My Goodbye
Okay, time to do this. Hey, its been probably...two or three years(?)...since I posted any real content on this account. I have had my reasons. I doubt anyone here actually remembers me, or if any of my past followers still use tumblr. This account was something I made when I was I think around 12 to 14. I was a dumb kid who thought I knew how the world worked. I made plenty of mistakes and have done things in those many years as a teen that I regret, especially, on this account. Just looking at my username reminds me of said mistakes, and I’ve been haunted by it for quite a while. Sometimes I’d find my old art on my pc, or see it on pinterest or fandom aminos and once again, I feel a strange sense of pain looking at my old works as (again) it reminds me ever so strongly of many things from my past. As I grew older, I grew to understand the world a bit more but never received any strong karma from the things I did and said in the past that I now regret (unless the feeling of regret itself counts) and this has haunted me for a very very very long time. I’ve thought about deactivating this account and just restarting fresh. But I’ve already left a huge footprint with this name especially in my watermarks and such, and anything that’s on the internet stays on the internet. Disappearing without a word would just mean me running away, and as much as I want to because of all my fears and anxieties, everyone’s past will always catch up to them. That is why I’m keeping this account and leaving this message here, but I’ll no longer be using it outside of contacting certain friends. I hate this username, this account, and my old art(not because they were bad but because of the person I was when I created them) and things I’ve posted. I also don’t want to risk any imposter accounts and such (the chances are small because I was a relatively small and niche creator but I’m very paranoid). It hurts me too much staring at this account. I want to start fresh as someone else and this time I will do my best not to make the same mistakes I made as jielyx. This kid was a part of me that had to make way too many mistakes to grow and I’m so glad that I wasn’t hurt by anyone for being the way that I was during those times. The people I’ve met were patient and tolerant with me even at times when I didn’t deserve it (at least that is what I feel like looking back). If I met the old me, I’d want to smack some sense into her to be honest. This letter is also to assure anyone at all who thinks about me that wherever I am in the future, I swear, I’m doing alright. If you somehow recognize me through my works and go back to this account, please know that I’m no longer the same person you remember (I’ll try my best not to be, I promise). To anyone I might’ve hurt in the past, I sincerely apologize. I’m sorry if I ever hurt any of you. I’m sorry to anyone who had to put up with me. I’m sorry if I ever made anyone feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If I had the chance to go back in time and take alotta things back, I would, I swear, I would. There’s just so many things I wish I handled better, things I did better, things I never did. Its been eating me away and I believe this never-ending guilt has been my lasting punishment. Right now, the least I could do for myself is give myself the smallest chance at peace and I feel like letting go of the old me is the only way to do it. These thoughts have been in my head every hour of every day, and I want to take a step in getting rid of them. Maybe I don’t deserve peace, who knows. But I know I need it. I’m really thankful for everyone who participated in the silly events that I’d announce like the milestone art raffles and the character weeks and other stuff like that. I’m also very thankful for all the art trades and fanart(I’ve kept and compiled many of them in a folder). And...I’m thankful for the experience I had with the people here. Some of y’all were too polite to a little brat like me...heh. It’s time for me to go on to the next stage in my life. Again...thank you.





























