Timeless

Te Extraño by Fabian Hofman

Once the session ended, I asked Fabián: 

Now that you can look backward, what was the most unexpected thing of making the film?

He answered:

It’s a beautiful question, I think that after some years I realised that I made the film in order for my sons to know who I am.

I remember when I used to write a lot. I normally used to visit Youtube in search of a song that could help me trigger a bit of inspiration.

I used to believe that whenever I was sad, I tended to write “better” or at least in a more human way. 

Although today I am not sad, I do feel a little thoughtful.

This afternoon we had our monthly meeting with one of our investors. I really enjoy these meetings because I can gauge how much far I am from acquiring a descent set of managerial skills.

It’s already passed a year since we received a venture capital investment in order to scale our company. As of today, we have grow around 5x in terms of revenue when compared to June 2015. The precarious company of two founders has turned into a twelve people company. Our office consisting on one desk and two chairs is now a full floor capable of hosting around 20 people. In order to fill the space -and reach our business objectives- we interview between two to three people on a weekly basis for positions ranging from sales to product development. We invest most of our time into different areas and yet we have started to delegate most of our operational activities in order to focus on more strategic tasks. 

It’s not enough though.

Everyday I agree a bit more on a statement I read a couple of times not only on tech blogs but also on any descent leadership book: more than a matter of pure intelligence, it’s a matter of being resilient.

A veces es difícil imaginar cómo podemos hacer algo por los demás. Escuchamos sobre alguna iniciativa y aunque asentimos o estamos de acuerdo con ella, decidimos no participar.

Hoy, en el área de espera de un hospital, a un costado de una sala de observación dónde se encuentra mi padre después de sufrir un infarto, apareció un grupo de personas con una sonrisa singular; en sus manos sostenían un recipiente lleno de café y un canasto de pan.

A veces solamente basta de un café -acompañado por un pan.

Hoy por la madrugada recibí un mensaje de texto de parte de mi hermana que versaba que mi padre se había sentido mal durante la madrugada y que mi madre lo había llevado al hospital.

Horas después, mi hermana me anunciaba que mi padre había sufrido un infarto.

Estoy en medio de la carretera que conecta la ciudad de México con la ciudad de Puebla.

Sabía que en algún momento mis padres necesitarían de mi, lo que no sabía era el día y la hora.

When starting a company there’s a time where if you’re lucky enough you get to the point of hiring people.

Hace ya algunos años que leí en una novela de Isabel Allende sobre una ceremonia en el Amazonas a la que asistió. El ritual se centra en una “planta maestra” a la que le llaman Ayahuasca.

Desde hace cinco días he dejado de comer carne, tomar alcohol o café, entre otras cosas tal como me lo exigió Julio, el guía que encontré para unirme a una ceremonia de Ayahuasca el día de hoy en Tepoztlán.

Leí que uno debe asistir con un propósito. Bien, hace ya algunos meses que encontré uno pero que no sabía como desmenuzarlo hasta hace poco:

Quiero reunir a mis miedos, abrazarlos, quererlos; quiero darles la mano y caminar al lado de ellos; quiero decirles que me disculpen por haber creído la falacia de que debía vencerlos, superarlos, hacerlos a un lado; quiero verlos a los ojos y decirles cálidamente que son y serán parte de mí; quiero pedirles que me den la oportunidad de luchar por ellos para hacernos aliados y entregarle al mundo aquello que tanto ellos como yo sabemos que estamos destinados a ofrecer.

Hace casi tres meses puse la primera piedra para abrir el diálogo entre ellos y yo: me inscribí en un curso de public speaking. Con esa ofrenda es que hoy me postro frente a ellos para entendernos mejor.

Q: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?

A: We accept the love we think we deserve.

There’s a time where facing past events gets easier, especially when we rely on time and experience.

We realise details that we first overlooked: small clues that were present all the time, yet we were unwilling to accept.

The question and the answer above come from a very well known teenage love film. Though I watched the movie around 2 years ago, the effect it exerted on me in the present time is different from the one I experienced back then.

The biggest difference between both the past and the present is that I have finally learned to accept that people modify their behaviour to the extent they feel uncomfortable about it: as much as we attempt to show other people how valuable they are, it’s not our duty to force them onto learning to love themselves.

Hace ya algunos años que me distancie un poco de la religión, o bien, de la imagen que le asigné a la religión durante los primeros 10 o 15 años de mi vida.

Cuando era niño recuerdo haber hecho una peregrinación y un ayuno; en ambos casos deposité una tremenda fé en lo que hacía y estoy seguro que al final del día mis esfuerzos encontraron una recompensa.

Hoy, años más tarde, aparentemente mi parte racional ejerce más peso en mi persona: en vez de aceptar un hecho, intento encontrar una causa que lo justifique.

Sin embargo, cuando mi parte racional se encuentra con una nube donde reina la incertidumbre, debo dar un paso atrás y abrazarme de la fé que me acompañó en esa peregrinación o en ese ayuno y simplemente confiar -como lo mencionó alguna vez S.P.J.- que los puntos en algún momento se conectaran.

“Mistakes will be made (by giving people freedom and encouragement to act autonomously) but the mistakes she or he makes are not as serious in the long run as the mistakes management will make by being dictatorial and suggesting those under its authority how exactly they must do their job. Management that’s destructively critical when mistakes are made kills initiative and it’s essential that we have many people with initiative if we are to continue to grow”

So, we got funded. 

Around a month ago we received the first money instalment.

It was around 11am on the last sunday morning of April when I found a random book on Amazon: No More Mr. Nice Guy.

As soon as I started reading it, I knew I had to put down everything else I was doing. To this day, I have written lots of short notes that continue punching me on the face. I have paused once and again. I have brought back memories trying to remember specific moments of my childhood.

The bottom line is that as silly as it sounds I wasn’t fully aware that I’m completely responsible for meeting my own needs. I have blamed God, my parents, my sisters, my friends and others because I thought I was meant to receive a reward for doing everything right while hiding my flaws. What I discovered is that my current life revolves around indirect, cynical and unclear behavioural patterns.

It wasn’t my parents’ fault to have everyday problems; problems I believed it was my duty to solve in order to keep a smooth home and life.

It’s shocking to accept that I have believed -and rewarded the belief- that it’s bad to show my errors and mistakes, my flaws and rough edges. I have been putting other people’s needs before mines. I have been training myself to say half truths -even when I claim that I avoid lying. I have been constantly fearing success because I was afraid of being on the spotlight. I have been controlling people many times because I believed life was a zero sum game.

It might sound a bit depressing to read all of this, it’s not though: it’s refreshing.

Suddenly, I took one solid step last week. I didn’t give it much thought, I just knew I had been delaying for years this, so I headed towards a group of public speaking, introduced myself and said in front of the group -I felt like a rehab intern- that public speaking was my biggest fear. At that moment I became aware that I had a more deeper fear: what I really fear is to deny myself the opportunity to experience life at my full potential.

Para quienes padecemos de curiosidad y hambre de información, hace algunos años era evidente que la economía iba a despuntar a partir de 2014, así hubiera ganado Vázquez Mota o López Obrador en vez de Peña Nieto. The Economist y otras publicaciones lo veían venir: por ejemplo inversiones extranjeras en la industria Aeroespacial o Automotriz; ahora una realidad.

Recientemente comencé a leer El País de Uno de Denise Dresser, politóloga Mexicana que hace un recorrido por los males endémicos de México. Aún cuando no coincido totalmente con su postura, me anima leer sus críticas a muchos de los engranajes sociales, políticos y empresariales en México. Sin embargo, me adelanto a decir que ni Denise ni yo veremos el cambio que ella o yo esperamos: no tomará una década o dos, quiza ni siquiera tres o cuatro, pero llegará.