatever.”
.
sukuna expected annoyance. maybe a pout or you ignoring him for a moment before crawling back into his space like you always do. not silence and distance.
he realizes quickly as the day passes with you ignoring him that he loathes the space much more than your hot body making him clammy and stuffy. he misses it so much. and it feels wrong, unsettling, how you're not talking his ear off and grabbing him and doing that annoying thing where you want to rub your face all over his and smear his face in wet kisses.
damnit, he misses you.
when you get into bed with him that night, instantly turning your back towards him and sulking, his eyes narrow slightly while irritation simmers beneath his skin.
“…what are you doing?” he mutters.
you don’t look at him. “nothing.”
he clicks his tongue, “come here.”
you hesitate, but slowly look back at him with a frown on your face. sukuna doesn’t appreciate you dwadling, not when he’s showing vulnerability for once and showing that he’s sorry, in his own way, and wishes to make it up to your bratty ass.
“i said come here.”
you huff and shift towards him, still holding back. he notices and drags you into him, cradling your body on top of his and scowling, burying his burning face into your neck and inhaling your scent. “enough sulking. i’m sorry, alright?”
you let out a soft sound because you’re startled at the sudden affection, andyou don’t melt into him like you normally would. you’re still stiff and a little unsure. “you told me to stop.”
sukuna exhales sharply and squeezes you tighter, wanting you to touch him and be all over him. he hates your lack of assurance that he enjoys your affection. he wants it now. he’s willing to give you whatever you want, as long as you just show you still love him. “i said i was sorry. i do not want you to stop touching me. i’d rather you smother me at all times than pull away like you are right now.”
he cups your jaw, tilting your face toward him and forces you to meet his gaze. his face is flushed and he’s scowling. “i love you, do you understand that? i would remove organs out of my own body if you needed them. i would move the earth for you. i would kill and die for you. just because i do not want you to smell the stench of my sweat and strangle me when it is hot outside, does not mean my affections towards you has wavered. do you understand me?”
your eyes widen at his little ramble, and a smile slowly spreads across your face at his rambling. you knew he loved you, but not this much. and now that warmth and fuzziness you felt earlier before he shooed you away has come back and multiplied. you beam and rub your thumb over one of his blushing cheeks. “aw, kuna. i didn’t know you were such a sap.”
he growls and presses a messy kiss to shut you up, then pulls away only when you’re out of breath and flustered. “hmph. do not ignore me ever again.”
"atsumu... will you please leave me alone even just for a little while? i'm trying to study and you're distracting me." you groaned slightly as he stopped nuzzling into your neck, looking at you with furrowed brows.
"but y/n, ya have been studyin' for days! i know ya can nail the exams just fine, and we haven't spent much time together for weeks!" he ranted — the longer he spoke, the more you got irritated, "i just want a little time with my s/o, is that too much to ask? and we have a game in a few days so i was wonderin' if—"
"atsumu! for the last time, just go! for god's sake!" you yelled, not noticing the flash of hurt on his face at your words.
he stood up abruptly and sighed, gulping harshly. "...fine. see ya tomorrow."
you nodded, not even bothering to look at him one last time as you continued to consume all your time in studying for the whole day.
the next day, you woke up from the alarm going off. you must've fallen asleep while studying.
as you turned the alarm off and sat up, you thought about last night and guilt ate you up instantly. you had snapped at your boyfriend because you were stressed. there was no excuse for your actions.
you cursed at yourself. ‘y/n... how could you be so stupid?! you could've just told him to leave you alone nicely!’
standing up in slight panic, you got ready for school, already practicing how you can apologize to atsumu in your mind.
you sighed nervously, fiddling with your fingers as you walked to the gym where the volleyball team is currently practicing. as you were about to walk in, you heard atsumu's voice and your heart dropped at his words.
"i know, 'samu... it's been so long since we last spent our time with each other. it’s like i’m the only one in the relationship, like i’m the only one who’s makin' a damn effort."
"well... do ya plan on endin' things with them?" osamu asked, and you felt a pang in your chest.
no... no. what if he's really planning on breaking up with you? it was true, you don't even remember the last time you talked to him properly...
you can't bear to lose atsumu. not because of this.
you heard suna greeting you, it looked like he had just arrived. "oh, hey y/n."
you forced a smile, "good morning, rintarou... uhm, can you tell atsumu tha—"
“y/n? tell me what?" you heard your boyfriend’s voice behind you. you gulped and faced atsumu, hugging him tightly which took him by surprise, as well as suna but he just walked inside the gym to give you both some privacy.
"atsumu! i-i was thinking if we could eat lunch together later? if it's okay with you?"
this surprised him even more. you never asked him to go lunch with you, it was always the other way around.
at first he hesitated, but then he thought that he might waste this opportunity, so he agreed. "s...sure."
"okay, i'll wait for you outside your classroom during lunch— i gotta go now, i'll see you later!" you waved, but before atsumu could protest that he would be the one who will wait for you outside your classroom, you left in an instant before tears fell from your eyes.
this went on for a few days. and now it was exam week, and you gave him all your attention instead of studying for exams.
atsumu noticed it almost immediately, but he waited for the right time to talk to you about it.
“y/n, aren’t ya gonna study?” he asked you.
it was silent for a moment before you answered, "no," and cuddled up to him, eyes closing but then you heard his voice.
"y/n."
you slowly looked up at him, biting your bottom lip anxiously. "....yeah?"
atsumu hadn’t meant to call your name out in a cold tone, he was just confused. as he tried to find the right words to question your behavior lately, he heard sniffles from you. "hey— y/n?"
your sobs grew louder, burying your face into his chest. you mentally cursed at yourself for staining his shirt with your tears. "i'm sorry, 'tsumu... i-i... i'm so sorry... for being such a bad s/o..."
he hugged you tight, looking down at you in confusion. "hey, hey, what makes ya think you’re a bad s/o, babe? tell me." he whispered, kissing your forehead as he wiped your tears away lovingly. "you're the best s/o i've ever had. and what are ya apologizin' for? c'mon, tell me what happened."
once your sobs had died down, you told him everything.
"the day after i snapped at you while i was studying, i was about to visit you in the gym to apologize but i... overheard you and osamu talking about our relationship. i didn't mean to eavesdrop but i heard about the ‘plan on ending things’... are you... going to break up with me?"
your boyfriend pouted, pulling you closer. "i'm sorry ya had to hear that. 'samu and i continued to talk about it afterwards, actually. i said that breakin' up with ya have never even crossed my mind. 'n well, yeah, i was hurt about what happened the other day, but i knew ya were just really stressed." he caressed your cheek gently. "please know that i would never break up with ya for this reason, okay? you're it f' me, baby."
you nodded, you could feel tears building up your eyes again. “i love you, ‘tsumu. i'm really sorry for snapping at you...”
atsumu kissed your forehead, "it's okay. i love you. now c'mon, let's study together."
boyfriend!sae w figure skater reader headcanons ୨ৎ
boyfriend!sae who secretly learns the scoring system for figure skating because he got tired of not understanding what you were talking about.
boyfriend!sae who watches your programs over and over after competitions, pausing every few seconds to point out details he liked.
boyfriend!sae who gets annoyed whenever commentators reduce years of your hard work to how "graceful" you look.
boyfriend!sae who notices when your ankle starts bothering you again before anyone else does.
boyfriend!sae who immediately tells you to sit down whenever he catches you practicing through an injury.
boyfriend!sae who has a collection of videos of your performances saved on his phone.
boyfriend!sae who pretends he isn't nervous before your competitions but somehow becomes quieter than usual the entire day.
boyfriend!sae who watches interviews afterward and rolls his eyes whenever reporters ask stupid questions.
boyfriend!sae who understands athlete pressure better than anyone. so when you make a mistake and start criticizing yourself, he's the first person to tell you that one performance doesn't define you.
boyfriend!sae who gets irrationally irritated when people online act like your achievements came easily.
boyfriend!sae who keeps screenshots of competition schedules in his phone so he never misses an event.
boyfriend!sae who stays awake to watch international broadcasts no matter what time zone you're competing in.
boyfriend!sae who becomes your personal heater after long days at the rink because your hands are always freezing.
boyfriend!sae who secretly loves seeing you practice when the arena is empty. just you, the ice and complete focus. he thinks it's one of the prettiest things he's ever seen.
boyfriend!sae who never lets you apologize for crying after a bad skate.
boyfriend!sae who gets defensive whenever people underestimate how physically demanding figure skating actually is.
boyfriend!sae who has learned exactly what snacks to bring you after practice.
boyfriend!sae who watches you tie your skates and still finds it impressive every single time.
boyfriend!sae who immediately finds you in a crowd after competitions.
boyfriend!sae who hates seeing you doubt yourself because he knows exactly how hard you've worked to get where you are.
an guys im playing mm2 rn. tysm for reading and other than that theres nothing more to add !!
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lohen really hates the fact that no one believes him when he says you’re dating.
every time you go out together, walking through the streets of mondstadt, there would be at least once or two instances of people blatantly ignoring him or forgetting his existence. he was the vice captain of the fifth company for archons sake. everybody should know him by now. but somehow, when it came to the charming baker across the street, bashfully asking for your contact information, it was as if lohen didn’t exist.
if not for the gentle squeeze of his hand, he might have popped a vein.
in a very lohen matter, he conjures up ways to make it obvious you were taken. would it be easier if you wore a necklace with his initials? he could salvage some rare metals and forge it himself. or should he carry you on his back, so that everyone knows the two of you came in a package? so many choices… he found it difficult to choose one.
he turned to varka for assistance. with his wisdom and old age, lohen remembered a tradition that dispels rumors.
the next morning, you woke up to a beautiful ring on your finger. not too elaborate but not simple either. it was the perfect size (despite never explicitly telling your boyfriend). although you were clueless to his other intentions, you were too distracted being over the moon at his proposal.
lohen could only smile gleefully as the bachelors of mondstadt kept themselves away from you, drawn away from the ring on your finger.
𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 :: how he'd react to having you as his first male crush.
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 — varka & arataki itto x male reader.
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 !! reader is described as a relatively masculine man that happens to have a pretty face. inazumans gossip and are standoffish to reader for liking men.
⏤͟͟͞͞ ✧ 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀
varka never wrote off the idea of himself being attracted to men, but it wasn't something that had happened to him yet. every person he's been interested in during his entire life was a woman, and he has lived a very long and full life. usually, when people have been around the dating scene for as long as he had, the possibility of suddenly being attracted to an entirely different gender was off the table.
at least that's what he thought, until he came back from his expedition and saw you on an unassuming afternoon. varka always knew that mondstadt would change in the years he was away, but he never expected to find the prettiest man he's ever seen to suddenly move in. for a moment, a breath hitched in his throat as he watched how the sun hit your face as you bought some fruits at the market. he would have kept staring forever if klee didn't drag him to the gate so they could play in the forest.
as he tried his best to stop klee from terrorizing the local sealife, his mind kept wandering to you. he was very sure you were a man, given your stature, your fashion, and how you carried yourself. varka was very sure you were a guy. varka was also 100% sure you were the most gorgeous sight to have ever met his eyes. it was a very new situation that he had found himself in.
the second that albedo came by to finally pick klee back up, he practically ran to the knights' headquarters so he could gather information on you from every member he saw. it’s times like these where he appreciated the perks of being the grandmaster.
jean said you were someone that came to live in mondstadt some time after the traveller defeated dvalin, but she ran off to submit some papers to the library before varka could ask more. amber mentioned you were a friendly but distant guy that always volunteered to help the knights out when they needed extra hands. the rest of the knights didn't have much information on you as they were so busy with the workload after the expedition, but mika remarked that the knight you interacted with most was kaeya.
varka immediately tracked kaeya down in springvale, trying his best to disguise his heavy breathing as a consequence of him running all the way there. "hey, kaeya! how's the cavalry captain of the knight of favonious?"
"well, grand master, i'd be better if there was cavalry to lead." kaeya, seeming unfazed by the sudden appearance of the grand master in a small town outside of the city, simply smirked knowingly at varka. "are you here to ask about the new resident?"
varka sputtered for a second, trying his best to act dumb by smiling casually, like he hadn't been interrogating half the knights for information. "what? who? i didn't know we had a new resident!"
kaeya was amused at his poor attempt to lie. "you're really too honest for your own good, grand master. plus, rumors spread far faster in the knights than you'd think." he crossed his arms, a relaxed expression painted on his face. "he's a resident that moved in from one of the neighboring nations because of the job opportunities in the city. he currently works as a deliveryman for dawn winery, but he's had several jobs in the past before you returned."
varka's eyes widened in slight surprise at the information being given when he hasn't even asked yet, but still nodded along intently as kaeya kept talking. "he prefers to keep his distance from most people, as he's not a local to mondstadt. i only became close with him because i help him out with deliveries when i can. he's a very friendly and understanding man once you can break down his walls."
"and yes, he is single. he also prefers to be with men." kaeya gave varka a cheeky grin as he finished off his exposition with two jackpots. "lucky you, grand master."
a light blush made its way to the tip of varka's ears, a rare flustered expression on the face of the mighty knight of boreas. "...thank you, kaeya." he cleared his throat, trying to brush off the flush on his skin. "you think i'm the type of guy he'd go for, though?"
varka may have had previous dating experience, but this was new territory he was stepping on, he wasn't sure what men like you would find in future partners. his pondering was interrupted with a huff from kaeya.
"grand master, regardless of man or woman, anyone would be drawn to you." the tone kaeya took on as he spoke sounded like he was saying the most obvious thing in the world. "plus, i can put in a good word for you, if you'd like."
varka perked up at that offer. the man you're the closest with in the entire city would vouch for him, which would undoubtedly give him a foot in the door. it would make things a lot easier for him, but... " though that's very kind of you, i'll pass. i should manage to charm him with just myself, it wouldn't be very knightly of me to have to push my way into someone's heart and involve one of my subordinates."
"alright, suit yourself." as if kaeya expected that answer, he just shrugged. "though i will say, i never expected you to be interested in men. your history never suggested such."varka nodded at the assumption.
"yeah, i didn't too, honestly. i've lived so many years, and had the blessing to be in so many relationships with women." he thought of his past relationships with fondness for the intimacies and vulnerabilities they shared, but your beautiful, wistful face basked in the gentle sun came to mind, shadowing over his past affections. he smiled at the image of you. "but there's always new things to learn about yourself, aren't there? i'm not so old that i can't learn new tricks."
"ha, good point." kaeya gave him a nod, a pleased look on his face. "well, if you want to start your new journey now, he should be at angel's share right now, stocking the wine barrels."
"much appreciated, kaeya!" varka started getting ready to make his journey back, bracing himself for another run across the nation so he wouldn't miss his opportunity. "see you around, ill be sure to have you return to your cavalry duties soon." seeing kaeya smile and wave him goodbye as a response, he immediately started booking it back.
turns out, the possibility of him dating men was not off the table. he just has a very particular type of guy he likes: masculine pretty men. which, lucky for him, you perfectly fit the bill for.
⏤͟͟͞͞ ✧ 𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐎
itto was always an open minded guy. he never judged others for things lesser men would start rumors over. he himself always struggled with being outcast by society for things he couldn't control, and he vowed to never become a man that ostracized others.
so, naturally, he approaches people who are treated like how he was in order to extend a helping hand. which is how he ends up in a small teahouse at the edge of town, trying to find a specific waiter who's been having rumors spread around about him.
people have been gossiping to each other about a male worker here who liked men — often remarking that they feel uncomfortable around him, or that they asked for a different waiter if he was assigned to their table initially. it all sounded so belittling and insulting that itto needed to reach out, just to let you know that despite the reputation he and his gang had, you were always welcome with them.
the service here was taking terribly long, though. he's been sitting around for a good few minutes, waiting for a random server that wasn't you to show up so that he could request to meet you. he huffed to himself as he stared out the windows, losing himself in thought to pass the time.
the thought of caring so much about someone elses' dating preferences was so strange to him. he was a person who has only ever been attracted to women, yet he doesn't think its weird at all if someone liked men instead. it really wasn't a big deal, and it puzzles him as to why random customers would be so bothered by it and feeling the need to tarnish your name. you were probably just a regular guy trying to make a living.
just as he was about to get himself worked up again with how inhumane some people could be about others who slightly deviated from the status quo, someone finally walked up to his table. he presumed it was a random waiter, turning away from the window in order to decline the service and ask for you instead.
instead, he was met with the most breathtaking man he's ever seen in his life. the words died on his tongue before he could ever get it out, with only a weak stutter being heard as his face turned a slight pink. "good afternoon, sir. are you ready to order?" you smiled politely at him, waiting for a typical response a customer would usually give.
all you heard from him was a bunch of weak sputtering that you couldn't quite make out. his face was quickly becoming the shade of a beetroot as he continued to stare at you. god, you hoped it wasn't one of those fuming customers again who cared so much about you liking guys. "...sir? are you alright?" hiding your dread at being targeted, you try to just check up on him.
"uh — uhhhh..." he mumbled under his breath while he continued to stare at you. you rubbed your arm anxiously, waiting for a snide remark. watching your movements, itto quickly coughed once he saw you were uncomfortable, trying to snap himself out of it. he probably looked like a creep right now.
"sorry, sorry. just, uh. got caught off guard!" he smiled widely at you, scratching the back of his head in a nervous habit. "no, im not here to order anything. just here to ask about a certain waiter, if he's around." itto explained as he still stole glances of you, trying to commit your image to memory.
the pretty scene of you was dampened as you sighed, frowning deeply. "if you're here to ask for the waiter that is "attracted to men", you're looking at him." pinching your nosebridge, it was clear the encounter you're envisioning has happened a few times already. "and if you're here to lecture me about my preferences, i'd really rather you not. it's unnecessary and rude."
itto, despite still being awestruck at your beauty, very quickly started waving his arms in protest. "what? no, no! im not here to lecture you!" he laughed to ease the tension. "im really sorry if i gave you that impression. thats the complete opposite of what im here for, i swear!" itto raised his hands emotively, as if surrendering to you.
"...oh." you sighed in relief, knowing you didn't have to bring in your boss to deal with another rude customer. "im so sorry about the assumption, sir. its just —" you sighed, a tired smile on your face. "been a rough few weeks. anyways, whats your order?"
he felt his heart break a little at your somber tone. no man deserved to be belittled publicly at his place of work, no less a man as ethereal as you. "man, sorry about that. people can be a real thorn when they don't like who you are." once again laughing to break the tension, he related all too well. "but no, i’m not here to order anything, i’m just here to check up on you."
you tilted your head in slight confusion, unknowingly making itto's heart skip a beat. "check up on me?" a small smile came across your lips at the thought of a stranger caring enough to stop by and ask how you were. "that’s sweet, sir. but i can assure you, i can handle myself. people will find new topics to talk about soon enough." you chuckled.
your laugh sounded like music to itto's ears, his face being in a permanent state of pink as he talked to you. "yes! of course, of course." he said in a volume a bit too loud for a casual interaction. "i just have a gang of people who haven't been treated to well by other people too! so, if you ever need support, we're always here for you." he pitched his gang, with a slight flustered hitch still to his voice.
"ah, yes. the arataki gang, am i right?" you gave him a warmer smile, relaxing now that you know a man much taller and stronger than you wasn't about to start nagging you about liking something he didn't. "i really appreciate the thought and the effort, but i promise i'm doing fine."
itto nodded along, half listening and half paying attention to the way your eyelashes bat as you blink. "for sure, definitely." he cleared his throat again, trying to bring himself back to earth while an angel was in front of him. "and i'm not necessarily asking you to join us! we're always available if you just need some company for a bit, you know?"
laughing softly at his eagerness, you tried to keep up your professionalism while this handsome man's kindness was actively tearing it down. "ill definitely keep it in mind if i need it, mr. arataki itto." you gave him a thumbs up with a smile. the sight made his cheeks warmer. "now, are you sure you wouldn't want to order anything? i’ll give you a secret discount if you do." whispering the last part to him, you wanted to return some generosity to the man who came all this way to make sure you were alright.
he hummed in thought, as if pondering on what to order, when he was actually just staring at you again. "well, i’m sure the boys would like something from here..." he trailed off, looking at the menu with one half of his focus and using the other half to keep an eye on you still.
by the time the sun was setting, itto was carrying five bags of takeout back to the gang, a silly smile on his face as he thought back to the sound of your laugh and the beauty of your face. itto couldn't care less that he spent a little too much money just to stay a bit longer and talk with you, he deems it completely worth it.
not once throughout the entire night does it even pop into his brain that you were a man, and for the first time ever, he was dreaming about being with a man. does he care that he's never liked a guy before you? no, because he's way too busy imagining how to "naturally" stumble into you in the future and "subtly" invite you to dinner. does he care if other people may judge him for staring at you? definitely not, because they already judge him for less, and he stopped caring a long time ago.
and surprisingly, itto also doesn't care for the gender of whoever he likes as much as he thought he did just a few hours ago. man or woman — as long as it was someone who was kind and understanding, with strong morals and a want to help others.
...though, your gorgeousness was a much appreciated bonus as well!
touch starved!kaiser x affectionate!reader based on this req (very ooc sorry)
growing up, michael really never felt loved by anyone until he met you. it felt like his whole perspective of the world just changed. he never knew what it felt like to be loved affectionately, and he never really knew how to give it back, too.
well at least he’s trying. he doesn’t know how to say it, but he loves it so much when you hug him, hold his hands, play with his hair, and many more. michael doesn’t want you to stop being affectionate to him verbally and physically.
in his head, he thinks he’s too clingy. and he doesn’t want you to portray him like that.
and today was one of the nights you were cuddling together— he cant let go of your warmth, your touch, your presence.
he thinks being with you is like a dream come true, because it actually is. the both of you were cuddling silently, but it was full of love.
“hey,” he says before taking a short pause. “am i annoying when i ask for too much?”
that caught your full attention now. “asking too much for what, exactly? you know i can never say no to you. you’re the best person i’ve ever met, micha.”
and then, he hugged you even more tight, not wanting to let go of you as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. everything just clicks now. he wanted to feel loved. loved by someone who is worth his time.
“you’re never annoying, micha. i’ll always give you what you want.” you could hear him mutter an ‘i love you’ before kissing you gently.
Okay, maybe Ratio x gn!reader tarte aux fraises? i know u love ratio muehehe
.note. omg oke oke, i know what i have to do. ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ (I always end up writing so many words that I have to erase pieces of the original idea. T_T)
𓂅new order. "tarte aux fraises."
Try hard
pairing. dr ratio x gn!reader
cw/genre. angst, academic pressure, ratio being rude, again.
synopsis. Like he said, you just need to try hard. And if you can't handle the pressure, what better than to withdraw from medical school?
full menu
"No," His eyes on you, by those sharp words, coming together with the other glances of your classmates.
"Uhm, would it be a possible case of appendicitis?" You spoke, something nervous, but your words were almost like a question rather than an affirmation.
"Wrong,"
His voice again, almost as if he were glad of your mistake.
"Are you answering or are you asking me, Y/N?" Ratio spoke, almost with a despicable tone.
You just looked down.
It was almost always the same, for him, all your answers are wrong, he always had to find something wrong with what you said.
"If you're going to answer again as your classmate, refrain from talking and just say you didn't study anything." Ratio said, for all your classmates in the room.
"Honestly, I don't even know why I still continue teaching some of you."
Oh, and you knew perfectly well that he was referring to you.
He says, almost as if your existence were a total nonsense for him.
"All of you are dumb, you all have the same level of intelligence as an Earthworm, maybe a little less than one even." His words come out almost sharp again.
"How can it be possible you can't even answer the simplest question?" Ratio spoke out, almost frustrated by the lack of intelligence on most of his students.
Your cheeks became red, the way Ratio spoke was always so harsh, so harsh and direct, and even more so if it was you who answered a question, he never missed an opportunity to show that you were wrong in front of everyone else.
"Now, that's enough chit-chat, back to the topic." He looked at the board, his expression was somewhat serious, his arms behind his back, as he stood in the middle of the classroom.
"The appendix is a small, worm-like structure that branches off the back of the colon. It's located in the lower right lobe of the abdomen. The main problem with appendicitis is when it becomes infected and then blocks all waste product from leaving the colon." He spoke, standing at the front of the class.
"What does that mean?" he spoke again. This time with a much easier question than he asked you.
"Mhm, you," he pointed to a student.
"…That means all the waste from everything that comes through the digestive system doesn't have anywhere to go, and can back up into all of your abdominal cavity," She said, with some nerves, but keeping her words as firm as she could.
"Correct." He spoke, as he saw her answer, with a much calmer expression this time.
"The appendix becomes inflamed and very sensitive when an infection begins to form in it. You can experience fever chills that go down into your groin like cold water. The most common pain is in the abdomen, specifically in the lower right side. It can be mistaken for a stomach ache, or even menstrual cramps. But with further care, it can be determined as appendicitis." Ratio speaks again, almost a little happier.
"Anyone else?" He asked.
"If there is no intervention, it could explode," this time you dared to speak again, trying to sound firm.
"A precise answer, even from you, for a change," He spoke with a little more than a sarcastic tone, but as usual, he can't seem to say anything without adding an annoyed tone to everything he says.
"That's true. An appendix that is left untreated can burst, or perforate. But not always because of pain close to the appendix area will be necessary to remove or attempt an intervention." He says, as he returns to look at the board.
"If the appendix bursts, the pain might go away, but a much worse process, is going to start. The appendix will begin to break down, and the bacteria and pus from the organ can pass into the abdominal cavity, causing a widespread and severe infection. This is called peritonitis." Ratio spoke, his voice almost firm, and serious again.
You felt somewhat calmer, but still, you couldn't help but feel self-conscious.
Was it necessary that I always talk to you like this?
Because after all, you were his partner.
Ratio kept his eyes on you for a few moments, as if analyzing your expression. He almost always knew when you had those thoughts.
As he finishes speaking, the class bell begins to ring, almost as a sign that the class just ended.
"You are all dismissed." Ratio said, putting his hands behind his back, his eyes looking at the students as they began to leave the room.
You focused on keeping your stuff, without a hurry, because you weren't very excited to eat in medical school. The food wasn't so good or appetizing there.
The room was getting emptier and emptier, except for just the two of you, since you were the last one to leave.
Ratio leaned against the front of the desk, and crossed his arms in front of his chest, he had something in mind to discuss with you.
"Y/N." His voice came out quite firm, and almost demanding.
"Yes?" Your voice almost sounded like a whisper, a whisper of nervousness, still, you answered him.
You could already feel what kind of a talk he was going to have with you now
Ratio seemed quite serious, his eyes almost fixed on you, as if analyzing your every move.
He waited a few seconds before speaking. He still retained his serious expression.
"You're falling behind on a lot of the classes." He spoke, with an almost severe voice.
You just looked down.
He knew that you didn't always answer very intelligently, but it seemed like he just liked using every single opportunity he got to be harsh on you.
His arms were still crossed in front of his chest, keeping his position in front of the desk.
"I know…" your voice came out a little smaller this time.
Ratio sighed, he didn't change his position or expression, on the other hand, yours became somewhat more tense, you already knew that he was far from finished.
"Not only that," he continued to speak, his voice now more demanding.
"You don't usually answer my questions as intelligently as you should. You answer in ways that are almost as unintelligent as the others." he spoke again, his voice slightly higher than before.
"You know you should study more."
Again, a tone that seemed somewhat irritated.
"I am,"
"You're not." Ratio continued, his voice suddenly became very firm.
You can't help but feel even more self-conscious, more tensed than before.
He was right, even if he was, he didn't always have to say it that way.
"I don't even know why you're still in this class, if you've answered right a small percentage of times."
"But i'm trying, Ratio," You spoke, this time directing yourself towards him as your equal, as you did in private.
"Trying," He repeated. "You are just not trying hard enough."
Ratio's hands now moved from his chest, to his sides, still leaning against the table.
That didn't seem to change his expression at all, the same seriousness.
"You need to study more, you need to stop falling behind so much, to be more firm, and at least,"
He stopped, for a few seconds, as if thinking of his next words.
"To answer my questions correctly more times than you already do, stop with this mediocrity."
His tone became almost more severe.
"Honestly, I don't know why you don't take your time to pay more attention." He continued, with that severe, demanding tone.
"You're not in your old secondary education anymore, these are more complex medical concepts to treat complex diseases."
He said again, still keeping his tone and position.
"I'm going to try harder," you said.
"You better."
Ratio's answer was short, but the seriousness with which it was given almost made you even more tensed.
Again, a few seconds of silence, Ratio seemed to be thinking of his next words.
"I'm going to start being more demanding with you…" he spoke, leaning a little more against the desk, his eyes still fixed on you.
"I won't let you pass with the bare minimum in my classes"
The feeling you have after you hear those words is the most nervous of all.
Ratio always got that demanding, and hard tone when talking to you about studies.
You know perfectly how serious he was when he said that.
"I won't go easy on you anymore," he says, in a much firmer tone.
"From now on if you don't answer correctly more times than you do now, you won't pass my classes."
Ratio was very strict with his classes, and even more so when it came to you.
"No more mediocre answers, I want you to start actually using that brain that you have." His tone now very demanding.
"You are going to start giving more intelligent answers, and not stupid ones that any other student could give."
A few days have passed since that talk between you and Ratio.
He has become much more demanding, and much stricter with his classes.
His questions were much harder to answer, and he always waited for intelligent answers from you.
He had put you in the spotlight every time you were in class, he had increased the number of questions he asked you, and every time you answered, he seemed to be analyzing your every word.
But of course, you noticed, in your nervousness after saying 'medium-great' answers, how your classmates didn't answers difficult questions like you. Not to mention that there were always two or one student whom he always congratulated for her efforts.
Ratio continued with the same demanding attitude, continuing to set high standards for you.
He kept asking you difficult questions, and even if you answered one correctly, he would go on to another, more complex one.
He didn't miss a single opportunity to point out your failures, and you could always see the satisfaction on his face, whenever you got the answer wrong.
Even now, you can feel his gaze on you, as if he's waiting for you to say something wrong, to see him frown.
The way he seemed to be always focused on you in the class, no matter how hard you answered the questions.
Everyone could tell that even though you were his partner, he didn't spare you from his demands for answers.
You had to constantly use that huge book, and study more and more every day. It was becoming tiresome because you barely had time for anything else, and on the other hand, your classmates seemed to be studying less than you.
The bell for the end of class had just been rung, the majority of the class was already picking their stuff to leave.
But you knew very well that Ratio was still there waiting for you to approach.
And yes, you were going to do that.
With calm steps and somewhat anxious, you approached the large desk near the board.
"Uhm, Veritas?" You said, carefully.
"Can we eat together?" You asked, knowing that after this class he would no longer dictate another one in the day, and you too, had no other class for today.
Ratio was sorting through some papers, putting them in various folders on his desk, with that same serious expression he had the rest of the time.
When he heard your voice, he stopped sorting papers, and looked at you.
His eyes seemed sharper every time you looked into them.
Without taking his eyes off you, he placed the last folder in place, and rested his hands on the table.
He didn't answer immediately, as if he was thinking about your request.
"Is there a reason?"
Ratio's tone was somewhat firm, his eyes still fixed on you, as if questioning why you, out of nowhere, suddenly wanted to eat with him.
"No,"
You didn't really know why, either.
Maybe it was because you didn't want to be left alone. Or maybe because you needed a break, your brain had been filled with so much knowledge, so much information that you felt it was going to explode.
"I just want to be with you," Your voice coming out a little more nervous this time.
Ratio was still looking at you, his eyes, very much analyzing you, as if he was searching for a real reason.
It was always like this with him, he never answered anything immediately.
Still, he didn't take his eyes off you, as if he was analyzing your thoughts, your request, and your every action.
Finally, after a few seconds, he spoke.
"Did you study?" He spoke, with that demanding but firm tone. His gaze was still fixed on you.
Your body slightly tensed up. You knew that if you hadn't, he probably wouldn't eat with you.
Even if he was your boyfriend, he was always like this.
"I did," Your voice came out with a small firmness, you actually spent the night studying.
Ratio kept looking at you carefully, his expression didn't change, he seemed to still be analyzing you, as if searching for lies in your eyes.
"How many hours?" His tone was still demanding, but he always made sure to correct you, to be even firmer with his words.
On the other hand, you were getting nervous. It was true that you spent all night studying, you didn't even have time to sleep, but if you said that, he would probably make you feel guilty for it.
So to not prolong the question, you gave a firm answer.
"Six hours, I swear."
Your voice was still firm, but nervousness was clearly expressed in it.
Ratio didn't change his expression, his eyes were still fixed on you, as if he could tell if you were lying or not.
He kept looking at you, in those few seconds he didn't say anything. Still looking at you, until he broke the silence.
"You haven't slept any?" His tone was much more demanding this time, his brows slightly furrowed, as if telling you that it was a mistake.
You knew perfectly well that it was a mistake, you already regretted it the moment you said it.
A small feeling of guilt took hold of your body, knowing that you were about to be scowled for that.
"No…"
You said, trying to keep your voice somewhat firm, but nervousness was present in it.
Ratio crossed his arms in front of his chest, and his eyes became more severe, almost with annoyance at your answer.
You knew perfectly well that that would happen.
"How are you going to study properly if you don't even sleep?" He questioned, in a demanding tone, as usual.
If you didn't sleep, he would scold you and if you slept, he would scold you too.
At the endings, it happened, as always, you even shed a few tears.
And it seems that that gave him remorse and he ended up agreeing to eat with you.
Your eyes were somewhat swollen, not much, but they were.
He made sure to hold your hand while eating quietly in a cafe near medical school.
You could notice how he was looking at your eyes almost every second, as if seeing the tiredness in them.
He almost looked like he felt guilty for making you cry, but he would deny it.
Ratio knew how demanding he could be, and how it could affect you.
But of course, he didn't apologize, because that would imply admitting that he was wrong.
You could see how he squeezed your hand, carefully while eating, as if making sure that your hand wouldn't slip from his.
It was quite obvious that he felt regret for making you cry. No matter how hard he denied it, his actions and his grip on your hand would always give it away.
The rest of the lunch was a little quiet, both of you only spoke a few words from time to time, not a lot.
He still continued to eat in silence, watching you from time to time.
His grip was firm on your hand, a little tight, but it didn't bother you, it was rather calming for you.
When he finished eating, he got up, and pulled you to get up from your chair.
He still had a firm grip on your hand.
"Let's go." Was the only thing he said, as he started to walk out of the cafeteria with you, your hand still attached to his.
Ratio started walking, with you following behind with your hand in his.
He wasn't walking too fast, or very slow, he was walking at a reasonable pace, but he made sure that you kept up.
He pulled you to stick to his side, and he made sure to look at you every few seconds.
You were walking in almost total silence, no one dared to say anything, and this was a little strange. Normally he was the first to say something.
His tight grip on your hand, his way of looking at you from time to time, made you feel a little nervous, but at the same time calm.
He didn't say anything as he walked, but you dared to say something.
"Where are we going?" You asked quietly, looking up slightly at him as you walked.
He looked at you, and his grip squeezed yours a little. Ratio spoke again.
"To my apartment." He replied, in the same firm tone.
"To your apartment?" You were a bit startled by that answer, because there was no way he was taking you to his apartment.
"Don't be tense." Ratio said, his tone was somewhat firm, but softer than before.
Before you could say anything else, he continued to speak, his words were firm and demanding, almost leaving no room for questioning.
"We're going to there, you're going to take a shower, and then you're going to take a long nap.
"I don't-"
Before you could reply, Ratio quickly cut you off. "I don't care what you're about to say, you need to rest."
He spoke with that firm but authoritative tone.
"You're going to take a damn shower, and you're going to take a damn nap for as long as it takes to get you back in shape."
In a way, that made you smile.
His actions showed you that he still cared about you.
The last few days that had passed, were… very different. You spent them at Ratio's apartment.
Each day ended with him scolding you for studying so much, and falling asleep on his couch on several occasions.
You loved those moments with him, in spite of everything, you were really in love with him.
However, as quickly as those butterflies arrived in your stomach, they disappeared faster than they appeared.
"Incorrect again, Y/N,"
He said, holding his hand to the bridge of his nose.
"U-uh…" you said, feeling watched and judged by all your classmates at that moment.
You were currently in practical classes, you no longer just theorize.
"Less than a minute for the patient to bleed," he commented again, ratio, with total disapproval in his speech.
You stayed there, thinking about what to do, your mind running in circles to decide what to do.
And, without further ado, the girl that Ratio always congratulated, took her tweezers from your hands, starting to suture the patient.
You felt so stupid in that instant, the classmate that Ratio always complimented, always approved of her, even congratulated her, had just taken your tweezers from your hands.
You felt the gaze of your classmates on you. You could see that they were either feeling sorry for you, or judging you.
Ratio was silent, he looked irritated, but he wasn't scolding you.
The classmate who took the tweezers from her hands, finished suturing the patient completely, in what seemed to be a couple of seconds.
Talent always wins the effort.
"You've failed another suture." Ratio spoke, almost annoyed by your failure.
As always, whenever you made a mistake, he was always making sure to point it out, making sure to shame you in front of the rest of the class.
His disappointment was evident on his face, in his tone, his gestures.
"It's ridiculous, you can't even put a few damn stitches on a fake wound. How are you going to be a real doctor if you're always messing up everything?" His words were harsh, very much. His expression and his eyes, sharp, as always.
"You're not taking this seriously, you're making the same mistakes again and again." He continued, in the same irritated tone.
How could someone who studied so much, who spent many hours studying, fail so much? How could you fail so much, even though you spent so much time with the person who always seemed dissatisfied with you?
Your classmates' gaze, Ratio's gaze, your own self-judgment, and your frustration for being a complete failure, was too much. You felt your eyes begin to tear up, you could feel your hands shaking. You felt more and more nervous with every word coming out of his mouth. It wasn't just from the pressure, it was also from the frustration.
How was it possible, that he had so much patience, and complimented your classmate, even celebrated that she could suturate a patient, when you couldn't do the same?
His words, his looks of disappointment, they were starting to take their toll on you.
"You're right, doctor," you said, accepting his words, so that he would at least stop scolding you publicly. Ratio kept looking at you, that annoyed look still on his face.
You looked really small in his eyes. Small and weak, a complete failure. That's how he saw you at that moment.
"At this rate, I'm tempted to say that you're never going to be a good doctor."
You just nodded, not knowing what to answer, or if you should respond to that in the first place. The medical career was not easy, there were always scolding for everyone, but not scolding all classes with him.
You heard him say, 'Well, let's continue…', as he moved on to another kind of exercise.
You let your other classmates get closer to the practice stretcher, staying at the end of the group.
All you just did was play with your fingers and bite your lip, so you didn't cry. Because you couldn't even get out of the practice chirophan, because you'd have low grade. Although well, what a lower grade could he put on you if you already pulled the first exercise.
You looked up in the direction of Ratio, who was correcting a couple of your classmates on something. He was always correcting something, especially you.
Your eyes were beginning to become slightly red.
You really hated the suturations practices, you were never good at putting in a few damn stitches.
You were always clumsy, and your hands always trembled when you took the tweezers, like they were shaking now.
Why weren't you as talented as them? Why couldn't you even do something as simple as suturing?
"You're shaking, are you alright?" A voice came from behind you, you recognized who it was immediately.
It was the classmate who always did sutures perfectly, the one Ratio always complimented. She had a worried expression in her eyes, but you couldn't help but feel complete rejection and repulsion towards her.
Her question made you feel more humiliated.
"I'm fine." You replied, trying to sound firm, when in reality, your voice was on the verge of cracking.
She looked at you, not seeming to buy the answer you gave her.
She could see your hands shaking and you were biting your lip, it didn't seem like you were fine.
"Are you sure? You don't look very-" she tried to speak once more, but you didn't want her to continue.
"I said I'm fine, alright. Stop asking me that." You said, a little harshly, hoping that would make her shut up. Her eyes widened slightly at your response, she was surprised by your response. But, instead of being angry, she continued to look sorry for you.
"I'm just trying to-" she was about to say something again, but you were already fed up with her.
You were fucking jealous of her.
"Well, I don't want you to! Stop acting like you care about me!" You snapped at her, your voice louder than you expected it to be.
The rest of the class had turned their heads at you, including Ratio.
Why the hell did you do that?
The whole room was silent, the only noise present was your agitated breathing.
Ratio walked up to you, his eyes firmly on yours. He looked irritated, no, he looked angry at your reaction.
"To the hallway, now." He said firmly, gesturing for you to walk towards the hall.
You felt the eyes of your classmates on you, as you slowly walked out of the class, with Ratio behind you.
Once you got into the hallway, he closed the door behind him, leaving both of you alone in the hallway.
He looked at you, you could see irritation in his eyes.
He was completely irritated with the attitude you just had.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He said, his voice almost sounded like a whisper, but still firm.
"Why the hell did you lash out at her like that?" He continued, he was waiting for an answer, an explanation for your behavior, and he wouldn't accept any bullshit excuse.
You stood there, not knowing what to say, and avoiding looking directly at him.
You didn't know how to explain your attitude, you yourself didn't even understand why you had done that.
Maybe it was because you were irritated, annoyed by her, or just because Ratio paid more attention to her or others than to you, no matter how much you studied.
And you couldn't understand why that girl was always so perfect either. The perfect student, the one who always did the exercises and sutures perfectly.
You were increasingly sure that talent far outperforms effort.
As you stood there, avoiding looking at him, Ratio was growing more and more impatient as the minutes passed. He expected some explanation, an answer to his question. But all he got was silence and you avoiding his gaze.
"Are you going to answer or just stay there, biting your lip?" He spoke again, this time with a firmer tone.
Again, you stayed there, still and saying nothing.
"Okay, then," he said, entering the practice chirophan and closing the door behind him.
You stood there, outside the practice chirophan, alone, on your own, with only your thoughts swirling around your head. You could still hear your classmates continuing practicing suturing in the chirophan, while you were left outside.
Your mind was a mess, going from one thought to another, from one feeling to another; anger, frustration, confusion, disappointment.
And jealousy. A lot of jealousy.
You could hear Ratio's voice, scolding other students. And again, you heard him compliment the girl who always does sutures perfectly.
She was talented, she was perfect, the best student in his eyes. He seemed to adore her, much more than he praised you.
It was not possible to know with that man, he was a mystery.
You walked over and sat down on one of the seats in the hallway, your body completely tired. Both physically and mentally.
Poor girl, you were jealous of her, when not even she did it on purpose to be better than you.
The lesson was finally over.
You were sitting in the hallway, waiting for the whole class to leave, so you could enter and say something to Ratio.
But, to your annoyance, the girl who always did the perfect sutures, was one of the last to leave.
She was going to talk to Ratio, it was obvious.
So, you stayed in the hallway, watching as Ratio and that girl talked for a long time.
She looked happy, with a smile on her face. Ratio seemed in a good mood, he was listening to her speaking calmly. In fact, he was smiling, he was never usually that warm.
That image, that situation, it only irritated your mind more.
But you wouldn't do anything, because there was nothing to do.
Besides that in medical school, he was your teacher, not your boyfriend. So professionalism on his part was always ahead.
As the last student left, Ratio opened the practice chirophan and found you sitting on one of the seats in the hallway.
He looked at you, and for the first time, he had a slight hint of disappointment on his face.
He just looked at you for a few seconds, almost as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't.
He just let out a slight, silent, almost inaudible sigh.
"Come here." He said, gesturing to you to walk towards him.
You stood up, from the seat. You were about to walk towards him but, you suddenly felt nervous, your heart beating a little faster.
What if he wants to discuss that you're always getting low notes on the practical work?
Or maybe he wants to tell you that your effort is useless, because you'll never be as good as the other students.
Or even, he wants to kick you out of class for your recent behavior.
However, his words surprised you.
"I'm going to help you study," he said.
You really expected another scolding from him, but his words were soft.
Perhaps the excellent work of the best student in your class had change his mood.
"But I don't-"
Before you could respond, he cut you off, almost knowing what you were going to answer.
"I wasn't asking you, I was telling you." He said firmly.
He wasn't leaving room for questioning, if he was going to help you study, there was no use in trying to decline his offer.
In spite of everything, you couldn't help but get excited.
The thought of having his attention, and having an extra private class with him. You were really going to like it, you wanted to be alone with him.
In a way, it was a great opportunity to show him what you were capable of doing, and that you too had potential.
He gave you a small smile, as he saw the reaction on your face. And then he added, "We're starting today."
…
You liked being next to him, you feel like at school, almost like a teenage romance.
You were writing carefully what he explained to you, while he had an arm on your shoulders.
It moved you and made you nervous, even though your relationship was almost two years now.
He explained, corrected and commented, as usual. You nodded, listened and wrote what he said.
Everything was going well, until he suddenly paused, and he let out a sigh.
"There's something important I need to tell you." He said, suddenly, in a serious tone.
Your hands suddenly froze halfway between the page and writing. His words, his tone, his gaze. It made you feel nervous, your heartbeat increasing.
"What is it?"
Your voice came out in a somewhat nervous tone.
For a few seconds, he was serious, he didn't say anything, he just looked at you.
His eyes looking into yours, in a somewhat serious and intimidating way, before his expression suddenly change to one of slight annoyance.
"What the hell was that, what you did the other day?"
Ratio asked, suddenly changing the subject of the conversation.
You tensed up a bit, and bit your lip.
You knew immediately that he was referring to the little tantrum you threw, that day.
"I was…" you were at a loss for words, you didn't know what to say.
"I was just frustrated." You finally managed to say, your voice a bit low.
"Frustrated, right."
Ratio responded, in a slightly mocking tone.
"So you were frustrated, and you decided to take it out on a classmate, in front of the entire class?" Ratio looked at you, with that same serious and slightly annoyed expression.
Your heart was beating fast, you felt slightly guilty, knowing you acted inappropriately.
"I know it wasn't the best way to react, but…" you tried to explain yourself.
"No buts." He cut you off. "You embarrassed yourself, and you embarrassed me with your poor and childish behavior. As your teacher, I shouldn't have to deal with your tantrums.
His words stung a little, you felt ashamed.
But there was something else, behind his words. The mention of 'As your teacher'.
"I know, I'm sorry." You mumbled, looking down to the floor.
"I expect you to act like an adult. So I hope you'll apologize to your classmate." He said.
"I will."
You said, still avoiding his gaze, you didn't want to see his eyes, to see his expression.
That day wasn't the only one he helped you study on.
But as always, for him, everything was wrong in answers or in your diagnoses.
As you wrote down one of the last points of the list he had given you, he spoke up, looking at what you had written.
"That is incorrect," he said as he looked at one of the points.
You looked up at him, your eyes wide at his words. How could it have been wrong? The doubt began to consume your mind, and you felt frustrated that you weren't able to do everything perfectly.
Your frustration was beginning to grow, you had just spent hours studying and here he was telling you that you had all the things wrong.
You tried to protest, you tried to explain your answers, but he shut you down every time. His voice became sharper and firmer every time, he was losing patience with you and your constant mistakes.
Finally, he slammed the book on the table, the loud noise echoing through the empty room.
"That's it, enough. You're not getting anything right," he said, his voice stern.
You felt a pang in your chest from hearing his words. How was it possible that not a single thing you wrote was correct? Why couldn't you understand the concepts? Why were you always making mistakes?
Your hands began to tremble as you clutched the pen in your hand, your heart beating fast
You wanted to scream out in frustration and ask him why you weren't getting the answers right, but you knew he wouldn't be patient with you anymore.
"You should try harder, I'm going to do an exam on these topics for you all," he said.
And yes, you had to study alone, as you normally did.
But you didn't really understand why you didn't get any answers right.
Literally that's what books said, your answers were even the same.
So, what was happening to you?
That test was going to be in a week, and you were extremely stressed about it.
You had to prepare for the exam given by Ratio, but it wasn't easy. Despite reading the material multiple times, something wasn't clicking in your head.
The formulas, the methods, the diagnoses, nothing stayed in your head. And when you attempted to answer the questions, you found yourself making mistake after mistake.
After studying a few nights on your own, it was time to take the exam.
The day of the exam had arrived.
The atmosphere in the classroom was tense, everyone seemed nervous. You were shaking, your hands trembling as you clutched the pen. Everyone around you seemed to understand the material, but you were struggling.
Ratio started handing out the test sheets to each one of you, until he reached your desk.
He placed the paper in front of you, and your breathing hitched.
You dared to hold your gaze on his, for at least a while, looking for some security that he could give you.
But there was no security in his gaze.
He didn't give you any special look, no secret glance or anything that could make you feel more confident.
His expression seemed serious, almost like a challenge. It was clear that he expected nothing from you, to his eyes you weren't going to do the test well.
He knew it, and you knew it.
And as he finished handing them out, he spoke.
"You have an hour to finish. Start now." He announced, before going back to his desk.
You looked down at the questions, and your heart sank.
They were difficult, they were complex, and they were things you had never seen before.
You felt your hands begin to sweat, and your mind went blank. You tried to recall the information you had studied, but it was like trying to remember a forgotten dream.
The other students around you seemed to have no trouble with the test, they were already beginning to answer the questions.
But you, on the other hand, were stuck on the first question. The words and numbers on the page became a blur, your mind in complete mess.
As minutes passed, you found yourself still struggling with the first question. Meanwhile, other classmates were already on the second or third.
The pressure was immense. You tried to focus, you tried to concentrate. But your mind was racing, your heart was pounding in your chest.
You could hear the sound of the other students' pens on the papers, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the silence of the classroom.
Every sound seemed to echo in your head and only added to your anxiety.
Time was ticking by quickly, and you could feel your anxiety growing with each passing minute.
You had already spent 45 minutes on one question, and you hadn't even reached the halfway point.
Until you saw some of your classmates raise their hand so that Ratio could approach them and answer their doubts about some questions.
They were getting help, while you just sat there, panicking.
You wanted to raise your hand, to ask for help, just like the other students.
But you didn't do it, you didn't dare to. You felt too ashamed and embarrassed to admit that you were having so much trouble with the test.
You just continued staring at the exam, trying to decipher the questions.
And, with only 4 questions out of 20, you dared to raise your hand as well, so that he can get closer as well.
You looked up a little bit on your exam, watching it approach students back and forth.
Your still hand raised, you even moved it a little bit, to see it.
And so he did, he saw you for a few seconds, before approaching another of your classmates.
Your heart sank again.
You couldn't believe what had just happened.
He knew you were struggling, he saw you with your hand raised. But despite that he avoided you and went to answer someone else's doubts.
You felt a pang of pain in your chest, like a stinging realization.
Ratio didn't want to help you, he was ignoring you.
You weren't like the good students, the ones he always said were talented. You were just the one who couldn't understand anything, no matter how hard you tried.
You lowered your hand again, feeling humiliated.
With your cheeks somewhat red from shame, you lowered your gaze towards your exam, almost empty.
You tried to do it, you really tried.
Without realizing it, your eyesight was blurred, as you continued to try to write down what you found most coherent.
You were crying in the middle of the exam. But what a shame.
Well, at least you didn't sob, you just let the tears slip out of your eyes, because because your head was somewhat tilted down, it was more accessible for the tears to come out.
The time passed, and the other students handed in the exam sheets, one by one. And you were still on your seat, trying to come up with at least a minimum of sense.
The tension in the room grew with each passing minute.
You could feel the weight of everyone's gaze, even if no one was looking at you directly. It was like everyone was silently waiting for you to finish, to see if you could do it or not.
But the answer to that was becoming more and more evident with every passing minute.
And yet, you still tried, you tried so hard to write something.
You felt a knot forming in your throat as you tried to hold back your tears, but it was difficult.
Ratio's words echoed in your head again, "You should try a little harder."
How much harder did he wanted you to try? You were already struggling to keep up, and now you were literally crying.
With all your effort, you managed to answer some more questions. But still, the test paper looked almost blank.
Many of your answers were incorrect, even if you had tried your best.
When the time finally ran out, Ratio spoke up.
"Time's up," he said in his usual strict tone, standing up from his desk. "Those of you who haven't handed in your sheets, do so now."
You felt a wave of dread wash over you. You were one of the few who still had the papers on their desk.
Slowly, you raised your head to see that almost everyone else had already handed their papers to him.
With shaking hands, you gathered the papers on your desk and got up.
Your legs felt weak, but you somehow managed to make your way to the desk.
Ratio was there, waiting for your paper. He looked slightly indifferent, as if he was expecting this outcome.
You handed him the sheets with trembling hands, feeling a sense of shame and embarrassment. The weight of your poor performance was heavy on you, and you avoided meeting his gaze.
He took the papers without a word, and as he did, your eyes darted down to the answers on the paper.
You could see his expression of disappointment.
…
And it was worse than what you imagined.
Red marks and crosses were all over the page, almost each answer was incorrect.
After a week, he returned the exams to everyone in the classroom.
You didn't know how to hide your grade from the students sitting near you.
There was a big 0 on the exam cover.
A 0, no points at all. You had failed the test completely, and the evidence was there, for everyone to see.
The shame and humiliation hit you like a wave. Everyone was looking at their grades, comparing them and discussing among themselves. You wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.
Ratio spoke up again, drawing everyone's attention. "As you can see, the results of the exam were… Disappointing."
He said, his eyes skimming over the class.
His eyes landed on some students, commenting on their good grades.
"But, there were some good grades. Congratulations to those who did well." He spoke, in a matter-of-fact tone.
You knew you'd never be like them.
When he finished the class, it was relatively short, as most of the time it was used to solve the exam together.
You rushed to grab your stuff by keeping your exam in your bag, before you left the big classroom, feeling nauseous.
The rest of the day passed by, but the shame and humiliation from the exam still lingered. You couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment, and the thought that you were the worst in the class.
You tried to avoid your classmates' gazes, fearing they would whisper or make fun of you.
The hours went by slowly, until the day had ended. You found yourself walking back home, feeling down, with your head hung low.
And then, you suddenly heard a voice calling out to you. "Y/N," the familiar voice said, and you froze.
You knew who it was.
Slowly, you turned around to see Ratio standing there, a few metres away from you. His expression was serious, his eyes fixed on you. Your heart started racing again, and you nervously clutched your bag strap tighter. What did he want?
He walked closer to you, his footsteps echoing in the empty hallway.
He stopped a few steps away from you, looking down at you.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" He asked, his voice firm.
You swallowed hard, nodding silently.
You were too afraid to speak, your throat was dry, as if you had never swallowed saliva again.
He motioned for you to follow him, as he walked towards a quieter part of the hallway, where there were less classroms.
Finally, he stopped in a quieter spot, turning to look at you.
He looked directly into your eyes for a moment, his gaze intense.
There was a moment of silence before he spoke, his voice softer than usual.
"I suppose you know why I wanted to talk to you," he began, tilting his head slightly.
You nodded again, knowing what he wanted to talk about. The failed exam.
"Yes…" you whispered, your voice barely heard.
He let out a small sigh.
"Your performance on the exam… It was quite unsatisfactory."
His words were straightforward, he didn't hide his disappointment.
Your heart sank even further.
He was saying what you already knew, what he already wrote on the paper of red marks and crosses.
"I didn't expect much, to be completely honest. But I didn't expect such…bad results." He added, raising an eyebrow.
His words hurt, but you didn't say anything, you just stood there, looking down.
"I just don't understand," he continued, "I made sure to explain the concepts thoroughly. Why did you fail so badly?"
His tone was serious, he really wanted an answer from you.
"I really don't know," you mumble.
Ratio let out a small huff, clearly not satisfied with your answer.
He looked at you for a moment, his eyes studying you.
"You know, I've been teaching for years. I've seen many students who struggle, but not to this extent. You weren't able to answer any question correctly."
"I wanted help, Ratio," you said, again, muttering.
And yes, you tried to raise your hand so that he could also approach you that time, but he just looked at you and didn't come close.
You looked up weakly toward his eyes, holding his gaze a few seconds.
"I tried to ask for help from you, I raised my hand, but you ignored me," you confessed, your voice almost breaking.
He was silent for a moment, his expression slightly changing.
He seemed a little surprised that you had mentioned that.
He was about to open his mouth to speak, but then your voice spoke up again.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" You said, with a hurt voice, and your eyes started to feel moist.
His expression softened slightly. He wasn't expecting that question.
He saw the tears forming in your eyes, and his stern expression wavered for a second.
"No, I don't think you're stupid." He finally said, his voice slightly lower.
He paused for a moment before speaking again.
"But I can't deny that I'm...disappointed. I had hoped for more progress."
Your lower lip trembled slightly as you heard his words.
Disappointed. Of course, he was. Because you were the worst in the class, the one who couldn't understand anything no matter how hard you tried.
The one who would never be able to answer a question correctly.
"…I know…" you whispered.
You couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they started rolling down your cheeks.
"But i'm trying my best. I swear I am," you said, your voice shaking.
Ratio didn't say anything for a moment. He just looked at you, almost as if he was contemplating your words, your expression and your tears.
He watched as you cried softly, the tears running silently down your face.
He seemed to think for a moment, before he spoke again, his voice softer than before.
"I know you're trying," he admitted, and his tone wasn't as harsh as usual.
He let out a small sigh.
"But 'trying' isn't enough. You're always lagging behind. You never catch up. You need to do something different."
Your heart felt heavy, and your shoulders slumped slightly.
He was right, your 'trying' wasn't enough. It never was.
You heard him sigh, before you didn't realize it, his hands were on your cheeks, rubbing his thumbs on these to clean the tears.
"I want you to succeed,"
His touch was gentle, his thumb wiping away your tears softly.
You looked up at him, his expression was serious but not cold as usual.
"But you have to work harder for that." He spoke, his hands still on your wet cheeks. "You're smart, but clearly something is missing."
As his hands continued on your cheeks, you froze, feeling the unexpected touch.
He was wiping your tears, a gesture of… comfort?
At this point, you already believed his words.
'You're not giving everything about yourself'
'Study more'
'Try harder'
Everything that came out of your mind and mouth was wrong for him.
You sat on the small bench on the rooftop of medical school. That place had been your peacetime.
You found yourself again, frustrated, as you had the book open on your lap, with tears about to escape your eyelids.
That until someone else's footsteps resounded on the ground.
Which made you immediately turn your head.
"I knew I'd find you here," the familiar voice said. You turned to see Ratio, walking over to the bench and sitting next to you.
"The same place, for the third time this week," he added, his expression a mixture of concern and something else.
You wiped the tears from your eyes quickly, not wanting him to see you like this. But it was too late, he had already noticed.
He glanced at the open book on your lap, a small frown on his face.
"Still struggling?" He asked, his voice soft yet firm.
You just nodded.
You saw him sigh, before he took out a kind of sweet bread packaged.
"Here, eat this," he said, as he gave you what he had in his hand.
He knew you liked those sweet breads.
With resignation, you took the bread, and you took off the wrapper, starting to eat it, while you felt like you were going to cry again.
Ratio watched you eat silently, his eyes fixed on you.
He saw the tears still gleaming in your eyes, but you were trying to hold them back.
He let out a sigh, his expression seemed to be contemplating something.
Without saying anything, he moved closer to you, getting nearer.
He was so close, you could count the number of eyelashes he had.
He leaned towards you, and his hand raised to touch your cheek and so he did, stroking your face for a moment, before he laid a kiss on your temple.
The unexpected kiss on your forehead made your body tense up for a moment, surprise filling you.
The action was uncharacteristic as he was acting in a way he never did in the past.
You slowly turn your head to look at him, your eyes meeting his. His expression held a hint of affection.
He was still so close to you. So close that he could easily touch you again.
The simple contact of his, made the accumulated tears of before, fall down your cheeks.
You stuck your body to him, even chewing sweet bread.
You had a frown, like you used to have now.
As you put your phone next to you, after dialing your boyfriend's number.
You keep looking at the practice sheet, gently banging the pen against the table.
It took him a few seconds for him to answer your call.
"What's wrong?" Ratio asked once he answered the phone.
You took a deep breath before speaking, trying to sound a little calm, but failing miserably.
"I'm stuck again," you confessed, frustration evident in your voice.
"You'll need to do this by yourself, this time." He said, and his voice was firm.
You felt another stab in the chest.
"But I-"
"No buts. You need to learn how to figure things out on your own. You can't always depend on me."
Another stab. Like a dagger.
Yes, the same thing happened again.
You were somewhat desperate, as your last exams went wrong and you only approved a few with the minimum note. And basically you needed 140 percent of 100 percent to pass.
The only thing that could save you would be the practical part, but you didn't even manage to master that.
You knew he was right, but that didn't make you feel any better.
You looked up at him with a sad expression, but all he did was look at you with his usual frown.
"You're not a kid anymore. You need to start taking responsibility for your own learning," he said.
You knew he was right, you knew you couldn't always rely on him. But it was hard to accept.
Especially when he was always so dedicated and patient with others.
"Being your boyfriend doesn't mean you have more priority or advantages,"
You felt your throat tighten, you had a lump in your throat.
But he continued speaking.
"I'm your teacher, first of all. And I should be as impartial as possible."
You knew that, you truly knew that.
How you wished that he would treat you differently from others just because, you didn't want any privileges, or anything like that.
You just wanted his attention, his help, his care. But all you got were cold remarks, like a teacher talking to a stupid student.
Oh, but you would remember her words whenever you were tempted to ask her for help.
And again, you believed his words.
He was right, it wouldn't be fair for others to teach you the most.
So, you had to put everything in about yourself, no, more than you could give, so you could study for your exams.
Especially because they weren't just any exam, they were almost a preview of the endings, and if you didn't pass all of them, you wouldn't have any hope of being able to pass the courses.
Because you need more note than you can normally get, that is, something impossible.
In total there were 6 courses, that of Ratio and that of other teachers. That in their classes you didn't do so badly, but you weren't the best either. you approved with scores between minimums to media.
You looked down, your fingers tightening on the edge of the desk.
"I know," you mumbled, feeling a lump in your throat.
He was silent for a moment, before he spoke again, his voice a little softer this time.
"I'm tough on you because I know you can do it," he said.
Your eyesight focused on the chemistry test, it was the first exam of the week, so you were, or at least you felt, that you were ready.
When you left the exam, begging you to do well, you had to eat a granola bar, while you were walking down the hallways, looking for your other classroom.
You couldn't see Ratio before you took the first exam, because you were going to be a little late.
Once you sat at the desk, with the pharmacology test in your hands, you started putting on paper the things you remembered, so you didn't forget.
It was two long hours, which you managed to finish and leave the classroom, completely tired.
But when you get home, you couldn't sleep, because you had to prepare for your other exams.
As you sat in front of your desk, it was already almost 10 pm.
And you were still studying.
Your eyes tired because of the many books you had looked through, and your arms aching slightly because of writing so much.
You were tired, but you couldn't afford to take a rest. You had to study for the other exams. You let out a sigh, rubbing your eyes.
How long had you been studying now? An hour or two? You weren't even sure.
In the last few hours, you were studying for your other exams, including Public Health, Medicine 3, Clinical psychiatry, Laboratory diagnosis and the course in which Ratio will be present, Surgery 1.
Of some of those exams, most of them were written, the two of practice would be the same day.
You didn't dare send a single message to Ratio.
Or well, it's not that you didn't want to, you were too tired at this point.
You barely got out of the exam where you had to be in the lab, your eyelids every time threatened to close.
Now you had the exam.
You were scared, you even sweated from your nerves.
When you arrived at the respective practice chirophan, where all your colleagues would be taking the exam, your eyesight discouraged you.
They all looked somewhat tense, as they walked back and forth, muttering to themselves, what you assumed was what they learned in class.
You waited outside, along with them, before Ratio made them pass them all, to start the exam.
This consisted even the right only disinfected was also qualified, which made you tense. Although the cold water when washing your hands and arms helped you wake up a little.
Your breathing intensified.
Ratio stood in the middle of the room, and you tried to focus your vision properly.
He looked in your direction, for a second, his eyes on you.
Maybe he'd noticed how tired you were, but he remained silent. He just looked at you for a second, before looking back at everyone else.
And he began to speak.
"You all know how this works," he began, his voice firm and authoritative. "Each of you will take turns performing on a dummy patient."
You let out a shuddering sigh, trying to calm your nerves.
Your heart was pounding in your chest, as you watched your classmates take turns performing the practical exams.
Every time someone finished, Ratio inspected their work and gave them feedback.
You could see the serious expression on his face, his eyes never leaving the students as they performed.
Finally, it was your turn. You approached the dummy patient, your hands slightly trembling.
Ratio stood a few feet away, watching you.
When you started the exam, you tried to be as perfect as possible.
You tried to calm down, which was a bit difficult. Your hands was shaking.
'Try to breathe slowly, it will help you.'
That was what Ratio told you, and he was always right.
You tried to repeat in your head the steps you had to take to complete the exam.
You took a few deep breaths, in and out.
And finally, you began.
You feel much more pressure when you felt your classmates behind, that you were taking turns with when you performed a simple little surgery.
You started with shaky hands, to make cuts in the internal tissues of the skin, little by little. Being totally attentive to the sound of the cardiac monitor, listening to the pulsations and occasionally seeing the pressure level in the 'patient'.
You could even feel the sweat on the palms of your hands inside the latex gloves. It's good that you always had to put on 2 or 3 for these practices, because otherwise, you would have contaminated everything with your sweat.
You continued the process, trying to block out the thoughts that were flying through your mind.
'You need a good score.'
'You can't fail.'
'This is your last exam.'
'If you do this well, you can finally talk to him without worrying.'
Trying to ignore the pressure, you continued to take each step carefully.
The instructions for your colleagues you should take turns with were clear, anyone who distracts or talks to the person who is performing the practice with the 'patient' will immediately cancel the exam.
And that's why, because of the more impotence or frustration of your peers when they see your patient's heart level when they enter a state of shock because they had touched a vital organ, it was something that went unnoticed by you. Because you had fallen asleep.
What suddenly woke you up was the same alert from the monitors, who let out a loud noise.
Shit.
By the time you saw the monitor, the pressure was in the skies, not to mention that now the pulsations were going down drastically.
Without realizing it, as you had been sleeping in your place, you pricked the 'patient' stomach with the scalpel.
Fuck.
Your eyes widened in shock.
You were still a bit dizzy from sleep, and your reflexes were very slow.
And from behind, you could hear more murmurs, some of your classmates, while others let out a hiss or a swear word. And you could feel the pressure in your chest at what had just happened.
You tried to make a suture, but by that time it was too late.
You had damaged a vital organ, which you shouldn't even do.
In fear, you turned to the monitor, that now the rhythm was a single beep, indicating that the 'patient' had died.
You stayed there, feeling pressured by the looks of your classmates behind you, now they had not been able to take their exam.
And the gaze of Ratio, who was standing in front of you, which only made things worse.
He stood in the same position, his eyes staring at you. And you could only think of what he must have been thinking at that moment.
You tried to remain calm, but you knew that was impossible, your breathing was shaky, and you even felt your legs trembling.
You couldn't stand the stares, you could feel the gazes of your colleagues on your back. Judging and analyzing everything you had done.
"You failed this exam roundly." was the only thing he said, before guiding your peers to another side in the chirophan so they can take their exam, with a heart rate 'patient'.
You felt a pang of panic, your hands still trembling from the previous episode.
'You failed this exam roundly.' those words still echoed in your mind.
You knew it was the truth, there was no way you could deny it. You messed up big time.
'Everyone is going to hate me now. They're all going to think I'm stupid. I'm not fit to be a doctor. I'm not fit to be anything.'
These were the thoughts that raced through your mind.
You had been unveiling yourself so that you could study well for your other exams, that this was the only thing you didn't have in mind that could happen.
Your eyes looked to the floor, you were ashamed, you were embarrassed by your own performance. You had failed at something so simple.
Something you'd studied for hours. You even feel somewhat prepared to be able to do it.
Ratio stayed where he was, watching as your classmates took their turn with 'the patient'.
But he couldn't quite take his eyes off you, he could see you were shaking, and he was sure you would start crying at any moment. But you wouldn't do that in this place, not with the presence of everyone else.
He was heading for a moment where you were.
Without paying much attention to the others, he approached you, his footsteps almost silent, and stopped right in front of you.
He looked down at you, his gaze serious.
He knew exactly what your thoughts were at the moment, he knew that all the blame you would assume would be on yourself.
After all, it was all due to your negligence, you had fallen asleep, and that had been the reason why your practice turned out to be, to say the least, a disaster.
'You tried'
'You can do better another time'
'Don't worry'
You expected that, you really expected it.
"You need to retire from the chirophan, you've finished your exam." That's what you heard from him.
Your heart squeezed.
You really thought he was going to at least say a few words of encouragement, not just that.
And the tone in which he said it just made it worse. It was clear that he was disappointed.
You could feel the lump in your throat growing, you felt that you were going to burst into tears at any moment.
Ratio was about to speak, but instead, he held his tongue.
He knew the effect his words had had on you. He knew you weren't well. But he didn't say anything, he just stood there, seeing you.
His gaze was on you, you could feel that he was analyzing you, from your eyes to your hands.
You looked like a kicked puppy.
Your shoulders were hunched, your head was down, and your hands were shaking at your sides.
With what little dignity you had left, you looked up at Ratio.
Your heart was beating so hard you thought it would burst out of your chest.
Your eyes were glassy, your eyelashes wet with tears.
You moved from your place, going to the disinfection area, while you were removing your gloves, mask and other protection stuff.
Your hands never stopped shaking while you did that.
You came out of the chirophan of practices, with fear running through your body.
Your hands on your face as you tried to hide the fact that you were about to start crying.
You were walking so fast that you bumped into a few people, some who told you to slow down, but you ignored them.
Finally, you reached the bathroom, where you locked yourself in one of the cubicles, and let the tears fall down your face.
You felt pathetic. You felt like an idiot for thinking you could do it, and even more so, for falling asleep.
How could you possibly have screwed up so big? You had studied for hours, for days, for weeks.
You worked as hard as you could to try to get a passing grade.
You had given your all, only for it to end in a complete failure.
"You're not good for this." you told yourself, your voice choked with tears.
…
You waited for your boyfriend to leave his office, grabbing the strip of your bag with both your hands.
Your gaze was on the floor, seeing your shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Your red eyes, you didn't want people to see much.
The students walked around you, chatting and laughing, unaware of the turmoil you were going through. You just wanted to go back to your apartment and cry in peace.
But at least you wanted some comfort on Ratio's side, even though you knew you didn't deserve it.
You heard the sound of a door behind you opening, and you glanced up to see Ratio walking out of his office.
He didn't notice you at first, but then he turned and his gaze fell on you.
You heard him sigh heavily, before he spoke "Let's go."
It wasn't a question, it was a direct order.
You didn't dare say anything, just nodded silently and walked with him.
The whole way to the exit was silent, you walked behind him, seeing his back.
The silence was heavy, you didn't dare to say anything, and he didn't say anything either.
When you arrived at his apartment he let you pass first.
As you saw him leave his things in place and turn on some lights, your mind was distracted.
Until as he started heating water in the boiler, he spoke.
"It was the worst exam I could see in my life," his voice was full of disappointment.
Your heart pounded in your chest, those words only made you feel worse.
You wanted to say something, some kind of excuse, some reason to justify what you had done.
But all that came out of your mouth was a half-broken murmur "I'm sorry"
Ratio stared at you for a moment, his gaze was cold, you felt like crying again.
"You're sorry?" He asked, almost bitterly.
"You'll tell that to your patients' relatives when you kill them by mistake?"
Your eyes widened, and you could feel your lip starting to tremble.
That was a low blow.
"I-" you tried to speak, but your voice was so shaky and broken that you could barely form words.
But he interrupted you.
"You weren't focused. You were not prepared. You were sloppy and careless" He said, without even looking at you.
His words were like a stab in the heart.
And he wasn't done yet.
"You didn't put any effort into it,"
"Yes I did," you muttered, grabbing your fingers, anxiously in your body.
Ratio turned to you, his gaze was stern and almost irritated. He had never looked at you like that before.
"You fell asleep in the middle of the practice," he said, and the disappointment in his voice was palpable.
"How the hell would you call that putting in effort?"
Your mind was racing, trying to find an answer, something to say. But the words didn't come out, the lump in your throat was too big.
"I did" you tried to say again, weakly.
"No, you didn't" he said bluntly.
"If you had, you wouldn't have made such a stupid mistake"
You couldn't help it again, the salty tears wet your cheeks.
"Yes I did, Veritas," you said, raising your voice a little while you were looking at him.
"You didn't make the slightest effort in that practice, otherwise, you wouldn't have failed so miserably"
Those words stung again, you felt that he was attacking you.
"Yes I did!" You shouted, tears streaming down your face.
"I worked my ass out for that exam. I didn't take anything for granted! I really wanted to pass!"
"I want your comfort," you sobbed.
You wanted him to tell you that you had tried, that you did put everything out of you, that it was just unfortunate situations, that you could try again later.
You wanted that, not this.
Ratio's expression softened a little at your words, and for a moment he almost looked guilty.
He was quiet a few seconds, looking at your tear-soaked face.
"Do you think hard work is enough?" He asked. "Do you think that by just studying you will pass everything?"
"That if you want something, you'll get it just by wanting it?"
You just looked at him.
"That's not how it works," he said firmly.
"You have to be more than that".
You wanted his comfort, you longed for it a lot at times like this, not to be ranted out at how bad you did it.
"You don't deserve to be consoled if you did something out of pure negligence,"
Your heart sank at his words, like he was speaking to a child.
You felt like a scolded dog.
More tears fell on your face.
"I didn't mean to make that mistake," you said, wiping your face with your sleeve. "I really tried"
Ratio approached you, his steps slow and deliberate.
"Trying is not enough" he said bluntly.
He was in front of you now, towering over you, you didn't dare to look at him in the eyes.
"In this profession, just trying is not enough"
"You're not made to be a doctor if you think that,"
Your breathing hitched.
Those words hurt, you wanted to shout at him, tell him he's not right, that he's wrong.
But you knew he wasn't.
Every word he was saying was true.
All this effort, all these hours you've worked, and all these sleepless nights, to fail like that, because of a stupid simple mistake.
You really were not fit to be a doctor.
Your head was lowered, and the tears still ran down.
You tried to hold them back, but failed.
"I'm tired, Veritas,"
You just wanted him to stop.
You were tired, tired of studying, tired of not getting it right.
Ratio seemed to not soften at your words, his face still showed disappointment.
"You have to try harder, you have to put aside your tiredness," he said firmly. "If you don't, you will fail again"
"If you really want this, you have to do better"
You just wanted it all to stop.
"It's not fair," you began, your voice choked by the crying that didn't stop.
"The only thing you know how to do is tell me bad things about what I do," you sobbed.
"You're supposed to be my boyfriend, not someone who criticizes me,"
You felt frustrated, the words escaping your mouth without a care.
You wanted him to comfort you, to tell you that everything was going to be okay and that you would be a perfect doctor.
But he didn't say anything. He just looked at you, his expression unchanged.
"My job isn't to soothe your ego," he said firmly.
"My job, as a boyfriend, is to help you see the faults in yourself and strive to improve"
"And it seems that you don't like that very much," he added. His voice was almost cold.
You raised your head, looking at him with wet eyes.
"You're supposed to support me" you said weakly, almost a plea.
Ratio's face didn't change, his eyes fixed on you.
"I do support you," he said.
"But I won't lie to you or sugarcoat things for you," he added.
"I don't even have ego or something that you have to soften."
Those words were like a stab to the heart.
"I'm sick of you telling me that everything I do is complete shit,"
You were shaking with frustration, tears and snot streamed down your face. You felt so angry and so desperate that you didn't know what to say.
"I'm just trying to be honest with you and make you face reality," Ratio said.
"You need to be able to handle criticism if you want to be a doctor"
You just wanted him to stop, to shut up and say something like 'you're good' or 'don't cry it's okay'.
But he didn't, he just stood there, telling you the things you didn't want to hear.
You felt like you couldn't hold back anymore, all these days, weeks, months of not saying anything was starting to weigh on you.
"You never say anything good about me," you said in a shaky voice.
"You never have a nice word for what I do"
Ratio raised an eyebrow at your words, unamused by your outburst.
"You don't deserve my compliments"
That stung.
"Especially when you fail so miserably," he added.
Your body shuddered, those words made you feel so bad.
"All other boyfriends say nice things to their partners" you murmured.
"They give their support, even when they make a mistake"
Ratio almost laughed at your words.
"Oh, so you want me to be one of those 'other boyfriends' now?" he said with a hint of irony.
"You want me to pat you on the back and say you did a good job, even when you did a bad one?"
"Do you really think that's going to help?"
His tone was almost mocking, and it made you even more upset.
You wanted to shout at him, tell him that you just wanted him to say something nice and comfort you. But the words wouldn't come out.
"I…"
You tried to speak, but the only thing that came out was a choked noise.
Ratio sighed heavily, the annoyance clear in his expression.
"I can't believe you're acting like a child because you can't handle a bit of criticism"
"Do you really think that's how a doctor should behave?"
"The answers I say are the same as those of my classmates and you still tell me they're wrong," you said.
"It's not fair. I'm fed up,"
Ratio crossed his arms, looking down at you.
"Life isn't fair," he said, as if explaining something obvious to a child.
"And a doctor's job is not to care about being fair"
He looked you up and down, almost with contempt in his eyes.
"I had expected more from you," he said.
"But I suppose I expected too much"
Those words hit you like a blow to the stomach.
You knew he was right, but it didn't make the situation any less painful.
Your hands were clenched into tight fists, your fingers digging into your palms.
"I hate you," you spat out between sobs, your voice full of anger and hurt.
Ratio seemed unperturbed by your words to begin with.
He looked at you with an expressionless face for a moment, before speaking.
"You don't mean that"
You were angry, hurt, and sad, all at the same time.
"I do," you said, your eyes wet with tears.
"I hate you, and I wish you didn't exist"
The words came out of your mouth, more like a desperate plea.
Ratio didn't react at first, he just stood there, looking at you as you sobbed.
"You don't mean it," he repeated, his voice low and firm.
"And you know it"
"Yes I do," you insisted, your voice almost a hiss.
"I hate that you always criticize me," you said, letting out a sob. "I hate that you never say anything nice,"
You saw a slight change in his face through your tearful sight.
Before it becomes the same again.
"If you hate me and you can't stand the criticism I give you," his voice sounded annoying, almost words spit on his face.
"Why don't you retire from medical school?"
"You don't even have the talent to be a doctor anyway,"
You felt your heart drop at those words.
Talent… That was the thing that you always lacked.
Ratio was always the perfect doctor, from the beginning of his studies, he was the top of the top.
You, on the other hand, struggled.
You weren't naturally smart like your classmates or he was. You needed to study more, work harder, make more effort.
And even with all that, you didn't come close to being like he wanted.
You had sacrificed so many things just to get here, your dreams, your hobbies, and even your old friends.
What nice words from your boyfriend.
Both you and he remained silent, with only the sound of the boiling woman whistling.
Your tears fell like waterfalls, but this time you weren't sobbing, you just stared at him.
There was a tense silence between the two of you.
You didn't know what I was thinking, you didn't want to know either.
But you might notice that his facial expression was no longer the firm one before.
He seemed even surprised by his words.
He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to speak.
But the words not came out.
Ratio was looking at your devastated face, the trail of tears already staining your clothes and cheeks.
Your red eyes stared at him, without blinking. Your expression seemed so different from a few seconds ago.
He had probably crossed the line.
Ratio stood there, looking at your tear-soaked face. He had never seen you so upset, so… desperate.
'Why don't you retire from medical school?'
His words will be repeated as a disc striped on your head.
The seconds passed slowly, the silence was only broken by the sound of boiling water.
Ratio moved slightly, taking a step forward, but stopped when his eyes met your gaze.
That look was almost one of… betrayal.
Something inside him stirred with frustration but guilt at the same time.
You forced yourself to take a breath, because you felt like you were going to drown.
You grabbed your bag with your trembling hands.
As you moved to grab your stuff, your eyesight never focused even on his shoes.
"Y/N…" Ratio tried to speak, his voice was hesitant.
He watched as you packed your things, your movements were jerky and with haste, with the only goal of leaving quickly.
You didn't look at him, avoiding his eyes completely.
"Where are you going?" His voice sounded more pleading, and with a hint of concern.
You felt your body tense, the sound of his voice made you shiver. You had forgotten how long it had been since you heard your boyfriend speak to you without being sharp or harsh.
"I'm leaving," you replied, your voice flat and emotionless.
"Do you care?"
"Of course I care" his voice was firmer than before, and maybe a little annoyed?
Ratio walked closer to you, his steps slow.
"I-, we need to talk"
That phrase came out of his mouth, almost in a pleading tone.
You continued to pack your things, not daring to look at him.
"We can talk tomorrow," you said. "I remembered I have something to do at home,"
Ratio's lips formed a straight line.
He just kept quiet.
You too, until you approached the door.
You felt the weight of his eyes on your back, almost burning.
You had your hand on the doorknob.
It was hard. More than you should.
"Tomorrow, then," he said, quietly.
The way Ratio spoke sounded almost vulnerable.
Your hand trembled on the doorknob.
You wanted to look back, to say something, to see his face.
But you didn't, because you know that seeing him would be even more painful.
"Sure," you managed to say, your voice hoarse.
The day after your… discussion with Ratio.
You were walking through the corridors of the medical school.
You felt a slight anxiety, but also a sense of resignation for what was going to happen.
You hadn't heard from Ratio since yesterday, and you weren't sure if it was on purpose or not.
As you turned a corner, you saw a familiar figure standing in your path.
You froze for a moment when you saw him.
He was dressed as usual and that perfect hairstyle.
But at least he didn't look so perfect, like he hadn't slept the night before.
His eyes were fixed on you, almost as if he were inspecting you.
Ratio his face neutral as always, but with a hint of… remorse?
"We need to talk," he repeated the phrase from yesterday, his voice low and firm.
Right.
"Oh, right," you let go, feeling your body tighten.
But before he could add anything else, you talked.
"Maybe later?, right now I have a class,"
Ratio had expected you to have a defiant or annoyed air about you.
But your voice, and expression, were calm, almost soft.
"Fine," he said after a few seconds. "Then after class,"
"After class," you confirmed.
Ratio continued to watch you.
The sound of the bell ringing through the hall interrupted the brief moment between the two of you.
not looking directly into his eyes. Then, before he could say anything again, you continued on your way to your classroom.
Ratio watched your figure walk away, his brows slightly furrowed.
Every ticking sound seemed almost as if it was mocking you.
The anticipation making your stomach spin.
In fact, you hadn't gone to a 'class'.
You went to talk to the rector of the medical school.
You felt a lump in your throat, and your hands were slightly sweaty.
You had an idea of what you wanted to talk about.
But you weren't so sure.
Your footsteps echoed through the hallway, your heart beating fast in your chest.
Until you arrived at the office door. You knocked gently and the voice of the rector called you in.
The moment of the meeting was brief, you explained the situation and what you decided. The man listened intently to your words, a slight sense of sympathy in his eyes.
When you finished, he nodded slowly, his fingers tapping on his desk. "Are you sure?" he asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
"Yes," you responded, your voice firm but inside you were the nerves.
You didn't know if you had taken the right decision, but it was done.
"I don't want to question your decision, but-"
"I'm sure" you interrupted him abruptly.
It sounded a little… harsh, but you didn't want to hear any more arguments.
The rector gave a small resigned nod.
"Okay," he said slowly.
"I will start the procedures,"
You walked to where you knew Ratio would be teaching.
You didn't know why you approached, if you were supposed to leave without telling him anything.
Ratio was in the middle of his class when you appeared at the door.
He didn't see you at first, since his back was facing the door.
But when class ended a few minutes later, and everyone left, he turned his face towards the door after leaving his notes on his desk.
And there you were.
Your figure standing in the doorway.
Ratio's facial expression didn't change.
"Is your class over?," his voice was low, the room was empty, the last students had already left.
Which made the only sound a low ticking of the clock hanging on the wall.
Your feet didn't move toward him.
You were still standing by the door, your gaze fixed on the ground.
"Yes," your voice came out somewhat strangled.
For a few seconds Ratio was silent, as if contemplating you.
He started to walk towards you, his footsteps echoing in the room.
The air between the two of you felt almost… thick.
Ratio eventually stood in front of you, his height forcing you to lift your head to look at him.
"Can we talk outside of here?" You asked, something undesirable about your actions.
Ratio was quiet for a moment, staring down at you.
He looked almost… unreadable.
Finally he agreed with a low "sure".
You left the room and both you started walking together.
Neither of you spoke.
Silence.
Just the sound of the two of you walking through the corridors of the school.
Ratio continued to keep pace with you, but he was looking straight ahead, not looking directly at you.
The sound of your footsteps echoed in the empty halls.
As the two of you walked, you felt a feeling of nervousness rise in your stomach.
You inhaled before you asked again. "Can I take your hand?"
As you broke the silence, Ratio slightly turned his head towards you.
He gave a light nod of affirmation.
You reached for his hand, and he allowed you to hold it.
His palm was warm, and the touch of his fingers was gentle, almost firm.
You felt less nervous, just for a while.
You walked with him until you got to a quiet cafeteria, where you saw people studying at tables.
You sat in front of him, making your hand release his.
As you sat down in the cafeteria, Ratio took a seat in front of you.
Both of you stayed silent for a few more seconds.
Neither of you had said anything since you came to this place.
You could feel a tension in the air, the silence slowly becoming unbearable.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke.
"I assume you didn't go to class," his statement sounded like a mere fact.
"Uhm, we can talk about that at another time," you said, playing with your hands a little bit.
You missed the touch of his hand against yours, and you were going to miss that, that's for sure.
"I don't hate you, Veritas," you said, remembering your words yesterday, that you ranted when he was being unpleasant and rude on you.
Ratio's brow furrowed slightly.
He didn't say anything for a moment, he seemed to be thinking about something.
His gaze was focused on you, his eyes studying your expression almost intently, as if he was examining you.
"I know," he said eventually, his voice low and quiet.
Then he spoke again.
"I have to apologize," his words sounded almost reluctant, as if he didn't like saying them.
You could see the muscles of his jaw clenched, he seemed to be struggling with his thoughts and words.
It was clear that he wasn't used to apologizing.
He continued, the words coming out a little hesitant.
"I shouldn't have said those things,"
He paused again, his gaze averting yours for a moment.
Then he spoke again, and his eyes fixed on yours again.
"I was too harsh,"
Ratio's voice was quiet, almost like a whisper.
He was still struggling with those words, you were so used to him insulting you so easily but apparently it was different when he apologized.
Significantly that produced peace of mind in you.
You couldn't help but smile a little, feeling the knot in your throat.
"That's okay," you said.
Ratio's eyebrow shot up, clearly not expecting such a response.
You knew him enough that he probably would have been prepared to receive a scolding or an argument in response.
He was still looking at you, you could see the slight surprise in his eyes.
"That's… it?"
Ratio seemed almost dumbfounded.
"Yes, that's what I needed to hear," you said.
Anyway, you had already started with the procedures with the rector.
Maybe you just wanted to hear his words of apology, but as a good memory.
Ratio's expression changed, it was almost a mixture of relief and confusion. It was almost as if he had expected more resistance from you.
He remained quiet for a few more seconds, continuing to watch you intently.
That you were so forgiving after how he had acted made him feel… strange.
But maybe he shouldn't think too much.
Ratio exhaled slowly, his facial expression returning to its usual stoic and composed state.
"You're too soft, dear," he murmured, his voice low and quiet.
The next day it was the same.
He felt calm, because at least you weren't upset and at least you clarified that you didn't hate him.
It had spent almost 40 minutes of class and you were not there yet, it was strange to him.
Until when you looked for you on campus, where you were supposed to have other classes, you hadn't attended them. Rather, you weren't even on campus.
And, no matter how much he send you a message, it came out that he couldn't contact your number.
Almost recently, he had to come and talk to the rector, about you not coming and you could fail all your other courses. Until he took it upon himself to tell him that you had withdrew from campus three months ago.
Ratio's eyes widened, his facial expression transforming into a look of disbelief. "What?," his voice was low, but with a hint of alarm.
His mind was processing this new information, and it was hard for him to believe.
"They… withdrew three months ago?" His words came out slowly, his heart was starting to race.
Yes, you had taken the decision to withdraw from the medical school.
As much as it looked like a tantrum, you didn't care, maybe he was right.
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Clingy Jing Yuan x Reader: Sneaking out of work for his beloved
Warnings: None besides an angry Fu Xuan
“My love…” A male voice whispered huskily into your ear, lips gently kissing the shell around it. Your body was pulled back gently, leaning on a firm and strong chest.
“I’ve missed you.”
You sighed, leaning back to rest in your lover's embrace happily while you continued washing the dishes in your shared home. He smiled and watched you with a loving look on his face, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. His large hands planted themselves securely around your waist, pulling you in closer to his eager body.
“I’ve missed you too, love. Have you already finished your duties for today?”
He chuckled, the sound reverberating throughout his chest making his entire body shake. One of the things you loved about this man was how when he laughed his entire body shook with laughter. “Perhaps not all of it, but even old men such as myself require moments of relaxation.”
“…You snuck out, didn’t you?”
His body stiffened upon hearing your bold accusation as he laughed with a hint of nervousness in his tone. He nuzzled his face into your neck despite your giggles for him to stop due to the ticklish feeling.
“Of course not, my beloved. Just who do you take me for?”
“A slacker.” You replied almost immediately causing him to release a small chuckle. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this after all. Has Fu Xuan’s constant scoldings failed each time to knock some sense into you?”
“How mean of you, my dear. Lady Fu works herself far too hard to understand even leaders such as her deserve moments to unwind. I’m merely taking some time to recharge my stamina with my beloved. Perhaps she should consider arranging for a partner.”
You continued washing cups and pans and snorted.
“Honeyed words won’t allow you to escape the massive scolding you’re about to receive, love.. Also, I don't think Fu Xuan intends to date anytime soon.”
“Whatever do you mean?” He questioned the first bit with a curious look in his eye. He never released his hold of you, instead choosing to cherish and relish his embrace with you. You felt his long, fluffy hair tickle your neck as he placed gentle kisses along your shoulder blade. You hummed in content and leaned back into him more causing him to smile fondly.
“Fu Xuan knows by now you tend to sneak off to wherever I am, love. In fact, she had texted me recently asking where I was…”
“Is that so…” The general replied, attempting to hide his nervousness with a casual grin. You finished rinsing your last dish and turned to him with a mischievous look in your e/c eyes.
“And just how long ago was this, my beloved?”
“About 15 minutes ago, around the time you ran off, I believe.”
You watched as his eyes widened a fraction and his grip on your body got tighter. “After reevaluating my decision, I've decided to return to work. I’ll see yo-“
The door busted open as a short and angry Fu Xuan appeared, glowering at the hard-headed general. Her eyes seethed with anger and annoyance resulting in the silver-haired male letting out a breath and hiding behind you while you stared in amusement. The mere thought of a man as tall and intimidating as he reduced to nothing more but a slightly terrified child amused you.
“General Jing Yuan.”
“Apologies, but General Jing Yuan is currently out of his office hours. Please, do leave a message after the beep. Bee-“
“AND NOW YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO JOKE?! I’ll be sure to give you a thorough scolding this time around!”
How the haikyuu guys respond to you texting "I want to break up" from another room (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝)
♥︎ timeskip, fluff, established relationship, gn!reader, no use of y/n
♥︎ ft. Bokuto, Tsukishima, Osamu, Kageyama, and Sugawara
Bokuto doesn't wait a millisecond, immediately stumbling into the room and staring at you with wide, sad eyes. He's like a kicked puppy, running straight to you and dropping to his knees. "You don't mean that, right?" he murmurs. You can't keep up the act when his chin is propped up on your knee. Brushing your hands through his hair gently, you laugh. "Of course not." Just like that, joy spreads across Bo's face, and he leans into your touch with a big smile on his face.
Tsukishima immediately sees through you. He doesn't even bother to try acting fearful, just sends a raised eye emoji, letting out a sharp laugh when you go into his room and give him your best pouty look. You'll find his weak spots eventually, don't worry, but for now you rush to his arms and accept defeat. "Smart guy," you sigh.
Osamu runs past you and out of your home, not even sparing you a single glance as he flees with his phone in hand. You frown, wondering what he could be up to. It's almost an hour before the lock turns in the door and it opens to reveal your boyfriend, holding an absolute feast-all your favourite foods, plus some of his specialty onigiri. "You made all of that?" you yelp in surprise. "How did you even-" He interrupts you with a smug grin. "Took over 'Tsumu's kitchen. Anyway please don't break up with me." A giggle spills through your lips, and you get up to grab utensils. "Fine," you sigh. "I guess I shouldn't fire my favorite chef."
Kageyama simply texts: "Ok. Why?" Blunt, but you were used to it. You respond with your pre-planned follow-up. "I don't know, I just don't feel the sparks anymore." He shoots back, "What do you mean?" How the hell were you supposed to respond to that? Your laugh fills the room, and a second later Kageyama is peeking his head in. He frowns, asks you why this is funny. You-oh god, you can see tears in his eyes. "Wait no I'm so so sorry, I was trying to be funny I don't-" At a certain point. you trail off, burying your face in your hands. "I'll take you out on a date tonight to make up for it, I promise. I'll watch all your games!" Kageyama shrugs. "Don't you already watch all my games?" At least he didn't seem too phased by the whole thing, letting a rare natural smile show-the one only you could bring out, and no other person. You know, since volleyball isn't a person.
Sugawara walks past you with a pile of boxes less than five minutes later, overflowing with his belongings. They're tall, but his face is still visible when you ask, "What are you doing?" He nods his head towards your phone. "Leaving. That's what you wanted, right?" He looks way too happy to actually think you two are breaking up, right? And he keeps looking at you as he moves through the home-is he whistling?! You break. "I wasn't serious!" Sugawara tsks, putting on his teacher voice. "No, that's not what you said," he teases. "I distinctly remember your text. You sa-" You tackle him in an embrace, mostly to keep him from packing up any more. He lets out an exaggerated huff. "Want to say what you mean? That you love me and would cry if we actually broke up? That I'm the most incredible, kind, humble, et cetera man?" You groan. He was right, of course, but did he really have to be so grandiose about it?
a/n: ive never written x reader and i have no clue how to do the aesthetic fonts and headers but i had a vision, made a new blog and everything ◉‿◉ dunno if ill ever write here again lmao
(p.s. u yes u should give suggestions im very open to ideas ^^)
