Nightvale

Life seems enjoyable again after I started riding motorcycles. Each ride brings pure joy and excitement, creating a newfound happiness that resonates with every twist of the throttle. There's something soothing about the wind, almost like it's carrying away the heavy clouds of sadness. When my friends and I hit the road for those long rides, it's like a break from all the everyday struggles. We end up in these unexpected places, turning unplanned moments into stories we'll remember forever. Even the little mishaps have a way of making us laugh eventually. Although, it's strange, but pushing my bike to its limits feels like a very unique experience. Somehow, it brings a mix of closure and a sort of untangling of all the things that bother me. Riding my motorcycle to its limits feels like I'm closer to death than I've ever been. Yet, strangely, there's an unexpected sense of freedom and release, as if embracing my final moments with an odd kind of readiness.

These days, my thoughts are getting too heavy. My mind is getting too dark. I create fake scenarios inside my head which cause a negative impact on my daily life. I keep pushing people away. I know part of it is my fault since I’m a person with anger issues. I’ve always been an emotional person, so when an issue or argument arises from a friend or lover, I do tend to feel things twice the amount that I should be feeling. Twice the amount of sadness, twice the amount of anger or hatred. It has always been that way. I do wish that I could change this attitude of mine, but this has not been an easy task. I’ve been constantly trying though, but at what cost. I lost important people in my life due to my attitude and pride, and I’ve always hated this fact.

 I’ve always had this facade, this mask I put on when talking to other people. I put this fake smile on my face all the time, so people tend to think of me as a person without any problems, and I guess I wanted them to feel that way, and as time passes, this facade of mine became a habit. Even though I’m sad or angry, this smile automatically appears on my face. I’ve always been disgusted by this fact. But I’ve realized deep inside me wants to scream for help, wants other people to notice the sadness in my eyes, I guess I wanted those people I love to see right through my facade. I just want them to notice that I was on the verge of breaking down. But I can’t blame them. You can’t see through depression, by the time people around you realizes it, it’s too late. You’re gone…

 I don’t like sharing or showing other people this weakness of mine, especially to my family. I’m afraid of how they’ll take it. At the same time, I’m ashamed of what other people will think of me. This is another issue of mine, I don’t like to be the talk of the town. I hate getting the spotlight, as much as possible, I want to be the guy who always stays at the corner during parties.

What kind of person am I? I’ve never asked people that question.

Am I a good friend? I don’t think so. I reply to their messages when I need something from them, and ignore them when they need something from me, making me the worst kind of friend to have. A scumbag.

Sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.

Can you imagine? Watching the sun disappear into the horizon, then the sky becomes dark for a moment before uncovering the dazzling stars

We all face struggles and immense hardships. And when people go thru that phase —we tend to give up and start losing hope.

But no matter how dark the future looks or how bad things get, we still decide to cling to that single ray of hope. (the first star you see at night either Polaris or Venus)

After the darkness phase that we go thru, because we decided to persevere and cling to that single ray of opportunity, our efforts will start to produce results. Thus the stars in the sky, one by one we see them twinkling again. All it takes is time, and you won't even realize it but sooner or later, that single star you were looking at, eventually turned into a vast starry sky.