tell me it's over

jetson: some people act like their brains have been removed

“well just don’t lie and you won’t be,” she said. “see, i don’t necessarily hide, but i wait until they aren’t home or go to bed.”

“oh, god no. no, i can’t --- i can’t perform in front of people, my concerts are reserved for the dearly departed. and sometimes, even they boo me off stage,” she said. “my tastebuds say otherwise. how can twizzlers be your favorite if redvines are better?”

“she’s  obsessed with space. she spends hours watching chris hadfield on youtube. she watched away on netflix and was like “that’s impossible, that doesn’t really happen” and ugh, my genius baby. she’s growing up too fast,” she said. “right? i get hangovers easy and i don’t even overdo it. nah, she didn’t need any special treatment. she woke up with a smile on her face and demanding her juice cup.”

“it was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen. well i dunno, addy’s pretty dead set on becoming an astronaut and working for nasa, so she might skip all the college parties,” she said. “oh, she was. and she did. no hangover, thank god. i dunno what that would have looked like on a three-year-old, but she’s ten now, no longstanding side effects.”

“oh, i have eaten the most horrendous, most unhealthy things at times. not an entire cake, but a whole medium pizza on my own in one sitting during a depression episode, i did that several times.”

@jetsonsinclair: these girls make a crappy day feel better. i didn’t have the best day today and the girls picked up on it. addy tried to make macaroni and cheese. but she put MILK in it instead of water. so we tried it again and had a blast. chrissy sat on the counter cheering us on and making music (by that, i mean hitting my pots with wooden spoons. then we watched a movie, we played with cornstarch and water, which chrissy did NOT like, it made her cry, so she just got to play with some pie crust without me freaking out because she ate it. BUT a bad day turned into a good day and we had a lot of fun. i’m so thankful for my girls, even if they make me wanna rip my hair out sometimes.

“not to brag, but...” she said with a small smirk. “no, i do have a decent voice but it’s just for fun, honestly. i sang the entire hairspray, matilda, and little shop of horrors soundtracks during a reconstruction --- he only groaned four times, so i think he was cheering me on,” she said with a nod. “no! strawberry flavored candy is nasty, and twizzlers? twizzlers aren’t even real licorice! redvines are. dishonor on you, dishonor on your family, dishonor on your cow,” she said.

“oh, she loved it. the sad part is, she got a little tipsy and it was all my fault because i didn’t think to read the labels. we were at my cousin’s wedding, and we had champagne and sparkling cider. she was like ‘are you kidding me jetson, my pastor is here’ and i was like ‘yeah, and?’ and she goes ‘you just gave her champagne’ and that’s when i realized i’d been giving her champagned for three hours and got my three-year-old drunk and will gladly take that ‘world’s most terrible mom’ trophy. but listen, as serious as this situation is you gotta laugh at it, have you ever seen a drunk toddler? it’s hilarious,” jetson said with a small laugh. “i’m not even gonna lie, my grandfather used to let us sip on his beer as little kids and we all turned out fine. i’m not promoting letting toddlers drink, but honestly? didn’t hurt her any. i took addy to the doctor the next day, they said she’s fine and they even laughed about it. so now i wear contacts or glasses at weddings so i don’t do the same thing to chrissy.”

jetson: maybe put signs on the machines? something like "this is an espresso machine, not a keurig"?

“okay --- i will have you know, that just because i like it in a vanilla way does not mean that’s the only way i do it, as my ex-husband. or... husband... is he still my ex if we’re not divorced but we’re separated?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, deep in thought. “yeah, that works. i can get us free ice cream floats, albert loves me.”

“yeah really. i get bored in the silence, so i start up a conversation. and yes, i know they’ll never respond back, but it still helps. i sing to them. put on a whole show with my equipment. i always win all the talent competitions, they’d cheer me on if they could,” she said. “ew! twizzlers are disgusting. the taste, the texture --- it’s like... strawberry juice flavored candle wax mixed with crayons and latex.’

“i speak only the truth, my momma taught me to never lie,” jetson said. “yanno what, sounds like a plan, stan. i’m allowed to indulge today, it’s my cheat day. kids’ll never know, i won’t get the ‘that’s not fair’ lecture.”

“vanilla’s my thing. not for everything, but for most things,” she said. “pine... there’s pineapple flavored soda? actually, vanilla compliments pineapple, so if anything, it would just dilute the pineapple taste, but vanilla’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

“it is, honestly,” she nodded. “i wish i had that willpower. i mean, i eat healthy but i eat more junk than just in moderation.”

“no! i said strawberry flavored things are gross. i like actual strawberries,” she said. “well, i am weird. momma says it all the time. she says it’s weird that i talk to our clients, but listen --- they’re bored just laying there getting jabbed and poked and prodded, i gotta entertain,” she said. “they literally taste like black licorice. i like redvines too but i can’t eat them because i’m allergic to red 40 so it makes me, in the words of addisyn, ‘espresso depresso’.”

“it just doesn’t taste right to me. fruit roll ups i can eat no problem and other gummy candies are alright, like gummy bears and gushers. but anything else is kinda gross. see, i like strawberries and grapes, but i can only eat them if they’re cold. strawberries have to stay in the fridge and grapes go in the freezer. i’m one of the very few people in the world that likes black licorice. it’s my favorite. and black jelly beans, those are my favorite too.”